The party hasn’t even started yet and Holden is already drunk. Having the party at his place was a great idea, but that means Holden can break into his parents’ liquor collection and drink as much as he wants.
“It’s great Holden,” Mia says. “Thanks for doing this.”
“No problem,” Holden says.
“Dude,” Teague says. “The party’s barely begun and you’re already wasted. Slow the fuck down.”
“Don’t be such a party pooper, Teague.” Holden says and almost stumbles but then finds his balance. “And I know what you all are thinking—why am I having this awesome party when my whole life’s falling apart?”
Everyone exchanges embarrassed looks. “Holden…” Mia tries to speak but Holden shuts her off.
“I’m fine!” Holden says, emphatically. “Look at me! I’m so completely fine! So what if my best friend and my fiancé slept together without my knowledge? That’s not the end of the world. I can get over it.”
“Yeah,” Teague says. “By ruining your liver in the process.”
“Shut up,” Holden says. “And go have fun!”
With that he leaves and Mia and Teague follow him and I’m left all alone at the bar. “Nice party,” I hear someone saying so I turn to see who it might be. There’s a guy standing by the bar wearing a suit. I don’t recognize him but I smile just to be polite.
“Holden’s known for throwing amazing parties,” I say, trying to make small talk. “Do I know you from somewhere?”
“Actually,” he says. “This is the first time we’re meeting, but I have to admit I have ulterior motives for striking up a conversation with you.”
His frankness makes me a little nervous. “What ulterior motives?”
He takes out a business card and hands it to me. “I own a little business,” he says. His business card says LIAM DELANEY, CEO WANDERING DREAMS.
“Wandering Dreams?” I say. “Isn’t that a modeling agency?”
He smiles. “Well, I have several businesses; the agency is just one of them.”
“Liam Delaney,” I say, recalling where I’ve heard that name. “I’ve heard about you on the news. You’re one of the richest people in the country.”
He smiles again this time, trying to be modest. “Look,” he says. “My clients are looking for fresh faces and I think you could be perfect for one of our new projects.”
“Do you usually go scouting for talent this way?”
“Of course not,” he says, sincerely. “But I haven’t gotten where I am by not taking risks once in a while. I’m twenty-nine years old by the way, if you were wondering. And yes, that makes me one of the youngest CEOs in the country and I wish I could take all the credit for that but I can’t. The business was left to me by my father who died recently.”
“I’m sorry to hear it.”
“It’s life, right?” he says. “You get hurt and you move on.”
“Yeah.”
“So,” he says. “I kind of have to be someplace. Will you come to my office Monday?”
I look at the card again purely out of instinct and then back up at him. “Of course,” I say. “I’ll be there. But you realize I have no experience, right?”
“Trust me Sebastian,” Delaney says. “There’s nothing in the world that can’t be taught.”
I watch him walk away and then he disappears into a throng of people until I can’t see him anymore. I look at the card again. Working with Liam Delaney. How bad could it be?
“Hey,” Selena says and I turn to her. Selena is Mia’s friend and right now dressed in a revealing white dress that shows off her legs. She’s what most people would refer to as ‘smoking hot.’
“Hi, Selena.”
“Sebastian,” she says. “Were you just talking to Liam Delaney?”
“Uh…yeah. I think he just offered me a job.”
“A job? What kind of job?”
“Modeling,” I say, almost unable to believe it myself.
“Well,” Selena says. “I’m not surprised. You’re a good looking guy and so was he, I might add. In a different way of course.”
“Different how?”
“Well,” Selena says. “You know, he’s all muscular and tall and suit-wearing, classic handsome and you’re…well…you’re…pretty.”
“Yeah,” I say, annoyed. “That’s what every guy wants to hear Selena!”
She starts to laugh. “What’s wrong with being pretty, Sebastian?”
“Nothing.”
“Hey,” Selena says, grabbing my arm. “Don’t pout!”
“I’m not pouting! Girls pout!”
“Fine,” Selena says. “Don’t push your lower lip out in a manly, petulant expression of sulking. Is that better?”
I grin. “Much.”
She loops her arm through mine. “So,” she says. “Do you like to dance?”
I want to tell her that yes, I do love dancing. I just don’t want to dance with you. But I know that will be rude so I have no choice but to politely accept the offer. When we get to the floor, I can see all of my friends there. Holden is dancing with someone who isn’t Jamie, because I’m sure no matter how much he denies that the news #HT leaked didn’t mean a thing, I know for a fact that it does matter to him because he cares about Jamie. The only people missing are Jamie and Daniel because ever since the news went public, neither of them has been hanging out with any of us and of course that’s not a coincidence.
And last but not the least, I see Teague and Mia, having the most fun and Teague looks like he owns the world.
I’d feel that way too if I had the love of my life dancing with me.
I’m happy for them but there’s this tiny part of me that’s angrier than it’s supposed to be and I feel like an awful person for feeling that anger.
I wish I was like them, I wish I could just drown myself into liquor or drugs or women to distract myself, I wish I could find escape from everything inside my head…
It just doesn’t work that way.
What I need, is off-limits.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way forever, Sebastian.
The Drunk Situation
TEAGUE
I stop the car in front of Holden’s family home. For a town as small as ours, the Holden family estate might as well be a fucking castle.
Holden is more shit-faced than a pirate in the open seas. “Can you walk or will I have to carry your sorry ass?”
“I can walk,” Holden says, taking out a flask and placing it to his lips. I grab the flask from him and throw it out the window. “Consider this an intervention,” I say. “Now get going.”
“You think I’m a mess, don’t you?” Holden says. “You think I’m a mess because some woman cheated on me? You think I’m that fragile?”
“If it looks like a duck Holden, it probably is!”
“Fuck you!” Holden says and fumbles with the door but he can’t get out until I open it for him. Instead of going inside the house, he starts looking for the flask among some bushes.
I get out of the car, and I almost have to pull him towards the front door and I press the buzzer. It takes some time but finally his mother answers the door. She looks at the time. Then at us. “Thank you for bringing him back, Teague.”
“No problem, Mrs. Danvers.” I drag Holden inside the threshold and we head upstairs to his room.
“I’m fine,” Holden says. “You’re wasting your time.”
“Yeah, you’re fine.”
I somehow manage to get him inside his room and on his bed and take off his shoes and tuck him in, cover him with a blanket. “Why’re you doing this?”
“Why? I’m your friend, Holden. That’s why.”
“I don’t have friends.”
That stings, but I know he’s only saying this because of all that pent up emotion so I let it go. “Holden,” I say. “You have friends. If you didn’t, you would be puking in some gutter right now or spending the night in a jail cell for public drunkenness.”
/> He sits up in bed. “I hurt you.”
“Yes, you hurt me Holden! We’ve been friends since grade school!”
“You haven’t slept with Jamie too have you?” Holden says. “I mean, I’m not going to find out through some fucking tabloid that you fucked her too, will I?”
“Holden,” I say. “Did you ever consider the possibility that #HT person is lying? That the report is fake?”
“When has #Hashtag ever released fake news, Teague?”
Fine, I guess he has a point. “I don’t know,” I say. “I just feel like you should have gotten to know her a little better before you proposed to her.”
“I had to propose.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I had to, Teague!”
“Why?”
“I can’t…I can’t explain it.”
“Again with the secrets!”
“She’s the mother of my child, Teague. I grew up without knowing who my real father was and no matter how much Dad loved me, I never stopped looking for him. I never stopped asking questions that would never get answered because there was no one to answer them. Dad was nice to me, what if my baby isn’t that lucky? You have a step-father, you know how it is! Your father’s a jackass!”
“Hey!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Well,” I say. “You’re not wrong.”
“I know everyone thinks I’m stupid,” Holden says. “I’ve made some bad decisions in life, that I can’t change but for once I wanted to do the right thing. I just…I wanted to be a good father. Someone my son could look up to, like I looked up to Dad.”
“You’re saying some serious shit, Holden. I don’t know what to say.”
“Daniel and Jamie,” Holden says. “They have something. I know it. I can feel it, being the intruder sometimes. Let’s face it, the only reason we’re even got together was because someone drugged us. It wasn’t real. It never was, maybe I was fooling myself all this time. And I hate it. I hate that feeling. Of being used, by my own friends.”
I know I have to tread carefully here. He’s not in his senses. Tomorrow he might wake up and feel differently about the whole situation, he’s a mess right now and it might be a good idea to let him get this poison out. “Tell me something,” I say. “You proposed to her, right? And before that, you two were going out. You were happy, Holden. I’ve never seen you that happy before with anyone.”
“That happiness was an illusion,” Holden says. “Just like her.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I think the two of you found something together. I think she found something with you, better than what she had with Daniel.”
“That’s assuming that they weren’t lying all this time.”
“Holden,” I say. “Think about it. Everything that’s happened for the past few months, none of it has been normal! Ever since you found out the secret about your Dad, about your family, people have been trying to harm you. Maybe this is just one of those attempts, Holden! Someone trying to get their revenge because they’re angry at your family? Or maybe someone is trying to make you look bad!”
“Well, they got what they wanted. I’m the laughing stock of Springvale!”
“All the more reason to doubt there was someone behind it all,” I say. “Someone other than Daniel or Jamie.”
“Wow,” Holden says. “You’re a bigger sucker than I am.”
“Holden, you’re really starting to get on my nerves!”
“So go,” he says. “Leave me alone!”
“Holden, I know bad things have happened to you. I know what it’s like to not have a father around, at least I knew mine before he killed himself in prison. You didn’t even know your own father’s name! And that sucks. I get it. But you can’t punish Jamie and Daniel for something they haven’t done.”
“Sounds to me like you’re taking their side over this, Teague.”
“Listen to yourself!” I say. “We’re friends, Holden! We’re more than friends! We’re brothers! We always have been! In all the time you’ve been with Daniel, has he ever given you reason not to trust him?”
“People change.”
“Yeah,” I say. “People change. They become assholes like you, Holden!”
“Get out of my room.”
“Fuck you!” I say and slam the door on my way out.
When I reach the threshold and see Mrs. Danvers in the foyer, I don’t even smile. “Teague,” she says, when I’m standing in front of her. “Holden’s not in his senses. You can’t be angry at him.”
I know she’s right. “I’ll be back in the morning to check on him,” I say and kiss Mrs. Danvers on the cheek.
“Goodnight, Teague.”
“Goodnight, Mrs. Danvers.”
Night Vision
HOLDEN
I have to fucking piss.
Never has pissing been something that was hard for me but the world around me is spinning at the same speed as Lance Armstrong on steroids. Even when I manage to get to the bathroom I realize too late that I haven’t turned on the light and it’s a chore to do that so I stand against what I hope is the toilet bowl and just go with the flow. So, I’m bad at making puns, I’m freaking drunk, give me a break. I zip my pants back up slowly and head back to the room but I drop something on the way and it crashes to the floor.
Within seconds, there are sounds outside my room and my mother comes rushing inside and turns on the light and I finally see what I’ve done. “Baby,” Mom walks towards me, gets me away from the crystal vase that’s lying on the floor in pieces and takes me towards the bed. “What happened, baby?”
“Nothing,” I say, slurring my words just a little. “I was going to the bathroom—and I couldn’t find the light switch so I just…”
“It’s okay,” Mom says, tucking me back into bed. She sits next to me and runs a hand through my hair. “Go back to sleep baby, I’ll take of this.”
“Say it, Mom.”
“What honey?”
“I told you so. Don’t you want to rub it in my face? You warned me about them, and I didn’t listen.”
She smiles. “Would that make you feel better?”
“Maybe.”
She leans down and kisses my damp forehead. “We don’t have to talk about this right now, Holden. Just go back to sleep.”
“How could I be so stupid, Mom?”
“Holden, you’re not stupid. You just—you have a tendency to love people more than they deserve sometimes.”
“When will it stop hurting?”
She gets tears in her eyes and kisses me again. “Soon, baby. It will, I promise. Just give it time. Everything heals, Holden.”
“Why don’t we ever talk about my father?”
“We talk about your Dad all the time—”
“I don’t mean Dad.”
She takes a moment to take this in. “Oh.”
“You must have felt this way too,” I say. “When he hurt you. When he abandoned us. So if it’s healed, then why won’t you talk about him?”
“Because there’s nothing to talk about,” she says. “Holden, your real father, wasn’t much of anything. He was a shallow, worthless, cruel man who had no redeeming qualities to speak of. Trust me Holden, you’re better off not knowing him.”
Love Can Make You Happy
TEAGUE
I enter my loft using my set of keys. The whole thing with Holden has left me exhausted, and not just physically. “Mia,” I say, the minute I close the door behind me. “You better be naked because I’m too tired to rip stuff tonight!”
The person sitting on the couch with Mia makes me stop dead in my tracks. “Jamie.”
“Jamie wanted to come by and talk,” Mia says. “I told her you wouldn’t mind.”
I smile to make sure she feels welcome. “Why would I mind!”
We sit there silently for a long time, before Mia finally speaks again. “Jamie was just telling me that the baby’s doing well,” she says.
“Right,” I sa
y. “Damn, I always seem to forget that you’re having a baby. It seems so unreal. I just got back from Holden’s place—” I stop in the middle of my sentence, unsure whether she wants to hear any more. After a bit of an awkward silence, Jamie speaks up. “How’s he doing? Is he okay?”
I know genuine concern when I see it. And there’s nothing fake or forced about Jamie’s worry. “He’s fine,” I say. “You know him. He tends to drink a lot when he’s dealing with stuff. Closes himself off to everyone. Pushes people away. I think we need to let him process this at his own pace. I’m sure he’ll be back to being himself soon enough.”
“Does he really think Daniel and I…that we…tricked him or something?”
I’m not sure she wants the answer to that. Besides, Holden was too drunk to know what the hell he was talking about. I’ve been drunk and angry at people before, it doesn’t always stay that way when you’re sober. “Jamie,” I say. “He’s just confused right now.”
“I understand,” she says and tears fall from her eyes and don’t stop. Mia hugs her but Jamie can’t stop crying and it makes me feel worse.
“Jamie,” I say, going toward her and sitting next to her on the couch. “Listen to me. If it was just you, I’d let you cry all you want. But I don’t think it’s good for the baby, don’t you think? If you take stress the baby will feel it.”
“Yeah,” Mia says. “Teague knows this from the dozen or so babies he’s dropped out of his ass! A lot like his words!”
Jamie laughs. “God, you two are impossible.”
“I know,” I say, holding Jamie’s hand. “We belong together. So we make sure we do everything to make it work. You and Holden will get through this, Jamie. I just know it. I know he still loves you because why else would he be so hurt?”
Jamie wipes her tears. “I can’t thank you guys enough for your support.”
Mia gets up. “I think this is the perfect occasion for wine and ice-cream! Who’s in?”
The Call
HOLDEN
No matter how much I try to get to sleep after my mother’s left the room, I can’t. I keep tossing and turning and it’s just frustrating that lying in that bed, the only thing I can think about is her. And not some angry, revenge thoughts either, but actual concern. I wonder if she’s been regular about the doctor’s visits, wonder if the baby is okay, wonder if Daniel is with her going to those visits now that I’m not—fuck. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I worrying about the one person I shouldn’t be worrying about? But Teague’s words had weight. I don’t know why he was taking her side; that part was just annoying, but even I have to admit that the news could be fake and been released by someone who wanted to hurt my reputation or get some other benefit. I pick up my phone several times, ready to call Jamie and give up every time before I’ve hit CALL. Sometimes, I just want to hear her voice. How stupid is that? I’m about to put my phone down and try to sleep again when there’s a call from a blocked number.