Read Plain Tales from the Hills Page 16


  We are a high-caste and enlightened race, and infant-marriage is veryshocking and the consequences are sometimes peculiar; but, nevertheless,the Hindu notion--which is the Continental notion--which is theaboriginal notion--of arranging marriages irrespective of the personalinclinations of the married, is sound. Think for a minute, and you willsee that it must be so; unless, of course, you believe in "affinities."In which case you had better not read this tale. How can a man who hasnever married; who cannot be trusted to pick up at sight a moderatelysound horse; whose head is hot and upset with visions of domesticfelicity, go about the choosing of a wife? He cannot see straight orthink straight if he tries; and the same disadvantages exist in thecase of a girl's fancies. But when mature, married and discreet peoplearrange a match between a boy and a girl, they do it sensibly, with aview to the future, and the young couple live happily ever afterwards.As everybody knows.

  Properly speaking, Government should establish a Matrimonial Department,efficiently officered, with a Jury of Matrons, a Judge of the ChiefCourt, a Senior Chaplain, and an Awful Warning, in the shape of alove-match that has gone wrong, chained to the trees in the courtyard.All marriages should be made through the Department, which might besubordinate to the Educational Department, under the same penalty asthat attaching to the transfer of land without a stamped document. ButGovernment won't take suggestions. It pretends that it is too busy.However, I will put my notion on record, and explain the example thatillustrates the theory.

  Once upon a time there was a good young man--a first-class officer inhis own Department--a man with a career before him and, possibly, a K.C. G. E. at the end of it. All his superiors spoke well of him, becausehe knew how to hold his tongue and his pen at the proper times. Thereare to-day only eleven men in India who possess this secret; and theyhave all, with one exception, attained great honor and enormous incomes.

  This good young man was quiet and self-contained--too old for his yearsby far. Which always carries its own punishment. Had a Subaltern, or aTea-Planter's Assistant, or anybody who enjoys life and has no care forto-morrow, done what he tried to do not a soul would have cared.But when Peythroppe--the estimable, virtuous, economical, quiet,hard-working, young Peythroppe--fell, there was a flutter through fiveDepartments.

  The manner of his fall was in this way. He met a MissCastries--d'Castries it was originally, but the family dropped thed' for administrative reasons--and he fell in love with her even moreenergetically that he worked. Understand clearly that there was not abreath of a word to be said against Miss Castries--not a shadow of abreath. She was good and very lovely--possessed what innocent people athome call a "Spanish" complexion, with thick blue-black hair growing lowdown on her forehead, into a "widow's peak," and big violet eyesunder eyebrows as black and as straight as the borders of a GazetteExtraordinary when a big man dies. But--but--but--. Well, she was a VERYsweet girl and very pious, but for many reasons she was "impossible."Quite so. All good Mammas know what "impossible" means. It was obviouslyabsurd that Peythroppe should marry her. The little opal-tinted onyxat the base of her finger-nails said this as plainly as print.Further, marriage with Miss Castries meant marriage with several otherCastries--Honorary Lieutenant Castries, her Papa, Mrs. Eulalie Castries,her Mamma, and all the ramifications of the Castries family, on incomesranging from Rs. 175 to Rs. 470 a month, and THEIR wives and connectionsagain.

  It would have been cheaper for Peythroppe to have assaulted aCommissioner with a dog-whip, or to have burned the records of a DeputyCommissioner's Office, than to have contracted an alliance with theCastries. It would have weighted his after-career less--even under aGovernment which never forgets and NEVER forgives. Everybody saw thisbut Peythroppe. He was going to marry Miss Castries, he was--being ofage and drawing a good income--and woe betide the house that would notafterwards receive Mrs. Virginie Saulez Peythroppe with the deferencedue to her husband's rank. That was Peythroppe's ultimatum, and anyremonstrance drove him frantic.

  These sudden madnesses most afflict the sanest men. There was a caseonce--but I will tell you of that later on. You cannot account for themania, except under a theory directly contradicting the one about thePlace wherein marriages are made. Peythroppe was burningly anxious toput a millstone round his neck at the outset of his career and argumenthad not the least effect on him. He was going to marry Miss Castries,and the business was his own business. He would thank you to keep youradvice to yourself. With a man in this condition, mere words only fixhim in his purpose. Of course he cannot see that marriage out here doesnot concern the individual but the Government he serves.

  Do you remember Mrs. Hauksbee--the most wonderful woman in India? Shesaved Pluffles from Mrs. Reiver, won Tarrion his appointment in theForeign Office, and was defeated in open field by Mrs. Cusack-Bremmil.She heard of the lamentable condition of Peythroppe, and her brainstruck out the plan that saved him. She had the wisdom of the Serpent,the logical coherence of the Man, the fearlessness of the Child, andthe triple intuition of the Woman. Never--no, never--as long as a tongabuckets down the Solon dip, or the couples go a-riding at the back ofSummer Hill, will there be such a genius as Mrs. Hauksbee. She attendedthe consultation of Three Men on Peythroppe's case; and she stood upwith the lash of her riding-whip between her lips and spake.

  . . . . . . . . .

  Three weeks later, Peythroppe dined with the Three Men, and the Gazetteof India came in. Peythroppe found to his surprise that he had beengazetted a month's leave. Don't ask me how this was managed. I believefirmly that if Mrs. Hauksbee gave the order, the whole Great IndianAdministration would stand on its head.

  The Three Men had also a month's leave each. Peythroppe put the Gazettedown and said bad words. Then there came from the compound the soft"pad-pad" of camels--"thieves' camels," the bikaneer breed that don'tbubble and howl when they sit down and get up.

  After that I don't know what happened. This much is certain. Peythroppedisappeared--vanished like smoke--and the long foot-rest chair in thehouse of the Three Men was broken to splinters. Also a bedstead departedfrom one of the bedrooms.

  Mrs. Hauksbee said that Mr. Peythroppe was shooting in Rajputana withthe Three Men; so we were compelled to believe her.

  At the end of the month, Peythroppe was gazetted twenty days' extensionof leave; but there was wrath and lamentation in the house of Castries.The marriage-day had been fixed, but the bridegroom never came; and theD'Silvas, Pereiras, and Ducketts lifted their voices and mocked HonoraryLieutenant Castries as one who had been basely imposed upon. Mrs.Hauksbee went to the wedding, and was much astonished when Peythroppedid not appear. After seven weeks, Peythroppe and the Three Men returnedfrom Rajputana. Peythroppe was in hard, tough condition, rather white,and more self-contained than ever.

  One of the Three Men had a cut on his nose, cause by the kick of a gun.Twelve-bores kick rather curiously.

  Then came Honorary Lieutenant Castries, seeking for the blood of hisperfidious son-in-law to be. He said things--vulgar and "impossible"things which showed the raw rough "ranker" below the "Honorary," and Ifancy Peythroppe's eyes were opened. Anyhow, he held his peace till theend; when he spoke briefly. Honorary Lieutenant Castries asked for a"peg" before he went away to die or bring a suit for breach of promise.

  Miss Castries was a very good girl. She said that she would have nobreach of promise suits. She said that, if she was not a lady, shewas refined enough to know that ladies kept their broken hearts tothemselves; and, as she ruled her parents, nothing happened. Later on,she married a most respectable and gentlemanly person. He travelled foran enterprising firm in Calcutta, and was all that a good husband shouldbe.

  So Peythroppe came to his right mind again, and did much good work, andwas honored by all who knew him. One of these days he will marry; but hewill marry a sweet pink-and-white maiden, on the Government House List,with a little money and some influential connections, as every wise manshould. And he will never, all his life, tell her what happened duringthe seven weeks
of his shooting-tour in Rajputana.

  But just think how much trouble and expense--for camel hire is notcheap, and those Bikaneer brutes had to be fed like humans--might havebeen saved by a properly conducted Matrimonial Department, under thecontrol of the Director General of Education, but corresponding directwith the Viceroy.