Later that morning, after Darcy had picked up Debbie and Chesney for church, Liv called her mother, grateful for the time difference that allowed her this time alone.
"Hi, honey. Is everything okay?"
Even through the phone, Liv recognized the concern in her mother's voice. "I'm fine, Mom, but I have some news."
"I'm so relieved. Earlier this week I was so burdened to pray for you. I guess the Lord knew you needed it. Now what's your news?"
Liv smiled. How like God to lay her needs on the hearts of His prayer warriors. "Do you want the good news or bad news first?"
A short laugh sounded. "I hate those kind of questions. Give me the bad news first, so the good news will make it all better."
Now Liv laughed. That sounded exactly like something Chesney would say. She inhaled deeply, then released the breath and words in one fell swoop. "We're not going to be able to come for Christmas."
"Why not?" Even over the phone, her mother's disappointment was evident in her tone.
"Well, that's the good news part. I'm expecting another baby."
Squeals of excitement and yells to her father filled the phone to the point that Liv had to pull the it away from her ear. Finally her mother calmed down enough to speak. "How long have you known?"
"For a while. I had some problems this week, so the doctor has confined me to bed rest."
"Oh honey, I"m so sorry. I know this trip meant a lot to you. It meant a lot to us, too. But there is no better reason to have to stay home in bed."
A heavy curtain of gloom descended once more on Liv's heart. "I know, but I so wanted to be there. Please don't tell anyone else that I'm pregnant. I'm hoping to make gifts to send to surprise everyone." If she could figure out a new gift other than the mugs. Yet another negative for being confined to bed. No pottery lessons.
"Does Jeff know?"
Liv released a slow breath. "No. I was hoping he'd be home in time for me to surprise him, too." She paused. Should she reveal the greatest fear in her heart? "I...I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, so I'm worried."
"Oh, sweetheart, why didn't you tell me so I could at least be praying? You know I'm already praying for him, but I want to be able to pray specifically. It makes me feel just terrible that you're going through all this alone."
"Not exactly alone. I have some friends who are helping with Chesney and housecleaning and meals." She hesitated just a moment. "And God is especially near."
"He's close to the broken-hearted." A smile sounded in her mother's voice. "Do you need me there?"
Didn't everyone want their mother when times were hard? "Mom, I know you have so much to do this time of the year. Chesney and I are fine. But I did want to let you know so you can mail her gift. How's that project coming?"
"Great! In fact I'm almost finished. The swan idea was perfect. Wish I could be there to see her open it."
Heaviness fell once more. "I do, too, Mom. I do, too." She made a mental note to video Chesney opening the gift.
Once the phone call ended, Liv leaned back against the soft pillows and closed her eyes. Now to find the words to explain to Chesney that not only would she be doing Christmas without her father, but without the rest of her family as well. Was there any pain so great as breaking your child's heart?
An onslaught of tears erupted without warning. Liv didn't try to stop them. Instead she prayed through them, struggling to keep her focus on the Father rather than the emotional pain.
Later that afternoon, after church, lunch, and a nap, Chesney came into the room with a new box of crayons and coloring book. A smiling Deb wiggled fingers from the doorway, but then closed the door behind Chesney as Liv had requested.
Chesney crawled up on the bed beside Liv and cuddled up in the crook of her right arm. "Mommy, are you very, very sick?"
"No, sweetie, but the doctor's say I have to take special care of myself right now."
"How come?"
The big moment. This wasn't at all the way she'd hoped to break the news to Chesney. And part of her still hated to divulge the news in case the pregnancy ended with a miscarriage. But life had turned things around in a way that left her no choice. "I have some really good news, Chesney. Mommy and Daddy are having a baby brother or sister for you." She opted not to mention the potential for things to end badly.
Chesney's mouth widened to an "o". "You mean I'm going to be a big sister?"
Liv grinned and pulled her daughter into a sideways hug. "Yes. And I have no doubt that you'll be the best big sister ever."
Her daughter pulled back. "Does Daddy know?"
Liv shook her head sadly, wishing once more that she'd let Jeff know before his deployment. Maybe it would have provided him extra motivation to come home to them safely.
Chesney's features crumpled into darkness. "Has he called or sent you an email?"
"No, but I'm sure he will when he can."
Her little girl nodded, but the sad expression continued.
Inside her chest, the tug on Liv's heart was almost too much to bear. How could a four-year-old possibly understand how life so often came with not only broken pieces, but also unanswerable questions? Liv swallowed. There was still the news about the trip to deliver. "Chesney, because Mommy has to stay in bed to take care of the baby, we're not going to be able to spend Christmas with the rest of the family in Colorado."
To her great surprise, Chesney seemed to take the news in stride. She opened her coloring book and began coloring. "That's okay, Mommy. We can still have a good time together with just the two of us."
Through blinding tears, Liv once more turned her heart and mind toward God, thanking Him for His blessings in the midst of so many broken hopes and dreams, lifting a petition for safety for Jeff and their unborn child.
Chapter Fifteen
One day stretched into the next to the point that Liv occasionally had to peek between the blinds to see if it were day or night. Her only consolation was her relationship to God and the contact with her friends and daughter. As each day passed with no word from Jeff, the fear grew so large inside that it was a constant battle to keep her trust in God stronger than the fear.
Thanksgiving Day arrived, with only Debbie joining them. Liv insisted on helping out with preparations as much as she could and on eating at the table. Afterwards they made the short drive to a nearby beach to let Chesney enjoy herself in the waves.
Liv laid back against her beach towel, the sand warm against her back, and glanced over at Debbie. "Thank you so much for this day, Debbie. It's been like a brilliant bright spot in the middle of tedious boredom."
"I don't know how you're doing it. I'd be ready to pull my hair out by now."
A laugh gurgled from her lips. "Trust me, I've been there."
Her friend pulled her knees to her chest, her expression contemplative. "The story you're telling Chesney. Do you really believe it?"
Goosebumps raised the hair on the back of Liv's neck, and in her thoughts, she sent an immediate prayer to heaven for guidance. "Yes, I do. Why do you ask?"
For a long minute Debbie didn't speak. "My parents always told me that the Bible was made up by men to brainwash people into doing what they want."
Liv shook her head. "That's not true, Deb. And I promise I'm not trying to brainwash you."
A slow chuckle sounded from Debbie, and she sent Liv a smile. "That's why I was so rude to you after Mike died."
Now it was Liv's turn to smile. "I'll bet you thought I would try to crawl in a window after you slammed the door in my face."
"The thought did cross my mind." She hesitated. "But this time of being around you and going to church with Marcy and Chesney has touched me in a way I can't fully explain. And the people at church have been wonderful. There's something wonderfully different about all of the Christians I've been around here lately." Debbie once more moved into quiet contemplation.
Liv inhaled deeply, another prayer winging its way from her heart. "Would you like to know more about becomi
ng a Christian? It's really not that hard."
Though Debbie hesitated briefly, she nodded her head.
While Chesney continued to wade at the edge of the water, Liv explained the story of how man had failed and how Jesus had come to fix the problem.
The change in Debbie after that was nothing short of miraculous. Each week she took Chesney to church and eventually delivered the news that she had given her life to Christ. In addition to her friend's obvious peace and joy, her dreams of a food business grew with each passing day, prompting Liv to speak up.
"I'm sorry that my problems are delaying your dreams, Deb."
Debbie smiled graciously. "Please don't be. God is using this time in my life just as much as He is in yours."
Liv thought through the past few weeks. While it had been difficult, God was definitely at work. Mom still called, but the phone calls were often short rather than the lengthy calls they'd once enjoyed. Her mother obviously didn't want to tire her out. And in all fairness, it was a busy time of the year. With a large crew set to descend on her house for the trek to the cabin for Christmas, Mom had her hands full with the preparations.
Day after day passed, often in monotony. Though Liv tried hard not to descend into depression, it seemed to trail her like a shark after blood in the water. But when darkness attacked, she fought back with prayer and reading her Bible.
One day after school, Chesney once more bounded into the room. "Mommy, Miss Cindy says I really need to practice my part."
Liv frowned. They had practiced the short phrase to the point of perfection as soon as Chesney was given her part. "You knew it perfectly a few weeks ago."
"I know," Chesney revealed her dramatic flair with over-exaggerated hand motions, "I tried to tell Miss Cindy that, but she says I'm getting confused."
Liv smiled. "Okay. Tell you what. Why don't you say the line for me so I can see why Miss Cindy said that."
"Okay." She moved to the end of the bed and straightened her shoulders, an angelic expression on her face. "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, pieces and good will to men."
Laughter rattled, but Liv quickly brought it under control at the tell-tale red that crept up her daughter's face. "You almost have it, but I can see why Miss Cindy said you were confused." While the occasional telling of the biggest story had been good for Chesney to grasp the overall message of the Bible, it had obviously interfered with her acting debut. "Remember when we talked about peace?"
"Yeah. We talked about it a lot. The rainbow was a promise of peace. The people God used to bring promises talked about peace, including the promise that the Fixer--who is really Jesus--would be the Prince of Peace." Her daughter finished and gulped in a big breath of air, as though the recitation had spent every ounce of air in her lungs.
"Very good. Do you remember what the word "peace" really means?"
Chesney nodded. "It's being whole and complete, instead of broken in pieces."
A light bulb clicked on in Liv's mind. That's why Chesney was getting confused between peace and pieces. Not only did the words sound alike, but in a strange but wonderful way, they were intertwined with one another. She racked her brain to find a way to help Chesney remember. "Maybe it will help to think of it this way. In your line for the play, the angel is telling the world that Jesus came to bring glory to God and peace and good will to men. God didn't cause the pieces." She over-emphasized the "s" on the end of the word. "Man caused the pieces, but God brings peace."
A truly angelic smile took position on Chesney's face. "So then my line would be this. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace and good will to men."
"Absolutely perfect." Another crisis averted.
Without warning, the doorbell rang. From the bed, Liv heard Debbie move to the front door. Though she couldn't make out what was being said, she heard not only Debbie's voice, but the voice of a man. Liv frowned. It was too early in the day for the mailman, UPS, or FedEx. Maybe it was news about Jeff?
She stood and made her way to the door. But just as she made a move to open it, Debbie swung it open instead. Her face was pale, making her eyes appear larger than normal. But it was the mixture of fear and sorrow Liv saw there that made her heart pound and the room spin out of control. She gripped the door frame. "What is it?"
"Some men from the Navy are here." The words fell from Debbie's lips in a hushed whisper.
Liv hunched over, her heart pounding. This couldn't be happening. God help me be able to make it through this, whatever it is. The answer to prayer came immediately, and Liv straightened to look Debbie in the eyes. "Take Chesney outside, and make sure she stays there please."
Debbie didn't answer, but nodded, her eyes still large in her wan face. Her friend motioned to Chesney. "C'mon, Ches. Let's go for a walk."
Praying for more strength, Liv released both the doorframe and a cleansing breath, then followed Debbie and Chesney toward the living room. While her friend and daughter exited by the back door, she moved to each man and shook their hands, fully aware of the sorrow and compassion in their eyes as she motioned to the couch. "Please have a seat." They did as she offered. She moved to one of the arm chairs and perched on the edge. "Okay. What is it?"
One of them lowered his head and twisted his white Navy cap in his hands, before looking up at her once more. "Ma'am, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband, Lieutenant Jeffrey Tulley, is missing in action in Afghanistan."
Chapter Sixteen
Liv rolled out of bed a week later and traipsed to the bathroom mirror to stare at her reflection. Her eyes, red-rimmed and swollen from all the crying, stared back at her, lifeless. No surprise. Since the news, she'd slept or eaten very little, her heart continuously offering up prayers for Jeff's safety. In addition, she'd also scoured the internet for any news.
But news about the men missing in action was nowhere to be found. Instead she found report after report from military wife blogs about how much easier it was to hear that their husbands were dead than to learn they were missing in action.
The reason? No closure. Not knowing if they were dead or alive. And not much hope of any of those missing ever reappearing.
The depression she'd battled since Jeff's deployment had returned in full force. Though she still continued to read her Bible and pray, sometimes it seemed as though the walls of the bedroom closed in on her, covered with thick lead so her prayers couldn't make it past her prison walls.
A knock sounded at the door. "It's me, Liv. Can I come in?"
"Come on in, Deb. The door's unlocked." Liv called out the words and made her way back to the bed, holding her belly. By some miracle, her doctor's visits had given evidence that the baby inside her was alive and well. But how long would she be granted a reprieve if she continued on this path of depression, crying jags, and not eating?
Debbie entered with a tray and sat it on the hope chest at the end of the bed. She looked up at Liv with questions in her eyes. "How are you doing?"
"I'm falling to pieces, Deb, and I don't know how to stop it."
Her friend took a seat near the end of the bed and patted for Liv to come sit beside her. A compassionate gleam rested in her dark eyes. "I know this hard, Liv. You know that I've been where you are. I also know this is somewhat different, because Jeff is MIA." She hesitated, moved her gaze to the floor, and swallowed hard, before returning her earnest eyes once more to Liv. "I don't have all the answers, Liv, but I know this. There is a little girl who needs her Mommy strong and in one piece. If you can't do it for yourself, can you do it for her?" She hugged Liv's neck, sent one last sad smile, and then stepped out the door, closing it behind her.
For a minute Liv sat in total shock, a whole host of emotions washing through her, followed by an anger so strong it threatened to explode. How dare Deb lecture her about how she should feel and act, especially since she--of all people--understood the depth of her pain and hurt.
The doorbell rang, and Debbie's feet padded against the tile floors outside Liv's bedro
om door. She straightened her spine. More bad news? She quickly donned her bath robe and slippers and stepped out into the hallway. She blinked against the bright light flooding through the front door.
A voice she recognized immediately as that of Marty Guthrie echoed across the room. "Hi, Liv."
Liv hurried toward her pottery teacher and the woman who stood beside him. She hugged his neck around the cardboard box he held in front of him. "So good to see you, Marty."
"Here let me set this box down so I can hug you properly and introduce you to my lovely bride." He stooped low to gingerly set the box on the tile floor, then raised to a standing position and enveloped her in a hearty hug. "I'm so sorry for all you're going through." He pulled away and motioned toward a gray-haired lady whose broad smile matched his own. "This is my wife, Helen."
To Liv's surprise, Helen also engulfed her in a hug. "So nice to meet you, Liv. Marty is always talking about how special you are, and he wanted to bring you a present."
Debbie stepped in at just the right moment. "Why don't we all have a seat, so Liv can open your gift?" She motioned them toward the couch, then delivered the box to the coffee table near where Liv sat.
Liv smiled at the Guthrie's. "Thank you so much. You really shouldn't have."
Marty grinned. "Oh, yes, we should have. And I can't wait to see your reaction."
She lifted one corner of one of the box flaps and then another, revealing several beautifully designed Christmas mugs, each different, but each with the same message carved into the bottom of each cup. "We're having a baby!" Immediate tears flooded her eyes, as she gently lifted one from the box. She brought trembling hands to her lips as she turned it from side to side. "They're beautiful." The words came out in a husky mess, but at least they sounded.