"Just awful. I can't do this anymore, Adam. I've been running and pushing God away for so long. I thought I would never want anything to do with Him, and now that I do, I can't think clearly."
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Adam nodded, his heart asking God to give him the words. "Mackenzie, I have some things I want to say to you, and you need to be listening."
Mackenzie nodded, her puffy eyes on him. Roz remained very quiet, but her heart was petitioning God that Adam might have the right words, and also that Mackenzie would humble herself before God.
"The gospel is very simple, Micki," Adam told her, "but it's also very serious. When the gospel is explained to us, we can't just give an intellectual nod of the head. We have to embrace it with our hearts. God is not interested in anything less than that. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, it does."
"You haven't wanted anything or anyone to rule you, Mackenzie. You've been rebellious and willful. You can't come to God still determined to have your way. Do you understand that, honey? I don't want to talk you out of this, but this is a serious step, and I would be lying to you if I said otherwise."
"I understand, Adam. Please don't spare me," Mackenzie said quietly. "I've been sparing myself for years, and now I'm miserable."
"Could you hang Jonathan Cantrell on a cross to die, Mackenzie?"
"No." She bit her lip and cringed at the thought.
"He's precious, isn't he? But far more precious than we can imagine is the Son of God. And God's love for us can't even be compared to our love for Jonathan or our own children, yet He sent His Son. Do you believe that, Micki?"
"Yes. I've just always been so arrogant about not needing to be saved, and then when my mother died, I was so angry ..."
"There's a very simple word for those things, and I think you know that too."
"Sin."
"Yes. It's all about belief, Mackenzie. It's all about understanding that we have nothing to offer and can do nothing to save ourselves. God's Word says that we must believe on His Son alone to save us from our sin."
"I want that, Adam. I didn't until now, but now I'm afraid that it's too late-that I've waited too long. I can't remember what my mother used to say."
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"True, heartfelt belief is just what God is looking for, Micki. Romans 10:9 says if we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised Christ from the dead, we will be saved. And that's just what I did, Micki. I called Pastor Dave. I know that God would have heard me on my own, but I wanted Pastor Dave to hear and hold me accountable. He met with me, and I gave my life to Christ right there in his office. And you can do it right now. You can tell God that you've run from your sin and now you want to stop. You can tell Him you believe in His Son and need His salvation. His gift never runs out. All who ask may have it."
Mackenzie took a huge breath. It was suddenly so clear. "I want to, Adam. I want to right now."
His smile was very tender. "Roz and I will listen, all right?"
"All right." Mackenzie's gaze took in both of them before she closed her eyes.
"Father God," Mackenzie addressed God as her mother always had, "I've been running, but You know that better than anyone. I don't want to run anymore. I want to be saved. I want to thank You for sending Jesus to die for me. My mother thanked You for that until the day she died, and I never understood until now. I am a sinner, and You are God Almighty. The only reason I could even approach You is because You've allowed me to." Mackenzie was amazed at what she was remembering and couldn't stop talking to the Lord.
"I want You to take me, Lord God, and make me Yours. I've lived for myself, and I'm so full of sin and pain that I can't stand it anymore. Delancey didn't understand. She was angry at me, but I know, Father God, that You understand and will forgive me. Look into my heart, Father God, and take away my sin. I trust You to do this, God, just like You promised in the book of John. Thank You for saving me from sin and eternity in hell. Amen."
Mackenzie looked up and sighed. She knew nothing but profound peace.
"I'm tired," she said softly, and Roz chuckled.
"You probably will be for several days, if not weeks. It can be very draining."
Mackenzie looked at her. "Thanks, Roz."
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"Oh, Micki," Roz said on a relieved laugh, "do you know how much I've prayed for you?"
"You never told me that you did."
"No, I didn't. I used to hate it when Adam told me he was praying for me. It only made me more angry, so I didn't say it to you."
Mackenzie hugged her. Adam was next.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything," Adam said with a smile. "It's our privilege. We're just thankful that we could be here when you needed us."
They stayed for another half an hour because Mackenzie had questions. She didn't have many-she was too drained for that-but Adam wrote out some passages for her to study and hugged her again when he left. Roz asked her to come to lunch the next day so they could talk some more, and eventually they went on their way.
Mackenzie had plans to eat some dinner and read her Bible all evening. She started with good intentions but hadn't reckoned on just how tiring it had all been. She went to bed at 8:30 and slept the night through.
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Thirty-Seven
Mackenzie was calm as she dialed Delancey's numberthe next morning, somehow certain that now
that the decision was made, all would be fine
between them. She knew better than to think no rain fell into the
lives of Christians, but neither did she believe that her first time of
testing would be 24 hours after her time of belief.
"Hi, D.J.," Mackenzie said softly, excited about the change in her life and so eager to say the right thing.
"Hello, Mackenzie." Delancey had the same cool voice she'd had for several weeks.
"I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have time now?"
"Yeah," she replied, but she sounded reluctant. "I guess now is a good time."
It was not the way Mackenzie would have chosen to start, but she didn't want to wait. "I think you know that I've been, well, you know, doing some searching, and, well, I wanted to let you know that I came to Christ last night. Roz and Adam came over and prayed with me. I was so confused about a lot of-"
"I really don't want to hear about it," Delancey said shortly, cutting her off midsentence.
"Oh."
Delancey had managed to shock her sister speechless.
"Was there anything else?" Delancey sounded impatient now.
"No, I mean, I would like to tell you about it."
"If that's all you called about, Mackenzie, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."
Mackenzie's hand shook as she replaced the phone. It would have shook more if she could have seen her sister as she
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immediately called Chet'spager. She was terribly relieved when he called her right back. He'd been busier than ever these days.
"Hi. What's up?"
"Nothing really. I just want you to know that if you get my answering machine, it doesn't mean I'm not here, so leave a message since I might not pick up."
"Okay. What's going on?" His tender tone made her want to sob.
"It's my sister," she told him, a catch in her voice. "She's just acting so weird, and I don't even want to talk to her right now."
"What did she do?"
"She became aChristian.Can you believe it?"
"Oh, Delancey, you poor kid. I have an aunt who's one of those fanatics, and she drives us all crazy."
"I grew up with all of that, and I was nothing but relieved when I left it. I don't know why she has to ruin everything. I think she's depressed about things. If she would have just asked me, I'd have told her she needed a counselor, not a pastor."
"Maybe you should tell her that."
"I don't want to talk to her."
"Write to
her. If she writes back, you don't have to answer her letter or phone calls, but you'll feel better if you set her straight from your side of things."
"Maybe I'll do that," Delancey responded thoughtfully.
"I gotta go."
"Okay. Thanks for calling back. We're still on for Friday?"
"I think so." It was his standard reply, but Delancey barely noticed. Mentally, she was already telling her sister a few things and not choosing her words very carefully.
Christmas Valley
"She didn't even say goodbye," Mackenzie told Roz just a few hours later. She was trembling so badly that she could barely talk. "Roz, tell me that God wouldn't ask me to give up my sister. Please tell me. She's all I have."
The pain in Roz's face confirmed Mackenzie's worst fears.
"Oh, Roz," she cried, "it's all my fault. I've been her teacher. She's mimicked me from the time we were small, and I've made
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it clear to her that we just needed each other, that God could keep His nose out of our business."
Pain and regret overcame Mackenzie. With her face in her hands, she couldn't speak for a long time, and Roz waited, sitting close to her on the sofa. She couldn't tell Mackenzie that everything was going to be fine with her sister. She wished it could be so, but relationships far more intimate than that of sisters had been split in two because someone chose to follow Christ. Roz sat still and prayed for this baby in Christ, well aware from her own life that just because God saved people didn't mean they didn't have to live with their past choices.
"Mackenzie, I need to tell you some things, all right?"
Mackenzie nodded, thinking that the pain in her head was going to split it open and that her heart was going to break.
"When very painful things or temptations come into my life, I try to remember several passages of God's Word. The first one, in 1Chronicles 29,explains the sovereignty of God. Do you know what that is?"
"I think so."
"It means God is completely in control at all times," Roz explained anyway. "He rules over all creation at every moment. He's all-knowing, all-powerful, and completely free to do as He wills. He knew you were going to call Delancey, and He knew she would reject you. He's in control. And that brings me to the second verse. Because God is in control, we can trust that He's not going to let anything happen to us that we can't handle. FirstCorinthians 10:13says that God is faithful and will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you can stand.
"You might be tempted to be angry at Him or with Delancey, but those would be sinful responses. You might be tempted to be sorry you ever got into this, but that would be wrong. The time has come for Mackenzie Bishop to surrender herself to God, even if your relationship with Delancey is changed forever. We can pray for Delancey, and if He chooses, God can do a great work in her heart, but Delancey can't save you. Keep reminding yourself that you need the relationship with God more than you need the relationship with Delancey. God may give you both someday, but for now, you can choose to trust Him to take care of both of you in His own way."
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Mackenzie so appreciated the fact that Roz kept emotion out of it. Never once did she mention feelings, but instead just gave her the facts.
"Thanks, Roz."
"You're welcome. Don't make the mistake of thinking that God expects you to skip through life when you're hurting, but even amid your pain, you can choose to be thankful. You might experience something akin to mourning over this situation, Micki, but God can give you peace and work in your life if you don't stiff-arm Him. Does that makes sense?"
"Yes."
Mackenzie stayed for the next two hours, and they talked about the situation some more, but Roz also asked Mackenzie about the Army and the things she saw while living on the East Coast. Amid all of this, she fed her a big lunch. And before Roz let her leave, she made sure she still had the verses that Adam had given her.
Roz told Mackenzie to call anytime and that she would see her soon, but it never occurred to her that she wouldn't be at the Meyers Bible Church on Sunday. When she didn't come, Roz was on the verge of calling her. Adam stopped her, telling her that for the time being he thought it was all right that she keep meeting with the women and Pastor Gary.
Roz greatly appreciated his advice, a needed reminder not to overwhelm the younger woman. However, she prayed that Mackenzie would grow hungry to have more fellowship and be with the entire church family on a regular basis. She also asked God, as she knew Mackenzie was, to reach into Delancey's heart and do a work. Roz knew that He was the only One who could make the change.
Mackenzie's decision had been made on September 5. The rest of the weeks that passed in that month, and into October, were ones that brought growth and more understanding of the Word for Mackenzie.
Knowing that her sister needed more time, Mackenzie stopped calling Delancey by the end of September, but in an attempt to open up the lines of communication she still wrote to
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her every week. The letters weren't returned, but Mackenzie strongly doubted that they were read.
The one letter that Delancey did send was so angry and accusatory that it rocked Mackenzie back on her heels. She met with Roz and Adam several times to discuss it and her response, and although she ached to have contact with her sister, she realized at that time that the Cummings were becoming her family. They loved her as one of their own, including her in many family celebrations.
Mackenzie spent hours in the Word every day, taking pages of notes and writing down questions about anything she didn't understand. But there was something almost frightening to her about attending church on Sunday. She was starting to strongly believe that she needed to be there, but so far she was only attending Bible study and minichurch on Wednesday nights. The Cummings were patient, and since they saw steady growth and interest, they continued to wait on this issue.
In the midst of all of this, Mackenzie had put her writing completely on hold. In a difficult session-breaking her silence had proved to be more difficult than she thought-she told Roz and Adam about her career. They were very understanding when Mackenzie told them she simply had no interest in finishingShibbolethat present. It was a great story and still in her head, but her discovery in the Bible of all the things that never applied to her before now made it the most exciting book she had ever read or been interested in. She worked at not being impractical with it, but even that was hard. She didn't want to clean the house or cook. She wanted only to read and study her Bible.
This went on until the first of November when she had a surprise visit from Roz.
"Come in," Mackenzie said with pleasure. They visited weekly, but it was usually at her house in Christmas Valley.
"Bad time?"
"Not at all. Come on in."
As she walked in, Roz glanced around and almost smiled. Things looked just as she knew they would.
"I need to talk business with you," Roz said once they sat at the kitchen table with glasses of cola.
"What kind of business?"
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"Well, I need to explain a little something first. Before we came to Christ, Adam and I spent money as though there were no tomorrow. Then even after we came to Christ, it took years to get on a budget and do things well."
Mackenzie nodded, getting ready to offer Roz any amount she wanted. She was in for a shock.
"I clean houses on Mondays and Tuesdays to pay off the debt. Now one of my ladies has made other arrangements. We don't live on my money-it all goes to pay off the debts-but I want to pick up another house so it doesn't take us any longer. That's where you come in."
Roz knew that Mackenzie was a very bright woman, but she could see that she was not catching on at all. She felt she had no choice but to take a breath and plunge in.
"Mackenzie, you need a cleaning lady."
The look on Mackenzie's face was comical. She even glanced down at herself and made Roz smile.
"I don't mean you personally; I mean you
r house."
"Oh, Roz, of course!" Understanding dawned. "I was just noticing how gross the carpet is in my bedroom and that I should lug the vacuum up, but I got sidetracked and didn't do it."
Roz tried not to smile, but it peeked out. Seeing it, Mackenzie started to laugh. The two women went into a fit of giggles.
"I was so afraid to ask you," Roz admitted. "I thought you would think I was trying to take advantage."
"Not at all." Mackenzie was still chuckling. "My apartment in Alexandria was so small that just a quick sweep with the vacuum made it look brand new. Not to mention that I was on a city street with apartments all around. The dust here is awful, and with the fireplace I just-" Mackenzie shrugged, and Roz laughed a little more. She was on the verge of saying something when the phone rang.
Always hoping it might be Delancey, Mackenzie did not let the machine get it. She almost groaned when she heard Paxton Hancock's voice. She had nearly forgotten about the man.
"Long time no talk to, Mackenzie," he said, obviously in a good mood.
"Hey, Paxton," Mackenzie replied, trying to think fast. Should she tell him everything now, write a letter, or set up another phone conversation?
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Roz was using her hands to question if she should leave, but Mackenzie shook her head no.
"How's the book coming?"
"It's not right now, Pax. I've got other things going on."
"Micah Bear?"
"No, I just-" She stopped short, thinking of the way Delancey had responded and dreading the same from her editor.
"Mackenzie, what is it?" Paxton's voice was so compassionate that she relaxed.
"I will finish the book, Pax, but I've made some changes in my life. Things were pretty miserable for a while for me, and when I did some searching, I found that my needs were spiritual."
"Okay..." Paxton's voice was still open.
"I trusted in Jesus Christ about two months ago. That doesn't mean that I'll never write again, but for right now, my interest is in other areas. Am I making any sense, Pax? I would hate it if I sounded like some kind of nut, because it's not like that."
"I don't think that at all. To tell you the truth, you seemed pretty unhappy even before you left. If you found a religion that's a help to you, I'm glad for you."