The sooner he tells her the sooner Mia will set him straight because there’s no way in hell Mia is never letting him do what I just saw him do. But I know Teague’s fooling himself, not me. He might think he intends to tell her but I know the truth and so does he, in the back of his mind, he must know that Mia will never allow this and that he’ll keep using it as an excuse to lie to people because soon enough he will forget that he’s even lying to her, the lie will seem like a fact of his life, like breathing and he’ll get so used to it he’ll be able to continue fooling everyone. And maybe, just maybe you can keep lying to everyone around you until the lie becomes at least a half-truth.
But how long can you lie to yourself?
The Loneliness Alone
DANIEL
I’ve barely woken up when my sister Carmen stands at the threshold of my bedroom door and starts throwing things at me. “Carmen! What the hell!” I scream, grabbing my pillow to shield the onslaught of flying action figures I’ve had since I was a kid. The minute she picks up Thor I call a truce and get up. “What’s so important that you had to wake me up on a day-off?”
Carmen stares at me like I’ve gone nuts. “Danny,” she says. “We talked about this! I need to go with Robbie. You have to look after Josh!”
“Who the fuck is Robbie?”
“Robbie, Daniel! The guy I’m going out with! What is wrong with you!”
“Oh yeah. The guy you were fucking in the kitchen last night while I was trying to sleep and while Josh was asleep in the other room. Mother-of-the-year material, Carmen!”
“Don’t judge me, Danny. I hate it when you do that.”
“Carmen,” I say. “You just got him back. If they take him away this time, there’s not going to be a person on this planet who can give him back to you ever again. Don’t you think you need to be a little less careless and a little more mother-like?”
“Don’t preach to me, okay?” she says and goes out the room. “I know what I’m doing!”
“No, you don’t.” I say but only to myself.
I look at the tiny room and wonder what I’m still doing here. I mean, I grew up here in this very room and it didn’t seem so small when I was growing up. I guess you don’t notice that sort of thing when you’re young. At least I didn’t. But now that I’m six feet tall the room looks cramped. But this room isn’t the only thing in this house that’s small. Everything in here is tiny. The bathrooms, the rooms, the barely-there kitchen—it depresses me. If it wasn’t for Josh I would have left Carmen ages ago but I knew they would send Josh back if Carmen behaved better and I knew she would try to get Josh. But the problem is, Carmen’s parenting ends at wanting Josh by her side. She never really wants to do anything else. I’m the one who wakes him up every day for school. He’s three and in preschool and his teachers think I’m his father, that’s how less they see of Josh’s own mother.
My step sister isn’t a bad person per se; she’s just inept at handling children. But now that she has Josh I realize that she has no choice but to love him. And don’t even get me started at her many boyfriends because she calls them that but I call them strangers who fucked her once and never came back. Except for this Robbie guy. Last night was the third time this guy came to our place and in Carmen world, that’s a long time. It’s hard getting a guy to stay when they see a kid and a cramped white-trash life. When I get to the breakfast table, Josh is sitting on the counter with syrup all over his face and I pick him up. “Joshie,” I say, bringing him to the sink. “How’d you get syrup all over yourself, baby?”
“Will you make sure he eats?” Carmen says, grabbing a purse and her keys. “I might be a little late. There are clean clothes and diapers in the closet and formula—”
“I know where everything is Carmen. I’m the one who takes care of him every day.”
“You’re saying I’m a bad mother? Huh? God, Danny. I get that shit from everyone else, I don’t need it from you too.”
“I didn’t mean that,” I say, trying to be civil. “I just think you need to spend more time with him now that he’s back.”
“I will,” she says, opening the door and stepping outside without so much as a goodbye kiss.
I look at Josh who looks at me, and smiles.
He has no idea who his mother is, no idea what’s going on. I didn’t exactly grow up with a great mother myself so I know it’s going to mess with him later. And just knowing that makes my heart ache. Can’t believe Carmen never sees this fact. That she doesn’t realize that she’s turning into our mother without even realizing it. All that’s really left now is if she got hooked to drugs or something, which would make a complete and total loss. I’ll report her myself if it ever went that far but Carmen’s not really into drugs which is the one reason I can’t at least stand to be with her. “Well Joshie,” I say, taking a washcloth and drying his face with it. “Looks like Danny and Joshie are the only ones in the house!” I look excited when I say that and he reciprocates by being excited himself. Damn this kid is cute. “Danny and Joshie!” Josh squeals animatedly. “Danny and Joshie!” he squeals again. “Danny play!”
I can’t stop laughing. “Yes baby. We’ll play as much as you want now that Mommy’s not here to put you to sleep!”
I carry him to the Jungle Jim in the TV room and he gets busy playing with all the different toys. I’m about to turn on the TV when the phone rings and when I look at the screen its Sebastian. For a minute I think of ignoring it but then I pick up. “Hi, Sebastian.”
“Daniel!” Sebastian says. “Why’ve you been ignoring me? I’ve done nothing.”
“I know, but I just…needed some time alone.”
“You live with Carmen and her kid. How do you manage any alone time?”
“Fine. I wanted space from all of you, is that what you wanted to hear?”
“At least it’s the truth.”
“Yeah well, no one seems to give a rat’s ass about the truth anymore.”
“Daniel, maybe if you just talked to Holden—”
“Sebastian,” I say. “People believe what they want to believe. If Holden thinks I could do such a thing, that Jamie could do such a thing then I’m truly sorry for him.”
“Are you in touch with Jamie?”
“I could answer that,” I say. “Or you could just form your own conclusions. That’s what everyone else seems to be doing.”
“I don’t believe that either of you did it,” Sebastian says. “Teague and Mia are of the same opinion. So, I hate to be the one to say it, Daniel but for a guy who hates others jumping to conclusions about him, you’re sure quick about jumping to fucking conclusions yourself!”
“Did you call so you could annoy me, Sebastian?”
“You don’t want to talk to Holden, that’s fine. I get it. But why won’t you talk to us? Maybe we can figure a way out of this!”
“Sebastian, I appreciate your reaching out to me, but I really can’t. Thanks for calling.” I hang up so I don’t have to think about it again.
But no matter how much I try to focus my attention on Josh I can’t get all of that stuff out of my head. Someone’s clearly messing with us. Targeting us and I don’t know why, how fucked up is that? It makes me feel helpless.
And Jamie.
She has no part in this.
The last time this sort of thing happened she tried to give herself some dangerous abortion. This is even worse than before. And there’s no Holden to help her or to be there for her. She probably has no one to talk to about all this and I’m not doing her any favors. Sebastian’s right. Why should I punish people who didn’t have a hand in this for what happened? Holden is doing the same thing, and I hate him for it. I don’t want Jamie to hate me but more than that, I don’t want her to be alone in what just might be the worst period in her life.
The Bad Idea
TEAGUE
“Okay,” Mia says, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Tell me again why you’re refusing to have sex with me?”
&
nbsp; I almost roll my eyes but I don’t because honestly, I cannot take my eyes off her. I don’t know if it’s the recent ‘no-sex’ rule that my trainer said I had to follow or if she always has that effect on me, but looking at her in those spaghetti straps, is killing me. It’s almost as if the dress is mocking me because in a normal situation, this is the kind of dress that would end up ripped and in a trashcan after I was done with it.
I walk over to the mirror and try to ignore that stupid fucking dress but it won’t leave me alone and I can still see it as Mia comes toward me. “Mia,” I say. “I have a heavy training session tonight. I have to…you know…keep my strength if you know what I mean.”
Mia comes right over and kisses my bare shoulder. “Mia. You’re not listening.”
This time her arms come around my chest and she places her head on my back. “I’m a naughty girl baby,” she says, kissing my back as she talks. “I think you need to punish me. Show me who’s boss.” With that her hands are inside my boxers and she tugs and yanks, her hands are going all over my shaft but I stand my ground.
“You can do what you want,” I say. “But you’re not getting anything.”
“Are you sure, baby?” She croons and breaks away from me and I turn to see what she’s up to now—and bad move, Teague. One side of the spaghetti strap is lowered, baring her breast and her one hand lifts the dress so I can see she’s not wearing anything underneath. She casually starts fingering herself. Her face has that look—the look of pleasure and need that she knows drives me insane. “Come on baby,” Mia says. “I know you want to rip this dress off me. I know you want to punish me for being bad.”
Fuck it.
There’s no way I’m letting her go solo.
And that dress—it needs to know its place.
I walk up to her and grab her hand to make her stop. She’s looking up at me, needy and I want to just fuck her but I also want it to last. I push her on her knees and pull my cock out of my shorts, force her to go down on me. “You want to play, baby girl?” I grab her hair in my hand and yank it. “Then let’s play.”
She’s still going down on me and I make her do it for longer than usual, just to tease her. When she gets up she tries to kiss me I stop her. “Punishment’s not over.”
She looks at me, a little coy and I rip the straps of her dress, shove it down her shoulders, revealing more of her beautiful body and then I turn her around and rip the dress from the back until it falls to the floor. Teague, one. Dress, zero. I never told Mia the real reason I was saving myself, and that’s because Mia has no idea that I like going to those underground cage fights and recently I’ve been doing more than just watch, I’ve been taking part in the fights. But right now, I couldn’t care if the world was going to go to shit by a meteor if I unloaded myself, I’d still fuck Mia and let the world burn down. Fuck saving my strength. Fuck the damned fight. I’m having the best time of my life and I can’t give that up. I guess you can say I’m a bit of a junkie when it comes to Mia.
I take off my shorts.
I push her toward the wall, her back to me and make her place her hands on it. “The hands stay there, you hear me?” I say. “If they get off, you don’t.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I mean that, Mia. If you so much as move these arms, I’m not going to let you come for a week.”
Her voice is hoarse when she speaks. “I won’t, sir.”
I get a condom from my wallet that’s on the floor from when we fucked last night, and I put it on. I grab her ass with my hands and just shove into her with my hard cock and she lets out a moan when it hurts going in. But she’s nice and wet down there so it doesn’t take long for my cock to get slick with her juices and she starts breathing hard with every thrust. My hands are on her hips, pulling her closer and I can tell it’s becoming hard for her to keep her hands in place. But she doesn’t break the rule. Good girl. I move her long hair out of the way and kiss her neck. She’s breathing harder now, moaning too and I’m getting too close to coming myself.
I start going faster now, and the minute I grab her breasts in my hand and squeeze them a little, I can feel her pussy contracting against my cock and it’s enough to get me to come and I feel Mia’s body shuddering, and I keep my hands on her breasts, my cock still inside her and going faster now.
I kiss her back, and pull out.
“You can lower your arms now,” I say and she lowers them down and turns towards me. I rub her shoulders. “I love you.”
She smiles. “I love you, too.”
“But you’re a bitch you know that?
“What did you just call me?”
“A bitch,” I say with emphasis this time. “You know you’re irresistible to me and you use that to get what you want. That’s unfair.”
“Well, you shouldn’t love me so much then.”
“If I could help it, I wouldn’t be calling you a bitch.”
She shoves me off her and picks up the dress, or what remains of it. “Another one bites the dust,” she says and dramatically tosses it away. Then she heads into the bathroom and stops. “Aren’t you going to take a shower?”
I’m pretty sure a shower with her isn’t going to remain a shower. “I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
“Confident.”
“Okay,” she says, teasingly. “Feel free to barge in!”
“There will be no barging in, Mia!”
“Whatever you say.”
When she’s gone, I pick up my pants from the floor. We’ve been in her loft since Friday night, when we came back here from Holden’s graduation party. It’s Monday, so I can’t believe we’ve done nothing but fuck for three whole days. I can hear her in the shower and a view of her standing under the hot stream, the water falling on her body everywhere, sliding down curves and going inside crevices…
Fuck you, Teague. Just stop it!
I sit there on the edge of the bed, hoping my erection will go down and hoping I’ll be able to get my pants back on at some point.
Focus, Teague.
But all I can think about is Mia and that shower stream.
Fuck my life.
I drop my pants and get up. “Fuck you, Mia!” I yell, heading straight to the bathroom. Mia’s grinning already; she was expecting this to happen. “I thought there’d be no barging in,” she says, rubbing her breasts.
You’ve got a fight in an hour.
That guy’s going to beat you to death if you do this now, it’s dangerous.
I go towards Mia and start teasing her nipples with my tongue.
You can still stop, Teague.
Just stop, that’s it.
Eh.
Life is overrated anyway.
I swear if that guy ends up killing me today, I would die a happy man.
The Theory of Non-Existence
SEBASTIAN
WANDERING DREAM’s entire building has those intimidating blank spaces with a single tastefully picked piece of art adorning every other wall. There are people moving about the office who look like robots instead of real people and one of the female robots greets me and I have a funny urge to look for the button in the back of her head that turns her off and flip it. The robot leads me to Liam Delaney’s office which is even more intimidating than the rest of the place and it takes me forever to get over the fact that I’m standing in the offices of one of the best modeling agencies in the world and not just with some photographer but with the billionaire owner himself.
“Sebastian,” Delaney says, when he enters the office and I get up to shake hands with him. His grip is firm and I can still feel it when he takes his hand away. “I’m so glad you decided to come by.”
Delaney goes to sit behind his desk and I take the same chair I was sitting on right across from him. “Why wouldn’t I,” I say. “I told you I would.”
Delaney smiles. “You always keep your word?”
“Never had reason to do otherwise.”
“Well,” Delaney says. ?
??I admire people who can keep a commitment. And well, I’ll keep my end of the bargain. We have a new client, who needs a fresh face to model for their new clothing line and when I saw you, I thought you were a perfect fit. Since the client leaves for Europe tomorrow and wanted to meet the model they were signing up in person, I arranged a meeting for the two of you. That is, if you decide to take the job of course.”
“I have no experience. What am I going to talk to the client about?”
“I told you Sebastian, they want a fresh face. That’s the reason they’re hiring you and not someone who has done a million campaigns already. It’s their requirement.”
“What if they don’t like me?”
“They will,” Delaney says.
“How do you know?”
“Because,” Delaney says. “I’ve known the client for years. I know what they like and what they don’t. Besides, the meeting is basically a formality. The hiring decision is entirely mine.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I didn’t get time to talk to my friends or family about this because you wanted to see me on such short notice.”
“Do you always make decisions your friends want you to make?”
“Of course not,” I say, knowing that it’s a lie and I can tell Delaney can see through it. He simply shoves a file in my direction. “This is the contract. If you sign it, we can go see the client and you can come to work tomorrow have your first photo shoot. The amount we’ll be paying you is mentioned on Page 2 of the contract.”
I skip to Page 2 and get a nice surprise. My parents are always bugging me about becoming something on my own and this is my chance to finally do it. But I can’t help feeling nervous. Everything rides on this decision and the contract is for three years so I will be stuck with the company for three whole years but on the other hand, it means they have to keep me for the next three years. This company is BIG. They have branches everywhere including in Milan and Paris and living the life of a model doesn’t quite sound so bad. And Delaney looks like a reliable guy and I vetted him—well Selena did a Google search for him on her phone, close enough—he’s the real deal.