After the movie everyone sat around telling jokes and stories in the music room that had almost no gravity so everyone was floating in the air. The room was filled with musical instruments with everything from a burgundy grand piano with a statue of Knucer made from mahogany on top, to a row of Brphon guitars, which has no strings and uses buttons instead to create the sounds of cords and could also create different voices both male and female. The room had several floating chairs made from a white wood and covered in light green padding with Knucer’s face sewn onto the cushions. The chairs were around the walls of the room, which had large picture windows that looked out over 3 different terrains with one wooded, another a series of rivers and the third a lush green field with purple and turquoise Lava bushes that had thousands of tiny tentacles that formed a perfect pyramid with an eye at the top. The floor of the room was see-thru glass and the robots could be clearly seen playing poker and telling jokes as they drank and smoked.
Everyone was sitting in a chair with a black seatbelt holding them to it and Ohgood asked,” So, Knucer, when you were young did the doctors diagnose you brain dead or that you were in a living coma?”
Everyone laughed and Knucer said slyly,” Neither, they said I should thank god, because the one brain cell that worked was still doing its job. While the others were playing poker and smoking my hair follicles.”
“ I want to tell a story I think everyone will relate to. O.K., when I was 13 and I went to the province Orua, when I was there I spoke with a spiritual leader named Bu’ca. Bu’ca said to me calmly when every man and woman is at ease with everything in the world, that will be the time when the wise men worry and hide their children,” said Veata as she looked at everyone and smiled.
“ What does that mean exactly?” asked Ratie as Ohgood spun her chair gently.
“ It means that a life without conflict is not a life at all, but actually a dream. Why I bring this up is to ask if anyone else is worried about the Hield breaking, because I think of the upcoming war every time I’m not thinking of what’s in front of me?” asked Veata honestly as she thought of the terror life would soon become.
“ You’re not the only one, I worry in between laughs, breaths really. The day seems to be flying towards us faster and faster when we’ll have to fight for all that is. I don’t know that I’m ready for what will be asked of me,” said Ohgood sincerely as he thought of the escape from Parscan.
“ None of us can ever be truly ready. It’s just a matter of luck and determination. We have to be victorious, so we shall simple as that,” said Solcrist as he spun his staff in his hands.
“ He’s right, but I think if we’re to prevail we need to take the time leading up to our battle with the Sorplecs and just enjoy it. Let’s face it, it’s out of our hands,” said Famaron as he floated out of his chair and began to look down at the robots playing poker and saw them catch a blue robot cheating and Famaron smiled and then said,” If you can’t win a straight fight, then cheat. I’ll tell ya what we should do, Knucer, we should have a story to ease our minds.”
“ Sounds about right,” said Knucer warmly as he put his hands behind his head.
“ When I was a general in my father’s army, I was given the task of leading his ground troops into Bunrask city, the den of the Halbaltic gang. I woke up just before the sun and took my legion out onto the battlefield. This was a battle we thought we would lose and lose badly as it was their stronghold. I sent my 400,000 soldiers who were hooked up to Gamsos robotic suits, which were 18 feet high turquoise massive metal robots you stood inside of, and I sent them to hide in the dense forest that flanked both sides of the battlefield. Then me and a million of my best soldiers in Baatold cruisers, which were another form of robotic suit only you could fly thru the air and fire missiles and laser bursts inside this Baatold looking ship slash suit, and I started across the battlefield in the middle of them in a black Standash, which was a massive Woright equipped with every armament we had at the time. Just as we start across 2 and half million Halbaltic gang members in Flashers and Dornks, which were 6 wheeled canons that had barely enough room for a pilot on the side, come barreling towards us. In a matter of seconds both sides begin firing all we’ve got at each other. I lost 50,000 men in 15 seconds and felt my first rush of terror. Meanwhile they took only about 10,000 in casualties, but we took their second in command. Then a few minutes of war time elapsed, which is 100 times slower and shows a man the meaning of forever. Another 400,000 of our troops fell by the wayside and only 150,000 of theirs died,” said Famaron as he remembered the battle and pulled out a Boos cigar and then lit it up.
Boos cigars were filled with a compressed smoke that had a dense powerful pain reliever in it. The cigars were hollowed out and had 6 chambers, each causing more euphoria than the last had.
“ Why so many of yours dying compared to theirs?” asked Mench as she floated over to Famaron and looked up at him.
“ It was those damn Dornks that did it. We just couldn’t find an answer for their massive canons,” said Famaron as his eyes fluttered and then he let out a sigh and took a puff from his Boos.
“ Fascinating, then what happened?” asked Harci as he pushed off from the ceiling and shot down to the floor.
“ Then the real carnage began as a wizard named Portame started to cast spells from behind the Worights. Then before we knew it there were 2 large dragons bearing down on us with large silver sickles in their hands. They started spearing thru 3 of our soldiers at one time and dousing all the rest that were near with flames. This is when I saw the tide turn in our favor and I knew we would win,” said Famaron as he grinned slightly.
“ But I thought they had the upper hand. How could you think that?” asked Penn as he sipped a blue steel cup of red wine.
“ Because I saw that they were desperate. No general uses magic unless it’s a last resort. The reason being in a battle you always end up killing many of your own troops with your spell. So I decided right then to send in the Gamsos’s and take my chances,” said Famaron proudly as he grinned slyly.
“ So what happened?” asked Veata loudly as she smirked at Famaron.
“ I thought you’d always ask, that’s why I love ya. So I sent out the order and all 400,000 of my Gamsos’s flood onto the battlefield and begin doing massive damage. The Halbaltic gang was so caught off guard that many of them accidentally dropped their laser canons and were torn to shreds while they reached down to pick them up. Then I saw Portame cast a spell and a Selinx helicopter appeared and he flew away leaving a cube of black dense magic where he had stood. Their top general Forlasp took one look at the carnage and decided to make his escape, only I saw this coward turning to run and made my move. I flew my Standash up above the battlefield and after Forlasp’s Woright. Within 20 seconds I was right on his tail and fired the now famous Backcrack Blow as it would later be called, and hit the back of
his Woright with a dozen missiles. The ship was blown to pieces killing Forlasp and a few moments later his troops did a Guso surrender,” said Famaron.
“ What’s a Guso surrender?” asked Harci intently as he grinned slightly and sat forward.
“ A Guso surrender is where the troops drop their weapons and run for their lives. Our troops initially fired on the cowards, but they soon turned to laughing uncontrollably. I stood with a boyish grin realizing we had won the battle and the war. The Halbaltic gang became nothing more than a joke after as the Venge family took over the upkeep of Parscan,” said Famaron as he remembered his father’s coronation and he handing his father the Sumrask, which was a turquoise ivory staff with all the former emperors names and faces carved into it.
“ Was it you who took over?” asked Mench as she pushed off from the wall and floated back over to her chair.
“ IN a way it, was actually my father, but soon after he took power
he was assassinated by a half dozen wizards who crept in while he was sleeping and cast a series of spells. That was the thing about the old man, he slept like he was dead meaning you had to shake him and shout to wake him up. If they had tried to kill him any other time he would have laid waste to all of them,” said Famaron as he remembered the Jombou ceremony where they used a series of spells to extract his father’s magical energy and gave it to Famaron.
“ Do you still miss him?” asked Knucer as he thought of his own father’s violent death at the hands of thieves.
Famaron looked over at Knucer and teared up and said softly,” In between breaths and when the sun is shining are the only times it hits me, but that said I miss his kindness. It was always a joy to sit in a room with him if for no other reason than the reams of knowledge that would come flying out of him. He
said to me, when a dark soul meets the light neither one are changed by the experience, only made aware that the other exists.”
“ That’s a true statement, a man becomes a help or horror and can’t so much as breathe a different breath for the life of him. There was one thing I wanted to share with you all at my home, but I’ll share it now,” said Harci as he pulled out a magenta and olive colored round ball with 8 pointy corners around the outside and a glowing red center with miniature birds flying inside it, and then Harci tossed the ball up in the air and it exploded into a room filling image of the world of Damnear and it showed a city that stretched for 1,000 miles and had massive skyscrapers that were above the clouds made from a tan and white steel. There were thousands of large and small ships flying in every direction as the red sunlight caused everyone to wear sunglasses. There were thousands of slaves building even larger buildings with red skin known as Partoes, while they were being shot with orange lasers if they slowed their pace. There were also hundreds of dragons and Sargs flying in and around the building, while the sky was a dark blue and green.
“ Oh my god, what is this horrible place?” asked Camtow as she tried not to cry.
“ It is Damnear and it is a place of death and the destruction of god’s plan. I show you this now as a warning , for you see the Partoes people who live there are enslaved by their own Partoe king Gabric who cast then aside when he lost respect for all men. He tortures many and kills many more for his own greedy and horrific satisfaction. That city you see was built with blood stained rivers and flesh covered steel. I visited this world and tried to reason with this king and it is how I got this scar,” said Harci as he pulled down his robe and revealed a 10 inch scar.
“ That is a terrible thing how did you escape?” asked Ohgood as he looked at the scar.
“ Magic, I had to cast 7 spells in a matter of seconds to escape he and his soldiers. I tell you of this, because we will all be slaves to the Sorplecs if we don’t fight with all we’ve got. Please my friends, don’t let Permea end up like Damnear, there is nothing worse I can imagine,” said Harci sadly as he looked around the room at everyone.
Then they heard a loud pulsing bass tone and Knucer said quickly as he smiled,” The old sack of Dowa crap is home. Let’s all head out and meet her and get you your ride.”
“ Works for me,” said Ohgood as he smiled and shook his head at Solcrist as they both noticed how he described his wife Jacie.
Everyone floated out of the room and out into a long hallway that had a stiff gravity that weighted everyone down. The hallway had several mild turns in it and a series of oddly shaped doors with one the shape of a hairpiece and another the shape of a Sarg. The walls were covered in holographic snapshots Knucer and Jacie had taken on their many travels with one showing them inside a dragon’s mouth eating a strawberry and chocolate pastry while the dragon scowled at the photographer.
“ Ya know photos couples take on vacation always show them 5 seconds from total embarrassment. Don’t misunderstand me I love a good snapshot of contrived levity as much as the 8th man, but what I won’t tolerate is dragon abuse, trust me it’s no picnic for them,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he shook his head and gave Mench a dirty look.
“ Don’t kid yourself dragons love the attention I once punched a man in the balls and pretended to be crazy,” said Mench straight faced as she walked beside Ohgood.
Ohgood smiled and then asked,” So what does that have to do with dragons?”
“ Your joke was a little boring so I gave it a pep talk. I also put 4 slices of pizza in my ex-husband’s underwear as he slept and asked him if he was hungry. How ‘bout you, you fly much?” asked Mench jokingly as she glared at Ohgood who just looked back and chuckled.
Out in the front of the chalet Knucer opened the front door and saw Jacie walking up the anti-gravity steps with the Guwera behind her.
Jacie had the face of an angel with soft features and large dimples as well as a perfect little round nose. She had magenta colored eyes and turquoise short wavy hair with a crown of braided blonde hair on top and a silver and light blue metal oval shaped 5 inch across piece covering the top of her forehead that had the words,” I only asked for everything,” written across it in dark green rubber letters. She was 5’8” and had a slightly overweight physique, but with large round breasts that caught the eye. She had a tattoo on her forearm of a pair of Lions sitting at a table with one laughing and the other crying and the words,” Gombet is taken,” written on the edge of the brown table.
Gombet Calour was a Haborm janitor for 15 years until one day he found himself unable to truly taste the gravy on his steak. So he began making 3 dozen different kinds of gravy until he found one that grabbed his taste buds. When his friend Camoy Tienos came over and tasted the gravy he was convinced it was the best he’d ever had. So he convinced Gombet to sell bottles of it out of his store. Before they knew it, it was so popular they stopped selling anything else and just sold the gravy they christened Gravelu. In the years that followed their massive windfall ended their lifelong friendship over bickering over money. Then Gombet began to think he was a son of god’s and started the Savuca religion. The religion stated that all women followers must bear his children. Over the years that followed and the thousands of female followers this eventually became known as the Pava people.
Jacie had on a pair of light blue jeans with no rear pockets as well as a turquoise cotton sweater that had 3 rows of different colored flowers sewn from one shoulder to her hip with tiny green crystals along
the collar. She also had on a pair of pink sneakers with a built in cell phone in the toe that you only had to say,” take call,” and it would be activated.
“ Hey, beautiful, I’ve happened upon a herd of new friends. Don’t worry they ate us out of house and home, but there’s still half a cracker in the fridge for ya,” said Knucer slyly as he walked up to Jacie who was smiling and then kissed her.
“ Well at least they didn’t get my last bottle of Bremor,” said Jacie as she looked at Knucer who was acting nervous like they had and she said in disbelief,” what you old heap of dried bread, you didn’t.”
“ Actually I didn’t I’m just kiddin’ ya,” said Knucer as Jacie slapped his chest.
“ Fine, a cracker and some wine I’m fine. So everyone what do we owe the pleasure? I’ll start with you, Ohgood,” asked Jacie as she walked up to Ohgood and raised her left eyebrow.
“ Ah, we need a ride to Harci’s home after his ship was destroyed by a flock of Etigues. And I need a cashmere sweater extra cuddles,” said Ohgood as eh pouted and stretched out his arms with his hands clasped.
“ The ride I can provide the sweater I can’t help ya, but that said you’ll have to ride in total comfort and luxury is that alright?” asked Jacie sarcastically as she put a sad face on and looked at everyone who began to laugh.
“ We’ll make due, how soon can we leave?” asked Famaron as he walked up to Jacie.
“ As soon as there
’s air to breathe and not a second sooner,” said Jacie slyly as she licked the tip of her finger and ran it thru the air.
“ Why should we have to wait so long poor, Ratie, can’t take long waits?” asked Ohgood sarcastically in a soft voice as he motioned to Ratie who was shaking her head and smiling.
“ Poor Ratie will just have to wait zero seconds more, and that’s final. Let us find our way to the Guwera while Ohgood stares at my butt,” said Jacie then she turned and did a sassy walk.
“ I was only peeking, I’m sorry, Knucer, but what an ass,” said Ohgood jokingly then he smiled and stared at Jacie’s butt.
“ I won’t hold it against ya, but if you ever hold that butt against ya I’ll tell everyone I know a ridiculous lie about you that will be slightly unflattering. And I mean it, that’s my word,” said Knucer as he stared at Jacie’s butt and laughed.
The Guwera was 8 stories high and 300 yards long. It was shaped like a football with the ends cut off and Knucer and Jacie’s face on the front in blue steel. The ship itself had an ever changing series of holograms that made it different colors from lime green to the lightest of blues, but also it gave the appearance of animals and skylines every 20 minutes. There were 3 dozen t and oval shaped 8 foot wide blue windows in either side as well as a large deck that went all the way around and had a spot that reached the ground that you could easily walk onto the ship. There were 18 large laser canons around the center of the ship on both sides and on top there were a dozen escape pods that were red in color and shaped like eagles and were lined up in a row. The words,“ She trapped me in I love you,” were emblazoned along the right side. The rear of the ship had 3 massive yellow jet thrusters and a large round plasma window in between them that gave you a view of the massive propulsion in flight.
Everyone walked over to the Guwera and as they drew close the outside of the ship turned into a herd of Baatolds running thru a grassy thicket with lavender colored circular trees on the tops of each hill in a cluster with a towering white spire in the center that had a statue of Josu the Rainkiller.
Josu the Rainkiller was an ancient wizard who one day became disenchanted with the modern world and went on a massive rampage. He began randomly casting spells in the center of the city of Troitsa on
unsuspecting people who were sitting at an open air restaurant eating breakfast. He killed eight in a matter of seconds with a half Baatold half lawnmower that drove over the people and tore them to shreds with the razor sharp blades on its square metal undercarriage. Then he cast another 10 spells that had people going blind and buildings begin blown to pieces. After 7 days of his onslaught finally a trio of Plalo cast a combined spell that created a massive Baatold with dark green fur that towered 100 feet in the air. The Baatold made quick work of Josu’s spells and soon was hot after him, but he saw he was done for and cast a final porthole spell and escaped to the 9th dimension never to return.
“ It’s up this ramp and thru that set of invisible doors,” said Jacie and then she pointed and said wryly,” see right where you can’t see any doors.”
Everyone laughed and Ohgood said happily,” I like her she doesn’t have to make sense, you can’t say that about most people.”
“ Ohgood, there’s a cold coin in my pocket and it has your name on it. Reach in and grab the Ohgood coin quickly!” pleaded Mench sarcastically as she moved her pocket on her left hip close to Ohgood.
“ Take your pervert coin and buy a soda my sex drive is hibernating ‘til after the war. But if it were 2 coins I’d be down,” said Ohgood sternly as he winked at Mench and purred.
Then Jacie walked right thru the holographic wall and into a massive games room inside the ship. Everyone else followed close behind. Inside the games room there was a massive Morplex game set up that went 100 yards long and wide. The object of Morplex was to fight off animatronic wizards and dragons as well as 10 foot Baatolds while you worked your way thru an indoor forest filled with many huts and a large lake that had an underwater castle. Everyone started at different points around the outside of the course and were given an initial riddle which dictated where they went next until the final riddle which when solved gave you the combination to the doors at the bottom of a hill that had the evil
wizard Kargobler on top. The first person to defeat him won a bag of Urcurks, which were a purple fruit, the platinum staff of Porcats and a passage from the book of Grim lessons which would unlock a dimension filled with untold riches from diamond necklaces to gold triangles that weighed 50 pounds of solid gold, as well as emerald masks that were encases in gold.
“ What’s all this, it looks like a whole other world, gees?” asked Ratie as she looked around in shock.
“ This is a Morplex game and it’s state of the art. If you want we could play a match later. I must warn you Knucer’s terrible so be ready for the onslaught of great play that won’t come from him,” said Jacie sarcastically then she blew Knucer a kiss.
“ Every word of it true, I’m less of a game player and more of a gamesmanship player. Either way I’m absolutely the worst so feel free to start the trash talking,” said Knucer as he smiled and shook his head no.
Well I love games so if anybody wants to play they’ll be playing with me ha ha hu,” said Camtow playfully as she folded her arms and let out a sigh as she looked at Famaron.
“ Oh, ah I guess I could, but I’ll need lots of wine it’s that time of day,” said Famaron as he smiled at Camtow and wrapped his arm around her and squeezed.
“ I’m all for the wine part, why don’t we play in a while?” asked Penn as he looked at a statue of Josu the Rainkiller and frowned.
“ Yes, let’s take a break and do a bit of talking. There is much I’d like to speak with you all about,” said Harci implying a question as he followed Jacie and Knucer across a bridge over the lake.
“ Well, Harci, it would be a favor most kind as men like myself have been crippled with the heathen gene. Now my wife here she is as lost as I am, but the only difference is that she won’t admit it, huh sweet calves?” said Knucer then he patted Jacie on the butt.
“ What my third grade education husband was trying to say was, well…I can’t believe I’m about to admit it, but I’m more of a heathen than him. How’s that possible?” asked Jacie rhetorically as she scrunched up her face and poked Knucer’s stomach as he laughed.
“ No matter, the human brain can change its course at any moment and find where it should have always been. I can teach only all I know and then you’re on your own,” said Harci calmly as everyone smiled at him softly.
“ O.K. then let’s take a walk to the 3rd entertainment room, and yes there’s plenty of wine this way,” said Knucer as he walked over to a tree and tapped on it and a secret passageway opened up inside the tree.
“ 3rd entertainment room, hello weirdsville,” said Ratie excitedly as she frowned and shook her head.
“ At least we’re heading thru a secret passageway, progress, Ratie, progress,” said Mench as she stepped into the tree and saw a magenta colored tube with a stiff flow of air and then said hopefully,” now this looks fun.”
Then Mench stepped in and was instantly swept upward thru a series of twists and turns and different colored lights. Then she popped out of a hole and into the 3rd entertainment room where Knucer and Jacie were sitting on a massive 40 foot around burgundy couch that had foldout beds in each seat that only took a press of a button. The couch was against the right wall and had a series of 7 large television monitors in front of it that had dozens of channels being shown on them in picture and picture, with shows like ,” The killer of things.”
” The Killer of things,” was about a man who was asked by Goarote to make a list of the worst people on Permea. And then after 2 years of making this list Goarote asked for it and a second later they were all in flames. Soon they al
l burned to death in front of Dumes, the lead character. Then god asks him to make a list of all the best people on Permea and submit it to him. So Dumes spends 3 years compiling the list and then hands it to Goarote. Then a second later those people are engulfed in flames and Dumes watches them burn to death. Dumes is in shock at what he sees and asks God why did you kill all those great and kind people I thought you would like them? To which Goarote replied,” It is only the people who have both good and bad inside them that represent the truth of being alive. Those others who perished were living a horrible lie. A lie so great their every breath left me in agony. Now Dumes I want to ask you if you would like to be a friend to me in heaven?” Dumes thought about for a moment and then said yes. A second later he was engulfed in flames and died right then and there.
There were 3 dragon and gargoyle looking robots dancing around the room and singing,” If it only happens once, give me 2 bubaloo.” The room had a floating pool that used plasma walls and anti gravity so you could swim in it comfortably and it was 50 feet long and in a spade design, with anti-gravity stairs leading up to the edge of the 9 foot deep pool. There was also a Cumlap moving shot game, which you either shot a golden moving target with a laser pistol or you could chase after it with a laser hammer and bash it into submission, then it would release a pair of chocolate bars. The floor in the room had thick soft purple grass that covered all of the room and had a few rugs on top of it by the couch. The walls were filled with hundreds of antique weapons that Jacie had collected over the years from a dagger made from a dragon’s tooth to a gun that fired red pellets and bad jokes.
Everyone was soon in the 3rd entertainment room and taking a look around at the odd weapons on the wall.
“ I’d love to die by this gun, it shoots a deadly infectious disease called Worlacy. Isn’t that hilarious,” said Ohgood as he read the silver label beneath the gun.
“ What about this mask?” asked Ratie as she picked up a blue diamond mask and then said,” see this one releases a neurotoxin when you blow thru the mouth hole, huh Ratie likes this one.”
“ Careful with those, many are still functional!” yelled Jacie as she shook her head and laughed at Ohgood who had the infectious disease gun to his head and was threatening to do himself in.
“ I’ll do it, Ratie, I break the seal and end ole Ohgood! I never liked that prick anyway. The only person who’ll miss him is Mench in her wet dreams. You better stop me or it’s over!” said Ohgood sarcastically in a stern voice.
“ I can’t let you do it, Ohgood, I need someone to laugh at my jokes,” said Ratie happily as she tried to wrestle the gun away from him and then he gave it to her and she said happily,” thankfully you are not a death wish, whowe Goarote that was scary.”
“ I want to thank you for savin’ me even if I don’t deserve it. Many times I was wrong and made steps down an evil path, but it was you, Ratie, always you who righted my ship of sin. I can’t thank you enough, hug me now before I die of shame,” said Ohgood over dramatically then he closed his eyes and extended his arms.
Ratie looked at him and grinned and then said wryly,” Oh that’s a laugh, you’ll probably steal my wallet.”
“ I just need a thousand dollars is that so wrong,” said Ohgood slyly then he grabbed Ratie and did an awkward hug as she squirmed.
“ Hugs is it, where’s my hug, Ohgood, I’m near death myself?” asked Mench as she put her hands on her hips.
Ohgood looked over and nodded and said,” It’s true you’ve suffered put your old wrinkled hands around my body.”
Then Ohgood gave Mench a hug and she squeezed his butt and said in a sultry voice,” It’s hard to get a true hug with all these clothes on, ah sweet buns.”
Then Ohgood looked around at everyone and then Mench and said slyly,” That and 100 years of diseases. Remember, Mench, those years you were a prostitute weigh heavy on my mind.”
“ Oh you incorrigible sprat, so that’s it eh, well at least I’ve got decades of experience from all those satisfied customers,” said Mench sarcastically in a deep husky voice then she kissed Ohgood’s ear.
“ Was that the toilet cleaners company or the manure shovelers either way I’m leery of those skills of yours. I mean the least you could do is find men with all their teeth and who don’t smell like week’s old underwear,” said Ohgood as he gently pushed Mench away.
Everyone laughed and then Mench asked flatly,” Where’s the fun in that, if I can’t smell ya coming then there’s no hot steam in your pipes? Alright you little brat I’ll leave ya be for now, but someday you’ll come callin’,” said Mench as she walked away.
“ Alright everyone let us take a seat and we will speak as friends,” said Harci as he tapped his staff to the floor and floated on an orange and turquoise stream of light and electricity over to the couch.
Everyone followed suit and took a seat then Camtow asked,” Can you tell them of the supreme inner self, Harci?”
“ I can and I will, in my book of life’s summaries I spoke of a mass of power in every person. Think of it like this, when you are happy your minds fill with a huge rush of joy and a transformation begins into true happiness, but what is also happening is that your soul is allowed to rise to the surface. Now when you are angry and hate fills your mind, your soul also rises only this time it rises bottom side up. Now the rest of the time we’re dabbling in our supreme inner self by simply being who we are without strong emotion. The point of it all is if we can become aware of our emotional reactions while we’re having them we can deduce how to have them whenever we want. Thus our supreme inner self becomes who we’re always and without a reason,” said Harci warmly as he took note of everyone’s reaction to what he had said so as to know what to say next and to whom.
“ I’ve heard of this, it was told to me by my father only it was put differently. What he said to me was to force tears when laughing and when distraught think of the funniest thing you’ve ever seen. He said this action gave you power over your good and bad memories and allowed you to put them to good use. He also said something or other about distance from pain, meaning if some event was traumatic a person would put a distance in their mind from it so as to not be hurt. What he told me was to keep all memories close so as to lessen their weight,” said Solcrist as he remembered that day sitting next to his father Embrast on the steps behind their summer home.
“ Exactly, that is the point I was making and you put in divine terms, Solcrist. Now what I’d like to speak to you of is revenge fantasies. You see if you are constantly plotting out revenge against people and you say that if good fortune comes you will act upon these fantasies, then god will never help you. And if you receive said help it will only be to raise you up to eventually tear you from grace. Ya see if you are not humble in life, then god will humble you quick and it will be devastating,” said Harci as he smiled slightly and interlocked his hands.
“ I’ve learned that lesson more times then I’d like to admit. But what of the hidden self I heard a man talking of it once and he wouldn’t illuminate upon it?” asked Penn sincerely as he sat up and put his arms on his folded knees.
“ There are always two people in every body. One person is our reactive self, which races to the surface when we are attacked or confronted by life’s grim realities. To put it plainly the person we are without a choice. Now the other person is a collection of all the ways we want people to see us and the breadth of our creativity. Ya see some people are people and many others create alternate selves. The point of it all is it’s not always our choice, because horrific life experiences can damage who we would have become, hence it’s not always a murderer’s fault they go on a rampage,” said Harci calmly then he pulled out a long bowling pin shaped dark brown pipe filled with Toccais, a high powered stimulant that has red smoke, and lit it up and began to smoke.
“ I agree with what you’re saying and I feel we all know that what you say is true, but ah…how do we ever peel away our walls that protect us and be our actual selves? What I’m not saying is our rude obnoxious selves, but rather who were are when we’re alone?” asked Famaron honestly as he grimaced and felt a little embarrassed.
“ That’s a great question and the answer is, you just did. See your mannerisms changed and your voice was softer. You were no longer Famaron the leader, but Famaron the man. The only times we can ever really tear down the walls that protect us is if there is a circle of honesty surrounding us. We all know that this room, and the people in it are brave enough to be friends. So the walls come down,” said Harci happily as he smiled and waved his hands and everyone smiled.
“ Well if that’s the case, then I’ll just say my father is a bastard. He never cared about Ratie and me. And in a lot of ways I’m glad he’s dead. If it were us I know his smug face would be smiling and doing that sinister laugh of his. I know that Ratie and I have our sarcastic sense of humor, because he was never
around and we had to entertain ourselves. I don’t know if it’s right to will ill on someone, but what if they’re wishing it on you, then what, Harci?” asked Ohgood as he fought back tears and Mench put her arm around him.
“ Ohgood, I’ll put to you it plain, you were exposed to a taker of joy and a refuser of friendship. We can’t tell you how to feel, but if it were me and it is, I’d never apologize for sending back what was heaped on me. My father beat me from birth and as I was one of the youngest in our family my older siblings beat me as well. So I can tell you this, you have to have a period of hatred towards these people or you’ll never heal completely. But there also has to be a period of not caring about them so that you can reset your mind and move forward as your actual self,” said Harci as he smiled and nodded.
Then suddenly the ship lunged forward and everyone heard a loud banging sound and Knucer jumped up and said fiercely,” I bet it’s Dambro again, I’ll take care of it.”
Then Knucer ran over to a control panel that was behind a secret door on the front wall. He typed in the access codes and out of the grass rose a cockpit and a hologram of outside of the ship appeared in front of it. Then Knucer sat down in the dark green leather captain’s chair and asked boldly,” Alright who’s causin’ all the trouble out here?”
Everyone gathered around Knucer and saw a Lastect death cruiser behind the ship following closely.
The Lastect had a red and black swirling colored front and back with a turquoise undercarriage. It had the head of Panflat Gresu on the front who was the owner. It was shaped like a pumpkin, but with 35 four foot wide laser gun barrels surrounding the 800 yard wide ship. There was also a Gusha green globe surrounding the ship that when a ship or animal touched it turned them into balls of fiery paper that soon exploded. It also had a plasma walled off center that could detach from the ship and fly independently as a war ship.
“ Goarote no, not that miscreant Panflat again!” said Jacie in disbelief as she put her right hand to her forehead and her left on her hip and she let out a sigh and glared at Knucer.
“ Who’s Panflat?” asked Ratie as she grimaced and stood next to Jacie who was distraught.
“ He’s a raving lunatic who won’t take his eyes off my wife. Even after I threatened to break his skinny little neck,” said Knucer as he began blasting Panflat’s ship with his laser canons hitting the front of his Lastect and blowing off the mouth of the statue then saying boldly,” Now that’s what I call destruction art!”
“ So this Panflat is in love with you, Jacie?” asked Mench softly as she put her arm around Jacie’s waist.
“ Yes, he’s got a lunatic love for me ever since I let him kiss my cheek 3 years ago. This day’s been comin’ ever since. Knucer and he have come to blows 8 times, but now I fear it’s death and lots of it,” said Jacie as she thought of that kiss and what a fool she was and wished she’d pushed him away.
Then the Guwera got blasted by Panflat’s laser canons and one of the rear thrusters was blown to pieces sending parts of it plummeting to Permea.
Inside Panflat’s Lastect death cruiser Panflat sat upright on a waterfall shaped bed with a small steering column and weapons controls on his lap in his bedroom. The room was 80 feet wide and 90 feet long and had a 15 foot tall ceiling that was a blue plasma window. There were 18 Neesucs around the edges of the bed, which were a green and light blue skinned 3 foot tall race of red haired cave dwellers that Panflat paid to work as staff on his ship. The Neesucs catered to his every whim and wore identical clothing as Panflat. There was a jet fighter shaped deep brown mahogany dresser in front of the bed that was 20 feet long and had on 13 holograms of Jacie striking different poses that Panflat had stolen from Knucer’s camera. On the left side of the room there was a collection of animal shaped pillows that were
of Palamans, Baatolds, even Sargs. On the right side of the room there was a massive steel cockpit and jet thruster with a full control consul attached to it. The floor was red wood and had a massive carving of the Gamazon forest in full detail with even its residents included.
Panflat was raven haired and his hair was long and thick and combed straight back from the center of his forehead. He had thick white eyebrows and a stark white beard with a black square on the chin. He had high cheekbones and a large prominent forehead and thin round nose. He had the tattoo of a 3 dimensional lime green cube just beneath his left eye. His eyes were orange and polka dotted and looked far away and distant. He was 6’3” and 240 pounds of pure muscle. He had on a white silk long sleeved shirt and a pair of red satin pants. He also had on tan fur covered slippers with the words,” I died for nothing,” written across the sides.
“ How have you been, Jacie, you look nice? Is it too formal to ask for your hand in marriage? I’m sorry about the death of Knucer, but things happen and we must move on without him. What’s that you’re in love with me, I knew it, I’ve always known it. Hey give an old man a big wet slippery one,” said Panflat as he pretended Jacie was in front of him and French kissed the air and hugged it and then said,” you’re right, I am a great kisser. The best in the world I knew it. It’s you and me baby ‘til the world explodes, which is forever.”
Then Panflat fired his laser canon again and blew off a chunk of the side of the Guwera.
“ Whoa that was close!” shouted Famaron as he felt the impact and then asked,” do you need a bit of help, Knucer?”
“ Well, yes I do unless you want to see the scenery from your heads impacting it,” said Knucer as he steered the Guwera from side to side.
“ Wait, Famaron, I’ve got just the spell for the occasion,” said Solcrist warmly then he stood up and gave his staff a gentle wave and shouted,” Muras be terrobler!”
Then a red skinned 150 foot tall demon with fire oozing from his skin and a red glowing light shooting from his eyes appeared. He had a hole in his chest and his beating heart could be seen with birds encircling it. She had massive hands with long yellow talons and a long black tail. He was holding a black and silver electric guitar shaped laser bat with machine gun bursts of fire shooting out of the tip. The demon looked at Panflat’s ship and smiled menacingly.
“ Oh god, don’t do this to me now. Jacie, call off that beast right now!” shouted Panflat frantically as he eyed the massive demon and began firing at it.
“ Let’s see how he fares against old red there,” said Ohgood snidely as he grinned.
Then the demon extended its hand and blocked Panflat’s laser bursts and shot out a high density soundwave at his ship that shattered the green orb encasing it. Then the demon flew towards his ship and began playing its guitar and as it did massive dark blue flaming stars shot out of the tip and raced towards Panflat’s Lastect.
“ Someb
ody stop this!” shouted Panflat as he fired every laser canon he had at the demon to no avail.
Then the dark blue stars hit the Lastect and each one that hit vaporized a 10 foot wide segment of ship. After 3 more hit, the ship was 2 thirds its normal size and a massive inferno engulfed the front end.
“ I hope you’re happy now, Panflat. You go ahead and meet thy maker,” said Knucer snidely as he shook his right hand in a semi circle.
“ How long can he last?” asked Camtow in a concerned voice as she watched the battle.
“ As long as a wad of cash on a busy street. He is cooked and I mean supper,” said Knucer as he laughed.
“ He did it to himself, he just let his delusions take him over, the poor thing,” said Jacie sadly as she rubbed her arms softly.
“ Poor thing, that air thief was gonna kill us dead. I’ve got as much sympathy for him as I do a 5 time murderer who says his blankie isn’t long enough. C’mon my demon friend cook that sucker crisp1” shouted Knucer as he danced around and stuck out his tongue.
Meanwhile Panflat was taking evasive maneuvers and doing a spinning diving flight away from the demon. The demon smiled and spit a massive red and black ball of lava from its mouth and the ball careened into the top of Panflat’s ship and began melting a large hole in the ship as Panflat shouted,” God, you son of ah bitch! You can’t help me out of this after all those damn days in church!”
Then Panflat did a swooping flying technique and shot straight up thru the clouds. The demon was stunned at first at this, but soon flew after him while firing its stars from its guitar at him. The blue flaming stars sailed past the Lastect and out thru the atmosphere. Panflat saw this and said excitedly,” You’ve got nothin’ devil god’s on my side ha haa haar!”
“ Panflat’s getting pretty lucky, do you think he’ll survive?” asked Famaron then he kissed Camtow’s cheek.
“ Survive, the only survivn’ he’ll be doin’ is learnin’ to live in a pine box with 2 tons of dirt holdin’ him in,” said Knucer snidely as he took out his false front teeth and let out a cackling whistle.
Ohgood laughed and then said sarcastically,” I just hope the spirit of Panflat survives. That’s what I’ll miss. Days like these and men like Panflat will plague us all for an eternity.”
“ Or not, so when does the demon thingy kill him already? He should try something other than those blue stars. They’re really lamesickle,” said Ratie as she grimaced and stretched her arms out above her head.
“ See, that just shows your ignorance, he has to toy with him for a while to break his spirit. Then he kills him in a gruesome death that will cause us to look away in shock. God, Ratie, don’t you know anything about a demon’s bloodlust?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he imitated Ratie’s actions.
Ratie laughed and then shook her head and said wryly,” So that’s it, well isn’t that a revelation. And all this time I thought I knew demons, what did I know, tell me?” asked Ratie as she laughed and made a goofy smile.
Meanwhile the demon was nearly caught up to Panflat.
“ C’mon ship where’s the speed I built into ya when I need it,” said Panflat as he heard the ship begin to buckle and the walls bowed.
Then Panflat fired 50 rounds of laser fire and blew off one of the demons hands, but the blood gushing from his wound didn’t deter the demon. Instead he grabbed hold of the ship with his feet and as he held it firm he began shooting blue stars and balls of lava from his mouth at the ship 2 at a time. In a matter of seconds the ship was entirely engulfed in flames and only a fourth of it remained. Panflat saw this and pressed the eject button for the plasma center of the ship to blast off with him in it. Just as he was clear the Lastect exploded behind him blowing it and the demon to pieces. Pieces of the demon landed on the back of the Guwera as it sped away and Knucer said happily,” Well, he escaped, but at least we scared the crap out of him. He’ll think twice before trying anything again.”
“ Or once, here he comes, look!” said Jacie as she pointed to Panflat’s plasma escape ship flying straight towards them with its laser canons blasting away.
“ It’s alright, those lasers of his are too weak to do any damage. Still, I’d love to put a scare into him. What about a Dvomso rocket, that might blow a third of his ship away and he’d be flyin’ tin ha ha,” said Knucer greedily as he pursed his lips.
“ Whatever you want, but be mindful that he’s just a bit out of it and it’s not his fault,” said Jacie then she shook her head and smiled while she secretly thought how brave Panflat was and felt a longing for him.
“ You say mindful, but the Dvomso will end the debate. And here we go,” said Knucer as he launched the Dvomso.
The Dvomso was a magenta colored Sarg shaped jet powered electrical bomb. That would chase down a ship and latch onto it them explode a massive electrical charge that would fry all their circuits.
The Dvomso shot right for Panflat and he instantly noticed it and began to dive towards the ground. His escape ship was falling faster and faster with the Dvomso gaining with every breath.
“ Keep comin’, keep comin’ my little lovely we’ve got business you and I he hee,” said Panflat snidely as he shot towards the ground at 700 MPH.
As it began to get close the Dvomso was just behind and then Panflat pulled up with all his strength. The Lastect came upward just feet from the ground and began darting left and right thru a grove of black and gold colored 20 foot tall tower shaped Ablack trees, that had hundreds of Papeo birds on their branches.
Papeo birds were turquoise in color, but would change to red when they attacked. They looked like rifles and had 3 and half wings with built in laser bursts at the tips. They had only one eye and a hole instead of a mouth and a white pair of horns.
“ Come and get me you coward!” shouted Panflat as he soared thru the Ablacks.
As he did the Papeo began to chase his ship and they turned red. In a few seconds, thousands of Papeo were swarming behind his ship hoping to feast on the plasma walls that made up the vessel. Panflat swerved around a trio of Ablacks and crashed right into a tree house. He shot thru the thin walls and thru a woman’s bathroom who was taking a shower and she only raised her eyebrow and continued showering. He blasted thru her living room and destroyed a large collection of porcelain dolls made to look like old men.
“ What is happening!” shouted Panflat as he smashed thru the tree house.
Then suddenly he blasted thru her art studio and thru a large painting of a naked man cleaning the house and out thru the back wall. The Dvomso had gone over the house and was now 50 meters in front of Panflat’s ship and hovering in mid air. Panflat saw this and shut off his thrusters and eyed the Dvomso, but then suddenly the Papeo caught up to him and began devouring his ship’s plasma walls.
“ What, what’s going on!” shouted Panflat as a swarm of 50,000 Papeo ate away huge holes in the walls.
The Papeo even were eating the jet thrusters. When Panflat got a hold of himself he hit the thrusters, but they were half eaten and they wouldn’t work.
“ Somebody save me quick1” shouted Panflat as his thoughts raced thinking the Papeo would eat him alive.
Then a large hole beneath his captain’s chair appeared and he fell to a house 10 feet below and landed on the middle of a thin wood roof on a round shaped tan wood house and Panflat let out a sigh and said hopefully,” Well the worst is over. Hmm, it’s nice up here I…”
Then Panflat fell thru the roof and landed on a large round kitchen table with a 4 foot wide red frosted cake and crushed the cake flat. There were 6 kids sitting around the table with long curly blonde hair on each of them with a shocked look on their faces. Then in walked their tall blonde haired father named Loru who looked at Panflat angrily and then said sternly,” I
just made that cake you idiot. Now get up and get out of my house before I beat you senseless.”
“ Yes, sir, ah yes just give me a moment to get out of the cake. I’m sorry it looked like a great party,” said Panflat nervously as he gingerly got out of the cake.
“ Get out!” shouted Toru as he walked over to Panflat.
Then Toru grabbed him by the neck and pulled him by the neck and pulled him off the table and began violently ushering him out of the kitchen and thru the blue suede wall in the living room.
“ Please, sir, be gentle,” pleaded Panflat as Toru opened the front door and tossed him out into a pile of Zamtru manure face first.
Trucage Puirt was a half man half dark magic after a rival wizard named Durth Oc cast a spell on him that caused his body to shift in and out of his normal body to a series of Durth’s fantasies. It ranged from a massive cigarette to an 8 legged Bumic, which was a 5 foot tall tan fur covered bear like creature only with a turquoise holographic head that looked like a robot that was generated by a central processor in its chest.
Trucage found himself going thru a kaleidoscope of beings several times a day, but always with his mind. So to repay Durth for this horrible spell he scooped out his castle while he was a Sarg with orange arms and yellow skin for 4 hours waiting for Durth to come outside. When he did Trucage raised his staff and shouted,” Triento makes two!”
Then Durth was lifted off the ground and a flash of blue lights and began spinning like a tornado faster and faster still. Suddenly an orange orb rose out of him and in it were every thought he’d ever had. The orb showed all the scenes from Durth’s life being played out. The orb floated over to Trucage and he held it in his hands and grinned, while Durth began to shake violently and a second orb of green came out of his stomach filled with half his physical strength and speed and floated over to Trucage. Trucage took this one and ate it and suddenly his muscles grew 4 inches on every part of his body. Then Durth fell to the ground and as he gathered himself began acting like a newborn and curled up on the ground and
sucked his thumb as Trucage said snidely,” You’ll make a nice bratty kid someday, cause you were a pure bastard man in life.”
Meanwhile Knucer was just coming over Hump and Hump mountain and nearing Harci’s castle. Hump and Hump was a massive pair of 9 mile long and 8 mile high mountain peaks that sat side by side with one magenta and the other bright yellow and covered in flowers. There was a long slope between the 2 peaks filled with hundreds of large 8 story triangular homes that belonged to the Ariav people.
The Ariav were a pale red skinned people who were short in stature as the tallest was only 5’0”. They also had a paisley colored purple, green, and red long hair. They grew large fields of the Yepno flower which was delicious to eat, but better still attracted large meaty animals. Like birds which were even more delicious when fried and covered in a thick corn like batter. The Ariav were well known for their paintings and tunesmiths with over 80,000 popular songs coming from them.
“ Here comes the good part everyone. Wait ‘til we clear Hump and Hump mountain you’ll see,” said Knucer boldly as he steered up the mountain.
“ Hump and Hump, is it a nudist colony, cause those are fun I love to party,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he nodded yes and no quickly and pushed out his lower lip.
“ Then have a look at this festival of humanity won’t cha,” said Knucer boldly as they cleared the mountain.
Then sprawled out in front of them in a massive flat valley were 60,000 large castles some 5 miles high and 4 miles wide that went on in every direction for 1,700 miles and was known as Vashack.
“ Whoa this is totally massive,” said Ratie in awe as she softly shook her head.
“ What is it called?” asked Penn as he looked at the enormity of it and walked up next to Ratie.
“ Vashack to most, home to me. That turquoise colored castle on the left there is my family home. It was passed onto me by my father Bou only 2 years ago when he passed over. This is the world that inspires me,” said Harci as he thought of Bou.
“ I can see why, who exactly owns all these castles?” asked Famaron as he squinted at the sight of it.
“ Most are centuries old wealthy families that struck it rich in some fashion or another. Others are from ancient royal families and have antiques that sustain them financially. Which is to say, they sell one if the wine cellar looks bare. It is truly an oasis for me and my family and we count our blessings every day,” said Harci as he thought of his family.
“ I only see 47 blessings here, Harci, no need to count. Now Avesup blessings, well there’s me and…that’s about it. Oh wait sunshine is a blessing how stupid of me to forget,” said Ohgood jokingly as he grinned at Ratie.
“ You boobsickle, I’m not a blessing with all the nice things I’ve done for you. Fine no more Orcut wafers you’re cut off,” said Ratie as she grinned and looked away from Ohgood who was trying to hug her tightly.
“ I’m just kiddin’ ya, I wouldn’t forget my only sis. You were just kiddin’ about the Orcuts right?” asked Ohgood slyly as he shook Ratie’s arm and put a sad look on his face.
“ Maybe I was and maybe I wasn’t, but either way you’ll still be hungry my friend ha ha ha,” said Ratie jokingly as she tried not to laugh.
“ Oh is that it, well maybe I won’t leave you my green ivory Zamtru bone statue of Teverus after all. Hmm, see how you like it,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he shook his head like a little boy and grimaced.
Then Ratie put her arms around Ohgood and said warmly,” I was kiddin’, you’re still my precious little, Ohgood. I’ll give ya some more Orcut wafers don’t worry.”
“ Great, alright let’s have a gander at this incredible opulence. Hey, Harci, what’s that trio of statues over there in the center?” asked Ohgood as he looked at three 3,600 feet high turquoise and magenta colored marble statues of Trucage that showed him as 3 different half man half beast depictions, with one with a man’s legs and a Sarg top holding Durth’s head in its hands.
In the center of the statues were a massive cauldron of lights of every color and orbs of white with Bobmco’s inside, which were a red waterless fish that could sprout legs and walk on land. The Bobmco’s had heads shaped like a battering ram and a wide round body with lights in straight lines on its sides. There was also a band named,” The Intake Jakes,” floating inside playing their song,” It only gets easier when it’s hard.”
The Intake Jakes were a synth emo band that rarely sang verses instead all of their songs were all choruses and large musical movements that inspired large emotional responses in all who heard them. The lead singer Bameric Games was a cast out Haborm who was cited for heresy after he wrote a large book of different theories on religion. It was called,” The Wasting years,” and had the passage,” In this age of technology only an enlightened man or woman is truly alive and the rest are only for decoration. They were put here to serve the rest of us until their lungs implode and they are wiped from existence.”
“ Those are statues of Trucage, he was a powerful wizard who was plagued all his life by a yellow wizard who cast a spell on him that destroyed his appearance. The truly amazing thing is that he eventually got retribution and destroyed the wizard Durth’s mind. They said he visited Durth often and laughed hysterically to his face and made wild accusations to him that they were identical twin brothers and that he owed him large sums of money. He also began dating Durth’s wife and spawned 30 children,” said Harci as he gazed at the statues and felt a rush of relief that he was finally home.
“ How could Durth let that happen seeing it was his wife?” asked Ratie in disbelief as she frowned and threw her hands outward.
“ Durth couldn’t remember her after Trucage cast the spell on him. So he had no idea it was happening
,” said Harci as he sighed.
“ Wow that’s terrifying to even think that’s possible huh. Well if that’s the case why build these huge statues and glorify the whole thing?” asked Famaron as he glared at the statue of Trucage showing his massive round head and thick brown bushy sideburns as well as his long curved nose and barely open thoughtful eyes.
“ Because they both lived right here not even 200 yards apart. This, is where the whole thing happened and every person here knows the story,” said Jacie as she smirked and a dry flint was in her voice.
“ This is the weirdest story I’ve ever heard of. And I can’t believe we’re flying thru it so to speak,” said Penn.
“ How do you know of this story, Jacie, you’re not a resident here?” asked Harci in a concerned tone as he worried that there was a bad air about Vashack region.
“ I did some business with a king Samor. He told me the whole thing. I can’t say I truly believed him at the time as it seemed very unlikely that it was true. Now that I see these statues and here it confirmed by you, I feel a chill go down my back. It’s very scary, Harci,” said Jacie as she felt a bit scared as she looked at Trucage.
“ Scared, I’m not scared of nothin’. Tell ole Trucage I’ve got spells for every occasion. Now castles, that’s a doom I can’t escape and I think they know about it. They’re waiting to crash on top of me and kill this soft manly soul, I know it,” said Ohgood in a stern tone as he was being sarcastic.
Everyone laughed but Ratie who said sternly,” I agree, I’ve felt they were after me for years.”
Then everyone looked at her and then laughed harder as she looked at Ohgood and grinned while laughing uncontrollably.
“ That was one fine rouse, I can’t give it to you and feel embarrassed. Instead I say, Ratie for supper who wants Ratie cakes and Ratie potpie. Maybe it’s Ratie soup for Mench as she’s near death or a Ratie burger while we remember how I strangled her to death and pretended it was an accident. So yes, when I go down I go down in flames. And no, I have no shame and will never accept being the brunt of jokes. So who’s hungry?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he grinned at Ratie and acted like he was carving her up with a knife as Famaron laughed and all the women scowled at him.
Then Camtow smacked Famaron’s chest and he said slyly,” What it was funny.”
“ Poor Ratie for dinner that’s not funny, it’s terrible,” said Camtow as she glared at Famaron who was laughing.
“ There it is, my home above all others,” said Harci as they got close to his castle.
The castle looked like dozens of mini castles piled up on a massive staircase, with a huge red plasma dome on the top that had dozens of Pecrets flying around it.
Pecrets were a dragon like creature, but born without wings and instead had an inner anti-gravity core that allowed them to float and fly. They were yellow in color with black squares all over their backs. They had motorcycle helmet shaped heads that had visor looking pale blue large eyes. Their mouths were
wide and resembled a young man’s. They had exhaust ports in their chests that sent out puffs of smoke every few seconds as they had a lava core. They were 15 feet tall and were able to cast mischievous spells using chanting that could cause your blood to turn to water or your eyes to roll back in your head and attach to your brain.
The castle had several air elevators that went upward at an angle and were all around the outside of the castle and went up stone ramps. There was also a massive 180 foot high permanent spell Harci cast of a guardian that would protect the castle and was of a hulking muscle bound Cyclops with hairy green skin and one red eye. The Cyclops straddled the hangar bay and had a massive metal chain in his hands with a spike covered silver ball at the end. There were thousands upon thousands of spell combinations written on the outer castle’s walls in red lettering.
“ This looks homey,” said Ohgood jokingly as he eyed the mighty castle.
“ Looks like a whole lot of trouble with that one eyed staring contest winner out front,” said Famaron sternly as he sipped a cup of coffee.
“ Oh Larthur, no he wouldn’t bother anyone unless they attacked me. You need such a thing as he to keep the lawless from coming to dinner,” said Harci as they rode thru Larthur’s legs and into the hangar bay.
“ Are there steak sticks at this dinner cause I’ve broken a few laws in my day?” asked Ohgood robustly as he did a goofy grin and strutted around.
“ All you can eat, Ohgood, and none that you can’t,” said Harci warmly as she smiled to himself.
Inside the hangar bay there were a series of 4 dozen purple landing gels that were made up of soft magic which would gently grab hold of a ship as it landed and create a powerful energy giving bond. So
then the ship would be automatically charged up and a sweet spell produced. In and around the gels were portals that would instantly take you to different parts of the castle like you were walking thru a doorway , that were rainbow colored man shaped glowing doorways. There was also a Courpage robot flying around the hangar bay seeing to Harci’s matters.
A Courpage robot was an almost human looking robot only it was more rounded and glowing burgundy in color. It had a massive sound system attached to it that would play one of over 8 million songs from Harci’s collection. Its head looked like the famous Peom actress Velva Jisluv, a sultry 6’4” vixen who had won 10 Koressa awards. The Koressa award was a single award given out to either a male of female actor that signified recognition in the hall of the all time great performances. The award was only given out when warranted and few had ever attended the secret ceremony. The award itself was a light blue diamond cut to look like a movie script, with a pair of gold hands clutching it tightly. Velva was the only person to win it in the past 7 years and the only 10 time award winner and she did it in only 13 films. Her most famous role was in,” Wet smoke,” where she played a massively strung out musician who one day finds a drug so powerful that she becomes a completely different person without her destructive behavior and a new positive outlook on life. Then her character takes her massive wealth and creates a company to make chocolate candy bars and employs over 30,000 homeless people in her 6 factories. Then unexpectedly she dies from a massive heart attack just as the business takes off and in her will leaves everything she owns to her employees.
The walls of the hangar bay were covered in a thick green soft grass known as Pelp that only could grow 2 inches and no more. In between the Pelp were 8 large mahogany chapel shaped doors that led into Harci’s art museum. The ceiling had hundreds of different colored flowers growing towards the floor and the soft magic gels.
Everyone exited Knucer’s ship and Knucer walked up to Harci and asked,” Ya know, Harci, Jacie and I were wondering if we could stay a bit, it would mean a lot to us?”
“ Yes, absolutely yes come on in and dine with us,” said Harci warmly as he looked at Knucer and Jacie.
“ Thank you, Harci , we appreciate that,” said Jacie as she smiled.
“ You can stay, but you can’t have any of my steak sticks, Harci promised,” said Ohgood jokingly as he grinned and spun from side to side.
“ I’d like to know exactly what in the Permea a steak stick is. It sounds delicious,” said Knucer implying a question as he watched Ohgood do a funny walk.
“ Heaven on Parscan if you had one you would know. I’ll leave it at that,” said Ohgood coyly as he walked around in a circle.
Then up flew the Courpage and asked warmly,” Harci, I’ve missed you so how soon ‘til a hug comes my way?”
“ Courpage, you know that I am very generous with my affections. Come to me now,” said Harci as he wrapped his arms around Courpage and then asked,” have you gained some weight or have I?”
“ You are so hilarious, I wish I could let me tell you. Wouldn
’t I be happy then. Are all these beautiful people staying for dinner?” asked Courpage as she smiled and waved to everyone.
“ They are indeed will it be ready by 4:30?” asked Harci honestly as he rubbed Courpage’s arm.
“ Not if I keep standing here gabbing with you. I will see you at the dinner table it was lovely to meet you all,” said Courpage warmly then she flew away giggling to herself and playing the song,” Headbutt heartache,” by the Last Rights.
The song was about a girlfriend that Yist, the lead singer had, had who told him she loved him, then inexplicably headbutted him in the face breaking his nose. The Last Rights were made up of one 2 person couple and another trio relationship with 2 women dating Yist. They hailed from Crackholem and were a hugely popular band selling 689 million copies of their first album called,” Sunshine Counters.” They were involved in a massive scandal when it was found out that Gonerie Geap the guitar player was a direct descendent of Wile Geap, an ancient king who had 2 thirds of his people murdered by poison as he thought his kingdom looked cluttered. After this bit of news leaked The Last Rights never had a hit album again and split up soon after.
“ I like Courpage, she’s so depressed. Alright what, now what?” asked Famaron as he raised his left eyebrow and looked to Harci.
“ Don’t be afraid just follow me in,” said Harci then he walked over to a portal and darted inside disappearing from view instantly.
“ Ah, is this safe?” asked Camtow nervously as she stepped up to the portal.
“ Who cares,” said Ratie as she ran past her and into the portal and disappeared.
Then Ohgood ran and jumped thru the portal as he flailed his arms and screamed.
“ Fine, then I’m doin’ it,” said Camtow then she gingerly walked thru the portal.
On the other side she saw Ohgood, Ratie, and Harci sitting on a Baatold fur floating couch, with a floating statue of Harci floating in front of them that was also a table and made from emerald colored
marble. The couch was in a cubbyhole in the back wall with it being large enough for 20 people. The room was large in size and had several cubbyholes with staircases leading up to each, on all of the 4 walls with different living spaces set up in each. In the center of the room there was a massive thick cushioned magenta colored rug with dozens of different soda pop hoses coming out of the floor and thru it, as well as a box filled with glasses and plastic staff shaped cups. The walls of the room were filled with the Hornder manuscript which was the treaty between wizardkind and the Orfins that stated no Orfin would be killed unless they were trying to kill a wizard. It had over 800 chapters of previous grievances that had happened between the 2 peoples and it numbered 10,000 pages. It was written to remind everyone of the horrors of the past and to allow them to move forward in peace.
“ Hi, Camtow, grab a seat,” said Ratie as she smiled and stretched out her toes.
“ Yeah we were just saying mean things about you behind your back. Don’t pay us any mind,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he grinned.
“ Oh is that it, pure rascals,” said Camtow then Famaron burst thru the portal and bumped into her and she said,” careful now, Famaron.”
“ Careful’s for diamond cutters let’s sit down,” said Famaron as he kissed Camtow and hugged her and then they walked over and sat on the couch.
Just then Mench, Solcrist, Penn, Knucer, and Jacie burst thru the portal right after another and Solcrist asked smoothly,” Is it too soon for wine?”
“ Not soon enough,” said Mench slyly as she bumped Solcrist with her hip.
“ Oh, madam, don’t tempt me I’ve never been weaker,” said Solcrist sternly as he smirked and raised his eyebrows.
“ I wouldn’t, we’ll see how the wine suits us hmm,” said Mench in a sultry voice as she smiled to which Solcrist let out a growl.
Then Harci pulled out a red remote control and pressed a blue button and an instant later a full 70 bottle wine rack rose out of the floor next to the left wall and Harci said smoothly,” Enjoy yourselves I’ve got plenty of spirits that love to lift.”
“ He just talks how a friend should, I’m not winnin’, I’m just tyin’ one on,” said Ohgood as he grabbed a bottle of red and purple wine.
“ Ohgood, wine is but a diversion while our true selves race to the surface. You gonna open that bottle or what?” asked Solcrist firmly as he looked sternly at Ohgood who was laughing.
“ What bottle where huh, oh this perfectly chilled bottle. Well I might as well its cap is between my fingers,” said Ohgood slyly then he opened it and instantly a blue plume of smoke rose out of it and took the shape of a gargoyle.
Then the gargoyle of smoke began flying around the room and kicking its fragrant smoke into everyone’s nostrils. Before long everyone was in a good mood and smiling. Then the gargoyle flew straight at Camtow and crashed into her worried face and she let out a shout. Then she caught herself and began to smile and asked happily,” Boy that’s a good bottle of wine, who’s thirsty?”
Then Ohgood began pouring everyone a glass and with every sip everyone was more and more joyous. Then Solcrist and Mench began dancing while Famaron sang the song,” If it ain’t tope, don’t paint it,” by the Racing Grasscutters.
“ Well, I don’t know what’s in this wine, but it ain’t dragon droppings. Whoa what a sweet nectar,” said Penn as he danced a few steps.
“ It’s Harconu soldier brand, it was used after tense fighting to aid the troops. The great thing is there’s no hangover,” said Harci as he sat and smiled at Ratie and did a quick dance with his free hand.
“ If that’s the case I’m joining the army. Wowee this is just what I needed. Well this and 8 beautiful girlfriends, a dozen castles, another 5 beautiful women slash cooks, and 800 more bottles of this wine while 6 million people worship my cowlick I’m not picky, I just want it all and in a very specific fashion or I’m angry and uncontrollably violent to random strangers, that’s all,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he blew a kiss to Mench who smiled and mouthed the word later.
“ Now that that’s settled go ahead and wake up, Ohgood, I mean it your drooling body is hogging my side of the bed. Wake up wake up quick!” yelled Ratie as she shook Ohgood’s shoulders and smiled at him.
Then Ohgood smiled and chuckled and began acting like he was waking up and then said sarcastically,” Oh my god, once I wake up and this hideous female gargoyle is standing over me. Should I beat her to death to save the others?”
“ Just try it Lamebrain and I’ll knock you out cold, like how your skin’ll feel when I kill ya,” said Ratie sternly as she clenched her fist and pretended like she wasn’t going to hit Ohgood, but then gave him a quick soft punch in the cheek and Ratie burst out laughing.
Ohgood reached for his cheek then grabbed Ratie and put her in a gentle headlock and said boldly,” My cheek won’t stand for your lack of respect. I want an apology or I’ll have to squeeze it out of you sucker, sis.”
“ Squeeze away I’ll never give in you boobsickle!” said Ratie boldly then she laughed and tried to squirm out and then said breathlessly,” you’re stronger than I thought, what a jip this is.”
“ Give in and give in quick or it’s eye gouging time!” said Ohgood boldly as he held her so loose she could escape, but she didn’t try to.
“ Ah, I can’t this is too much fun ha ha,” said Ratie as she laughed and Ohgood chuckled.
Then Harci pressed a magenta colored triangular button on his remote control and smiled. Then out of the walls came an onslaught of mini dragons each of which green in color and carrying a tray of food. They flew past Knucer and Jacie and Jacie smelled the Gack steak sandwich and Kipcips, which were an apple like bite size pie covered in a thick caramel and a single scoop of vanilla ice cream and Jacie said happily,” Dinner time’s the o
nly time I’m busy.”
There were also Hiob cookies which had an indescribable flavor and looked like a golden man sitting in a chair.
“ Who’s up for a feast?” asked Harci as everyone watched the dragons bring them each a plate of food.
Then the dragons began flying in a figure eight and shooting bursts of fire out of their mouths as they flew towards the ceiling and the song,” Why aren’t we broken up yet,” by the Sounds of Death, began to play, which was an emotional pop ballad which included the lyric,” If I loved you then and I was half crazy, then I’m all crazy now, but that said we made our promises in a fiery bed and I still love ya.” The Sounds of Death, were a 5 piece with the lead singer Bradi playing a single musical note over and over again on a broken harmonica as he wailed angry Peom blues rock.
Everyone in the band were well aware of Bradi’s great lyrics, but what none of them knew was that he was a part of a gang of staff stealers who sought out ancient powerful staffs and thieved them in the night. Then Bradi would cast random spells in the center of crowded cities and massive dragons would shower the crowd with gold coins and large diamonds as he walked thru and laughed to himself.
“ This is delectable and not in a taste like crap, but I’m only being polite way,” said Ohgood as he ate his Gack steak sandwich and let out a sigh that indicated he liked it.
“ What a grand way to put it. You’re a man of pure thoughts I can’t judge you for that. That said try the Kipcips they’re better than the sandwich and only 50 percent poison, but a good fast acting poison with less suffering,” said Harci sarcastically as he grinned and everyone laughed.
Then Ohgood took a Kipcips and ate it and said warmly,” Boy that’s good, and the poison just brings out the flavor. I hate to ask, but when I’m dead can you cook my body and use me in a steak and cheese Ohgood. It’d mean a lot to me and Ratie?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he gave Harci a pathetic look and threw up his hands.
Harci burst out laughing and then put his index finger to his temple and said,” Let me think about this hmmm. What if we make you into dozens of steak and cheese Ohgoods and then put them in the freezer and have a grand aren’t we glad Ohgood is gone party. What do you think?” asked Harci as everyone laughed.
“ I like it, but I’d like it even more if there was some sort of Ohgood salad to go with it. I mean, from my standpoint how can you have a good riddance Ohgood party without salad, it’s ludicrous I won’t stand for it!” said Ohgood boldly as he stood up and began to walk out of the room then stopped and walked back as everyone laughed and asked flatly,” where’s the justice in life?”
“ It’s in those steak and cheese Ohgoods and its in there deep,” said Famaron in a deep voice as he talked out of the side of his mouth and put his hands on his chest and looked dead at Ohgood.
Ohgood paused for second then laughed loudly and then Ratie said,” Famaron, that’s the funniest thing I ever heard you say. Now, Ohgood, the funniest thing you ever said was Ratie…I’m smarter than a whip cause we both know there’s 10 pounds of crap in that head, we know that right.”
“ I won’t debate that half of my brain is gargoyle dung, but it’s the other half that’s filled with long strolls and kind words and soft cuddly puppies that says to Ratie,” said Ohgood warmly and he sat forward and then said loudly,” you moron I was smarter than you when I figured out how to say boob which is you by the way, but I won’t talk bad about you that would be too easy. So I say you’re dumb like a marble slab, ugly like a Baatold’s crack, smelly like a week old undies, and well, you’re just plain weird in the weirdest sense of the word. That’s where I stand, Ratie.”
Then there was uproarious laughter as Ratie gently punched Ohgood’s arm. Then the dragons began to create a living painting in mid air of a massive gathering of Sorplec wizards that showed them grabbing their staffs and casting spell after spell at the Hield, with massive lightning bolts shooting out of it in every direction and Harci saw this and asked,” What is this treachery I see before me? I did not cast this spell did any of you, anyone?” asked Harci as he looked around the room and tried to calm his nervousness by breathing slowly.
“ None of us did, what is this?” asked Jacie as she felt lightheaded.
Then everyone walked over to the living painting and Famaron said sadly,” It’s the Sorplecs I can tell by their staffs.”
“ It seems they are sending us a message,” said Solcrist as he stared at an evil looking red skinned Sorplec with a single black horn sticking out of his forehead named Pumrask Tiad.
“ Yeah and it isn’t hello. If they know we’re here they must have been spying on us somehow. What do you think they’re planning?” asked Mench as she put her hand to her mouth and looked at the Sorplecs then Harci.
“ They’re specifically targeting the people in this room, which suggests they feel we’re the strongest wizards on Permea,” said Harci as he tried to think about what it all meant.
“ Which means that when the war starts they’re going to seek us out first and do away with us,” said Ohgood softly as he set down his plate.
“ Why would they do that, what difference does it make?” asked Ratie nervously as she ran her left hand thru her hair.
“ Because then they’ve only got the weaker wizards to contend with and they must fell they can handle them easily,” said Knucer as he grimaced and held onto Jacie’s shoulders.
“ So they’re going to hunt us down. What kind of crap is that? We won’t stand a chance against all of them. Ratie does not need this right now,” said Ratie as she flopped down on the couch.
“ Well, they’ve played their cards and it was their error,” said Famaron firmly as he looked at Ratie and then Harci.
“ You’re saying what exactly?” asked Ratie sadly as her belly started to cramp up.
“ I’m saying that we can use this to our advantage. We know they’ll come after us and they think we’ll run, but actually we’ll stay put and proceed with the same strategy we had before. We were trying to lure them to Hamcer anyway, now we know they’re coming. And with Burnrih, Rinship, Doerain, and the other powerful wizards already there, they’re literally walking right into our trap. We shouldn’t be sad we should be overjoyed. Remember they need to refuel their powers , so when they come after us they’ll be weak and unprepared for the fury we’ll unleash on them,” said Famaron boldly as a smile crept across his face.
“ Then I say let them watch. If they’re watching us now and plotting our demise then they are the suckers we thought they were. So it’s alright to relax, Ratie, we’re actually in a good spot with this,” said Ohgood warmly as he gave Ratie a firm nod.
“ But what if they can hear us right now shouldn’t we be worried?” asked Ratie anxiously as she looked at Famaron.
Famaron shook his head and then said warmly,” They can’t hear a thing, because of the amount of spells they’re casting on the Hield they can’t hear themselves think. Even if they could they have no choice they still have to refuel. Let’ say they hear us and hatch some plan, all plans lead to Hamcer. Where we’ll be ready to blow them to pieces of charred flesh,” said Famaron snidely then he smiled and raised his eyebrows quickly to which Ratie let out a sigh and nodded.
“ Ya see, Ratie, that’s why he was an emperor, charisma. And charisma like that grows on trees and can be found anywhere. So worry little as at least he baths properly. Oh, and we’ll be safe little, sis,” said Ohgood jokingly as Famaron looked at him wide eyed and everyone else laughed.
“ Is that right young, Ohgood, has me pinned down as horribly average. Well here’s a bit of momma should have told ya. I can eat 37 bites of steak at one sitting. I can hurl myself off a cliff in 30 years and die on impact. I was born a woman, but got tired of shaving my legs. Ye after
all this I know one thing above all others, I can out joke young ugly, Ohgood, any moment of the day and that’s the real stuff!” yelled Famaron as everyone cheered and Ohgood sat calmly looking at him with a smirk on his face.
Then Ohgood took a few small hops and said flatly,” I invented the dramatic…pause, I inhaled the smoke from a dying high priest’s cigarette just before he passed and I once ate a dozen Zamtru steaks from a live running Zamtru. But…the one thing I have over you that will never change is this,” said Ohgood then he began flailing his arms and dancing like a lunatic and then jumped in the air and did a full split and said flatly,” I’m an artist, so run along to your casket.”
Everyone clapped and then Harci lifted his staff and said sternly,” Lifra upna bublu!”
Then Harci began to pulse bright purple and a series of 17 blue rings encircled his body. Then he began to float up into the air and tiny birds formed on the rings that were dark brown in color. Then the birds dive bombed into the floor and burst into pies and cakes and even a plate of double chocolate chip cookies. Then Harci smiled and said,” Well I am a magic man, so both of you are under my thumb.”