expulsion
me into the toilet, detritus, fecal matter, “Five years in a federal penitentiary!” I
wait, wait, so patiently stand by the crossroads, stupid, broken, a laugh never
so she comes, “Finally!”
I punch my ticket, onto the bus, long ride into eternity, love
I love you have ever always loved you from the forever loved you, only you
“No fool like an old fool!” giggles me into the grave, happy that
you arrived that first beginning of the end, amen, forever
loving you
Waiting
We sat at meal tonight playful
your daughter smiled and laughed with eyes like pepper and salt,
curing the bitterness of her arrival shorn of manly protectiveness
Watching her I see you, innocent and vulnerable,
bare-assed on Lake Superior
lurking behind boulders you don’t see craven XY’s with raised totems, you
so what time
careen down moonless nights sleeping in cars vans
do you think
I want to ask
dinner okay?
Did you ever wonder if the mothering father you had,
left,
was lost among a generation of hip green cool dudes
thanks, good meal
who still Adam’s sons totally missed you
I don’t need many things
I want to kiss you
all over massage your feet ply your body as the lyre of my soul
things
strum
did you learn from the betrayal?
the simple lesson?
that some fathers need to be mothered—
others mother—have you forgotten?
that simple lesson
Should I tear my heart out, shred it,
feed you a heartfelt salad?
I’m waiting,
waiting
What's?
What’s in this for me? lost
she left the Visitor’s Room hungering
cunt licking lesbian
my hands abandoned to jerky love
are you her kin?
here to torture me once again child
of an age still fearful of intimate embrace, exposure
Did she know that she condemned me more
than had the judge? five
years
jerking off sucking imaginary teat and cunt, wavering at offers look, man,
I can give you a better blow job than any pussy could ever! shower room swagger
Did she know, agree, write the words for the judge? now you,
do you know
blood dripping from my fingertips just watching you stand there, golden calf, idol
goddess without guile,
I listen to your songs, observe you daughter, finger the line
of prayer rags hung here and there dosed with tears drawn from sighs of
Lights out! “Die you motherfucking assholes! No mama ever gonna love you agin!”
So,
how could you know? cruelty
of your joyfulness, agony of your playfulness, dread
at losing you every moment before
I ever first met you, I wrote those messages to myself
poems from beyond the frontal lobe
—oh, mercy, mercy, lobotomize me! I throttle my cock—
“Four Our Fathers and Three Hail Marys…My Son, stop jerking off!” Amen.
Amen. I
die so that you will bury me in your memory, love me in forgetfulness, imagine
me
as your ancient beloved. Amen.
Amen.
Child
eyes of innocence in a world of confusion, he
fireflies buzz-buzz playfully haloing her smile, came
“It is so my child,” Sun speaks with Moon voice, left
“The whirling ever chaotic both smiles and groans,” again
heart of pure passion in a world of brutish cruelty, come
bleeds on cue seducing the savage fury of fearful lust, back
maniacal sperm rockets like battle blast comforted at rest within the womb, everyone
laughter, belly-bouncing guffaws and giggles all around, is
child of innocence blossoming into a Rose of Sharon, beloved
Risk
it always comes down to risk, heart-break
ever the bee sting wild itch of first sight, heart-delight
never heeding the throb under old scars, heart-stupid
fated as forever fifteen, hair like waterfall, breasts that hypnotize, light-hearted
wouldn’t age (“Stop. This never gets asked!”) wouldn’t I mean
35 or 58 or 70 plus lover's brain cells have figured it out, heart-renegade
laughter is the only resolve, raucous, belly-button-popping, heart-madness
she—always just she—walks by with shadow bagging pounding lusts, heart-craving
just she, head bobbed up less than a nanosecond, eyes like fangs of innocent allure, heart-hapless
just, a random glance, a startled inhale, an accidental tingle of fingertips, just, just, heart-afire
it always comes down to risk, hearts-comforting-as-one
Us
I have been waiting for you, have you for me?
I have died at least twice but to live again, can
you rise from kneeling next to the gravestone, lost
in the tears of abandonment so rudely ripped from your heart, you
never wanted nor expected that he would or could ever leave, but
death happens as easily as sun sets and moon rises, perplexed but
how else to be when the unnatural occurs as it continues to, as
now we sit across from one another babbling about this and that, knowing
that a strange hand has been dealt to us, a poker of incomprehensibility where
I am the one you are fated to hold and kiss as
we walk the final laps of lives lived deeply, so
I kneel before you, heart on my palm, offering all that I have—lost chapters
you know not, yet
it is you who are the final chapter, the completion, she
who comes at night to pull the blanket over my eyes, so
I know that I have loved your from time immemorial, it is just
for us, now
to bring all into a new memory of a lifetime
together, here in the cosmic instant that is,
us.
Wiggle
A day without you is filled with a loneliness I
never thought I could bear.
You were always just the next girl I’d meet
or she to bump into turning the corner, someone
who would recognize me from whatever distant
world we were once upon.
I’ve hugged and embraced and wedded my
heart and soul but always the loneliness yearned to
linger.
I knew it was you. Angry at times that
you remained so ethereal. Wondering at others if
loneliness without me was bearable for you.
I hoped not. I still so hope.
I’ve prayed to the Mother, Our Mother, Goddesses all,
just send me a daughter I’d plead, voicing desperately the
term of my just punishment, this heartless bereavement,
a poignant lacking that
of course I knew as you know is the creative madness
that bonds us.
It has always been so.
Can I simply say, “I miss you.”
My beloved, I sense your presence in every woman I meet, even
those who hate me.
As I age it is almost with a sweetening desire to pass beyond
to be with you not outside my body but in the full flesh of an
unending embrace.
What is my flesh but a desir
e to be with you in heartbeat?
What is our flesh but life zestfully embracing?
What is flesh itself—this bounty of intimate presence—but
the ever-recurring disassembling back into our Mother Earth’s tender
arms and the rising from Her womb again to soar wildly with our Father Sky?
Such is the true witness that this loneliness proclaims so fearlessly. It
gives a heartfelt ring to my claim, “I am lonely because you are all about!”
You are so ever-present in every kiss and whisper, every fiery gaze, every
turn on your heels that arouses my celebration of the maddening wiggle that is you!
A day without you is filled with a loneliness I
never thought I could bear—one that is me being so sweetly
savored by you, my Beloved, that I rejoice, like
the cup emptied, in momentary loneliness yearning
to be filled once again with
Beloveds
The moon rises, the sun in full celebration
When the seed is nestled in the earth
all is hope
of what can be
: the beloveds meet in the blush
When the green shoot rises
such frailty is hope’s courage
and joy of being is unbounded
: the beloveds embrace and touch each other’s unknown
When the buds grace
the thickening root and limbs
the song of inner beauty strikes its first note
: the beloveds blossom into their own mystery
When the flower scores the sky
and becomes the kiss of sky and earth
the never-ending dance rouses hearts all around
: the beloveds embrace and melt into their wisdom
When petals gnarl and seeds are jettisoned
the pangs of hearts and yearnings of souls
reach out towards Moon and Sun
: the beloveds transform and so begin, forever
The sun rises, the moon in full celebration
Prison Hacks
ex nihilo
the shadows of morning in mourning for sleep
address you without words
the sunrise sparks and slithers over forms
things, elements, non-biodegradable plastics
grasping a beachhead, slipping your cheeks,
molding on your face
the embattlements of eyebrow and lip
nose and ear
unformed, being created, from nothing
you speak
and the shadows are comforted
window #1
my window is smaller
she was he. like that rock
which became rocket
because of its unleashed insides.
it is only processing, a noise
outside my window smaller
he is she. like that heart
which became heartless
because they left nothing inside, beating.
window #2
up there, by the fourth branch the sunhole
is embraced by gnarly oak
things even fly through, zing and