Brian was driving the confiscated Maimer car.
“Why are we following the navigation system to destination ‘juicy’?” asked Ray.
“I have a hunch ‘juicy’ is Lucy’s nickname,” said Brian.
“Is there any logic to your hunch?”
“The word ‘juicy’ rhymes with ‘Lucy’, you know, ‘juicy Lucy’? It’s got to be Lucy’s nickname.”
“So, we’re going to barge into a house waving guns, based on a human hunch about a word rhyming with a name?”
“Yes, that’s the plan.”
“I like it.”
#@#@#@#@
Lucy drove Flo and Natasha across a bridge spanning Yellow River. On the other side was Brownsofa.
Lucy pulled into the backyard of a rundown Brownsofa house. A woman came out of the house and leveled a Glock at the car.
Lucy opened the car’s rear door near Flo and said, “We’re going into the house. That woman with the gun is the worst shot in our gang. Please don’t do anything that will make her shoot her gun. She’ll probably hit me too.”
Flo and Natasha went quietly into the house.
#@#@#@#@
Inside the house, the gun toting woman said, “I’m Jade and this is my honey bunny Lucy.”
Jade gave Lucy a peck on the cheek.
Lucy smiled and said, “Not now, dear. Can’t you see I’m busy being a terrifying kidnapper?”
“How’s that working out for you?” asked Jade.
“A robot squirted me in the face with oil.”
“Oh dear, let me get you a wet paper towel.”
“Just cover them while I wash up.”
Jade pointed her Glock at the kidnap victims and said, “Don’t you dare do anything or I’ll have to shoot you and go kiss Lucy some more.”
Flo and Natasha sat on the couch and exchanged puzzled looks.
#@#@#@#@
Flo and Natasha continued to sit on the couch. Jade stood guard, with seemingly no control over where her gun pointed.
Max the cat was sleeping upside down in the comfy chair. Lucy scooted the cat to the floor and sat in the comfy chair. As soon as Lucy sat down, Max jumped into Lucy’s lap. Lucy scratched the cat’s neck. Max purred loudly.
Lucy said, “What do you know about the arrival of our gang to this planet?”
Flo said, “My dad told me your gang murdered your crew, except for one woman who was endlessly raped.”
“The hard-core Maimers did all of that,” said Lucy.
“Was ‘earring girl’ a hard-core Maimer?” asked Flo.
“Who?” replied Lucy.
“The Maimer woman who died at the mall last week,” said Flo.
“She’s talking about ‘Swish’,” said Jade.
“Swish was definitely a hard-core Maimer,” said Lucy.
“Why did you call her Swish?” asked Natasha.
“That’s the sound her knife made when she attacked,” said Lucy.
“I heard it,” said Flo.
“Say what?” said Lucy.
“I heard her knife make a swishing sound when she attacked me in the mall,” said Flo.
Jade said, “Wait, wait! Start over from the beginning.”
Flo said, “I was walking down a mall corridor, wearing this flight jacket. Swish came up and said she wanted the flight jacket. I said ‘tough titty’. The next thing I knew, I was hearing a swishing sound and her knife was coming at me. I blocked the knife and punched Swish in the nose. We went down. I fell on the knife. Swish was gouging my eyes. I grabbed the knife, and stabbed Swish in the back until she stopped moving. Then, I killed the Maimer man because he was choking my friend.”
“So, that’s what happened,” said Jade.
“I’m stunned it was you who bested Swish,” said Lucy.
“Didn’t you already know this?” asked Flo. “Why else did you kidnap me?”
“You’re just collateral damage,” said Lucy. “We’re actually kidnapping Natasha because she’s Bruce’s girlfriend and Bruce is the exclusive pot supplier for Tropical Vacation. We’re trying to muscle in on the pot supplying business.”
“So this is all about pot for Tropical Vacation?” asked Natasha.
“Yes,” said Lucy.
“You’re not angry I killed Swish and her Maimer boyfriend?” said Flo.
“They were assholes,” said Jade.
“We’re actually glad you killed them,” said Lucy.
“Especially Swish,” said Jade. “I felt like killing her myself several times.”
#@#@#@#@
Natasha said, “I thought all Maimers were hard-core.”
“Not me,” said Lucy. “I’m the leader of the moderates.”
“Are there any ‘sweet as apple pie’ Maimers?” asked Flo.
“Just her,” said Lucy, nodding at Jade.
Jade blew a kiss with her gun hand, meanwhile dangerously waving her gun at everybody.
#@#@#@#@
“I’ve got an idea,” said Jade. “Let’s make chocolate chip cookies.”
“Again with the cookies,” said Lucy.
“Don’t be such a butch,” retorted Jade.
“I’ll help you make cookies,” said Flo.
“Can I have a heating pad for my sore butt?” asked Natasha.
#@#@#@#@
Flo and Jade were making cookies. Lucy and Natasha were seated in the breakfast nook, Natasha with a heating pad.
Lucy’s SatPhone rang. Lucy looked at the caller-id then answered with, “Hey Randy. How are they treating you?”
“Not bad,” said Randy.
“Sell any pot?”
“We’re still negotiating. How are the hostages?”
“Terrified,” said Lucy.
“I bet. Put on Natasha, Bruce wants to talk to her.”
#@#@#@#@
Natasha said, “Bruce?”
“I’m here, honey,” said Bruce. “How are they treating you?”
“Fine. We’re making cookies.”
“Cookies?”
“Yes,” said Natasha, “the other hostage is helping one of the kidnappers make chocolate chip cookies.”
“So you’re not being tortured or raped or otherwise threatened?”
“We’re pretty safe unless the cookie baker shoots us by accident.”
#@#@#@#@
Bruce hung up with a weird expression on his face.
“What did Natasha say?” asked Mace.
“Mostly she talked about cookies,” replied Bruce.
#@#@#@#@
Jade started to cry.
“What’s wrong?” asked Flo.
“I’ve been trying so hard to get pregnant,” sobbed Jade. “I shagged every male Maimer on the spaceship, but none of that took. Now here it is the peak of my cycle and I’m baking cookies with female hostages. I mean if you were a man, I’d jump your bones and hope you got me pregnant.”
Flo said, “I’ve got a turkey baster that never fails to induce pregnancy. Are you game to try it?”
“Sure,” said Jade.
Flo pointed at the back door and said, “Ok then, the next man through that door will be your sperm donor.”
#@#@#@#@
Brian and Ray arrived at destination ‘juicy’ and drove around back, through the alley.
Brian said, “That’s Lucy’s car.”
“I can’t believe your stupid human hunch paid off,” said Ray.
#@#@#@#@
The first cookie batch was done. The girls were all sitting in the breakfast nook. Natasha took a bite of a warm chocolate chip cookie.
“Mmm, good,” said Natasha.
Suddenly, Brian and Ray crashed through the back door. Brian had an automatic weapon. Ray had 2.
Brian waved his machine pistol and said, “We’re here to rescue the hostages.”
“We don’t want to be rescued by you guys,” said Flo.
Natasha said, “My boyfriend is coming over later and he’ll be upset if you guys rescue us first.”
> “So, there’s nothing I can do for you girls?” asked Brian.
“There is one thing …” said Flo, waving a turkey baster.
#@#@#@#@
Nelson installed a time warp accelerator in Brian’s spaceship. For payment, Nelson took a refurbished robot and the schematics for the spaceship.
Nelson left the spaceship. Brian and Ray strapped into anti-grav chairs.
“How did our gallant hostage rescue morph into you masturbating for a turkey baster?” asked Ray.
“Don’t know,” said Brian. “Let’s get out of this crazy place.”
Ray piloted the spaceship up off the planet, then started a blind jump. Brian and Ray jumped into an uncertain future.
#@#@#@#@
The end.
#@#@#@#@
#@#@#@#@
The characters Brian & Ray first appeared in 2 eBook shorts by author A. S. Warwick. Brian and Ray were used in ‘Perpetual Ray’ by permission of A. S. Warwick.
The web page for Darryl Hicks is https://perpetualtwilight.com
The web page for A. S. Warwick is https://mistandshadows.com
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