“We better find shelter,” Alan said to Jobeth, who stood beside him. She was exhausted and chilled to the bone. A month of traveling had taken a toll on her already frail body. All that day she had been experiencing sharp pains in her small, rounded belly. Instinctively she rested the palm of her hand on her growing mound, feeling the quickening movements of the child growing inside her.
Alan watched Jobeth closely. He noticed that Jobeth seemed to be getting thicker around her middle, but could not understand why. Their diet was meager. They had all lost weight while traveling on the road. Jobeth’s face and arms were rail thin and she had a gaunt look to her, like an animal with parasites. He was concerned for the frail girl. She seemed to always be in a great deal of discomfort. He wondered if she had gotten worms from one of their too-hurriedly cooked meals. He had seen sick kittens with gaunt frames, little bellies distended from parasitic infections, and Jobeth’s appearance reminded him of them. He worried and wished he knew what to do.
“Are you all right, Jobeth?”
“What?” She asked. She had forgotten that Alan was beside her. “Oh, I’m fine,” she lied, feeling another sharp pain. She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders tightly. The days were getting increasingly colder and she could smell snow on the wind.
“Are you sure?” Alan whispered, placing his hand on the middle of Jobeth’s back.
Jobeth smiled up at Alan’s worried face. “Yes, Alan. Let’s find some shelter.
I smell snow coming.”
Alan turned toward the town up ahead and started to walk with her. Jonah and Shawna followed closely behind. He took a deep breath of crisp air and exhaled. Jobeth was right. There was a distinct smell of snow in the air.
It wasn’t until evening when they found a small shack on the outskirts of town. It was old and rotted and by the next year it would probably only be a termite-infested wood heap, but to the four weary wanderers, it was home for the night.
Jonah opened the door. They could hear the scurry of tiny animals running across the floorboards. He shook his head. “Lots of cleanin’ needs to be done here.”
Swiping cobwebs away from her face, Jobeth said, “That is an understatement.”
She followed Jonah into the one-room shack.
Alan popped his head in after Jobeth was safely inside. Shawna lay fast asleep in his arms. Anger filled him. He had failed once again.
“The girls can’t sleep here,” Alan said, voicing his thoughts. He would not budge inside the door. Jobeth and Jonah turned to face him in disbelief. They were cold, hungry and exhausted. Jonah began to stutter, unable to believe what Alan said.
“But Alan, we can’t find nothin’ else.” The weather outside was getting colder and a light flurry had begun. They needed to start a fire and get the chill out of their bones. He looked over at Jobeth whose hand was on her tiny ball of a stomach. His brow wrinkled with concern. Jonah knew what Alan did not.
He knew Jobeth was pregnant and was in serious pain.
After Jonah’s father died, he had stayed with a neighboring black family for a while, helping the husband on the farm. When his wife was only half way through her pregnancy, she had already experienced problems. The midwife told her she could not do her chores on the farm until the baby was born. Jonah had been looking for work in the town when he came across Mr. Jackson. They worked out an arrangement. Jonah would help work the farm for food and shelter until Mrs. Jackson had the baby and was again strong enough to work.
It had been good at the Jackson farm and Jonah liked the family very much.
He watched Mrs. Jackson with a belly just like Jobeth’s grow into a larger one, until the day came when she had her son. He knew the symptoms Jobeth was having. They were the symptoms Mrs. Jackson had experienced. He also knew that her pains were not good and she needed to rest.
He had left the Jackson’s shortly after the baby was born. They were sorry that he could not stay but they were poor and could not afford an extra mouth to feed. Jonah understood and was grateful for their kindness. He was again alone, left to fend for himself.
Alan glanced at Jonah’s pleading look and could not help noticing how the bigger boy looked anxiously at Jobeth.
“Alan, I have slept in worse places than this,” Jobeth sighed, rubbing the ache in her belly. She was feeling a little resentful toward Alan. Did he think she was a piece of glass so easily broken? If he only knew the predicament she was in, he would not be so worried where she slept. Jobeth was not kidding herself any longer. She was going to have a baby and she could not hide it much longer.
“Besides, it has started to snow. Where do you think we should sleep in such weather?” she asked a little crossly. She plunked herself down onto the filthy floor. Fluffy cobweb like balls few up into the air and then fell gently back down, landing on Jobeth’s skirts.
Alan could not answer. He did not know where they should sleep.
Reluctantly, he walked into the shack, sensing Jobeth’s hostility.
“We will just put our blankets on the floor and use our sweaters to keep warm,” Jobeth said, very much needing to lie down. The child growing inside her did a somersault, causing her to let out a gasp. It was the first solid movement she had felt, instead of the fluttery feelings she had recently experienced.
Alan’s eyes darted to Jobeth. His face turned red with embarrassment. She was angry at his stupidity. She would never think of him as a good provider, a man worthy of her and her sister, Downcast, he handed over the sleeping Shawna to Jonah and began preparing the bedding for the night.
Jobeth watched Alan’s forlorn look and wondered if he could tell that she had just felt her child move inside her. Blushing deeply, she busied herself, helping Alan make their beds. She did not notice Jonah’s eyes following her every move nor how his brow creased with fear for her and her baby.
I wonder where the Pa is? Jonah thought as he sat down cradling Shawna in his large arms. He didn’t remember Jobeth mentioning being married. Then again, he knew you did not have to be married to have a baby.
The thought of Jobeth having a baby out of wedlock did not seem likely to
Jonah. She was too well bred and moralistic. Maybe the reason she ran off was because she married the wrong man? Maybe he was mean and beat her? Jonah had heard of women doing that when their husbands were nasty. He knew her parents had been killed, but that was it. She didn’t like to talk about life before she met Alan and him. If she were married to a cruel man, she would have taken Shawna and herself away to safety. Jonah could understand. Jobeth probably didn’t know she was with child then, but she must know by now. He could not understand why she was keeping her condition a secret. He shrugged his shoulders and placed Shawna down on the blankets. Whatever Jobeth’s reasons were for not telling them about the baby, she would not be able to keep the secret much longer. With that, Jonah lay down beside Shawna and went to sleep.
Alan awoke early the next morning. Jobeth and Jonah were already up and starting the daily routine of getting breakfast ready with whatever meager remains they had left from the day before. He jumped out of his blankets quickly.
“Going to check out the town. See if we can stick around a bit or if we need to keep going.” Alan ran a hand through his brown hair and swiftly opened the door to leave.
Outside, the world was gray with a light blanket of snow covering everything the eye could see. Alan shivered in his flimsy sweater. His breath streamed out in front of him.
He hoped that he could find a job and make some kind of living. If he did find a job, he could build Jobeth a pretty house, like the ones he had seen other people living in. He never had desires before to change the way he existed. He always liked the adventure of moving from one town to the other. But, since meeting Jobeth, things had changed. He wanted her to have a real home that was always warm and cozy, and nice clothes she would never be ashamed of. He wanted Jobeth never to worry where they would sleep next. Shawna was a bright girl; a girl Alan wanted to see in school, lau
ghing with classmates. If they kept up like this, before long, Shawna would end up a street-rat and miss out on being a normal child. He didn’t want that for Shawna—for her to be hard from living too long on the streets. He wanted her sweet and kind as she was now.
He smiled, picturing Jobeth cooking him dinner in their home. She would smile lovingly when he and Shawna returned from work and school, both starving.
Jonah would greet him at the door telling Alan about their vegetable garden and how their cow had just calved. Jonah loved working around the house doing farm work. He would run the farm, while Alan worked in town. They would have everything they needed. At night they would all sit down together around their own dinner table and eat the feast Jobeth made. The kitchen would be warm and smell of home cooking. It was a beautiful dream. A dream he felt he had to make happen.
Alan pulled his sweater tighter around himself, trying to prevent the cold from cutting through him. He began to brood as he walked closer to town.
What if this was the same as the last town?
Alan opened the door of the variety store and instantly felt the heat penetrate his cold bones.
Behind the counter a bored, middle-aged woman looked up from a small list in front of her.
“Can I help you?” The store was packed with jam preserves and fresh vegetables and fruit. Farming material lined almost every wall.
“Yah… er…I mean, yes,” Alan said, removing his cap clumsily. He cleared his throat and walked toward the leery lady.
Her fingers began rapping on the wooden counter, causing Alan to become nervous.
“You ain’t from these parts.” She gave Alan the once-over. He was not an ugly boy, but he had a peculiar look. She was a stern Christian who distrusted anything peculiar. His clothes looked poor and unkempt as if he had been sleeping in them, but that was not uncommon in these parts. Hygiene was not top of the list in importance. She placed her hands on her plump hips and glared into Alan’s green feline eyes.
Trying not to show his nervousness, Alan remembered how Jobeth would answer this crotchety old lady. He did not want to sound ignorant.
“No, Ma’am, I am not.”
“Well. What can I do yah for?” she asked, folding her arms across her large breasts. Alan stared at the brooch the woman wore under her high collar. It was a pale pink oval with a silhouette of a lady in the center. It was pretty and the type of broach that Jobeth should be wearing. He straightened his shoulders, summoning his courage.
“I was wondering if there are any jobs around here.”
“Nope,” the woman puckered, “besides we don’t hire strangers around here.”
“Oh,” Alan blushed once again defeated, “then I will be picking up some supplies.”
“Very well. What do yah need?” the woman asked quickly, coming around the counter. “And we don’t give credit to strangers neither.”
“No, Ma’am. I have money,” Alan said sadly, sure he had some money but it was quickly running out.
He paid for his groceries, throwing a couple of sticks of candy in for the others and collected his bags.
Standing back out in the cold holding his bag of groceries limply in his arms, Alan felt condemned. He stood glancing around at the small, growing town.
Everywhere he looked a building was in construction. Hastily he began to walk toward the sheriff’s building in hopes that maybe he could give him some guidance about a job. People passed by him and he nodded politely as they looked at him oddly. One day, he thought, one day, I will be a respected man in town, one Jobeth would be proud to be seen with. “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Benson, fine day is it not? Hope today is seeing you well,” they would say in passing. Alan would nod and Jobeth would smile demurely.
He felt himself warming at the thought of Jobeth being his wife. Just then, he noticed that he had reached the wooden door of the sheriff’s building. There were brown sheets of papers pasted to the unfinished wall. Glancing at them, Alan’s mouth dropped opened.
The brown papers were “Wanted” posters. On one there was a face sketched of his likeness. There was one of Jonah, Adam, Carter, Todd, Oliver and Tamara. There was even a sketch of Shawna. The only face not sketched was Jobeth’s. Alan figured this was because she had never ventured into the town they had left. He swiftly turned on his heels and started back to the small shack. Winter or no winter, they would have to leave. It was not safe in this town.
Jobeth stood beside the makeshift fire Jonah had built in the corner of the shack. She was making a stew from the remains of a squirrel Jonah had caught the day before. She cut up carrots and potatoes, the last of their supplies, and plopped them into the simmering brew.
Jonah and Shawna were playing a silly game about naming objects of certain colors. They sat on the grimy wooden floor laughing and playing as Jobeth stirred their supper, enjoying the sounds of their voices tinkling in the air.
Alan stood outside holding onto the door handle, wondering how he was going to break the news to the group inside. He took a deep breath and barged inside--regardless of how they felt, they couldn’t stay. All three inside stopped what they were doing to look anxiously at Alan’s distraught face.
Jonah stood up and took the bag of food Alan clutched in his arms.
“What’s wrong? Yah, I mean, you, look like you have seen a ghost,” Jonah corrected himself. They were all trying to speak better with the help of Jobeth.
“They have posters of us,” he said, uncontrollably running his hands through his straight brown hair. Jobeth felt a queer feeling pass through her as she watched the gestures Alan made. Heat began to rise in her face, making her look flushed. Alan noticed and was mortified.
“I am sorry Jo-Beth. I sometimes forget I am in the presence of a lady,” He was flustered and ashamed. The feeling of helplessness enveloped him. Why couldn’t he just get it right for once? “Not that I could forget you are a lady,” he stammered. “It’s just that they even have a drawing of Shawna.”
Jobeth’s head bobbed up and her mouth dropped open. Her neck would suffer from having wrenched it so quickly.
Shawna skirted over to Jobeth and gave her a frightened look. Bending down to her level, Jobeth put a reassuring arm around her small shoulders. Feeling safe in Jobeth’s embrace, Shawna’s shivering subsided a little.
“But she is only a baby,” Jobeth stormed, suddenly very angry. She held
Shawna’s cornflower head close to her chest.
“Well, it seems she was spotted in the store with one of us. The rest I’m sure you can figure out,” Alan said, previous conversation forgotten.
“No,” a soft, spooked voice said out of nowhere. Jobeth turned to Jonah.
He was staring vacant eyed, down at the dirty floor, his full lips quivering and mouthing the word no.
“No,” he repeated, louder, in a strange voice far away.
“Jonah,” Alan said calmly going over to stand beside the gentle giant. “We are going to be all right.”
“No, we ain’t,” Jonah argued, his gaze fixed to the floor. “They are after us
and they gonna hang me till my eyes bulge out of my head, that’s what ol’ man
Wilson said and he weren’t foolin’.”
Jobeth, unable to help herself, pulled away from Shawna’s embrace and went to Jonah.
“Jonah,” she begged. But he wouldn’t listen. He began to bounce around mumbling about hangings. She tried to grip his shoulders, but he slipped through her hands. Alan and Shawna stood back from the scene wide-eyed, mouths agape.
“Then all the white folks watching are gonna laugh and sing, ‘nigra’s dead, hung dead!’” Jonah was becoming hysterical. Jobeth did not know what to do.
Before she realized it, she had reached out the palm of her hand and slapped Jonah’s wet face with all her might. Startled, she swiftly withdrew her hand as quickly as she had struck and covered her mouth.
Jonah stopped bouncing on his huge feet. Large tears slid down his reddened ch
eek.
“I am so sorry, Jonah,” Jobeth sobbed, disgusted with herself. “I didn’t know what else to do.”
Helpless, Alan stared in disbelief, protectively shielding a weeping Shawna.
Jobeth watched as Jonah placed a shaking hand on her shoulder. She looked into his distorted face, his lips still trembling. Tears fell freely down Jobeth’s face as she reached out to touch Jonah’s swollen cheek. His dark hand cupped her pale one. Slowly, Jobeth’s hand encircled his neck as she pulled his woolly head to her. Willingly he went to her, wrapping his arms around her thickening waist like a child.
“It’s going to be all right, Jonah,” Jobeth cried, cradling his curly head in her arms. “We won’t let anyone harm you.” Jonah felt Jobeth’s baby kick him through her garments.
“How?” he asked, pulling away from her comforting grip. He grabbed her hands in his. His eyes grew large with frustration. “How can you do that? You
ain’t black. Yah don’t know how it feels. Yah don’t know and yah never will know how it feels to have folks hate yah because your skin is a darker color
than theirs.”
She knew he was right and wished she could give him the answers he wanted.
Feeling helpless and weak, Jonah released Jobeth’s hands and let them fall to her side. He turned his back to walk away as Jobeth looked beseechingly after him. He slowly rotated around to her.
“Yah know, Jobeth, I hate being black.”
“Don’t ever say that!”
Jobeth and Jonah both leapt into the air, startled. Alan, who had been silent through the whole episode, now stood solidly in front of them. His face was filled with a rage neither of them had ever seen.
“Don’t ever say that again, do you hear me, Jonah?” Alan waved his finger in the larger boy’s face, surprising both Jonah and Jobeth. “Don’t you know anything?” Alan said, trying to calm himself. He had not meant to fly off the handle as he had. “They are all just threatened by you. They don’t understand the difference between you and them and it scares them. It makes them question themselves. It makes you different,” Alan said, full of emotion. He put his arm around Jonah’s massive shoulder, having to step on tiptoe to do so.
“And those no-good, no-accounts know it and prey on it. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are. Be proud of yourself, because you ain’t ever going to be anyone else.” Jonah looked at Alan and rubbed his swollen bronze eyes with the back of his hand.
Jobeth watched passively as Jonah threw himself into Alan’s arms and hugged him tightly. Shawna tiptoed over to the two hugging boys, her tiny hands twisting and turning in front of her. She reached up to Jonah and pulled his shirt hanging from his pants.
“I love you just the way you are, Jonah, and I think yah skin is pretty,” she said with all the innocent wisdom of a five year old. Jobeth swelled ready to burst open with emotion. Out of the mouths of babes comes the honest truth.
Jonah bent down and picked Shawna up in his arms, nestling his head into her tiny shoulder. She looked like a porcelain doll in his large embrace. He breathed deeply of her innocence, kissing the nape of her white neck.
The child stung his aching heart. He had let her down by showing his fear when he had promised to protect her when she cried in the night.
“Oh, little girl, I think Jonah let yah down. I luv yah too much to do it again.
Jonah’s not gonna let himself get all crazy no more.”
“Good,” Shawna said, pressing her warm cheek to his.
“Guess I scared yah, huh?” he asked taking a deep cleansing breath. He felt Shawna’s soft cheek go up and down.
“Won’t do it again.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” Jonah chuckled feeling a little like his old self. “Ol’ Jonah has a time of it some days, running off at the mouth like a fool. But we all act a little touched sometimes.”
They ate the stew in silence and just as quietly left with the sun falling behind horizon. Fortunately, the morning snow had melted and the evening air warmed a little. The three eldest felt leery of the changed weather.
They knew it was only a matter of time before winter would finally make a permanent appearance. They needed to find winter shelter before the cold settled in or they would not survive.
They trudged on in weather that became harder and harder to bear, sleeping in whatever shelter they could find: abandoned sheds, overturned wagons, caves and once two large boulders with a blanket as a roof. The weather was beginning to show its affect on them, Jobeth in particular.
As much as she tried to ignore her pregnancy, at nearly six months along she could no longer deny her condition.
At night, when she thought everyone was sleeping, she let the waist out of her dresses. Her numb fingers worked by firelight, diligently creating a dress that hid her growing frame.
She tried not to think of her pregnancy often. If she did, which usually
happened when she felt the child move inside her, she became panicked and guilt-ridden.
As Jobeth’s waist grew, her strength continued to wane. Her slender face had begun to look pinched. Her eyes were framed with dark circles and her arms and legs had wasted away to thin sticks. Her body constantly ached from the cold and traveling; she suffered an almost constant pain in her abdomen. She knew the baby was in danger but refused to think of the outcome. It was all too much to think of and stay sane.
They finally came to another city several weeks after leaving the last. This one was smaller--just starting to develop. Small wooden buildings littered the landscape, not yet completely digested with homes and business. This was a good sign. The smaller the town, the better chance that news of distant cities had not reached it.
Upon seeing the town ahead of them, Alan felt like crying out in relief. He was very worried about Jobeth and her deteriorating appearance. She needed to see a doctor and she needed a warm place where she could heal and feel better.
He still didn’t realize that she was pregnant. She had done herself justice with her dresses. Covered in layers of clothing as they all were, it was hard to see her belly increasing in size. Wearing what they owned to keep warm, their blankets wrapped around them for shelter from the cold, it was almost impossible to tell she was with child.
Jonah knew, though. He had watched quietly from his sleeping area while Jobeth squinted by the fire fixing her garments. He figured out that she did not want anyone to know of her condition and started to wonder if Jobeth cared to have the child at all. What were her secrets?
Jonah only hoped that they would soon come to a town, or else he was afraid neither Jobeth nor her unborn child would make it. After searching for an hour, they found an abandoned house with only minor damage caused by neglect. They entered the house and slept where they fell, all too exhausted to bother with a fire or removing their layers of clothing.
Jobeth slept late the next morning and when she awoke Alan had already left for town.
She yawned, giving a fleeting look to Jonah and Shawna who sat on the floor talking in whispers. Not wanting to disturb her, they had been quiet knowing she needed her rest.
“He’s gone to look for work,” Jonah said, noticing that Jobeth looked a little better from her long sleep. “Gonna be no more stealing around here. We gonna live like good folks and give Shawna a real home.” Jonah nodded his head and gave the child one of his famous smiles full of teeth.
“We might actually stay?” Jobeth stretched, her body crying out in pain.
Jonah nodded again, not looking at Jobeth. He wanted to tell her he knew about the baby, but he did not know how to go about it. Every time he looked at her, he could not keep his eyes from resting on her small, round belly.
“Alan says we stay for the winter whether he finds work or not. We ain’t
runnin’ no more this winter.”
Jobeth sighed with relief and lay back down exhausted, and instantly fell fast asleep.
“Well, Shawna, I guess we sh
ould clean up around here. It looks like we
gonna be here for awhile.” He stood up and began to tidy things, while Shawna shadowed him and Jobeth slept.
Later in the day, Jobeth, feeling a little better, turned a rabbit Jonah and
Shawna had recently caught over a fresh fire. She listened mutely as Shawna bragged about catching the rabbit when Alan came into the clean room.
Jobeth brightened when he entered. She fluffed up her skirt unconsciously. She had begun to worry about him. He had been gone a long time.
Shawna ran to Alan and jumped into his arms. The reserved phantom child she had once been at Mother Tomalina and Father James’ had completely disappeared. Alan, Jonah and Jobeth were her family now, fading the memories of her early life.
“Hello!” Alan said, Shawna beaming in his arms. Jobeth noticed Alan slipping a piece of candy into the child’s small hand. Not putting Shawna down, he placed his hat on an old chair. A grim expression contorted his face as he turned to Jobeth and Jonah.
“What is wrong?” Jonah asked, fear pinching his own features.
“Nothing. It’s just…” He paused for effect and thought about his trip to town.
The town was small but was beginning to build up. It would take years before it became very populated. Competition for work was little. Alan had traipsed up to the one and only carpentry building in the place and was instantly greeted with a friendly handshake and a job offer.
Beaming, he could not keep his good news to himself any longer.
“I got a job in town at the mill and this house is ours.” He swung Shawna into the air, making her giggle uncontrollably, then ran over to Jobeth and planted a kiss firmly on her cheek, Shawna still in his protective arms. He then went to Jonah and proceeded to play fight, Shawna now riding on his back. All of them hooting and laughing loudly. The air was filled with excitement and happiness.
Jobeth stood by the pot, smiling and holding the side of her cheek.
Alan kissed her.
Chapter 8 —