Inside the Bridef gardens Mench, Ohgood, Famaron, Camtow, and Ratie were walking along the air jet sidewalk floating 2 feet above the ground as the sun was rising. The garden had genetically engineered giant fruits, vegetables, and flowers in and around random spells that each wizard who passed thru left behind.
There were things like 4 foot tall Baatolds living inside a mini red marble castle with 8 foot roses surrounding it, as well as Bress that were 3 foot tall and playing tennis with a Joems robot while surrounded by apples that size of a car. There were also cloud men smoking cigarettes as they sat taking in the day and a perpetually red lightning strike into the eyes of a stone blue statue of a Tornto fish crushing a pair of skulls in its large teeth.
The Tornto fish is a black turtle shell shaped fish with arms like a man. It also has a large yellow head that looks like a diamond only with piercing grey lifeless eyes. It also has a steady stream of white and green powder that shoots out of a blowhole called Kraps that is used as a hallucinogenic by the youth and causes wild delusions of grandeur.
“ So, Ohgood, since we last talked are you closer to falling in lust with me or closer to falling on top of me naked? Cause either way I’m happy,” asked Mench as she walked up next to Ohgood as they swept thru a tunnel of old paintings that had been sewn together into a circle.
“ It’s not that I don’t love you, I don’t. It’s more along the lines of bread and bathrooms. Along them lines is where our love lies,” said Ohgood as he glanced over at Mench and admired a painting of a helmet shape sandwich on a plate of fire.
“ I figured as much, but what I can’t get out of my head are those memories I don’t have of us having sex. Ya see those are the memories I can’t let go of. Oh I wanted to ask you, if I drugged you and made hot nasty sex with you would it bother you much?” asked Mench as she smiled over to Ohgood who had the look like he’d just eaten something spoiled.
“ Gee, why would it, just as long as when you’re taking advantage of me you don’t take advantage of me. That’s all I ask, but if I could I’d like to clarify a previous point and that was sandwich,” said Ohgood flatly as he stared up at a massive purple and red sky and grinned.
“ A sandwich what?” asked Ratie as she looked at Mench and shook her head.
“ That’s what I was pointing at when you looked at me funny at breakfast. That said, Mench, I think we get to the business of getting’ down,” said Ohgood sternly as he looked over at Mench.
“ Really, let’s go I’m ready,” said Mench quickly as she rubbed his chest.
“ Sex no, god no I meant of this air jet I’m getting nauseous. Sex with you, it’d take more than drugs to make that happen. Although I smelled a dead rat carcass that made me think of what sex with you might be like and I won’t lie, it turned me on,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he looked at Mench straight faced as she laughed.
“ Did that carcass have gravy on it, because it might have been my dinner?” asked Famaron as he ran past on the air jet.
“ No chocolate sprinkles, you didn’t have gravy on you earlier did ya, Mench?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he looked at Mench wide eyed and with his mouth open.
“ I did and a large pile of potatoes. It’s just how I relax in the evening. But that said where does your brain find the time to speak with your 2 brain cells playing with a stringless yo-yo, do tell?” asked Mench slyly as she softly tapped Ohgood’s head with her index finger and smiled while he chuckled.
“ It’s 1 and a half brain cells if you must know! And they haven’t spoken to me in weeks because of a dispute over weekend pay! My feeling on it was you get your lazy butts to work whether you’re paid or not!” said Ohgood sarcastically in a stern voice.
“ So you stiffed ‘em, well I’d quit too. God I feel sorry for the 1 and a half of them, I mean all’s they think about all day is buttercrack and steak sticks it must get lamesville,” said Ratie as she flew past Ohgood on her stomach as she swam thru the air with a pair of red paddles.
Mench and Famaron laughed and then Ohgood slammed his fist into the air jet and said sarcastically in a stern tone,” No one mocks the great Ohgood unless I allow it! And I only allow it when I am surrounded by air! So as you can see, alright look, Mench, I’ll only have sex with you if you lie on that bed naked and I use a robot version of myself to do the deed while I sit miles away in a private castle. How’s that hit ya, Mench, you horny yet?” asked Ohgood slyly as he grinned and tapped the side of Mench’s leg.
“ Oh you insolent cowardly pious egotistical son of a…” said Mench fiercely and then she said flatly,” Alright I’ll do it, but only if it’s you instead of the robot as robots smell of oil, a large turn off of mine. How ‘bout sexsickle?” asked Mench sharply as she made a goofy face and nodded and Ohgood laughed.
“ I’ve got an idea, why don’t I dig an 8 foot hole and put a large wooden casket at the bottom. Then at 2 in the morning you meet me there and climb into the hole and get comfy in the casket. Now if I’m not there when you arrive go ahead and climb in. Now if while you’re laying there you hear 2 voices saying things like is it legal to bury someone alive or what happens if we get caught, that aren’t my voice fear not as they’re my butlers. Now if dirt starts to rain down upon you, don’t panic as it will just be me setting the mood, I know it’s kinky, but it’s a big turn on for me. I’d say if you’re fully covered by dirt don’t panic,” said Ohgood calmly as he looked blankly at Mench and then smirked and everyone laughed while Mench tried not to.
Then they rode thru a stretch of garden that had different colored light filled waterfalls on either side with statues of Baatolds inside them.
“ What if I can’t breathe and I start to suffocate should I scream?” asked Mench as she admired a red 4 foot wide red nose on her left.
“ No, god no you just have to remember I could be running late with all the nothing I have to do. So even if you’re near death buck up and be ready, cause when I get there we’re gonna have the best 5 minutes of your life, ah my little, Menchy,” said Ohgood slyly as he rubbed her cheek with the back of his hand and smiled as she grimaced.
Then out of the waterfalls came 4 dozen Gugs. The Gugs were a breed of half golden retriever and half blue bird. They had the body of a dog only with the head of the bird and a set of 4 foot long wings on their 2 foot long golden colored fur covered bodies. Their eyes were crimson and black with the words,” Dawmish,” written in their irises.
Dawmish Bardron was the great Dorphin scientist who one day realized he loved pets and began trying to create the perfect one genetically. He imprinted his name in the animals DNA so as to keep track of his
creations. He also took out all the animals negative aggression and also added a special softness to their fur or feathers to please their owners sense of touch. Dawmish also was a gifted pianist as he had twice the speed and dexterity in his hands than even the most skilled piano players. He played a recital to over 6 million people and during his concerto titled,” What was is air,” half the audience fainted and 300 people died, because they were unable to absorb his mastery and their hearts beat 4 times as fast as normal. He said once of music,” When we’re gone only the notes will remember us and that is a tremendous legacy to believe in.”
The Gugs flew over to Ratie and began landing on her body as she looked around in shock and then asked nervously,” What’s going on, Ratie is in a bit of trouble?”
Then the Gugs began eating her clothes and Mench said sternly,” You have to bat them on the nose or they won’t stop eating your clothes.”
“ But there’s so many, I can’t get them all,” said Ratie as she frantically hit the Gugs on their noses.
As she did the Gugs flew away into the garden. Famaron and Camtow hurried over to Ratie and began helping her by hitting the Gugs noses.
“ Re
lax, Ratie, we came to help ha ha,” said Camtow as she batted the Gugs.
In a few seconds all the Gugs had flown off leaving Ratie with dozens of holes in her red cashmere dress, so much so you could see her black silk bra and panties. Ratie took a look at her clothes and grimaced and said sadly,” I don’t even get good luck. Why can’t these things happen to other people like, Ohgood, why aren’t your clothes have eaten?” asked Ratie sadly as she let out a sigh.
“ Well, when god created Ohgood, he said my what a fine looking soul I’ve created. A man so great that he should have a perpetual life of ease. A man so smart he’ll think his way out of every situation.
Yes, Ratie, a man among men and most attractive women, an Ohgood,” said Ohgood jokingly in a deep voice as he smiled wildly and raised his right hand up in the air.
Everyone let out a sigh and shook their heads and then Famaron said slyly,” A scoundrel, a charlatan, an imbecile, an Ohgood for the ages.”
Everyone laughed and then Ohgood shook his head and raised his hand and said sarcastically,” I can’t take such high praise without saying thank you. But what I can do is tell you a story of heartache that is pertinent to our discussion. When I was 8 and 1 week old I got a shiny brown mini wagon with lasers for headlights. I loved this wagon more than any person I’ve ever know.”
“ What, what about me I’m your sister?” asked Ratie defiantly as her mouth was agape.
“ As I was saying, now this wagon and I were whispering sweet nothings and somethings in each other’s ears when out of nowhere came this mountain of a man with a massive black beard and a mane of long black hair. The man said to me, give the wagon here, son, I’d like to have a look at it. To which I replied beat it it’s my wagon,” said Ohgood as he smiled and everyone laughed.
“ Then what happened?” asked Camtow eagerly as she smiled at Ohgood.
“ Then he said to me look you little brat I’m not askin’ give it here. So I stood up and acted like I was going to give it to him and instead turned to run, but he was way faster and he grabbed my shirt and took the wagon from me and said sternly, this is mine now you little brat. And then he walked off as I cried,” said Ohgood honestly as he smirked and everyone sighed and then he said sharply,” ever since then I’ve plotted to take over the world and unleash my vengeance. You will all feel my pain! I want my wagon back or you’re all dead by horrible excruciating dragons eating you alive, to death!” thundered Ohgood as he glared at everyone.
Then Ratie reached into her pocket and pulled out a large bill and said flatly,” Or you can take this money here and buy a new one, hmm.”
Then Ratie handed the bill to Ohgood and he nodded and smiled and then said softly,” Alright, I’ll spare you for now, but if my new wagon is stolen there will be a massive plague that engulfs the whole world ha ha ha!” yelled Ohgood as he clenched his fist and shook it at the sky.
“ Hey we’re at the Loka room let’s see if we can find Solcrist,” said Camtow as they floated up into a massive structure known as the Loka room.
It had the 600 foot tall statue of the wizard Gannic that Fierce as its shape showing him sitting in a throne with his staff in one hand and a large red orb in the other.
Gannic the Fierce was a powerful wizard who disappeared after an argument with his then wife Bobi. Before that he had been the driving force for peace on Permea and let it be known that if war broke out he’d go to great lengths to destroy the leaders of both armies. He was greatly feared, because he had the ability to transport himself anywhere he wanted in an instant. Then he’d kill his victim and vanish into thin air. He was also widely known as a ladies man with 210 children by 198 women who he rarely saw as he devoted his life to being a musician.
The front of the Loka room had several holographic windows that looked large and ornate, but were actually normal sized and plain. The front doors were dark brown round mahogany and disappeared into the walls in 4 pieces as people approached. The Loka room housed 100 different musical and theatrical acts on 3 levels that competed each day for prizes while anyone that wanted could join in. There was also a karaoke car that you could jump on and sing your way thru the entire building as people sat and ate dinner at one of 1500 eight person tables in and around the building inside of the building.
They floated up to the front doors of the Loka room and jumped off the air jet.
“ Hey moron give me back my purse, thief, thief!” shouted Ratie as she pointed to Ohgood and people looked over at him.
Ohgood burst out laughing and then a burly 6’7” inch 460 pound light brown long haired man named Sils rushed over and said sternly,” Give her back her purse or I’ll break your neck!”
Then Ohgood laughed and looked at Ratie and said,” O.K., Ratie, a joke’s a joke let’s go already.”
Ratie looked around and then asked quizzically,” Are you talking to me purse thief?”
“ Alright, buddy, hand it over quick,” said Sils as he glared adown at Ohgood and extended his left hand out.
Ohgood looked at Ratie who was smiling and then Ohgood looked up at Sils for a moment then shouted as he raised his staff,” Forma fierce shot!”
Then a purple orb of red and green energy appeared in front of Ohgood and shot at Sils. The orb surrounded his entire body and he raised up in the air and began to spin at a high rate of speed. While he spun Sils felt all of his anger for Ohgood disappear and he began to laugh hysterically.
“ Ya see, Ratie, I just won’t be intimidated by large men with bad breath and worse hygiene. It’s a bit of a credo of mine. Now shall we get a bit of dinner and find that missing purse I heard tell of hmmm?” asked Ohgood slyly as he offered Ratie his arm and when she went to grab it pulled it away and said,” you’re not my type, related and all.”
“ Very funny, for a purse thief,” said Ratie then she and everyone laughed as they walked up to the Loka room’s front doors.
The doors opened and inside they saw the mass of bands on circular black stages dotted throughout the room. Each of the stages had a sound dampener so only the nearest table could hear the music. Each of
the tables were like a Trans Am without the wheels and with various swirling colors like blue and turquoise. Along the right wall was the kitchen and there were 50 slots where each meal would rotate out on a tray with a thin layer of a white plastic keeping the meal at its most desirable. Above the slots were the holographic paintings of the Slammo brothers, a group of 9 brothers who were world famous for their acting abilities in such films as,” Life in a memory,” and ,” Take what is taken first.”
Life in a memory, told the story of a massively addicted drug addict and alcoholic who had developed a system whereby no one could perceive his drunken or high state. Meanwhile he worked as a famous master surgeon who had saved the ruler of Permea from certain death when he had a massive heart attack. It was based on a true story and it won Goesi Slammo the Doer Va Co award which was given out only twice a century and came with a large castle and the equivalent of 500 million dollars. You also had a golden full size statue of yourself put in the award winner’s hall.
“ Take what is taken first,” was about a dirt poor family of 5 in the outskirts of Genver who live on only half a bowl of oatmeal a day. Over time they become so weak that the bread winner of the family their mother Sebal no longer has the ability to rake up stones from the rich Poamer family’s garden. So slowly but surely they run out of money and food. Then the eldest boy Boku finally snaps and goes and kills the Poamer family’s bread winner Zact and steals a dozen priceless paintings and a sack of money. The amazing thing is no one sees him do it and he gets away Scott free. Then he and his family flee to the beach community of Qoco and buy a massive mansion.
“ I love a good band, but I could do without the music,” said Ohgood jokingly as he was being led to their tabl
e by a seal black short haired waitress named Gobab, with a black silk short dress on.
“ I love a good music, but could do without the band,” said Mench slyly as she sat down and looked up and saw the band Fish Lovers, playing the song,” That’s my tip,” in front of their table.
“ Well I hate everybody, so eat it,” said Ratie sternly as she sat down and rolled her eyes and let out a sigh.
“ Well I hate you, so taste it,” shot back Famaron as he looked at Ratie.
“ Isn’t it nice in here, but where’s old Solcrist I don’t see him anywhere?” asked Camtow as she looked around.
“ Probably still working his other job and cleaning the toilets,” said Ohgood sarcastically then he burst out laughing and grinned as Ratie shook her head and giggled.
“ This menu has 50 things that are good and I’d like to eat them all, but there isn’t enough belly room for 3 of them. Oh, barbecue Gack ribs go no further, Famaron,” said Famaron as he looked at the holographic menu in front of him that showed each dish as it would look on your plate.
“ Gack ribs, now we’re talkin’. There’s also a glazed man’s pride and self respect with a side of humiliation topped with blue cheese. Oh I’m in for that go no further Ohgood,” said Ohgood jokingly as he gave everyone a serious look and a quick nod as a hologram of a Gack steak and cheese baked roll around the outside floated in front of him.
“ There’s also a trampled ego a la mode with a hiding of embarrassment as you leave a room without making eye contact. Oh, and my favorite a fake drunk girl looking for a husband and covered in thick country gravy. Oh this is too much I’ll never be able to eat it all,” said Mench sarcastically as she rubbed her belly and grimaced while everyone laughed loudly.
“ That sounds pretty tasty, but you’ll need something to wash it down with and I’ve got just the thing. A cup of past glory that you replay in your head on a regular basis, but make it bigger in your mind so
you can feel like a hero covered in barbecue sauce to give it some zip whowee,” said Ratie slyly as she made a gesture with her arm and grinned.
“ I’ll have that, is it filling?” asked Solcrist as he walked over and tapped Ratie on the shoulder with his index finger.
“ It can be, but you’re too close to death so what does it matter?” asked Ratie jokingly as she looked up at him and smiled.
“ Boy that spunk of yours never gets old. Hello everyone, are we in a festive mood this evening?” asked Solcrist as he sat down and then began rifling thru the holographic menu.
“ We are, why do you ask is there a surprise?” asked Famaron as he looked at Solcrist quizzically and grinned.
Solcrist looked up and said,” Tonight is Barax night.”
“ What is Barax night is it a special dinner?” asked Camtow as she looked at Solcrist with her mouth agape.
“ No my dear, a new form of entertainment. The man at the door told me to expect surprises. So expect then I shall,” said Solcrist as he flipped thru the menu and then saw the barbecue stuffed Gack head with super whipped white potatoes and gravy and said happily,” Oh shall I dine on this one.”
“ You’re gonna eat that Gack head? Are you crazy or loaded?” asked Ratie honestly as she grimaced and shook her head no.
“ My dear, Ratie, it looks delicious and I am positive it won’t bite back. That said, it just looks cool,” said Solcrist as he laughed and ordered his meal on a keypad on the table.
“ Ya ever notice how you’re the only one laughing after you tell one of your jokes. That’s not a good thing albeit in all fairness a bad thing. That said I’m having the smoked know when to tell and joke and know when to shut your yap. As well as the chopped up and fried old people’s jokes need a warning label with a glass of screw you,” said Ratie in a stern voice as she pointed to Solcrist’s nose.
Everyone laughed and Solcrist smiled and said flatly,” I’m having the same, but with a side of pretentious young woman pie covered in respect your elders, Ratie. It’s my favorite dish and boy is it chewy.”
Then the lights in the room dimmed and 50 Sus birds began flying around the room. The Sus birds were light green and tan in color with long L shaped wings that tiny flecks of fire fell off of as they flew. They had an E shaped head with large deep set glowing light blue eyes that looked almost human. They had a long nose that shot straight out from the face made of an orange and turquoise bone with feathers only on the tip. Their bodies were shaped like a bowling pin only more bulbous at the middle. Then hands like a man’s only dark red in color and they were 2 feet in length. They were well known for being part magic and could change at any moment into a number of things like a sword or pendent.
“ What in the sex are those?” asked Ratie in shock as she sat back and looked at the Sus doing various spins and flips as tiny droplets of fire came off of their wings and lit up the room.
“ They’re Sus birds, don’t worry they’re harmless. They only eat young angry annoyed women named Ratie. I wouldn’t give it a thought Rat…,” said Mench as she stopped mid sentence and looked at Ratie in shock and worry.
Ratie smiled and threw her hair back and a wash of joy came over her face. Then the Sus began exploding one by one and as they did the meals that people had ordered became the Sus and fell softly onto each person’s table. Solcrist saw his glazed Gack head land in front of him and then said,” I love
good service it sharpens the taste buds to perfection,” said Solcrist then he bit into the eye of the Gack head and let out a sigh of relief.
Then the lights again dimmed and in rode Buitash on a massive light green energy dragon shaped ship. He had dark brown long straight hair that was very thick and combed back off of his face from a widow’s peak, which was a round spot in the center of his hairline. He had light green joyful eyes that always looked at ease. He had a small straight nose that was slightly rounded at the tip and his mouth was slightly grinning at all times. There was a red laser burn on his left cheekbone that looked like an intentional tattoo of some kind. Under his chin were the words,” Would it change perfection,” tattooed in tiny black letters. He was 6’4” and 232 pounds with a huge chest and arms and narrow skinny legs. He had on a glowing red robe and a pair of black sandals. He also had on a medallion of silver around his neck and an 8 foot seal black steel and wooden staff with the head of a rival named Sosam shrunken and affixed to the top in his left hand.
“ I have come to destroy you all!” thundered Buitash as he glared at everyone and then stood up and said warmly,” not so muck kill as mesmerize with my vast magical powers. Feel free to bask in my perfection as I demonstrate my unattainable power.”
“ Is this guy for real?” asked Ohgood as he looked at Buitash and scowled and thought what a boob he was.
“ I think he’s dreamy whowee, bring on the magic baby!” said Ratie excitedly as she let out a purring sound and raised her eyebrows.
“ I’m with you I just hope he’ll say hello at some point,” said Camtow as she looked up at Buitash longingly and squeezed her hands together.
“ Do I not exist, what’s going on here?” asked Famaron in disbelief as he looked at Camtow who was fixated on Buitash.
“ Here’s a bit of my secret spells watch and be taken aback,” said Buitash sternly and then he jumped into the air and shouted,” Beahon gagud!”
Then an upside down 10 foot tall turquoise waterfall appeared in front of him with dozens of fish swimming up it and tiny fishermen sitting on top of it in a trio of black wooden slipper shaped boats floating in it. Then a large Palaman poked its head out of the waterfall and glared at Ratie and she asked nervously,” Should I be worried? That fish is staring right at me, my god,” said Ratie nervously as she looked at Ohgood who was laughing.
“ Careful Ratie, that fish wants to devour you whole.
I’d be scared if it were me,” said Ohgood playfully as he grinned at Ratie.
Then the Palaman leapt out of the waterfall and shot straight for Ratie. It landed on the table and as it slithered towards her suddenly it morphed into a troll and he asked warmly,” May I have this dance, miss?”
“ No, beat it you little weirdo. I don’t dance with fish people,” said Ratie sharply as she shook her head and grimaced as she put her hands out in front of her.
“ Well don’t be an angry puss come and dance with Paren Goos,” said the troll brightly as he smiled from ear to ear and then did a twirling few dance steps and offered his hand to Ratie.
“ Beat it and I mean BEAT IT. I’m not touching that hand of yours that’s probably been up a dragon’s butt,” said Ratie sharply as she glared at the troll and shot back in her seat as Famaron and Ohgood rolled with laughter and then Ratie said,” this is not funny, Ohgood.”
Then the troll danced over to Mench and said brightly,” If you wouldn’t mind a finer dance partner you’ll never find.”
“ I do mind,” said Mench as she laughed and recoiled and then said jokingly,” you might find a winner in the bushes outside. Go take a look quick, before I bake you into a pie.”
Ohgood laughed and then said sarcastically,” Mench, how could you pass up such a handsome young man? I would think a woman like you would take whatever she can get.”
Then the troll ran and flipped thru the air and transformed into Buitash and stood in front of the table smirking and he asked,” How ‘bout a dance now my lovely?”
Mench sat there taken aback and then said happily,” I’d love too, handsome.”
She took his hand and they walked out into the center of the room. Then all the tables lit up with a red light that shot up to the ceiling as all the tables slid back 5 feet and a large stage rose up out of the floor beneath Mench and Buitash. On the stage there was a wall of lights in the shapes of animals cast up to the ceiling as a hologram of a meadow engulfed the stage. Then the song,” Forever just once,” by the Stolen breaths, began to play.
The Stolen Breaths were a 5 piece led by Peom lead singer and glasses of water player Gradou Moment. Gradou was regarded as a sex symbol not for his looks, but for the abnormal size of a particular body part. He had so many women after him if husbands learned he was coming to town to perform they took their wives on vacation far away. Gradou dabbled in magic and cast a spell on the city he lived in, on its water supply that turned it into vodka. Many a person woke up to an unwelcome shower, but Gradou did it as a way to spread joy so he said.
Mench and Buitash began to slow dance and as they did began floating above the stage.
“ My name is Mench by the way, if it matters,” said Mench slyly as she held Buitash tightly.
“ It doesn’t, I’m Buitash and I was just kidding, Mench. Do you know why I chose you?” asked Buitash as he looked Mench in the eye.
“ Because I’m beautiful, radiant, and an obvious sexpot?” asked Mench slyly as she grinned up at Buitash.
“ This is true, but also cause every woman in this room knows you’re the only one alive,” said Buitash as he caressed Mench’s back and looked deep into her eyes.
“ That was a nice thing to say. Why don’t you come a bit closer, Buitash,” said Mench warmly then she French kissed Buitash for 15 seconds and then looked him in the eye.
“ Go for it, Mench, get your hands on those cheeks!” yelled Ohgood wryly as he grinned wildly and nodded.
Mench looked over and smiled and then looked at Buitash and said coyly,” Don’t mind him his brain is full of dung.”
“ NO man should speak to a woman in this manner I won’t stand for it,” said Buitash sternly then he hurried over to Ohgood and said loudly,” You will apologize or I will give you the beating of your life you obnoxious sprat!”
Ohgood smiled and then said calmly,” See, here’s the thing, will this be a beating with a club or a mallet, because I took a beating once with a steel ax handle that has to be the current beating of my life.”
“ You think I’m joking with you eh?” asked Buitash firmly as he put his hand on the table and glared at Ohgood.
“ No. sir, no I know you are,” said Ohgood coldly then he raised his staff and shouted,” Basket louse!”
Then suddenly Buitash was covered in a black gooey ooze that froze him in his tracks. Then an 8 foot Baatold with brown and red swirling fur appeared and tackled him.
“ Get off of me you foul beast!” shouted Buitash as the Baatold pummeled him in the face.
Mench walked over to Ohgood and said,” Ohgood, your love for me is ruining my sex life. When can I hope to see you naked?” asked Mench slyly as she looked at Ohgood with her hands on her hips.
“ Right about never, honestly that’s as soon as I’m available. That said your friend there seems to still be interested, why don’t you ask him after he gets the smell of Baatold urine out of his hair? It will only take 24 hours,” said Ohgood sarcastically as he grinned and shook his head no.
“ You insufferable tease, get those clothes off. You know you couldn’t bear to see me with another man, that’s why you yelled that crass comment,” said Mench as she stepped over the Baatold’s leg as she walked up to Ohgood with a wry smile on her face.
Then Ohgood took a bite of his Gack steak and looked at her and said sarcastically,” I tell you what it is, I can’t have sex with ya while you’re still alive I get creeped out by body heat, but I will promise you this, Menchy, someday in the so distant future we will be makin’ the sweet love they write about in bad songs hmm.”
“ That’s all I needed to hear,” said Mench as she walked over to Ohgood and grabbed hold of his face and planted a long wet kiss on him and then said in a sultry voice,” I’m ready when you are.”
“ Can I have my steak back, I think you swallowed it after your tongue stole it from my throat?” asked Ohgood jokingly as he grinned at Mench and Ratie and Famaron laughed.
Mench glared at Famaron who then said as he laughed,” Look, it was funny tough, Mench.”
“ Well then why isn’t Solcrist enjoying said joke?” asked Mench defiantly as she smirked and put her hands on her hips.
“ Oh sorry I missed the levity I was watching that rock and roll group there on the far stage. It seems they’re having a fist fight in between songs,” said Solcrist honestly as he watched Gradou punch his bass player Talter right in the nose sending a squirt of blood over the audience and into a blonde haired woman’s soup and she picked up the soup and threw it at the stage hitting Gradou and covering his hairless bare chest in Gack’s neck soup. Then the drummer tackled Gradou and they fell onto an old woman’s table and crushed her glazed Gack head.
“ I would think that would hurt a bit if she was hungry,” said Ratie slyly as she watched the fight.
Mench laughed to herself and Camtow stood up and asked,” Do you think we should be leaving considering the anger in this room?”
Then Famaron saw 2 men two tables over start pummeling one another and said firmly,” The time for leaving has arrived.”
“ None too soon for me, let’s dine somewhere else where normal people are,” said Mench as she headed for the exit.
“ I agree, let’s dig a hole and find some fun hmm,” said Ratie sarcastically as she threw a glance to Mench who smiled.
They made their way outside and Solcrist pointed to a large black colored Konno and said,” I’ve got a bit of transportation if you fear a death of walking.”
“ Where’d you get that?” asked Ohgood as he looked it over and smiled.
Solcrist grinned and said proudly,” A fine wager with a desperate man, led to beautiful vessel falling into my waiting and eager arms.”
“ So you stole it,” said Ohgood quickly as
he scowled at Solcrist.
“ Aces are a hard hand to beat, Ohgood, and I can’t help it if I had them 5 times in a row. You should have seen the look of surprise on that poor fellow’s face. And not only did I get his ship, but a nice home near the Bloodlet,” said Solcrist happily as he remembered the winning hands and casting the spells on the cards to change them.
“ You took everything he had and left him with nothin’. Good work let’s roll,” said Ratie slyly then she started for the Konno with everyone looking at her perplexed.
“ She’s not heartless enough for me, I think you should have wagered for all his clothes and 2 pints of his blood,” said Mench sarcastically as everyone started for the Konno.
“ It’s in the freezer and his clothes were too small so I saved them for you them for you, Mench. Do you wear men’s slacks?” asked Solcrist coyly as he smiled and pulled out a red remote control from his pocket and then pressed a green button to open the outside doors of the Konno.
Inside could be seen a waterfall lit up by blue and orange lights that created the shape of a Sarg in the cubby hole area behind the water. There were 3 yellow couches in the cubby facing a 3 sided TV. To the left and right of the waterfall were a pair of Edli games rooms.
Edli was a holographic game where you all mounted anti-gravity motorcycles and went on an epic journey to free the Haborm princess Olathi from the hands of the evil lord Ponkus. You had to defeat many foes along the way and recover the 6 Cornrap artifacts from several places in the holographic
kingdom of Posuto. Once you had all six you had enough weapons to fight your way into Ponkus’s castle lair. Then it was thru a maze and the final showdown with Ponkus.
“ This looks fun, what game is that?” asked Camtow as she looked at the 7 anti-gravity motorcycles set up around the Edli room.
“ I believe it is called Edli and I played a bit earlier and it was very fun,” said Solcrist as he walked in.
“ Looks like it’s a really cool game, we should play after we eat,” said Ohgood as he sat on a glowing red and black sleek motorcycle.
“ Works for me I love games like this, they’re really entertaining,” said Mench as she breezed thru a stopped to look at a red and gold tapestry on the wall of the Deveo’s 8th ruler and wizard Mactro Eight.
Mactro Eight was the first king to become truly power hungry. After his mother died and he took over he began hiring a small army of assassins who then went around and killed off all the other kings and queens as well as their heirs. Then Mactro swooped in and took over their lands and peoples. Within 2 months he was the sole ruler of Permea and went about the impregnating of every beautiful woman he saw. He fathered over 1000 children and they became known as Mactro’s army of Eights. Many of his children went on to father dozens of children themselves and took parts of Permea and took large chunks of valuable land and turned it into massive super castles known as Kaaloes, many of which were 10 miles in length and reached far above the clouds.
The ceiling in the Edli room was an exact replica of the city of Gornex and showed its massive 70 mile skyline on the southern tip of the Bowayn continent.
“ Did I hear something about food or was it an echo some cook made a century ago?” asked Famaron slyly as he looked around the room.
“ Follow me if food or sustenance are what you require,” said Solcrist as he walked up to one of the tapestries and went thru a secret doorway that swung inward.
“ I love secret stuff, it’s fuel in my right finger muscle, right about there,” said Ohgood as he pointed his own finger and looked at Mench sternly.
“ Isn’t that lovely you sure are filled with interesting tidbits. Here’s one, I swim in water all by myself,” said Mench slowly as she pretended to swim and Ohgood smiled.
“ I don’t need the light on anymore to sleep. It’s been 4 days now, which means I’m a big boy,” said Ohgood in a little kids voice as he grinned slightly and nodded.
“ Then a big boy like you needs a momma to tuck you in and comb your hair and lie on you naked,” said Mench condescendingly then she burst out laughing and gave Ohgood a soft push on the shoulder.
“ Mench, you’re killin’ me with all the innuendos, can you please just either get it on you two or move the heck on,” said Ratie as she let out a sigh and threw up her hands.
Then Mench smiled and looked at Ohgood and he said flatly,” Nah, we’re having too much fun. So as I was saying, Menchy, I’ll only sleep with half horse half person, can you make that happen?” asked Ohgood jokingly as he looked at Mench and Ratie let out a sigh and walked off.
“ Only the head portion, I need my own body or it’s be hard to enjoy the experience,” said Mench sarcastically as she rubbed Ohgood’s shoulder.
“ Ohh, you were so close. I just can’t kiss a horsehead, but we tried. What about troll feet and dragon’s body with Mench head. What do you say?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he tried not to laugh as Mench was grimacing.
Meanwhile Famaron, Solcrist, and Camtow were in the kitchen where there was 78 heated glass cases filled with 8 course meals around the walls of the room, that had meals like Gack barbecue sandwiches to Palaman tuna salad subs with a side of apple crisp. The cases were dome shaped and were perched on a long shelf. In the center of the room there was a circular red glowing refrigerator filled with everything and anything including a chilled Gonog, which was a chocolaty whiskey that was without the taste of liquor. There were also various soda pops and deserts on a series of trays and on steel shelves. The floor in the room had a massive marble painting of the sky with holes punched in it and a red smoke billowing out the holes and the words,” Vengeance has arrived in our dreams,” written on the bottom.
“ You asked for food and there is plenty of it,” said Solcrist as he grinned and opened a case and then took a Gack alfredo sub and bit into it and laughed.
“ Camtow, let’s suspend all conversations ‘til I’ve got a minimum of 3,000 calories in my stomach,” said Ohgood as he walked over and opened a case and then grabbed a piece of an apple sandwich and bit into it.
“ I’m all for that,” said Camtow as she smiled and watched Famaron eat and laughed.
Then in walked Ratie and she said sadly,” So this is where all the food is, I am dying for food and quick. Can someone help me please?” asked Ratie as she pouted and put out her hands.
Famaron opened a case with 6 large pizza and pasta wraps and a side of Mecha, which is an indescribable desert and picked it up and hurried over to Ratie with a smile on his face and said warmly,” Don’t die yet, Ratie, there is good food to be had.”
Ratie took the plate and said sadly,” Oh, Famaron, you’re the best of us you always help poor Ratie.”
Then Ratie picked up one of the white wraps and bit into the chicken alfredo ravioli one and let out a loud sigh and Camtow asked,” Is that better, Ratie?”
“ Oh god yes, my belly thanks you sincerely and my brain is working again, which is nice,” said Ratie as she smiled and ate.
Then in walked Ohgood and Mench and Ohgood said slyly,” Ratie, who are you kiddin’, your brain never worked a day in its life. Half of it is Baatold crap and the other half troll spit. Boy the lies you tell when I’m not around.”
Ratie turned and shook her head and said,” You can’t bother me now my belly’s too full of goodness. Now, Ohgood, maybe you should eat something before your last brain cell goes on strike.”
“ I’m watching my figure, I have to eat healthy choices. So let me alone,” said Ohgood as he turned his head and pouted.
“ I’m watching it too, nice cheeks are they real, as in hard?” asked Mench in a sultry voice as she stood beside Ohgood.
Ohgood laughed while Ratie let out a sigh and Ohgood said,” They were when I bought them. They weren’t ch
eep either how ‘bout those 3 extra chins of yours are those real?” asked Ohgood sarcastically as he looked at Mench wide eyed and grinned.
“ Ohh that was nasty, but at least we’re on the right subject, which is getting’ it on. Now I insist on group showers before as I need everything properly buffed and shinned. Then it’s a long cuddling session where you tell me all your secrets. Then of course you guessed it, another round of showers this time with a pair of sponges, then of course more cuddling and then a good 5 minutes of brisk sex. You can last
that long I hope?” asked Mench as everyone laughed and ate and Ohgood smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
“ Don’t answer that question, Ohgood, if you do it will never end. Please for my meals and tummy’s sake don’t say a word,” pleaded Ratie as she stood between Ohgood and Mench.
Ohgood tried to look past Ratie, but she blocked his face with her hands and then Solcrist asked,” Who’s up for a bit of Edli?”