“Hey,” Teague’s hands go over my bare leg. I open my eyes and see him standing there against the back of the couch.
He looks like a dream.
“Hey,” I say, smiling, still a little sleepy. “Where were you?”
“Doing a grocery run,” he says. “You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. Thought the house could use more than condoms.”
God, I love him so much. “You’re a freak.”
“Yeah?” he says, still moving that hand that stops every time it reaches my inner thigh. “Then you’re a freak for being with me.”
This time the hand doesn’t stop at the thigh but goes all the way up to my navel. Teague comes over to the other side and perches himself on the edge of the couch, leans in to kiss me. His hands moves over my throat and over the bra, his fingers find my nipples that are visible through the flimsy lace, but his hands go lower and caress my flank, go lower towards my thighs and then come back up again. He does this a few times, and I close my eyes because it feels so damn good, until his both hands grab each breast and he lowers the lace covering them, runs his tongue over a nipple, and breaks off long enough to kiss me.
He places his hands on each side of my panties and removes them. His mouth lands on my inner thighs, his tongue going over my skin, and my whole body breaks out into a million goosebumps.
I’ve spent my whole life waiting for someone to take the place of the man in the desert dream. And now that someone real has taken on that image, why am I so afraid of letting go?
He spreads my legs, his tongue reaches me down there and I’m going crazy again. Despite all the sex we’ve had, despite the fact that we spent the whole weekend together, there’s a hunger in us both that neither of us can explain.
I get up to face him and find him smiling, looking at me with that look in his eyes, the look that says he would go to the ends of the world for me, the look that tells me I will never find out what’s on the other side if I don’t give it a chance.
And maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different.
Maybe, just maybe, my heart won’t get broken and this never-ending fantasy will remain never-ending.
The Secret
LIAM
Sebastian is sleeping soundly when I open my eyes. Spending the weekend with him at his place wasn’t such a bad idea and I don’t think it would have possible to connect this way if we hadn’t. It’s Sunday evening and I’m still at his place, because honestly, we haven’t been able to get enough of each other. Even just sleeping together with him next to me or in my arms, is like heaven and I don’t want to break away but there’s something that needs to be done and I can’t do that while he’s awake.
So even though it’s hard, I gently pry him off me, careful not to wake him and he stirs but doesn’t wake up. He looks so peaceful; and for a minute I can’t stop but think about how lucky I am. If only Sebastian didn’t keep secrets from me, if he trusted me enough to confide in me, things would be so much easier. All I want is for him to give me a chance and I know he’s starting to warm up to the idea of being with me, but he hasn’t truly given himself to me, not the way I want, the way I deserve—the way we both deserve. But whatever the secret that controls his mind, I have to find it. There’s just no other way to do this—no other way to help him.
I step out of the bedroom and go quietly into the hallway. I walk up to the room he always keeps locked and take out the tiny key that I stole from Sebastian yesterday when he wasn’t paying attention so I’ve been holding on to for quite some time. I use it now, to enter the room. It’s dark. I can’t see a thing so I fumble for a light switch.
When I finally find it, I flip the switch and the room is bathed in soft light.
What appears in front of my eyes is something that I wish I had never seen.
Fuck.
No wonder he’s been keeping secrets from me, no wonder he doesn’t trust me. In a way, I understand but in so many ways, it just baffles me. I take out my phone and start taking pictures of everything.
Sebastian, you stupid, stupid little boy.
Party Favors
TEAGUE
“Thanks for coming guys,” Sebastian says and it’s obvious he looks nervous. He’s always nervous around Liam for reason and I don’t get it. Also, he’s always dragging us to lavish parties that Liam holds pretty much every other weekend. At the gate, the minute they see Sebastian’s face they let us in without a word.
“Impressive,” Mia says, as we step inside the club, her arm looped through mine.
“Have you ever seen Liam Delaney throw a bad party?” Someone says and it’s a female face that I recognize.
“That’s true I guess,” Mia responds to the female who is now standing right in front of us. She holds up a hand for Mia to shake and introduces herself. “Ashley Prescott.” Then she turns to me. She wears her hair different now and looks like she’s had a nose-job but it’s pretty much the same face. “Teague Connolly?” She says and I try to smile. “Oh my God, it is you! What’re the odds?”
Mia regards Ashley with a tiny bit of suspicion. “You guys know each other?”
“We went out a couple of years ago,” Ashley chimes in before I can get a word in. “Didn’t we, Teague?”
“We did,” I say simply. I want to be anywhere in the world but in a room with Ashley Fucking Prescott. “For a very short while. Barely a couple of months, right?”
“Right,” she says and smiles and turns to Sebastian. “Mr. Spanner,” she says, shaking Sebastian’s hand. “Liam won’t stop talking about you!”
Sebastian goes all embarrassed and returns her smile. “Good things I hope.”
“I don’t think Liam can talk anything bad about you,” Ashley says, and that makes Sebastian look all flushed.
Someone calls out for her and she excuses herself and I can breathe again. “You went out with her?” Mia asks, playfully. “When was this? And why have I never heard her name before?”
“It was three years ago,” I tell her. “Ashley and I met at some rave on Spring Break. Things got a little heated up. We ended up spending a whole two months instead of two weeks. It’s no big deal.”
“So that’s where you disappeared that year? You told me you were going boating with Vince!”
“Well, now you know Mia. That I went boating with Ashley.”
“Freak,” Mia says.
“There’s Liam,” Sebastian says. “I’ll go talk to him.”
He leaves and Mia and I find drinks and sit at a couch next to a couple who’s too busy making out to notice us, even when Mia starts to laugh. “Why’re you laughing?” I say to Mia in a low voice. “I remember some couch sessions with you at other people’s parties which turned into something more.”
“I know,” Mia says. “I remember.”
“So why’re you laughing at them?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe they remind me of that time.”
“You’re doing that thing where you talk like you’re seventy years old and reminiscing about the time we were young and I was able to get a hard-on without needing Viagra.”
She laughs again. “Do I do that often?”
“Pretty frequently I’d say.”
“Yeah well,” Mia says. “Guess I’m an old soul inside.”
I squeeze her hand and kiss her. “And I love both the new and the old soul,” I say. “But I can assure you our Viagra days are still far.”
“All we ever do is fuck,” Mia says.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing!”
“It’s not—that’s not what I meant, Teague. I just meant, sometimes it would be nice to just spend a weekend out of bed instead of in it, talking about the things that I’ve never told anyone, instead of yelling out God’s name in vain.”
I grin. “Well,” I say. “If it’s that important to you, then starting now, all we will do is talk. It’s Friday night, right? So, say until Sunday, you and I will do no fucking. We’ll just talk.”
“You say that now,” Mia says, and runs a hand along my thigh. “But wait till we get home and I slip into something more…comfortable.”
“Fuck, Mia.” I say when her hand reaches my crotch.
I glance at the couple but they’re still not concerned with us in the least bit. Mia’s hand starts to massage and I stop her. “Please,” I say. “You’re going to embarrass the both of us if I get an erection!”
Mia kisses me and takes her hand off. She gets up, hands me the drink glass to hold. “I need to use the restroom,” she says. “Need to freshen up.”
“I think I saw a sign over there,” I say, pointing to my left. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, thank you. I’m capable of finding the bathroom on my own, Teague.”
“I know, but are you capable of using it the right way?”
She grins and kisses me again. “Shut up.”
She leaves and I get busy searching out Sebastian but there’s no sign of him anywhere. I finish my own drink and what’s left of Mia’s and place both our glasses on the floor next to the couch.
“Mind if I sit here?” Ashley asks.
“I don’t know, Ashley.”
“Have you seen these heels?” Ashley says, turning around so I can see her back. What the fuck, Teague. Heels. Heels…lower you idiot… “I’ve been walking around in these since I got off work today,” she says and turns to face me. “If you don’t mind, I can just sit here until Mia comes back.”
What the hell, I think. “Sure,” I say and move a little closer to the couple so I won’t be touching Ashley. But there’s barely any space so we do touch. Clearly, she doesn’t seem to mind it so I try to tell myself it’s nothing. Just an ex, meeting another ex, it’s not the most unbelievable thing in the world. You can handle this, Teague.
“So,” Ashley asks, taking a sip of her drink. “What have you been up to?”
“Finishing college,” I say.
“What’re you doing now that you’ve graduated?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Didn’t you want to go into UFC or something?”
“That was a long time ago, Ashley.”
“Teague,” Ashley says. “UFC was all you ever talked about. You had it all planned. Are you seriously telling me it’s not even on your bucket list anymore?”
I need more drink to have this conversation but I’m afraid if I get up, something will go wrong so I keep sitting there. “It was a childish dream.”
“All dreams are childish,” she says. “To normal people.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Ash.”
She smiles. “I always loved it when you called me that.”
I get up. “I should probably go look for my girlfriend,” I say, using that word instead of Mia’s name so Ashley might get it. But the look on her face says she’s not ready to take subtle hints, or even really strong ones.
She gets up. “Why don’t you wait here for her?”
“Ashley…”
“Teague,” she says. “I get it. You have girlfriend now. You don’t have to rub it in my face.”
“Ash…that’s not what I’m…” Fuck, why did I call her that again?
“Hey,” Mia’s voice breaks the tension building between us and I want to kiss her right then and there for coming at the right time. “Hello, Ashley!”
“I was just telling your boyfriend that I’m having a party on Sunday,” Ashley says and I’m left with my mouth open. “My fiancé and I are celebrating our engagement. It would be great if you guys could come.”
“You’re engaged?” I ask, a little stunned.
Ashley holds up her hand. I don’t know what she’s doing but apparently Mia does. “Oh my God Ashley,” Mia exclaims. “That’s a beautiful rock! Your fiancé has great taste.”
“Thank you,” Ashley says, beaming. “So, can I count on you guys to be there? It’s just, I don’t live in Springvale, my fiancé does, so I don’t know a lot of people here. It would be really great if the two of you could come.”
“Ashley,” Mia says. “We’ll be there.”
“What? Mia!” I interrupt. “No, Ashley…we don’t know yet…”
“Teague,” Mia says. “We’re going.”
“Thanks, Mia.” Ashley says and they hug. “It was really nice seeing you two. I’m so glad Teague has someone. For a while, I thought he would never get over me.”
Mia laughs.
I don’t.
“Relax Teague,” Ashley says. “It’s a joke!”
“Oh I’m laughing on the inside,” I say, and the sarcasm isn’t lost on Ashley.
She and Mia do their little kiss and hug thing again and she finally leaves. “Wow,” I say, the minute she’s out of earshot. “I thought she’d never leave!”
“What’re you talking about, Teague? She’s so sweet!”
“Ashley Prescott is not sweet, Mia. Trust me.”
“Oh please,” Mia says. “You’re a poor judge of people.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re seriously asking me?”
“I think so.”
“You let some stupid trainer talk you into an underground fight!”
I can’t tell her that there was no talking me into that. That the minute I found out my trainer had connections to that underground cage fighting circle, I was begging him to let me do it. I can’t tell her that because someone normal like her wouldn’t understand. But Ashley would, a tiny part of my brain announces. Okay I know, I’m a jackass, but the truth is, it wasn’t so much Ashley but her total acceptance of my need to become a professional, or any sort of fighter, that got me thinking about her that way again. It’s not like I want to fuck her or anything. I just want to be with someone for a few moments, who doesn’t think I’m a monster because I have this need inside me.
“Are you two having fun?” Liam asks. He and Sebastian are with two girls, who look the same age as Liam and they look like they’re having fun.
“Well,” Mia says. “We’re only getting to know some people.”
“That’s great,” Liam says. “Listen, I’m having sort of an after-party at my place. We’re heading there right now. Are you coming?”
“Say yes,” Sebastian says.
I grin and hug Mia close. “You know we’re always up for that sort of thing!”
“Good,” Liam says and turns to the girls. “What do you say, girls?”
The two girls holler and yell and agree. “Well then,” Liam says. “Who needs a ride in the limo?”
Just Let Go
LIAM
All through the ride, Sebastian has been distracted. He’s trying to act like nothing’s bothering him and his friends are buying it but I’m not that easy to fool. So the minute we get to my place and the party begins, I take Sebastian into my room and lock the door.
“Liam,” Sebastian says. “You don’t have to lock the door.”
I go towards him and kiss him on the mouth, hard. “Yes, we do.”
“Look, this isn’t the time for a quickie, Liam.”
“That’s not what I’m interested in either,” I say. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah…I’m not buying it.”
“Can’t you just let it go this one time?”
“All we ever do is let go of things you aren’t comfortable talking about.”
He looks distraught. “Sebastian, Talk to me.”
“I hate it,” he announces.
“You hate what?”
“Us having to hide this,” he says. “Watching you kiss someone else! A woman at that and watch her come on to you and not be able to do anything about it! All of it!”
“Sebastian,” I say. “It was your idea to pretend that we’re straight. You even picked those girls. You wanted to give your friends a show, not me!”
“I know that.”
“Sebastian,” I say, holding out my hand. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“Outside,” I say. “So we can announce it to everyone that we’re going out. I’ve done it before, trust me it’s not that hard.”
“I’m not ready, Liam.”
“You’ve been saying that for months now. Is it me? Am I making it hard for you to make a decision, is that it? Maybe if it was someone else, someone you could see yourself having a future with…”
“No, Liam! It’s not that. This has nothing at all to do with you. If there’s anyone I’d come out with, it would be you. I mean it.”
“I sense there’s a ‘but’ coming.”
He drops on the bed heavily and starts to sulk. “There are things about me you don’t know, Liam.”
I go over to him and sit next to him. “Then tell me. I’m right here.”
I can see that he’s fighting to keep the secret that he’s been holding on to. “Sebastian,” I say, holding his hand. “I’m going to say something that I’ve never said to anyone before. I know people think relationships are based on honesty and all that, but fuck that. Not every relationship is the same; we don’t have to go by some fucking rulebook. The first thing you need to know, is that there is nothing…nothing at all in this world that you could tell me that would change my mind about you, Sebastian, or that would make me stop loving you any less. Second, this big secret that you’re keeping from the world, from me, Sebastian, that you think you can’t tell me because you’re afraid I’m going to run the other way, keep it. Keep it a secret for as long as you want, you have my permission, just please don’t feel bad about it.”