Chapter 8:
I awoke on a forest floor. It was autumn by the looks of the leaves. I stood up and took a moment to look myself over. I was dressed in a long white cotton gown with an empire waist. I looked at my wrists. There were not cuts, no bleeding. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling out a few leaves as I did.
I looked all around me and saw nothing but trees and the grey sky above. A light fog floated above the ground. A single path stretched out in front of me. Strangely it stopped right where I had been lying. I was utterly confused. What was this place? Was I in heaven? Was I in hell? Was I in purgatory?
I started to walk forward, following the path. I had no idea where it led to, but standing still in the same spot was not getting me anywhere. It was absolutely silent aside from the crunch of the autumn leaves beneath my feet. No breeze blew. No animals scurried. This place was truly eerie.
I thought of my friends and family back home. I wondered who had received the news of my death, if anyone had. I wondered what songs they would play at my funeral, what kind of flowers they would put on the ground next to my headstone. A deep sadness plagued me as I thought of everyone’s faces. Guilt consumed me at the thought of the suffering that I had inflicted upon the ones I loved in my attempt for an escape from the pain. The worst part was that I hadn’t escaped anything really. I was still able to feel here. I was still able to think here. Nothing had changed except that I was now completely alone. Maybe that was what hell was.
My mind strayed to Andrew. I wondered how he was faring in the fortress. I wondered what the queen was doing to him now. I wanted to cry, but could not find the tears. Maybe I had grown numb or maybe in hell you were not allowed to cry. Maybe you were never allowed any sort of emotional release at all. I could not help but laugh internally at the irony of it all. People killed themselves to escape, but if everyone ended up like me, they were to only wake to that same misery with no one to share it with.
I looked around me for some sort of change, some sort of sign, some sort of indicator of what was to become of me, but there was nothing but the endless procession of trees and the endless stretch of grey sky. It was so lonely, so subtly morbid. I felt no sort of exhaustion, no hunger, no thirst. The only feeling I had was sadness.
Just when I thought that I was to walk through this forest for eternity, never experiencing any kind of change, the fog began to rise and thicken. Within moments, I was encased by the thick wall of swirling whiteness. I could not even see two feet in front of me.
I walked forward carefully, looking down at the path to make sure I did not stray and get lost. I had the unshakable feeling that something was going to happen soon. I had no inkling of whether what was going to happen would be good or bad; just simply that something was going to happen. I thought to myself that maybe I should be afraid, but there were only the same feelings of sadness.
I paused as the sound of a separate set of footsteps mingled with the sound of my own. I looked forward, waiting to see the owner of the foot prints appear through the fog. My mind ran over a gamut of possibilities. Had the devil come to taunt me? Was God going to have a conversation with me? Was another tortured soul wandering the forest like me? I looked to my left and then to my right, but I saw nothing.
All of the sudden, I could see the shadow of a tall figure behind the fog. Whoever or whatever it was had paused as well. We stood there, unmoving, silent. I was unsure of what to do. Should I say something? Should I run away? Even if I ran, where would I go to?
Before I could make up my mind, the stranger in the fog started to run toward me. I moved into a defensive stance raising my hands up to my chest. My hands dropped to my sides and my heart raced as the stranger’s face became clear and their arms picked me up, swinging me around in a circle.
I locked my arms around Andrew’s neck, my mind spinning in disbelief. How was this possible? What was he doing here? He put me back on my feet and stared down into my face. He grabbed my face and kissed me forcefully.
When the kiss was over, I looked him over again. He was dressed differently than the last time I had seen him. He wore a white T-shirt and white slacks. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. I must have died and went to heaven. That was the only explanation I could come up with.
“How did you get here?” I asked, exasperated.
He smiled at me and then replied, “I don’t know. I just woke up here. I noticed a path and started walking.” He just stared at me, reflecting the disbelief that I felt inside. “How did you get here?”
I struggled with the decision as to whether or not I should be honest. I had no idea how he would react. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to make him angry. However, hadn’t I promised myself that if the impossibility ever arose that I would get another chance to make it right I would? I took a deep breath and decided that honesty was best.
“Well, after my head had smacked into the wall in that chamber, there was a bright flash. I opened my eyes and I was back in our bathroom. I thought maybe I was just dreaming, but when nothing changed, I realized it was real, that I was home. All of my injuries had disappeared. The dress I was wearing had disappeared. What was the most disturbing was that literally every single one of your possessions was gone.”
“That’s really strange. I wonder where they all went,” he mused, “Anyway, sorry, continue on.”
“Well, I kind of freaked out. I never thought I would see you again. I called Mike to tell him that you had been kidnapped and that all of your things were gone, not knowing yet how to explain to the whole parallel dimension thing. He said he would come over and try to help me sort things out and at first I was relieved. Then, I started thinking of how no one would believe me and that I would probably be blamed for your disappearance. The guilt of being unable to save you and the pain of the thought of spending the rest of eternity with the fact that you were somewhere I would never be able to get to became unbearable. So I… um… I”
“You what?” he asked, his face patient and serene
“I slit my wrists and then I woke up here,” I replied, speeding over my words as if that would make what I had said easier to hear.
Andrew’s brow darkened. His face was caught somewhere between sadness, anger, and disgust. “You did what?! Why would you do that? Do you know how stupid that is?! Nothing is worth ending your life over!” He grabbed my wrists and turned my arms palm side up. He glanced over them and his confusion became apparent. “I don’t see any marks.”
“I know. It’s strange. I woke up here and the cuts were gone. I wasn’t bleeding anymore. I also have no idea where this dress came from. I was wearing my housecoat when I did it,” I replied, favoring the word ‘it’ over saying that I had slit my wrists again.
“Do you think we’re dead?” He asked the anger relaxing from his face.
“That’s the only thing I can come up with. I mean, how else would you explain the cuts being gone? Maybe that psycho bitch Ameda killed you in your sleep because she realized that you would always love me and that she was wasting her time. Who knows? Either way, I don’t care! We are together now. That is all that matters. Maybe this is our heaven,” I said with a smile.
I wrapped my arms around Andrew, resting my head on the center of his chest. I looked up to stare lovingly in his eyes and gasped. I was no longer holding onto Andrew. My arms encompassed the bark of a maple tree. Confusion and panic moved in as the smile faded from my face. I backed away, disorientated. I was no longer on the path.
“Andrew?” I called out. There was nothing, just the silence of the woods and the fog. “Andrew?!” I shouted, more desperate and panicky than before. “Andrew where are you?”
“Torey?” Andrew’s voice echoed from somewhere very distant. I started to run in the general direction of his voice.
I smacked my shoulder into a tree, dislocating it. My stomach twisted and I screamed. “ANDREW?! Baby, where are you?” Tears ran down my face. It became apparent that I could
feel something other than sadness, for I was now scared as hell.
“Torey? I can’t find you. Where are you?” His voice still sounded so distant.
“Just keep yelling. I am going to find you.” I cried.
“Torey?” he called, sounding father than before.
I started to run again my left arm, flapping limply, pain shooting down the length of it from my shoulder to my fingertips. I did not care anymore. I would break every appendage I had. There was no way that I was losing him again. “Andrew?” I called.
“Torey?” He called, sounding closer than before.
“Andrew, stay where you are! I am coming to you! Just stay where you are and keep calling my name!” I started to run faster.
He called my name over and over. I would get close and then all of the sudden he would be far again. My breath came out in ragged gasps. My throat burned from the coolness of the fog I was breathing in. It felt as though I would never find him. I felt like I was in a continually shifting labyrinth that consciously aimed at keeping me from reaching what I wanted.
I called out to him again, and this time when he called back it sounded like he was only a matter of a few feet away. I felt a surge of hope and turned towards his voice, running full force. There was a flash of pain and a bright light. I was lost once again to darkness.