“It’s something my mother said before she died. She told me the world tries to make us into whatever it wants us to be and the only way we can be the person we want to be on the inside is to build a suit of armor. After the accident that killed her I even wrote a little poem about it in her honor. The last two lines of the poem are:
The boy in the armor, he is my core.
Without Him I wouldn’t be me anymore.”
Jocie closes her eyes.
“Let me picture you in a suit of armor. Do you have a sword and shield too?”
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
“Cephas? Earth to Cephas. Man can you ever zone out.”
“I’m sorry. I was just struck by a memory of something I once read. Yes, I think I’m going to need a sword and shield. I think we’re all going to need swords and shields if we want to define who we are for ourselves instead of letting the world do it for us.”
There’s another knock on the door and Henry Portman walks in without waiting for an invitation.
“Cephas! Jocie! I’m glad I was able to see you off. You know Jocie, you don’t have to dress the part in private. That ugly hunk of gold is ruining my view of you.”
“It’s good to see you Henry. Let me pour you each a glass of wine while I finish my dinner,” I say.
“None for me,” Jocie says. “I have some personal matters I need to finish.”
She heads for the door.
“I’m planning to pay you a personal visit later Jocie.” Henry watches Jocie walk away as she makes her escape.
Soon Henry and I are into a second bottle of wine.
“I haven’t seen news for weeks, how are things going with tracking down Four?” I ask.
“Janet’s report said you’ve started your own personal hunt for Martha McLeod. I wish we had you on it full time but the Travelers Initiative needs you more.”
“I take it that it’s not going well?”
“The movement has gone worldwide. The number four has shown up on walls in any city you can imagine but we have nothing in terms of finding out who they are or what they want. The fish heads have gone dark too. It’s like they’re all holding their breath and waiting on the travelers. The whole world is depending on you to come back and tell them there is no God.”
“Thanks. I work better under pressure.”
Henry takes a long drink so I continue.
“Can I ask you a question Henry? I’ve spent a third of my life chasing Christians and now I’m going back in time. Why do we do it? Why do we care that a few people still believe Jesus was the son of God? Is it all worth it?”
“It’s worth it to me. From the time I was young my family has told me that religion is like drunkenness. It robs people of their right to choose the course of their own life, it steals their resources and gives them excuses to hate. They waste their lives dreaming of heaven when they should be living the only life they have, the one here on earth. It’s a public service to detox them and put them back on the same path as the rest of us.”
Henry is on his own holy crusade.
“Henry? What if we’re wrong? What if there is a God?”
Henry stares at me in a way that makes me wonder if my death will be ordered tonight.
“Cephas. You don’t hold your alcohol for shit. Get to bed. You need to sober up and get me my proof so we can finally be done with our work.”
Our work?
***
My com wakes me up from a nightmare. In the dream we’ve traveled back in time but the cave is dark and we can’t see what we’re doing. As Jocie and I dig we keep seeing pinpricks of light showing us we’re digging in the right direction but Thomas keeps covering them over as he digs in a different direction.
I grab a quick breakfast and go to talk to the tech team which is bustling about in the cave. I see the guy who designed the technology incorporated into our cloaks, his name is Earnest.
“Earnest, I have a last minute question.”
“Sure doc, what can I do for you?”
“How many lights will we have in the cave for digging out?”
“One headlamp each. Don’t worry doc, the batteries are good for twenty hours minimum. You’ll have plenty of light.”
“Can you throw in an extra battery pack?”
“Sorry doc, too heavy. We don’t have much weight margin”
“What about something light that doesn’t use batteries then? How about something like a light stick. Would that be too heavy?”
“A light stick? The kid’s toy with the chemicals that glow when they mix?”
“Yes, exactly. They weigh almost nothing.”
“I don’t know doc. We’re not supposed to allow anything extra. They’re even going to make you empty your bowels and bladders minutes before you go just to get down to the last gram.”
I see the three cases that are going back with us sitting next to a tool bench so I walk over and pick up a hammer. With a couple of loud swings that make the crew cringe I snap the handle off the smallest case. I pick it up and hand it over to Earnest.
“A man can only pee so much. Does this save enough weight that can I have a light stick?”
I think the team is going to get mad but Earnest and every other tech who saw what I’ve done start to laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“You just solved a two-thousand year old mystery, doc.
I give him a blank look.
“That case was found in the cave near the arena when the excavation began. Nobody could figure out what happened to the handle. Okay doc, I’ll find you a light stick or two.”
He picks up the handle and weighs it so he’ll know the new weight allotment.
***
The final hour before we go is nothing less than a circus. The curtain is still drawn and the scene backstage is one of technical people running in all directions. Outside the curtain people have crowded the amphitheater and the surrounding hillsides to watch the show. Leaders from all over the world give speeches reminding us of the grave importance of this mission to mankind and of course because they want to be seen by an all-time record world-wide audience. The funniest part to me is that just when we make our climactic exit the power will go off worldwide and everyone’s screen will go dark. Luckily there’ll be power at the site to record the action and everyone can watch it a few minutes later when the power comes back on.
When we change into our high tech cloaks the only modern item we’re allowed to bring is our underwear. I reach into the hidden pocket and find that Earnest has indeed provided me with some modern light sticks so I look at him and smile as the stage hands motion the three of us to our marks and the curtains open to wild applause. We all smile and wave. This is one of those moments in history where people will ask “Where were you when…”
I expect more speeches or to give one last interview but apparently there’s just nothing left to be said and we’re motioned to enter the arena for departure. We begin to squeeze ourselves in just as we practiced it the day before, with Thomas and Jocie facing each other and me low with my back towards them. There’s no way for the three of us to enter this space without looking comical but Jocie keeps the crowd laughing by pretending Thomas is enjoying the close contact.
“We think you might feel a slight tingling sensation and be dizzy for a moment or two when you arrive,” Dr. Davis says.
“Jocie’s already giving me a tingling sensation,” Thomas says.
“You can touch the bars but make sure you’re completely inside,” Earnest reminds us. “We wouldn’t want any pieces left behind.”
A laser light show begins as beams map out the exact location of the arena to the micrometer and the time travel device
is lowered from above. I suddenly wish I understood how this thing works.
I hear someone tell the audience to put on their protective goggles and start a countdown from twenty.
Eleven, ten… Why did I agree to this?
Six, five… You’re most likely about to die.
Two, one… I love you Martha. I wish I had said it to you at least once.
Zero.
Chapter Twenty-One
I thought the process would be instantaneous, one moment I’d be here and the next moment I’d be there. In reality traveling through time feels more like years spent in complete darkness and silence where your only company is what you can think about and picture in your mind. I have time to see and think about every important moment of my life. I think about how little time I had with my parents, I revisit childhood friends, I re-experience painful memories and remember moments of joy that have been hidden inside me for years.
My time as a cult hunter is painfully vivid. I see the faces of all the people who shrank from me in fear and watch as my own face moves with precision to insure that they would. I’ve always been proud of the fact that I don’t have enhancements yet whenever I was being “The Cult Hunter” my face moved like it too was made of plastic.
Is that why I’ve always avoided my own eyes? Were they the one thing left of “me” that couldn’t be covered by the mask?
For a long while I forget Thomas and Jocie are traveling with me until I realize I can sense their presence. I can’t feel my body so I try to reach out to them with my mind until I can hear their thoughts. I push Thomas back and focus on Jocie.
“Cephas? Are you there?” Jocie says in my mind.
Sharing thoughts is the most intimate experience conceivable, Jocie is in my mind and I’m in hers. Although I’ve come to care deeply for Jocie the idea of laying bare my innermost thoughts is too frightening so I resist her probing and build a mental wall around things I don’t want her to see. To my surprise, she can’t or doesn’t do the same and I find myself flooded by all the pain and joy of her life.
Pain is a dominant force in her memories. I see her neglected as a child as her parents relied on a nanny robot to watch her so they could lose themselves in the stupor of drugs. I see her swearing that someday she’d find a way to control people rather than allowing others to have control over her. I see terrible things she did to people after making that vow to herself as a child. She stepped on whoever she had to in order make it to the top, leaving a path of ruined careers and broken hearts in her wake. Worse though is that she’s conscious of me watching her memories and having them open to me is causing her to feel guilt and pain.
“Cephas? Please answer me.”
“Yes Jocie. I’m here.”
“Cephas. Please stop looking at my life. I can’t bare it anymore. If I could show it to the world like a movie I would, but not you. Anyone but you. Your memories, your thoughts. I understand you now in a way I wouldn’t have thought possible. I saw you on the night your parents died. I saw your life growing up with your aunt and your time at the corps. I saw your knight in armor. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.”
“Jocie, I know you too and there’s so much more inside you than I could have imagined. To say you have only a small spark of inner beauty was cruel. I was treating you unfairly because I was seeing you through the veil imposed by the world rather than knowing you like I do now--”
“How I wish that were true.” She cuts me off. “Your judgment of me was kind beyond words. Your ability to see even a small spark of light in me was a reflection of your own goodness rather than mine.”
“Please don’t use the word ‘judgment’ Jocie. I can’t… It’s not mine…” I stammer in our minds.
“I know, Cephas. I saw your whole life and I even read the Bible through your memories. I feel like I’ve had an eternity to replay and think about my life and I know now that I want what you have. I don’t care what happens on this mission, I’m ready to follow Christ.”
“Noooooo.”
Thomas screams into our heads. His entry is an intrusion of the most unspeakable sort. If there’s such a thing as mind rape then Thomas has forced it upon Jocie and myself.
“I see you for what you are Cephas. Bible reader! How dare you call yourself The Cult Hunter. He’s poisoned himself Jocie and now he wants to poison you with his sick thoughts. You must listen to me instead. Don’t let him deceive you. Destroying the memory of Christ is our mission and I need you on my side.”
“Thomas, you’ve looked inside my mind and Cephas’. How can you deny the truth that’s right in front of you? What more proof do you need that we all have souls?”
“Noooooo.” Thomas continues to scream. “Religion is all lies. Lies and deception.”
Jocie sends us both us both an image of flaming arrows bouncing off a shield and laughs.
“Your mission has failed Thomas,” Jocie says. “Be gone.”
I can still hear Thomas’ voice but it’s been pushed aside, like a whisper.
“Cephas? That small spark only you can see inside me? It loves you. It loves you with a love I’ve never known until now.”
“I love you too, Jocie.” I want to add “you are my sister” but she knows what I mean before I can think it.
I suddenly become aware of my physical body again due to a sudden sensation of pain on one shoulder and then the other. Tiny pinpricks of pain begin to erupt just about everywhere and I know in my mind that both Jocie and Thomas are feeling physical pain as well. If this is the tingling that Dr. Davis mentioned then it’s much worse than they anticipated.
“There isn’t much time Cephas, you need to listen. You see things that other people don’t see but you’re so focused on the external you’re blind to the most important thing you possess. I see the storm that rages inside you every time you desire to feel what the Christians feel. Cephas, the storm is you denying your relationship with Christ. He’s already with you if you’ll just let him in.”
Thomas’ voice in my head goes silent but Jocie is still there.
“Thank you Cephas. I think the spark you lit has saved me.”
“Jocie? I think you’re beautiful on the inside.”
Then I can’t hear her voice anymore either.
The pain continues to cover my body but the worst pain of all is in my throat near my Adam’s apple. It’s as if someone is holding a red hot coal against that spot until they make my blood boil. I think it may have boiled because I feel two distinct pops like steam has been released followed by a new flood of pain before everything goes blank.
***
I slowly become aware that I’m slumped against the arena wall with Thomas and Jocie on top of me and that the air is now cool and damp. The transport is complete. I’m not sure if I lost consciousness or not but it’s clear that they’re not awake. It’s pitch black but I can see tiny glowing spots on my cloak and feel burning sensations everywhere the cloak touches my skin. I feel around for the door latch and when I hit it I tumble out onto the cave floor. Based upon the glowing spots on their cloaks it looks like Jocie is hanging half out of the arena with Thomas on top of her.
I try to say “wake up” but only a grunt-like gurgle comes out of my mouth. My throat still hurts and when I reach up to touch my neck, my hand comes away sticky with blood.
I can’t get to the case with the head lamps until Thomas and Jocie get out of the arena so I try to slap Jocie awake. My hand comes away with even more blood. Thomas doesn’t have blood on his face but his face feels cool to my touch. I find Jocie’s wrist and feel for a pulse, there is none. On Thomas I find his neck and he also has no pulse.
Despite the pain in my neck I start an anguished gasping for air, but it isn’t the physical pain that bothers me the most.
Dead? How can they be dead?
When I get my breathing under control I remember that the light stick Earnest gave me is inside my cloak pocket so I bend it to start the c
hemicals mixing which bathes my immediate area in a pale blue light. I wish I hadn’t. Thomas and Jocie are both distorted messes. In places it looks like the skin has been boiled off of them.
She can’t be dead. We shared thoughts and she became my sister. Her new spark, I’ll never see it again. I’ll never see it grow into a bright fire.
As the cobwebs continue to leave my brain I look at their injuries and it becomes clear how they died. The technology left over in our bodies from enhancements exploded. Thomas bragged about his super strong heart and there’s now a gaping hole in his chest. Jocie had enhancements in places I would never think to enhance, all of which blew up. The only tech inside my body was the two chips leftover in my neck from when I was a baby.
Enhancements. They make you beautiful on the outside but destroy you inside.
I want to laugh and cry at the same time when I realize that Jocie and Thomas’ enhancements were exploding out of them and into each other. Their selfish arrangement in the arena with them facing each other and me turning my back to them shielded me from the force.
Did their selfishness save your life? Or was your own kindness the ‘armor’ that saved you?
With the aid of the light I’m able to retrieve the cases and push Jocie and Thomas’ bodies back inside. There’s nothing usable left, all the technology in the cases exploded and melted into a fused mass of wires and chips so I throw it all back into the arena. The only case left is the small one with the handle smashed off. In it I find food, water, coins and a first aid kit.
I’m able to swallow water without much pain so I assume my esophagus isn’t shredded. My breathing is raspy but there doesn’t appear to be any air escaping through my neck. The old chips were pretty close to the surface.
If they’d been deeper the damage might have severed a major blood vessel and killed you too.
The plan was for us to make a short video to tell the world we had arrived safely and it would be pulled forward in time thirty minutes after our arrival. All the camera equipment in my robe is destroyed so I need to send a message in some other way. There arena doesn’t transport the dirt from the cave floor so I can’t scratch a message there. Next I try using some water to make mud to write on the equipment cases but it doesn’t stick.