Cash’s gaze skimmed over me, traveling over the sheer dress I wore. “So how many men does your leader have out searching for see-through dresses and other supplies?” he asked Mary, the sarcasm not lost on me.
My face blazed. My heart hammered against my ribcage. I glowered at him.
Mary paused, reaching for Keely’s bowl. “Well, I don’t know.” A frown creased the place between her eyebrows as she thought about it. “It doesn’t matter. They’re harmless,” she said with a shaky voice, clearly lying.
I stuck a bite in my mouth and chewed slowly, watching her. There was a certain firmness around her mouth that made me think that she was scared. Were we in danger? Something was telling me the answer was ‘yes.’
Mary fluttered to the kitchen with nervousness. It left all of us silent, wondering what the hell we had walked into.
I started to lose my appetite, worry leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I laid my spoon in the bowl and wiped my lips with a napkin. When I looked up, Cash was staring at me. He appeared cool and distant, but when his eyes dropped to the low collar of my dress I wanted to reach across the table and yank him to me.
Instead I looked away.
My face burned and my body screamed. I pushed my hair back and kept my eyes down, fighting the urge that ran through me.
Tate and Keely got up to leave after a few moments, Tate talking nonstop about sleeping in a warm room for a change. Gavin followed them at a leisure pace, telling Tate to keep his gun close and to sleep lightly. That left Cash and me at the table, right across from each other.
I raised my eyes, finally getting the guts to face my addiction. He was staring at me in the yellow glow of the lone bulb, something unreadable behind his gaze. My body purred and pulsated. My insides ached. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I shot up out of the chair and headed across the dining room. I had to get out of there before I burst into flames.
My foot hit the first stair. My hair flew around my shoulder. I grasped the railing but a strong hand grasped my wrist, stopping me.
I turned, my heart beating fast.
Cash was staring up at me, his eyes level with my breasts.
“What the hell was that, Cat?” he hissed, anger in his tone.
I knew what he was referring to but I forced an innocent smile on my face anyway. “What are you talking about, Cash?”
He ground his teeth together. “What are you doing?”
I lifted a brow. “Uh, I’m going to bed.”
Cash stepped up beside me on the stairs, towering over me and invading my personal space.
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” he clipped out, simmering with anger. “Spill it. What the hell are you doing?”
I gave in and let my eyes run over his smooth, cleanly shaven jaw and chin. He smelled faintly of soap, something that made me want to lean forward and take a big whiff. Instead, I forced my eyes to meet his again.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said sweetly. Too sweetly. “Just tell me.”
He grasped my wrist tighter, his thumb running over the delicate bone. “You want me to spell it out? Fine. You come downstairs wearing that dress with nothing under it. Then you sit across from me and talk to Gavin the way you did, inviting him to chase your tail. I’m not a jealous man, Cat, but you’ve got some nerve.”
I smiled, giving him my best innocent grin. “You forgot who you’re dealing with, Cash. Me. The girl that fucked you in a public restroom on the first date.” The words hurt to say but I had to remind him why he shouldn’t love me. Why he should keep himself safe. I was just a floozy. Someone passed around. Nobody like Cash should want me. It was better for him that way. It might save his life one day.
But he had other ideas.
He shoved his hand under my wet hair and pushed me back against the wall, knocking the air out of me.
“You want to play that card, princess? Well then, why don’t you hike up that dress and we’ll have a repeat? I’ll remind you again where I belong.”
I jutted my chin up, meeting his fiery eyes with my own. “You already showed me last night.”
His lips lifted in a cocky smile. “Sweetheart, I plan on showing you a thousand times more.”
He seized my mouth, thrusting his tongue inside. His hand ran down my body, over my bottom then around to my leg. Suddenly, he grasped a handful of my dress, gathering the material in his fist and pulling it up. Just when I thought he would finish what we had started and thrust the dress up to my waist, he pulled his lips from mine.
“Let’s get one thing straight, Cat. We’re together. You’re mine and I’m yours. No one can chase your ass anymore but me. I don’t know what you’re so afraid of but get over it.” He gave me another hard kiss, sealing his words with his mouth.
I moaned, grasping his shirt. Wanting more. Desperate to have it all. But he tore his lips from mine.
“Now, go to bed,” he ordered in a quiet voice inches from my mouth. “And that’s not a request.”
“Come with me.”
I could see the struggle in his eyes but he shook his head. “I want to. God, do I want to. But I’m going to go check out the town and you’re going to bed where I know you’re safe. Understand?”
I looked down at his lips. “When did you start giving orders so well?” I asked in a whisper.
Cash leaned over and put his mouth by my ear. “When I met someone to care about.”
With that, he dropped his hands from me and left me standing on the stairs alone.
Chapter Thirty–Nine
Cat
My fingernails dug into the hardwood floor, drawing blood. I heard Keely’s screams but I couldn’t get to her. He had a strong grip on me. His fist was wrapped around my braid, pulling until tears leaked from my eyes.
“Ready, little bird.”
I cried out and shot up, breathing hard.
Someone turned over beside me in bed. It was Cash. I couldn’t see him. It had to be in the middle of the night. The room was dark. Too dark. Perfect for nightmares.
He sat up. “Shit, baby, it’s okay,” he said, reaching for me.
I threw myself at him. The dream had been so real. Too real.
His arms went around me. His strength became mine. I couldn’t remember him crawling into bed with me. I had been so tired. But it didn’t matter now. He was here and I needed him.
“It’s okay,” he muttered against my hair, cradling the back of my head. “It was just a bad dream.”
I shook my head. “No, he was here. I could feel him…touching me.”
Cash’s body stiffened. His biceps tightened around me. “There’s no one here, Cat. Only me.”
He held me a second. A minute. An hour. I don’t know. He just held me. But I couldn’t stop shaking.
“He was touching me…”
“Cat, look at me.” He pulled away to see my face.
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want him to see the tears running down my face or the fright that I couldn’t seem to shake. But this was Cash. He could make me do things.
He put a finger under my chin and tilted my face up. “Look at me.”
I lifted my eyes, expecting to see concern, but instead I saw a calmness that steadied me.
“I’m the only one touching you,” he said, running his finger from my chin down to my collarbone. “Just me.”
I clutched his shirt. Just Cash. Just him. It’s what I needed. What I had to have.
I uncurled my legs and straddled his lap, my movements slow and erotic. I knew what I wanted and it was right underneath me.
Cash dropped his hands down to my waist, watching me with wariness as I reached for his zipper. Damn, the man was still fully dressed.
“What are you doing?” he asked as my fingers fumbled to unhook the buckle.
“Touch me more,” I begged in a throaty voice, popping the buckle loose and sliding it from its belt loops, letting it drop to the floor. “I need this.”
Cash spread his fi
ngers over my ribcage. “Do you need me or will any man do?” he asked bluntly, his voice rough.
I wove my fingers through his hair and pulled his head toward me. “Just you. Only you.”
He moaned and captured my mouth, slanting his lips across mine. His hands stayed on my ribcage. Such a safe place, not at all what I wanted them to do.
I sucked and lapped at his lips like a woman starved. My hips rolled against his of their own accord, desperate and dying for him. I needed my fix. My hit of sex. I needed Cash in me.
I could feel him, long and thick under me. My breasts became sensitive as they rubbed the thin material of my dress and against his shirt. They ached to have his hands on them. Have his lips wrapped around them. Have his teeth bite at them.
The thought made me go insane. I grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head back. “Touch me,” I demanded, rocking my hips against his. “Now.”
His eyes blazed. “Here’s the Cat I used to know. A princess that always got her way.”
I smiled seductively. “What does that make you? My prince or my slave?” I asked, reaching down between us to run my hand over his hardness.
“It makes me your king, sweetheart.”
He grabbed the back of my head and dragged my mouth back to his. His tongue dove past my lips, filling my mouth with him. He yanked my head back roughly and dropped his mouth to my neck, nipping and sucking my skin.
I hissed and closed my eyes, getting lost in the feeling. My appetite for him exploded. I unzipped his jeans with a forceful tug and yanked them open. He groaned against my neck and thrust his cock up into my hand as I wrapped my fingers around him. Impatient, I raised myself up. There was nothing holding me back. I was ready to sink down on him.
But he wrapped an arm around my waist and flipped me down onto my back. In seconds he had his jeans off and was between my legs. His mouth went to the curve of my throat and his hand went to my breast.
I sucked in a breath as his thumb and forefinger pinched my nipple and rolled it through the thin material of my dress. It was erotic in the best kind of way.
Cash lowered his head and took the other nipple in his mouth, giving it just as much attention. He drew it into his mouth, sucking on it through the dress. His tongue and teeth played and teased until I thought I would go crazy.
He reached down and grabbed a handful of my dress. Bunching it in his fist, he shoved it up around my waist.
“Spread your legs. Show me what’s mine,” he ordered, running his hand down my thigh.
As soon as I did, his fingers were in me.
I gasped and arched, thrusting my nipple back into his mouth. He took it greedily while he fucked me with his fingers.
I came quickly, but he didn’t stop. He continued to drive me crazy. His fingers spread me open. Slid over me. Plunged inside and filled me full.
He did it again and again until I came apart. The orgasm uncoiled in me like an animal awakening. I shattered and screamed.
He shot up my body quickly, covering my mouth with his. Cries erupted from me but his fingers never slowed down. I whimpered and squirmed, needing him to stop before I burst into a million tiny pieces.
His fingers kept at it – sliding over my clit then into my pussy - even as he left my mouth and moved down my body. He pushed my dress higher, exposing more of me. When he came to my hip, I froze. The tattoo still marked me.
Cash withdrew his fingers. His lips turned gentle on my skin. His hands traveled up to grasp my hips and hold me still when I tried to roll away. I couldn’t deal with the memories tonight.
“Not this time, sweetheart,” he whispered against my skin. “Tell me what happened.” He traced the letters on my hips, leaving a trail of heat behind.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I just wanted to have sex, not face the terrifying images that bombarded me.
Cash bit at the skin over my hipbone. “Talk.”
I twisted away but didn’t get very far. He yanked me back under him.
“Talk or I don’t touch,” he growled.
Well, when he put it that way…
“I killed him,” I said in a whisper, wishing he would just forget about the tattoo and go down on me. “I killed my boyfriend.”
Cash froze. I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn’t look at him. I was too embarrassed that with just one touch – one kiss - he could break me and make me talk. No one had ever had that kind of control over me.
Not even Luke.
“What happened?” Cash asked again in a clipped tone, demanding an answer.
I shivered, suddenly cold. “It was a car accident. I was acting stupid and he was too busy worrying about me. The car flipped. We hit a tree. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it. Everyone in town knew about the wreck.”
“Not me,” Cash said, his voice becoming softer. “I didn’t give a damn about rumors and gossip.”
“It wasn’t gossip…I killed him and my best friend, Jenna.”
Cash was quiet a moment. I quivered when he ran a thumb over the dark ink on my skin. “No, you didn’t, Cat. I know you. You didn’t kill anyone.”
An awful ache started in my chest and rose up to choke me. “Yes, I did, Cash. Luke loved me and he died because of it. I wanted to die too.” I gulped. I wanted him to know everything. Every gritty, awful detail of my life. “And you don’t know me. You think you do, but you don’t.”
Cash moved his hand from the tattoo down to my thigh, his fingers hot on my skin.
“I know your heart. I know how you would die to protect Keely and Tate.” He moved his fingers to my opening again, sliding over me. “I know your body. I know what you like and how to make you cry and come.” He removed his fingers and glided them over my hipbone. “Tell me what I don’t know, sweetheart, because I want to know everything else.”
I took a deep breath and delved right in, trying to ignore the power he had over my body. “I’ve been terrified of love since Luke died,” I said. “I had to prove to myself that I couldn’t feel anything anymore. That’s when I turned to men. They were distractions from the pain and grief. You were supposed to be just another one of those distractions.”
Cash didn’t move or speak.
I found the nerve to look at him. He was staring at me, still halfway down my body.
“And was I?” he asked, his voice deadly quiet. “Just another man? Another distraction?”
“Yes. Too much of one. I started to feel things for you. It scared me so I bailed. We never should have slept together. I wasn’t ready for someone like you. It was a mistake.” I took a shaky breath. “That’s why I called you that night. To tell you that I was broken. That we were a mistake. But the truth is I made a lot of mistakes, usually bad ones, but you were one of the good ones.”
He didn’t say anything. I expected him to climb off me and rush out of the room. I had just said we were a mistake. That I had used him as a distraction. He should hate me. Call me a bitch. Deem me unworthy.
Instead he moved up my body and settled between my legs. He grasped my head with both hands and made me look at him.
“Is this still a mistake?” he asked.
I shook my head slowly, mesmerized by the fire in his eyes. “No. But you still scare me and so does love.”
He flinched with each word. Pain filled his eyes. He hung his head, wounded.
I felt frantic and guilty and ready to slit my own wrists. I had hurt people but I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.
I touched his jaw, wanting him to look up at me. He did. Fierceness was in his eyes.
“Let’s pretend, Cat.”
I blinked, confused, then the memory of him saying the same exact words to me on our date came back.
“I’m already yours,” I said, remembering that is what we had pretended before. His words from that night still burned in my mind.
Cash shook his head. “I know but let’s pretend something different this time. Let’s pretend that I love you. That I’ll always love you. If we preten
d this once, will you not be afraid?”
My heart pounded. “Just once?” I asked, repeating the same words I had asked him that night long ago.
“Just once,” he said, lowering his mouth down to my neck. “I’ll take away the pain any time you want. I’ll make you forget and I’ll be a distraction if you need it. I’ll do anything and be anything for you, but I don’t want to scare you so I’ll just say I’m pretending.”
I nodded. “Okay. Pretend.”
Cash grasped the underside of my knee, lifting my leg up. “I love you, Catarina.”
And with those simple four words, he thrust into me.
I cried out and immediately wrapped my legs around him, taking him deeper.
“God, I love you,” he whispered.
Planting his hands on either side of my head, he started moving in and out of me, taking his time. Savoring the feel of me. Letting my slick, wet walls hug his thickness.
His eyes stayed on mine, traveling down to my breasts. I grasped both of them in my hands, needing to be touched. It made him crazy. He started moving faster and faster. Deeper and deeper. Oh, fuuuck. When he hit the deepest point possible, I let go of my breasts and cried out, clenching the sheet under me.
“Tell me you love me,” he demanded, slowing down to a torturous pace. Killing me. Fucking me. Making love to me. “Let me hear that sweet mouth lie.”
I couldn’t. The blood was rushing through my body too fast. My skin was too sensitive to concentrate on anything else. His legs rubbed against the inside of my thighs as he thrust and withdrew. My pussy was wet and stretched like never before.
But I couldn’t lie.
He growled and held still, keeping only the head of his cock in me. “Say it, Cat.”
Frustrated, I wiggled under him, wanting all of him to slide into me. But he stayed motionless, looming over my body.
“Damn you,” he hissed.
He thrust into me hard. I cried out, arching my body. It offered my breasts right to his lips. He leaned down and sucked my nipple into his mouth, biting it hard. It sent me spirally. I convulsed around him, tightening on his cock so hard he swore.
His ribs and hips pumped faster, reaching for his own climax. I pulled his head down, putting my lips against his ear. “Come for me, cowboy.”