‘Ryder and Maddie. Best friends forever.’
Forever.
Dropping the picture, I took off running through the house. The memories, the fright, the terror that had once filled the house disappeared. All that was left was Ryder and me.
Two kids who were inseparable.
Two kids who were in love.
Chapter Twenty–Eight
I found him in my old bedroom, standing in the middle of the room. He stood with his feet apart, his hands fisted at his sides. His face was turned away from me, hidden in the shadows of the room.
I took a few steps into the darkness. The air was cold, making little puffs of vapor left my lips, appearing as clouds of smoke that quickly disappeared.
My eyes swept over the bed, my old desk, and the pictures hanging on the walls. I glanced at the window that Ryder used to throw pebbles against to wake me up.
I wanted to be that girl again. The girl that had sat in the middle of her bed, studying algebra and talking on the phone with Eva. The girl who had laughed at the silly jokes Ryder told her. The one that had rolled her eyes when he called in the middle of the night, needing her to rescue him.
I was still that girl and he was still that guy. We just needed to remember that.
“Ryder…”
His head snapped up, his eyes blazing. I felt his animosity, pinning me in place.
“What?” his deep voice asked, impatient.
“I…I…” Hell, I couldn’t even talk around him.
He crossed his arms over his chest and waited, probably hoping I would leave. But I didn’t.
Feeling brave, I took a step closer to him but instantly regretted it. I could see hate in his eyes. For me. It was too much.
I can’t do this.
I turned around, planning to walk away. But I paused, my eyes going to the doorframe. I remembered Ryder leaning against it years ago, watching as I packed to leave for college. Frowning at me when I said I would be back in a few weeks. Making me promise to be careful.
All those memories rushed back to me. The ones of him and me. No, I wasn’t going to let him push me away. Not again. What we had – our friendship, our love - was too important to lose.
Swinging back around, I stuck up my chin in defiance.
“You left me, Ryder. Without a word, you left me and your baby,” I said, my voice loud in the darkness of the room. “You stood in this room years ago and watched me pack. You helped me move. You helped me leave then and you’re pushing me away now.”
I knew I had hit a nerve. He flinched, my words slapping him like my palm never could. But then he covered it up, harshness back on his face.
“I’m pushing you away because I’m trying to protect you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I ever wanted. The one who made me want something better out of life,” he said, his voice raising as he stalked closer to me.
His words made my pulse leap. His nearness made me flush.
He continued to walk toward me, his voice dropping lower. “Do you know that I thought of you every day that you were away at college? It took everything in me not to call you every hour. Not to pack my bags and go after you. You were the one real thing in my life, Maddie. The one person I loved more than anything.”
He took a step closer. Looking down at my lips, he reached for my scarf. Wrapping his hand around it, he jerked me toward him, bringing my lips closer to his.
“I know what kind of man I am. A hell-raising bastard that likes to fuck, fight, and drink. You deserve more. You always have. The pain of having a bullet in my side was nothing compared to the pain of knowing I hurt you,” he said. “So I left.”
“How could you?” I exclaimed, ignoring his closeness. “I took care of you when you were drunk. When you came home bruised and bleeding, I was there, patching you up. We swore to always take care of each other.”
I stopped, the lump in my throat choking me, making my voice hoarse, but I needed to continue. He needed to hear the truth. “I’ve given you everything, Ryder, and you still hold back. What are you so afraid of? Loving me?”
“Loving you is easy. It’s losing you that will hurt.”
“Who said you will lose me? Gavin? Eva?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “It’s not just about me anymore, Ryder. This baby needs you. I need you.”
His gaze turned cold again. Harsh.
“Well, guess you’re shit out of luck,” he said deathly quiet, letting go of my scarf. “Because you’re both better off without me.”
“You really think that?” I whispered.
Ryder didn’t answer. He just stared at me.
I bit my lip, unsure what to do. This war had taken so much from me. I was afraid it had taken Ryder too. I loved him. I couldn’t imagine not loving him. But I had to give him what he wanted.
“I’ll never be better off without you, Ryder. I’ll always be that girl that followed you around as a kid and hung out with you as a teenager. You’ll always be my best friend, no matter what you say or do.”
Ryder glanced away, looking sheepish.
My heart was breaking but I had to continue. He needed to hear the words and I needed to say them.
“When you’re hurt and angry, I’ll be here. When you need the person that knows you like no one else, I’ll be standing here waiting for you. You may give up on me but I’ll never give up on you. I’ll always love you but I’m letting you go.”
“Shit, Maddie, don’t--”
“The baby and I will always be yours but…” the words stuck in my throat. Say it, my inner voice insisted. Give him his freedom.
I took a deep breath.
“It’s over, Ryder. Just let me go.”
Those words ended it. Ended us. He was broken. We were broken.
We were over.
Chapter Twenty–Nine
I tried not to show how much it hurt to say those words. But tears swam in my eyes, overflowing onto my cheeks.
Not knowing what to do, I silently brushed away them away and stared past Ryder, not wanting to look at him anymore. I didn’t want to see the aloofness on his face that I knew would be there. And I would rather die than see his coldness.
I turned to leave. I had to get out of there. I needed to run as far as possible. Disappear. I needed miles between us. He was my everything and now we were done.
The tears made it hard to see as I rushed down the dark hallway. A sob broke from my chest, one I couldn’t hold back. What am I doing? What am I doing? I thought. The words replayed in my mind, banging around inside my head until I thought I would burst. I was confused. Frightened. And so in love that it made me ache.
I was halfway down the hallway when I heard Ryder jog up behind me. I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. If I did, I would be lost.
Suddenly, his hands grabbed me from behind, spinning me around. With fingers tight on my upper arms, he pinned me against the wall, stealing the breath from me. In the darkness, I gazed up at him, shocked. Placing one hand on either side of my body, he trapped me against the wall.
His teeth gnashed in anger as his eyes raced over my face, stopping on my mouth. The muscles of his arms grew taut, his biceps bulging beneath his shirt as he kept me prisoner.
“Ryder--”
“Maddie, I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry,” he said sounding upset. His voice was so hoarse and broken it tore at me. “You and this baby are my life and I’ll never let you go.”
His head swooped down, his mouth taking mine with desperation. Angling his lips over mine, he took control, proving to me how much he would never let me go.
Desire leaped to life, blocking out the words we had exchanged earlier. It was the same desire that raged out of control whenever I was near him, burning me every time he touched me. I was an addict for him, never getting enough and never wanting anything else.
His hands went to my head, holding me still as his kiss became gentler. After a second, he pulled away. His eyes looked intense as they gazed down at me.
There was worry in them. A sort of desperation that I hadn’t seen in his eyes before.
“Forgive me,” he whispered, his hands tangling in my hair. “Please, forgive me.”
I knew I couldn’t resist him. No matter how much we fought, I would always love him. It was that simple.
“I forgive you. I always do,” I said, watching his eyes lowered to my lips.
His mouth swooped down again, turning frantic on mine. Like a wild man desperate for more, he yanked my jacket and scarf off and tossed them across the hallway. As soon as they were out of the way, his hands went to the wall behind me, his strong arms locking me in place.
When his tongue pushed into the warmth of my mouth, I reached out and grabbed the waist of his jeans. Tugging hard, I pulled him toward me, wanting him closer. He obliged, pressing his body against mine, careful of my pregnant roundness.
He drove his tongue inside me, wanting to taste the inside of my mouth. I met his tongue with my own, sucking on it as one of his hands threaded through my hair. When his fingers suddenly turned harsh, yanking my head back, I gasped. He left my lips to trace down my neck, leaving a wet path behind. Burning me up inside.
A moan escaped me when his lips moved lower, down to the curve of my neck. When his mouth tasted my skin, I brushed my fingers over the hardness of his stomach.
When I touched him, he hissed and tightened his hold in my hair. His mouth moved up my neck, taking its time. Tasting me. Licking me. Sucking at my skin like he couldn’t get enough.
“You said it was over,” he whispered against my skin, sending a tingle through me. “But we’re never over.”
His mouth fell on mine again, taking every inch of my lips. He urged my mouth open. I obeyed, willing to give him everything he wanted and more. He was my forever, no matter how screwed up he was.
“It’ll always be you and me,” he rasped against my mouth, his hand dropping from my hair to start unbuttoning my shirt. “Together.”
When he released the last button on my shirt, cold air ran over my bare breasts. I shivered but his warm hands were there, heating my skin. Protecting me.
One of his hands cupped my breast, filling his palm like I was made especially for him. Like the very first time he touched me, I gasped and blushed when his thumb ran across my nipple, making every nerve ending jump and scream in need.
“Are they sensitive?” he asked, his thumb making another sweep across my nipple.
“Yes,” I managed to say, my heart beating so fast I couldn’t think clearly.
“Good,” he growled.
Without warning, his head lowered, taking my nipple into his mouth.
Throwing my head back, I cried out. His tongue swirled around, licking then flicking over me. His hand cupped my breast, squeezing it gently as he drew my whole nipple inside his mouth. His other hand unfastened my pants, pushing them and my underwear down my legs.
My hands went to his head, holding him close as I kicked my clothes away. As he turned his attention to my other breast, I pulled him to me with fistfuls of his hair. He moaned around my nipple, shooting electricity through me.
I was on the verge of going insane with pleasure when his mouth released my breast. His eyes met mine in the darkness. I saw the hunger in him, the desperate need to sink deep inside of me. Knowing he was barely holding it together, I tried yanking him closer.
He resisted, grabbing my hand instead. Bringing it to him, he placed it on his crotch. My heart raced when I felt him beneath my fingers, hard and ready.
“Feel how much I need you, Maddie,” he said, keeping his hand over mine. “Every time I am around you. Every time I think about you, this is what happens. It’s yours. Take it.”
My mouth started watering, knowing what he wanted. Feeling nervous, I started to unbuckle his jeans. He stood silently, watching me as I lowered his zipper. Biting my lip nervously, I reached inside, wrapping my hand around him. Like a well-trained animal, my body jumped in anticipation.
His hands went back to the wall, one on each side of me, pinning me in. I moved my hand up and down his length, loving the feel of him. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. Feeling in control, my other hand moved to his chest, running along the hard muscles of his abdomen. The heat of his skin scorched me, running up my fingers, down my arm, and into parts unknown.
Breathing hard, he trembled as my hand continued to stroke him. His body shuddered, threatening to lose all control. Abruptly, his mouth seized mine roughly. His fingers reached down, plunging inside of me. I cried out, moving my hand faster on him. His mouth became frantic on mine, the wildness in him unleashed.
With a curse, he withdrew his fingers from me and grabbed my hand.
“Stop, Maddie,” he rasped. His hand moved to my inner thigh. “I want to be inside of you.”
I gasped as he hiked my leg up, holding my thigh in his hand and leaving me vulnerable. Taking a step closer, his lips moved to my ear as he trapped me against the wall. I let out a moan when I felt his hardness push against me.
“I demand to be inside of you,” he said.
And with one push, he was completely inside me. Filling me. Threatening to tear me in half. I let out a whimper at the invasion, feeling my tightness surround him.
“I went through hell to get here,” he said hoarsely, rolling his hips against mine, “but now I’m in heaven.”
I let out a squeal of alarm when his hand went around my waist, lifting me up. My legs automatically wrapped around his hips, bringing him deeper inside of me. He hissed, grinding his hips between my thighs. Pushing my back up against the wall, he pulled out then buried himself in me again.
I gasped and closed my eyes as he rocked into me.
“Hold on, baby,” he whispered, his lips going to my neck.
Obeying him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my bare breasts against his chest.
Placing his hands on my hips, he started moving, slowly at first. Using the wall as leverage, he held me up, sliding into me. Stroking me from the inside out. Doing it again and again until I wanted to scream. He was driving me crazy and making me forget everything but the moment.
“You feel so good,” he said hoarsely, sliding his length in and out of me, tortuously slow. “I think I was made for you.”
Keeping an arm around me, he watched as I bit my lip. I moaned as his length moved in and out, picking up speed.
Taking my lips again, his tongue darted inside to sample my mouth. His hips pumped in powerful thrusts, meeting my own and driving deep into my tightness.
When his mouth left mine to go to my ear, the sensation of falling started deep within me.
“Ryder, don’t stop,” I moaned, throwing my head back and closing my eyes.
“Never, Maddie. I’ll never stop loving you,” he said, brushing his lips against the curve of my ear as he slid harder and deeper inside of me.
I couldn’t fight it anymore. The orgasm hit me, making me cry out incoherently. Wave after wave of ecstasy washed over me, leaving me seeing stars, lighting the darkness behind my eyelids. My fingers grabbed his hair, needing to hold onto something solid and real as I spiraled out of control.
“Please!” I called out, feeling like I was exploding into a million pieces.
He growled, the stubble on his jaw rubbing against my neck as he thrust into me over and over. His hand found my breasts, teasing my sensitive skin. I squeezed my eyes closed as vibrations rocked my body.
“No. Open your eyes,” Ryder ordered, his hips moving against me.
I opened my eyes, willing to do anything he wanted. Watching me, he started pumping into me faster. I sucked in a breath and started moving up and down on his hard length, taking control.
But Ryder was having none of it. Grasping me around the waist, he held me steady as he pulled halfway out before plunging back into me, burying himself deep.
I gasped, the fullness of him too much. I couldn’t handle it.
“Again?” Ryder asked, hoarsely.
“Yes,” I moaned, closing my eyes and throwing my head back. Unable to resist, I bit my lip, almost drawing blood.
“Damn, Maddie,” he groaned, leaning over to suck at my lower lip where I had left teeth marks. Pulling out of me, he plunged back in, making me grasp his shoulders tightly.
“Say my name,” he demanded, against my lips. “Then I’ll let you come again.”
“Ryder,” I moaned, breathing hard.
“Again,” he said, holding me around the waist as he moved in and out of me.
“Ryder!” I screamed, getting hit hard by another orgasm. My world exploded, stars appearing behind my eyelids.
“That’s right, scream my name. It’s the only name I want on your lips, Maddie. You’re mine,” he said, growling. “Never forget that.”
Chapter Thirty
His lips turned gentle, his hands caressing. I melted, feeling weightless in his arms. Too soon, he pulled out of me, easing me to my feet. His hands lingered on my body for a moment, making sure I could stand on my own before letting me go.
“You okay?” he asked, concerned.
“Yes,” I said with a breathless voice.
He ran a hand over the back of his neck, looking ashamed.
“I got carried away. I was just so damn scared of you leaving.”
“Like you left me?” I asked, unable to stop the words.
Taking a step back, he zipped up his jeans, not looking at me. I knew the moment he pulled a curtain over his emotions, protecting himself from something I couldn’t begin to understand. Leaning down, he picked up my jeans and underwear, handing them to me with an outstretched hand.
“Here. Get dressed. I need to take you back.”
His words were like a slap in the face, so withdrawn and cold. A chill washed over me, reminding me that a second ago, he was the one heating me up.
“Kicking me out of my own house, Ryder? That’s a new low even for you,” I said, hurrying to pull on my jeans. “I thought there was no more running from each other?”
Ryder stood still, not answering me and not moving a muscle. He watched as I buttoned my shirt with shaking fingers, his eyes lingering on my protruding stomach longer than was necessary.