“Don’t,” Nathan said, grabbing my arm.
I shrugged his hand off as cussing came from the other side of the door.
“I’m busy. Get your own damn room!” Ryder yelled.
I heard a girl giggle and Ryder mumble something to her.
I knocked again, louder this time.
“Go the hell away!” Ryder shouted.
Nathan grabbed my arm again. “Come on, let’s go.”
Before I could argue with him, a guy that looked like he belonged on Monday Night Wrestling instead of at a college booze party walked up to us, weaving back and forth on his feet.
“Where the fuck is he?” he slurred, trying to keep his eyes focused on Nathan.
“Who are you talking about, Jeremy?” Nathan asked, standing between the big guy and me.
The WWE man looked over Nathan’s shoulder, first at me then at the door.
“The asshole. Ryder. Someone saw him come up here with my sister.”
Oh, hell.
“How should I know?” Nathan said, shrugging.
I thought the guy was going to leave but then loud moaning came from the other side of the door. Before I could move out of the way, Jeremy (or Mr. Wrestler Man, as I thought of him) growled and pushed past Nathan. His meaty hand reached around me, turning the doorknob and throwing the door open.
The room was dark but I could see two figures in bed, one on top of the other. Toned muscles flexed in the man’s back and shoulders as he moved over the writhing woman beneath him.
I froze, unable to move another inch. All I could see was Ryder’s naked body. His perfect naked body. Having sex.
“Holy shit!” Ryder swore when he saw me standing in the doorway. Within seconds, he was crawling off of the girl and scrambling to find his jeans.
“You motherfucker! What are you doing with my sister?” Jeremy bellowed, pushing me out of the way.
I watched in horror as Jeremy bulldozed into the room, out for blood. Tucking his head to his massive chest, he roared and rushed Ryder, reminding me of a bull charging a matador.
Dropping his jeans, Ryder ducked, barely missing the guy’s fist by inches.
Jeremy’s drunkenness made his reaction slow. He never saw what was coming. Ryder landed a solid punch to the guy’s face, fist connecting with bone. With a grunt, Jeremy went down, landing hard on the floor. Out cold. Towel thrown in. Fight over.
I stood rooted in place, staring. My eyes ran up Ryder’s naked body. Breathing hard, his chest rose and fell as he stared at the unconscious man. Slowly, his eyes moved to mine, startled when he realized I was still standing there.
“Jesus Christ, Maddie!” he said, picking up his discarded jeans from the floor. Hopping from one foot to the other, he struggled to pull them on as he kept his eyes on me. “Shit! Fuck! What are you doing here?”
Nathan grabbed my upper arm and tried to pull me out of the room. I refused to move. I was in a weird trance that had me frozen. I wanted to look away from Ryder but couldn’t. In the shadows of the room, I watched as he zipped up his jeans, covering what I had seen for only a few seconds. Holy moly! I blinked, wondering if I was seeing things correctly. His body was…wow. Just wow.
Unable to take my eyes off of Ryder, I tried to jerk my arm away from Nathan but he had a firm grip on me. As Ryder sauntered closer, I suddenly didn’t care about Nathan’s hand on me. All I cared about was staring at Ryder’s naked chest, ripped with perfect muscles.
I watched in a state of shock as Ryder picked up his shirt and quickly pulled it on over his head, never taking his focus off of me. He looked worried. Scared.
He looked like he wanted to throw up.
The redhead in the bed started giggling, making it impossible to ignore her any longer. She sat up in bed naked, not bothering to cover herself. Not caring that her brother was out cold, spread eagle on the floor. Her mascara was running down her face, her hair was messy, and she was swaying back and forth on the bed. To say she was drunk was an understatement.
“Come on,” Nathan said, tugging on my arm to leave.
“Stop touching me!” I said, taking my embarrassment and jealousy out on him.
Ryder’s deep voice erupted from behind me. “Don’t fucking touch her, Nathan.”
I saw Nathan’s face turn white a second before I turned around. Ryder was standing inches away, swaying on his feet. Despite being drunk, his eyes were steady, drilling into Nathan’s with malice.
“I’m just trying to keep her out of your business and away from the assholes that you manage to piss off,” Nathan said, letting go of my arm and nodding his head toward the unconscious guy on the floor.
“She IS my business,” Ryder growled, no longer swaying on his feet but steady as a rock. “Stay away from her. She’s just a kid.”
I bristled at Ryder’s tone. How dare he call me a kid! And what the hell did he mean ‘I was his business’? I was no one’s ‘business.’
“I’m 19, Ryder,” I said. “I’m not a kid or your concern.”
The girl fell out of the bed, giggling as she landed in a pile of sheets and pillows. I glanced over at her and averted my eyes. She was as naked as a jaybird and as modest as a whore on payday.
Ryder ignored the girl, looking down at me coldly. I saw him weave on his feet again. I could smell the alcohol on him, confirming that yes, he was drunk, but no, not a happy drunk.
“You’re a kid, Maddie,” he declared.
“She doesn’t look like a kid, Ryder. Don’t treat her like one,” Nathan said, apparently having a surge of fearlessness. Was he crazy? Did he not just see Ryder knock a guy out with only one punch?
“Why don’t you go back to your…party and I’ll take care of Maddie until you’re done? I’ll even haul Jeremy out of here for you,” Nathan added.
Ryder stepped closer to Nathan, his size putting Nathan’s to shame.
“What do you take me for? You really think I’d willingly leave Maddie alone with you?”
By now, we had gathered a small crowd out in the hallway. I glanced over at all the anxious faces, each of them waiting for a fight to break out, probably hoping to liven up the party. I think I even heard someone prod Ryder to throw a punch.
“Listen, you two…cool it,” I said, needing to calm Ryder down before he laid into Nathan. Drunk Ryder played nasty.
“Shut up, Maddie,” Ryder snapped, keeping his eyes on Nathan.
Okay. That was it. He had crossed the line.
“No, you listen to me…”
When he grabbed my upper arm, I squealed. Not bothering to be gentle, he hauled me past Nathan and into the crowded hallway, pushing people out of the way and not apologizing for it.
Not letting go of me, he lead me down the staircase. I tried to wiggle out of his grip more times than I could count but he really just didn’t care.
At the bottom of the stairs, a guy danced around, almost knocking me over. (Probably blitzed out of his mind on whatever he was on.) I started to tumble forward when Ryder yanked me closer, throwing me against his side and keeping me safe.
“Watch it, buddy,” Ryder snapped, giving the kid a back-off-or-pay-the-consequences look while still holding me against him.
The kid seemed scared to death as he hurried away. He had just stared the devil in the eye and lived to tell the tale. It was a look I had seen many times when men confronted Ryder.
Once the kid was gone, Ryder started across the foyer again, keeping me close by his side.
“You said you were drunk but it sure doesn’t seem like it,” I said, dragging my feet and slowing him down as we got closer to the door.
“I was but seeing Nathan touch you sobered me up quick.”
“He wasn’t hurting me. Unlike some people,” I muttered, giving his profile a dirty look.
He stopped and turned to stare down at me. His eyes were heated and so was his hand as it ran from my upper arm down to my wrist, making my skin burn under my cardigan.
“Am I hurting you, Ma
ddie?”
I bit the inside of my mouth. “Well, no.”
His eyes dropped down to my mouth. He knew that I was biting myself. It drove him crazy. Good.
I let out a loud sigh and let go of the inside of my cheek. Satisfied, Ryder led me through the front door, his fingers now wrapped around my wrist. His touch was almost like a caress. A powerful, stubborn one, but still a caress.
My flip-flops made a smacking noise against my feet as we left the house behind. The warm Texas air hit us, turning my skin clammy from the humidity.
“Did you drink anything in there?” he asked, letting go of my wrist.
“No,” I answered, hurrying to keep up with him.
“Good. Rule number one at college - don’t drink and definitely don’t drink something a guy handed you. It might be spiked with something.”
“Ha!” I snorted. Who was calling the kettle black? “But isn’t that what college is all about? Drinking and parties? Sleeping around?” I added the last part to goad him.
His lips thinned. I could see his jaw flex beneath his five o-clock shadow.
“Not for you, it better not be.”
“Who are you? My…”
Suddenly, he swung around to face me. The moonlight was bright, lighting up the night like a huge lantern in the sky, making it easy to see him.
He crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed. “Why the fuck did you go in there, Maddie?”
“Uh, because you didn’t answer my texts. I sent like a million,” I explained. I raised an eyebrow, daring him to argue. When he didn’t, I walked away, leaving him standing alone. The soft, perfectly manicured grass made no sound as I crossed the yard to my truck.
“I saw the texts,” he said, catching up to me. “Not quite a million but close.”
Stopping beside the truck, I let out a deep breath. I shouldn’t be mad at him. He really didn’t do anything wrong except drag me out in the middle of the night to pick up his drunk butt. Whatever else he did was none of my business as long as he didn’t drink and drive.
I turned around, surprised to find him standing close behind me. Very close. The middle of chest hit me about eye level. My gaze moved over his shirt, noticing how it fit his body perfectly. A vivid picture of what was under that shirt crossed my mind. Then I remembered the redhead
Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyes to his. “Sorry I interrupted your…night…but I was worried. I thought maybe you left without waiting for me and--”
He started shaking his head before I had even finished talking.
“I would never do that to you,” he whispered, as if he was telling me a secret.
I shrugged indifferently and yanked open the truck door. How should I know what he would and wouldn’t do? If there was a girl involved, Ryder might sell his soul for a roll in the hay. Stranger things had happened.
The interior light of the truck cast a soft glow around the inside, highlighting the cracks and tears in the leather seat. I started to climb inside but paused, noticing that Ryder wasn’t moving. He still stood in the same place, looking a little lost. A little worried.
“So what you saw tonight…” he began, hoarsely.
I shrugged. “It’s none of my business, Ryder.”
“She doesn’t mean anything to me, Maddie.”
“Looks like she meant something,” I responded. Why was he explaining himself to me? He never gave excuses for what he did or said. He was confident that way. It was one of the things I respected and admired about him.
“You don’t have to answer to me,” I added.
“Yeah, I do.” His voice become lower, more seductive. “Not because I have to but because I want to.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds. The heat pressed down on us. The music from the house surrounded us, filling the air with techno music. I became lost in Ryder’s eyes. There were so many emotions behind them that I didn’t know where to start separating one from the other. Regret. Embarrassment. Anger. Frustration. Too many emotions to figure out.
Taking a step closer, his eyes ran over me, stopping on my shorts. The emotions that had been there disappeared as if they had never existed. Only hardness remained in his expression.
“Hell, Maddie, couldn’t you have put on some clothes before coming to get me?”
Redness rushed into my face as I tugged my University of Texas tank top lower. The running shorts I had on suddenly were not as comfortable as they had been hours ago.
“It’s the middle of the night, Ryder. I wasn’t concerned about what I was wearing when I hurried out of the house to rescue you.”
His eyes ran up and down my body again, quicker this time. Finally, he tore his gaze away. “Shit,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.
Giving me a look of aggravation, he charged around the truck to the passenger side. Yanking open the door, he climbed inside.
I had no idea what his problem was but I wasn’t going to take the time to figure it out. He had been drinking and I had interrupted his private sex party. Obviously, he wasn’t very happy with me right now.
I climbed into the driver’s seat and stuffed the key into the ignition. The truck roared to life, sounding more like a brand new Mustang than an old Chevy pickup. I backed out of the driveway, careful not to hit the Porsche parked beside me. Yeah, I definitely didn’t fit in at this party.
“Do you need a ride in the morning to get your Bronco back?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the dark road.
“Na, I’ll get Gavin to do it. He’s in town.”
For a couple of miles we didn’t talk. The silence was awkward and unusual. We normally had tons of stuff to talk about but tonight just felt…off.
I peeked over at him, catching a glimpse of his profile as we went under a light pole. Strands of light brown hair fell into his eyes, managing to look sexy and unmanageable at the same time. His firm, strong jaw was set in a severe line with what I assumed was anger. With one hand on the seat, he seemed tense, ready to jump out of the truck if I made any sudden moves.
“So that was Nathan’s house?” I asked, needing to fill the awkward silence.
He stretched his long legs and ran a hand over his thigh before answering.
“Yep,” he said, still keeping his focus outside.
“I didn’t know the two of you were friends.”
He glanced over at me with wariness in his eyes. “Why do you care? You don’t have a thing for him, do you?”
I shrugged and peered in the rearview mirror, avoiding his glare. “All the girls thought he was cute in high school. That’s all.”
Ryder huffed. “That’s all? Really?”
“Yep,” I copied him, glancing his way quickly before looking back at the road.
He studied me with a frown. I realized he could see right through my fib. He always had been able to.
“Stay away from Nathan,” Ryder warned.
“Why? I thought he was your friend.”
He glanced down at my bare thighs, exposed by my shorts. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you should be around him. He’s trouble.”
“According to you, every guy that talks to me is trouble,” I said, irritated. “You threatened Cash within an inch of his life when he asked me to prom and you scared that other guy so much he backed out of our date last week. I just don’t get it. Why do you keep doing that?”
When he didn’t say anything, I glanced over at him. He kept his eyes locked outside, refusing to answer me.
“It’s really annoying,” I added, growing more annoyed by his silence. “I’m a grown woman, Ryder. I can pick out my own dates, thank you very much.”
“You just don’t know what guys are like, Maddie. I do. I know how they talk. What they think. What they want. And with someone that looks like you, they only want one thing.”
I wasn’t sure if that was meant as a compliment or not. Hearing him say it made it sound more like a death sentence, a deadly disease, than a flattering remark.
I finally h
ad to ask. “What exactly do I look like, Ryder?”
In the darkness of the truck’s interior, I felt him stare at me, pinning me under his gaze. I cleared my throat and glanced at him, preparing myself for what more than likely would be a sarcastic remark. His eyes bore into mine, looking deep within me. Inside my soul. The place he had been a part of as long as I could remember.
“What do I look like?” I asked again.
“You look like an angel begging to be striped of her halo.”
I felt my heart sped up as I stared out the windshield. Gripping the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turned white. Heaviness settled between us, taking up the extra space in the truck like an invisible entity that wouldn’t go away.
Stealing a glance at him, I shifted in my seat. His attention was focused out the window again, lost in his own thoughts. His words echoed in my mind, replaying like an old record. I knew I had to ask one more question.
“And what does that make you, Ryder?”
He scoffed but didn’t look at me when he answered.
“I’m darkness, Maddie. Stay away from men like me. You’ll only get hurt.”
~~~~
He was right. I did get hurt. When he didn’t return, I hurt. I ached. I went through the motions of living, not feeling anything but the heartache that threatened to cripple me. I wanted to yell at the heavens for taking my baby’s father from me. For stealing the only man I had ever loved. But I also wanted to give thanks. I had a tiny new life growing within me. One to nurture and love. One that I was thankful Ryder gave me. But as the world turned cold and brown leaves fell from the trees, I still felt alone. Incomplete. I pleaded with God. I prayed and cried. Still, Ryder didn’t return.
Now here I sat, waiting for news. Hoping to find Ryder. This was our last attempt to find him before bad weather set in. The last attempt. Oh, God! I can’t do this. I can’t give up! I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut. The pain wouldn’t go away. Would it ever?
“Where the hell is he?”
I jumped at Gavin’s voice, jerking my eyes open. I found him pacing in front of a small fire, ignoring the smoke blowing his direction.
“Where in this godforsaken country is he?” he muttered again.
I stared off into the distance, not really seeing anything. It was late and night had descended hours ago. The rain and sleet had stopped so we were able to build a small fire to give us heat. Thick clouds blocked the moon and stars, bringing with it a bitter chill but it could have been sunny for all I cared.