"I'm glad you like them, my dear." Marty's voice held the same huskiness. "When you called to postpone the rest of your lessons, I knew that I wanted to do this for you."
Debbie stepped over and helped her pull each large mug from the box and set them gently on the table, each one unique in design and color.
Helen gently cleared her throat. "What Marty hasn't told you is that we've been through something similar, but in a different line of work."
Questions erupted in Liv's chest and moved to her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Helen and Marty exchanged a smile before the elderly woman once more turned her gaze Liv's way. "Marty is a bi-vocational pastor, which by default makes me a bi-vocational pastor's wife." The couple shared a chuckle.
Liv let the words seep into her heart. On a very deep level, the similarities between her and Helen became apparent. Through no choice of her own--other than to marry a man in the military--she was a military wife by default. "I think I understand what you mean," she offered with a smile. "We both have an unspoken job description, one that is every bit as difficult and important as that of our husbands."
Helen nodded knowingly. "We're in the line of duty--and line of fire--just as much as they are. The wives and families of both pastors and soldiers are often overlooked and unappreciated. Add to that the loneliness--as well as being single parents for much of the time--and it can lead to major depression." She paused a minute her gaze fixed on some distance place beyond this one. "If you're like me, we feel the need to present an image of having it all together, when inside we're crumbling while we try to hold not only ourselves together, but also our family."
Tears slid unbidden and unchecked down Liv's face. "That's exactly how I feel." Beside her, Debbie nodded in agreement. "All that, in spite of not having a real job." She brought both hands up and used two fingers on each to etch quotation marks in the air and emphasized the word "real.". "It's the hardest job I've ever had--living with the unpredictability, and trying to deal not just with my anger and sorrow, but also my child's."
"And it's tough on your marriage." Marty joined the conversation, his voice revealing deep sorrow.
Helen scooted forward and placed her elbows on her knees, her fingers entwined and her gaze direct. "I don't know how you're coping at this particular moment, but if you don't mind I'd like to offer some advice."
Liv nodded her approval. "Please do. There are days when I'm grasping at straws in an attempt to hold on."
A wash of tears appeared in the old woman's eyes. "I understand those feelings more than you know. I went through a particularly bad time of depression and even suicidal thoughts, but I was afraid to seek psychological help." She craned her neck to look at Marty before turning back to Liv. "I was afraid it would affect Marty's job and make people look at me with even less favor than they already did."
A gasp fell from Liv's now-open lips. Similar thoughts had plagued her over the past week. It was as though God had sent Marty and Helen specifically on her behalf.
Helen continued. "First of all, please don't be afraid to seek professional help if you need it. Secondly, depend on God and His power. He knows what you're going through and will help you through it."
Marty stood, and Helen followed suit and took hold of his hand. "We need to go now, Liv, but if you need anything, night or day, please don't hesitate to give us a call. You still have my cell number, right?"
Liv nodded and rose to her feet. She moved to the couple, and embraced both of them at the same time. "Thank you both. You've helped more than you know."
After the couple left, Liv once more retreated to her room, this time to pray. Out of nowhere, an inexplicable peace flowed over her. Debbie had been right. Chesney needed her now more than ever. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling. God, I don't know how to do this.
I am with you, child, and nothing is impossible for Me.
The still small voice inside her head was distinct, and the words spoken were capital-T Truth as revealed in God's Word. Bolstered by power from beyond, Liv stood and opened the door, then picked up her breakfast tray and moved out to the living room.
Deb sat in her usual place, her fingers flying as she continued her latest crochet project. She looked up as Liv entered the room, laid down her work, and jumped to her feet. "Here. Let me help you with that." She grabbed the tray from Liv's hands. "Where do you want it?"
Liv nodded toward the glass-topped coffee table, the glass supported by a gnarled piece of driftwood Jeff had carried from the beach to the car at her request. She took a seat on the couch while Deb moved to the kitchen and re-warmed the food in the microwave. A minute later her friend returned and set the tray on the table.
A smile covered Liv's lips as she looked up at her friend. "Thank you, Debbie. I don't say it often enough, but--"
"I've already told you that I'm happy to do it." Debbie cocked her head to one side and gazed at Liv through narrowed eyes, encircled with fatigue. "You're better?"
Liv smiled again. "I think so. At first I was a little put out with you, but then I realized that it was the truth. I'm going to eat every bite of this breakfast, even if it kills me."
Deb's perfectly-arched eyebrows lifted in mock surprise. "Gee thanks for the testimonial about my cooking skills." The words came out with a sarcastic edge.
A laugh fell from Liv's mouth, the first one in days. She took a bite of the breakfast casserole. "You know good and well that's not what I meant." And she held true to her word, demolishing the food quickly.
That afternoon, when Darcy dropped Chesney off, Liv invited her daughter back to her bedroom. For the first time since the bad news, Liv truly looked at Chesney rather than staring through her as they sat cross-legged on the bed, facing one another. The news had worn on her daughter as well. Dark rings circled her little girl's eyes. "Chesney, I'm sorry Mommy hasn't been doing a better job of taking care of you."
Chesney's eyes, so much like her father's, took on a moist sheen. "It's okay, Mommy. I know the news about Daddy made you very sad. Me too."
Liv pulled her daughter into her arms and rocked her back and forth, a prayer of gratitude spilling from her heart for this blessed moment in time with her daughter. "I'm going to try to do better. We only have a few days until your play, and then just a few more days until Christmas. I want us to do our best to plan the most special Christmas ever." One that didn't downplay Jeff's MIA status, but one that celebrated his life with hope that they would one day see him again.
Her daughter pulled back, her chubby arms still resting around Liv's neck. A sweet smile rested between chubby cheeks. "I like that idea, Mommy. Want me to go get a pen and some paper so we can write down all our ideas?"
Liv leaned forward until her nose rested on her daughter's and gave her an Eskimo kiss. "Most definitely."
Chesney scrambled from the bed, disappeared for a moment, then returned with the promised pen and paper. She hurled herself up on the bed and scooted her bottom until her back rested against the headboard, obviously eager to move past the bad and focus instead on good news. Good news--like light in a dark place--always trumped the bad.
PART 3
Then rang the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, goodwill to men.
Chapter Seventeen
The night of Chesney's school play finally arrived. Though Liv stayed true to her promise to Chesney to do a better job, the devil seemed just as determined to attack her resolve. As she took a seat in between Debbie and Darcy near the front of the auditorium, a sudden wave of sorrow washed over her. If only Jeff were here to accompany her to Chesney's first performance.
Just as quickly, she fought back, her shoulders moving from their slump to an upright position. From the constant battle, she'd learned more and more to refuse the enemy so that he once more fled. This was Chesney's night, and she refused to let anything ruin it.
>
Beside her, Debbie set up the video camera and tripod. At least she'd be able to share this night with her family at a later time.
Within a few minutes the play began, a poignant reminder of the birth of her Savior, preciously portrayed by children. Though it was a special reminder of the reason for the season, the program was not without comical moments. Darcy's little girl played the part of Mary, and throughout the play she yanked her easily-distracted Joseph from place to place on the stage, eliciting hearty laughter from the audience.
Liv pressed her lips together, a sudden bout of nerves shimmying inside. In another minute or so, Chesney would take the stage with her one line. A line they had worked on over and over again. But since the news of Jeff's disappearance, no matter how many times they'd practiced at home, she always got it wrong. Would tonight be any different?
Beaming from ear to ear, Chesney and the rest of the angels bounced onto the stage, messy and out of file. Chesney sent Liv a smile and wave then turned to face the rest of the audience.
Liv swallowed hard, sending up prayers for her little girl, who looked particularly small and vulnerable tonight.
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth...pieces..." Her daughter's voice, which had started strong, ebbed away in confusion. She looked over at Liv, her bottom lip a-quiver.
Liv nodded and smiled and mouthed the word "peace."
Chesney smiled and bravely faced the audience again, in spite of the snickers and chuckles sounding around the room. "I mean, glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."
Tears slid down Liv's cheeks for the rest of the performance, her mind on the truth just spouted from the lips of her baby girl. Yes, the birth of this special God-baby into their mixed-up and messed-up world had fulfilled the angel's words in a way difficult to comprehend, but one that truly brought glory to God and boundless peace to human hearts. Even if the unthinkable had occurred. Even if Jeff no longer lived, she had the blessed hope that she'd one day see him again.
Later that night, back at home and once more obeying the doctor's order, Liv pulled Chesney into her quickly-disappearing lap. "Young lady, you did a marvelous job tonight. I'm so proud of you."
Chesney giggled and wiggled. "Thanks, Mommy. It was lots of fun, wasn't it? At first, I messed up my line, but then I looked at you and remembered."
Liv let the words sink in. An apt description of what God so often did for her. Whenever Liv focused on the storm, she forgot what she most needed to know. Only when she focused on Him did she gain the peace that only He could give. "So, let's work some more on our plans for Christmas Day. What do you want to eat for breakfast that day?"
"Pancakes!"
Liv grabbed the nearby notebook and pen and scribbled herself a note. Debbie would most likely make them Christmas-y and extra special. "And for lunch?"
"Macawoni and cheese pizza."
A chuckle gurgled from Liv's chest. "Well, we've had macawoni and cheese, but never on pizza."
"A.J.'s mom fixed it for him, and he told me about it."
"Ah, I see. I thought we'd open gifts right after breakfast. Does that sound like a good idea to you?"
Chesney's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Or we could wake up really, really early in the morning and open them before breakfast."
Liv grimaced at the thought, but relented inwardly. After all, this was a very special Christmas. "We'll see how it works out. Either one is fine with me. Then we'll play with your presents for awhile, call our family in Colorado, and eat lunch. Then a nap." She continued to write down their plans.
A horrified expression landed on Chesney's face. "No nap on Christmas!" She drawled out each syllable with her typical dramatic flair.
Liv laughed. "Okay, okay. Then what are we going to do after lunch?"
"Go to the beach, silly." Her daughter spoke the words matter-of-factly, then laid her head against Liv's shoulder.
As Liv snuggled even closer to her little girl, joy reigned in her heart. Yes, her daughter's plans for Christmas at the beach in no way matched her dream of a snowy-white Christmas in Colorado, surrounded by family. But even though life had changed her plans, this would be a wonderful Christmas in spite of it all. Not because of any plans they'd made, but because of the message of peace and hope delivered on that first Christmas in the gift of a baby boy who had come to deliver them from sin and death.
* * *
On Christmas Eve, Liv tucked Chesney--decked out in some Christmas pajamas Debbie had bought for her--under the covers and sat down on the bed next to her. "Tonight we get to the end of the story."
Chesney turned over to one side and looked up at Liv. "Remember when you told me that we were a part of the story?"
"Yes."
"Which part of the story are we in?"
"Well, in one way, we're in all of it, because we're all broken and need Jesus to fix us. But in another way, we're in the beginning of the end." Liv paused, a thought just then taking root in her brain. "Which is also the end of the beginning." Her heart filled with wonder at the way God had orchestrated His perfect plan.
"That may make to sense to you, but it doesn't make any sense to me." Chesney's voice held censure.
Liv laughed. "It will make more sense when you're older. I promise."
Chesney's face grew serious. "Isn't the world still broken, even after Jesus came?"
The thought sobered her. "Yes."
"Then He didn't really fix us, did He?"
Now Liv shook her head vehemently from side to side. "Just because we still live in a broken world doesn't mean that Jesus isn't fixing us. He fixes us from the inside out, and sometimes it's a slow process. And like the broken people we are, sometimes we don't realize how He's fixing us until we look back and see how He's glued us back together." Liv thought back over the past few months. Yes, the Fixer had been evident in her heart and life during the most difficult of times. Had brought a peace she'd never expected in the midst of her brokenness. He'd also changed Debbie in such a way that still astounded her.
"Like me learning to be nice to A.J. when he's mean to me?"
"Exactly like that." Liv opened her Bible. "The Fixer--Jesus--will one day come back to earth to do away with the snake and his lies forever. When He comes back, He'll make everything brand new."
A contented sigh fell from Chesney's lips. "That will be perfectly wonderful." She paused. "But why doesn't He go ahead and come back now?"
"Because He wants more people to recognize their broken pieces and turn to Him to fix them. So until the end of the story--which is the beginning of a brand new story--there will still be broken pieces on earth. But when Jesus comes again, He'll take away all the broken pieces and mess-ups and death and sickness--"
"--and crying and war and daddies being gone for a very, very, very long time." Chesney's eyes flooded with tears. "I do want more people to get fixed, but it would be really wonderful if Jesus came back right now."
Liv hugged her daughter close. Yes, that would be wonderful, and something she longed for as well. She released a happy sigh. But for now, it was enough that He was in control and operating on His time-table to restore everything to what He'd originally intended when He'd created the world in the first place.
Chapter Eighteen
Christmas Day dawned bright and beautiful, with flawless blue skies and a warm southerly breeze. Liv sipped her morning cup of coffee. Chesney would be awake soon and eager to open presents. From her perch at the dining room table, she gazed out the sliding glass doors at the lovely day. Her thoughts took wing, and she remembered how different this day would have been had things gone according to her plan.
If life had turned out her way, she and Jeff and Chesney would be waking up at the mountain cabin in Colorado with all their siblings and both sets of parents. They would dress in warm Christmas sweaters and snow boots, toasting one another with the mugs she'd made, now full of hot cider or cocoa in front of a blazing fire and a Christmas tree bedec
ked in white lights and heirloom ornaments--one that scraped the ceiling.
But life had different plans. Plans that involved a new baby, a changed friend, and personal transformation from fear to peace.
Liv peered over to the living room, amazed at the transformation that had taken place--not only in human lives, but in their home in sunny Pensacola, Florida. She and Debbie had worked until midnight to turn their tropical location living room into a winter wonderland for Chesney. Though the dangling snowflakes and piles of cotton batting at least resembled what she'd hoped for, it also set off a longing in her heart.
Stop it, Liv. She gave her head a shake to toss aside the unhelpful thoughts. Thinking about the "what might have been's" wasn't going to cut it. She squared her shoulders and breathed deeply. Instead she would focus on what was. It was a beautiful day to share with her daughter, unborn child, and friend. Though there was still the question of whether Jeff would ever come home to them, she could still rest in the beauty of God's peace in spite of it all.
"Mommy! Mommy!" Chesney's voice sounded, followed by footsteps pitter-pattering against the tile floors. "It's Christmas! The day Baby Jesus was born!" She rounded the corner and threw herself into her mother's arms, then peered around at the wintry scene, her mouth agape. "Wow!"
"It certainly is." Liv smiled at her daughter. "And as you can see, we're going to celebrate it in style. Debbie's making those Christmas pancakes you wanted, and then we'll take the Happy Birthday Jesus cake we made yesterday to the nursing home."
Chesney took over the retelling of the list they had finally agreed upon. "Then we'll open Christmas presents and go to the beach for a picnic lunch with macawoni and cheese pizza."
"Exacalacaly."
Chesney let out a overly-dramatic and forced belly laugh.
Debbie appeared in the opening to the kitchen, a plate of strawberry pancakes topped with whipped cream in her hands. "Merry Christmas!"
Later that morning, after the pancakes and delivery of the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" cake to a nearby nursing home, Chesney eagerly ripped into the biggest package, one that Jeff had instructed her to buy before they'd lost contact.