“She’s a child.”
“For Christ’s sake, she’s not a child. She’s almost twenty-three.”
“She looks younger. And she’s still a child. I thought you liked women your age—you know, sophisticated and educated. You told me this girl is some American high school dropout. Has this thing with Nicky and Sylvie forced you into an early midlife crisis?”
Aidan’s reply was angry. “This thing with Nicky and Sylvie?”
“That’s … not … I’m sorry. That was tactless. But I’m worried about you. You’re not yourself right now. You’re making decisions I know you will come to regret. This girl … she’s not a good idea, Aidan.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You met her for two minutes and think you’ve got her worked out. You don’t know a damn thing about Nora. She’s the best idea I’ve had in years. And if you’re going to be judgmental, Laine, you can walk your arse right out this second.”
“Jesus, Aidan, I’m sorry.”
I ducked back inside the bathroom before I could hear anything else. I was already sorry for hearing too much. Trembling, I closed the door softly behind me and leaned my forehead against it. Laine hadn’t come right out and said it but her meaning was clear. I wasn’t sophisticated or educated enough for Aidan. Although I wasn’t some high school dropout!
For a while I’d forgotten my own insecurities. Even as he showed me around his apartment that I could never imagine being able to afford, even seeing his music equipment, knowing he’d used it to produce music for talented people around the world … I’d stopped feeling intimidated by him. All I cared about was the way he looked at me. He hadn’t made me feel too young or too uncultured for him.
He made me feel necessary.
But how long would that last if his best friend could see how unlikely we were together? I’d known going in that I was someone Aidan needed temporarily, and I’d known that my heart would probably be shattered by the end of it. It was to be my repentance. Right?
However, I suddenly had an inkling of how badly I could be damaged by him if just hearing Laine point out our differences hurt this much. Moreover, seeing Laine hug Aidan familiarly had provoked a kind of jealousy I didn’t know I was capable of.
Aidan Lennox was going to leave me in pieces.
I thought I was brave enough to handle it, but maybe I wasn’t. Maybe Laine interrupting us before we had sex was a good thing.
Shaken, I hit the flush on the toilet like I’d used it, ran the tap, and then hurried out of there. Wondering if I looked as pale as I felt and hoping I did so it confirmed the lie I was about to tell, I rounded into the kitchen to find Laine and Aidan looking up from the dessert they’d laid out. My stomach revolted at the idea of eating it, turning my lie into a truth.
And suddenly I was more than hurt.
I was angry.
Angry for constantly beating myself up about everything. Some of it was deserved. But wasn’t it time I stopped pounding myself with these insecurities? My gaze flashed angrily between them, suddenly not caring if they knew I’d heard.
“I’m sorry,” I said, grabbing my purse off the kitchen counter. “I don’t feel well. I don’t think my stomach is sophisticated enough for dessert tonight.”
I didn’t say goodbye. I hurried straight for the front door, hearing Aidan’s curse behind me. And I was almost completely out when his strong hand gripped my bicep, hauling me back around.
Irritation and concern mingled in his eyes as they blazed down at me. “Don’t go. I’ll tell her to leave.”
I yanked my arm out of his hold. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but he wasn’t the person I was really angry with. I didn’t even think Laine was. I was angry with myself. “Spend time with your friend. We’ll talk later.”
I backed up toward the elevator but Aidan followed me. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Nora …” Laine suddenly appeared in his doorway. She no longer wore her sandals and looked way too comfortable for my liking. “I’m so sorry. I’m overprotective of Aidan. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But that’s no excuse.”
Her apology made it worse. There was so much history between these two and even if it was platonic, I really was the intruder. She’d been gone a while and wanted to see her best friend only to discover him lip-locked with a younger woman he’d only recently met.
One she didn’t exactly approve of.
And even if she’d misjudged me, I got it.
Her words would not have hurt me so much if I hadn’t felt them about myself. And the only way to stop feeling that way about myself was to change my life. I knew that.
However, I hadn’t forgiven myself for Jim and until I did (if ever), I wouldn’t allow myself to have the life I wanted.
It was fucked up.
I was fucked up.
Aidan didn’t deserve to get entangled with someone who was this confused, even if it was to gain a temporary reprieve from his own pain. I would never hurt him by walking away from what we’d started here, but Laine’s interruption was timely. We needed to get to know each other better before we threw sex into the mix and took whatever was between us to a place we could never get back from in one piece.
“It’s fine,” I reassured her.
“Obviously it’s not.” She gestured to me leaving.
“Laine,” Aidan looked over his shoulder at her, sounding annoyed, “can you go back inside, please?”
She shot him a hurt look but did as he asked.
Up on my tiptoes, I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth in goodbye and he automatically wrapped his arms around me, keeping me there.
I smiled. “Let me go.”
He shook his head, his expression broody as hell.
It made me laugh, despite the mess of feelings I was dealing with. “I’m not running away, but you have to allow me to leave, Aidan. I overheard some not very nice things about myself and I kind of just want to go home.”
His hold on me tightened ever so slightly but then he slowly let go. “Promise me you’re not running.”
“I promise.” I touched his chest, hoping he could see my longing for him in my eyes. Stepping back, I hit the elevator button and the doors binged open immediately. “Call me?”
“Aye, of course.” He crossed his arms, disgruntled. “I’ll make this up to you.”
I nodded and got into the elevator.
Our eyes held and as the door began to close, something like desperation filled Aidan’s gaze. “Nora—”
Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the doors closing and the elevator shifting downwards.
I leaned back against it, sighing in relief to get away from the heaviness of the situation. As the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, my phone buzzed in my purse. I fumbled with it as I exited the building and wasn’t surprised to find a text from Aidan.
I don’t believe any of what she said.
Another text arrived.
You’re a fucking miracle.
And then another.
I’m not letting you go, Pixie.
Although I wasn’t sure how I wanted things to progress now with Aidan—my mind in a battle with my body—I was sure of one thing.
I texted him in reply: I don’t want you to.
After I’d gotten off the bus on Princes Street the next morning and was walking past the Waverley Train Station toward Cockburn Street, my phone rang in my purse.
Aidan.
Well, he had said he wasn’t letting me go, and I guess that meant I was only getting one night of space to deal with Laine’s attitude toward me. Really, it made me think about how other people would view our relationship—his friends, my friends. It kept me awake for a while until I remembered that I hadn’t made a habit of caring what other people thought about every decision I made so why start now? After that I fell asleep, determined I wouldn’t let Laine pick at my insecurities. So I wasn’t sophisticated or cultured and I was young. But, despite my mistakes, I wasn’t
a bad person. I had a good heart, even if it had led me down the wrong paths sometimes. Moreover, I cared about people, even strangers on the street. I was intelligent and self-educated to a point. I worked hard and was a good listener, and I was mature for my age.
These were all qualities to be admired, and it was about time I started to believe in myself a little more.
I only hoped my self-administered pep talk stuck to me like glue while I was in Aidan’s world.
“Hey,” I answered, putting a finger in my other ear to block out the traffic on the road next to me.
“Just wanted to check in, make sure you’re okay.”
“I am,” I reassured him. “I’m good. You?” What I really wanted to ask was how long Laine hung around after I was gone, but I kept my jealousy to myself.
“Frustrated that our night didn’t go according to plan. We both deserved to have it.”
Part of me wanted to say there will be other nights but I didn’t want to mislead him. “You got to spend time with your friend, though.”
Aidan sighed. “Not really. I wasn’t in the greatest mood when you left so Laine went home.”
“I’m sorry.” Was it wrong that I really, really wasn’t?
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You weren’t the one who was rude.”
Oh, dear. It seemed Laine wasn’t forgiven quite yet. I was a little gleeful about that. I never knew I could be petty until I saw Laine hug Aidan possessively.
“Anyway, Sylvie’s back from Cal’s and I was thinking the three of us could have dinner tonight if you’re free?”
Relieved, I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “That sounds great.”
“I don’t want to chase you off, Pixie. I’m willing to take this slow if that’s what you need. Or go as fast as you like. Your call. I don’t want to rush you into anything.”
Maybe he’d sensed my fear as I got on that elevator last night, or maybe it was him being a nice guy, offering me a more normal pace. Whatever his reasoning, I was grateful. “I think we should slow it down a little.”
There was silence on the other end and I felt flutters in my stomach, wondering what that silence meant. Eventually, he said, “We’re only slowing down, though, right? Not coming to a halt?”
“Only slowing down. I …” Nearing the store, I ducked into a quiet alcove. “I’ve only ever been with Jim. I … it’s not that I don’t want to. I just … I—”
“Nora,” Aidan interrupted, his voice firm. “We go at your pace.”
“Then let’s get to know each other a little better first.”
“We can do that.”
Feeling unburdened and also amazed that I could be so honest with Aidan and have him actually listen, I grinned. “I can’t wait to see you tonight. Sylvie too.”
“Me too. Sylvie will be excited.”
“Good. I have to go or I’ll be late for work.”
“Okay, Pixie. My place again around seven? I’ll cook. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No, if you’re busy cooking, I can get a bus.”
“Let me get you a cab.”
I rolled my eyes. “Aidan, I can get a bus.”
“A cab is safer.”
“I use the bus all the time. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Fine, but don’t … wear anything too sexy. Like yesterday.”
I heard the amusement in his voice and chuckled. “You thought the dress I was wearing yesterday was sexy? Really? That?”
“It was sexy,” he argued. “There were legs and tits everywhere.”
I burst out laughing, startling a girl passing by who hadn’t realized I was standing there. I gave her an apologetic smile and turned away. “There was not.”
“Everywhere,” he insisted, teasing. “Tonight, jeans and a jumper that covers everything below your chin.”
“I’ll wear what I want.”
“Aye,” he grumbled. “I thought you’d say that.”
“I understand it must be exciting for an old guy like yourself to see twenty-two-year-old legs and tits but you did promise you could take this slow,” I teased right back.
Aidan gave a huff of amusement, making the line crackle. “Almost twenty-three. And I didn’t get to see your tits. I got to see nipple and fuck, we need to stop talking about this right now. Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
Giggling at his disgruntlement, I managed a yes.
“Then get going. Oh, and Pixie …”
“Yeah?”
“Crack another old guy joke and I’ll speed things up so fast, you won’t be able to walk for days.”
My breath stuttered and there was a tense silence between us. Finally, I huffed out, “Well played,” and hung up.
This time when the elevator doors opened to Aidan’s floor, it was Sylvie who came flying out to greet me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.
“Hey, you.” I brushed her hair off her face as she grinned at me.
“Uncle Aidan made lasagna!”
I laughed at her excitement as she led me into the apartment. “I take it you like lasagna?”
“It’s my favorite thing after mac and cheese. You like lasagna, right?” I nodded and she beamed. “Knew it!”
“Knew what?” Aidan sauntered around the kitchen counter, drying his hands on a dishtowel. The apartment smelled amazing and my belly didn’t know whether to growl hungrily or flip-flop in thrill at the mere sight of Aidan Lennox and the sexy smile he was shooting my way.
“That Nora likes lasagna,” Sylvie said.
“That’s good news,” Aidan approached me, his eyes dancing with laughter, “because Sylvie insisted I make a ton of it.” He bent down to press a lingering kiss to the corner of my mouth and my breath caught at his nearness. “Hi, Pixie.”
“Hey, yourself.”
I think he heard my breathiness because his smile turned cocky.
Sylvie had no reaction to any of this other than to smile at me and insist, “Come see my room.”
Instead of telling her I’d already seen it, I let her have her fun and followed her into the blue and purple space that was all Sylvie. I oohed and aahed over it like I’d wanted to yesterday.
“The best part—” Sylvie reached for a guitar case I hadn’t seen braced against the side of one of the posts on her bed. “Uncle Aidan’s teaching me. Do you want to hear?”
“Of course.” I sat down on her bed while she got the guitar out. It was a small blue acoustic covered in purple star stickers. When Sylvie started to sing and play Bruno Mars Lazy Song, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Her sweet young voice was sweet and clear, and she played the guitar well. She was pure joy.
When she was finished, she looked at me expectantly.
I burst into applause and we both jerked around when it was joined by another. Aidan stood in her doorway clapping. His eyes moved from Sylvie to me and I shook my head in wonder. “She’s amazing.”
“I know.”
“Do you think so, Nora?”
I turned back to her. “You’re so talented, kid.”
She smiled shyly. “Uncle Aidan won’t let me record anything.”
Looking over my shoulder, I watched as Aidan strolled slowly into the room and over to her. Gently extricating the guitar from her hands, he told her gently, “You’re too young. Now be a good girl and go set the table.”
She made a face. “We don’t have a table.”
“You know I meant the counter.”
With a beleaguered sigh, Sylvie did his bidding, leaving us alone in her room. I watched him as he put her guitar in the case. I tentatively said, “Maybe she should be doing something with her talent?”
He placed the guitar back against the wall and sat down next to me on the bed, his leg pressed against mine. His hand came down on the top of my thigh, like he couldn’t be near me and not touch me. “Like what?”
I hadn’t come to his apartment tonight with the thought of broaching the subject of Sylvie’s education, and
I certainly didn’t want to overstep but I was worried about her. It trumped my fear of pissing off Aidan. “Like a choir. At school. Where maybe she should be again?”
Aidan’s hand tensed on my leg but he didn’t move it. “I homeschooled her so she could be close to her mum, and then I thought it best to let her have time to adjust to life without Nicky.”
“It’s been over a year, Aidan,” I said gently. “I know this might not be any of my business, but Sylvie lights up when she’s with the kids at the hospital. Maybe it’s time you put her back in school and let her have some normality again.”
“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. I just don’t want to put her through too many changes in a short period of time.”
“This would be a good change. Talk to her. She’s a smart kid, and we both know she knows her own mind.”
He exhaled heavily. “I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?”
“No!” I cupped his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs over the thick bristle on his cheeks. My eyes got lost in his as I found myself wanting to wipe away every fear or concern this man had. “You are doing magnificently.”
His lips quirked at the corner. “Magnificently?”
I smiled. “Magnificently.”
Quite abruptly, his mouth was on mine and heat flashed through my body as I clung to him.
“Uncle Aidan, the oven is beeping!”
Aidan released me with a groan. “What are you doing to me, Pixie?” He stood up swiftly, running a hand through his hair. “No fucking control,” he muttered before storming out of the room.
I didn’t know whether to be overjoyed he wanted me so much or worried that his lack of control meant we’d be speeding things up despite my request for slow. Because it seemed that as soon as that man got his mouth on me, I was ready to get naked.
Not too long later, we ate sitting on stools at the kitchen counter. I was amused when Aidan pointedly put Sylvie between us. She made us laugh as she chattered about the day she’d spent with her dad at the zoo.
“He tried to pretend like the penguins didn’t scare him but they so did.” She giggled, screwing up her face. “How can you be scared of penguins?”
“Clearly, he’s seen Batman Returns,” Aidan murmured.