I knew most people had to wait months for a scan, and the idea of an early one terrified me. Something was wrong.
Chapter Four
The following month, I woke up on the morning of the full scan after about two hours of restless sleep. Zoe surprised me with a tiny babygro that read, “I love Mum.”
“Zoe,” I chided, “it’s too early to buy things.”
“It’s not bad luck if it’s this small. It’s just one thing. Hold it. It’s so cute.”
We took turns oohing and aahing over the clothing, wondering how anything could be so small.
“This is bizarre,” I said. “I can’t imagine having a baby. What if I break it?”
“So you’re keeping it?”
I made a face. “I can’t think of anything else to do. I made her. I’m responsible for her.”
“Her?” She laughed. “That’s what did it, seeing her on that screen and giving her a gender.”
“I know.” I rubbed my face. “It was different. Hearing the heartbeat was…”
“Scary, amazing, and a million other words that just aren’t strong enough.”
“I was going to say real. It’s starting to sink in now.”
She ran her fingers along the clothing laid cross her arm. “You know, I always expected to be first.”
“What?”
“You know what I mean. I was with Darren for so long, and you were never interested in anyone for longer than a week. I just assumed I would do it first—be a mother, start a family. It’s not like I was planning on it or anything. It’s not like I want to do it right now. I just thought… it would be me.”
“I’m sorry I took this from you.”
She frowned. “You didn’t take anything from me. You haven’t even been here.”
“I’m sorry about that, too. I should have been here for your breakup. I should have been around for you whenever you needed me. I left, and I didn’t even warn you I was going. I don’t know how you’ve forgiven me.”
She gave a dry laugh. “Who says I’ve forgiven you? I’m just glad you’re back. I’ve missed you.”
“How have things been with you and your mam? You seem to be getting along better now.”
She folded the babygro. “I think I understand her now. Either that or she’s mellowed out. I dunno. The older I get, the less she annoys me. That’s good, right?”
“That’s great. I’m glad for you.”
“Maybe it would be the same for you.” She glanced away. “You never know.”
“We should get going,” I said. “I hear you have to wait for hours for the scan.”
She gave me a pitying look, but she dropped the subject.
We went straight to the hospital. The waiting room was filled with lots of other people, but somebody must have fast tracked me because I skipped the queue. I only had to wait twenty minutes, despite hearing other people complain of being there for over an hour already.
Zoe squeezed my hand as we headed to the room. “That was lucky.”
That meant bad news. I was sure of it. Something was off about my faery baby.
The sonologist kept smiling as she performed the scan. The image was clearer than last time. I could see the actual baby shape, along with legs and a head that looked way too large.
“Everything looks fine,” the sonologist said, but she bit her lip.
“No wings?” I asked jokingly.
She chuckled. “Everything is in the right place. No extras. The baby is larger than I expected, though. Longer. I think there’s been some confusion over your dates. Your obstetrician’s team put you at about sixteen weeks pregnant by now, but I’m seeing more like twenty.”
My stomach still looked pretty flat. But twenty weeks meant I could be halfway to becoming a mother for real. I would be in charge of a tiny infant who had no idea what the world had in store for them. I felt faint again.
“Just rest and close your eyes,” the sonologist said soothingly. “I’ll print out a few pictures for you, and you can head home and relax.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. What if the baby really did grow wings? Drake had been six or so when he got his wings. His father had torn away his skin to reveal them. Oh, my God! I wanted to throw up. My child was related to Deorad. And Sadler! What if the kid grew up to be an evil genius?
“Um.” I refused to open my eyes to see their expressions. “Is it possible for a baby to inherit things like… evilness? Or… um, a lack of morals? Even if they never met, say, their grandfather or…”
The silence was palpable. The nurse squeezed my shoulder. I looked up and saw pity in her eyes.
“Your baby is going to be fine,” she said. “Nobody can predict his or her personality, but there’s nothing that says a child will carry ‘evil’ genes. Stop worrying. Have you been throwing up a lot?”
I shrugged. “A little.”
“Have they told you to take a multi-vitamin yet? Take one that’s specifically for pregnancy. If it doesn’t have iron, take one for that separately. Don’t overdo it; they can be sickening. Trust me, I went through this two years ago. You’re quite thin, and the baby will take, take, take from you. The baby will be fine, but you need to take care of you, too.”
“I’ll force-feed her if I have to,” Zoe said determinedly.
I laughed. Maybe things would be okay. When I looked at the perfectly ordinary scan photos, I didn’t know how they could be anything but okay. And when we headed back to Zoe’s house, I finally let her show me the baby name book she had bought weeks ago.
I was doing it. I was going to have a baby.
***
My dream that night terrified me. I was heavily pregnant and walking barefoot through a field. The air was hazy, and the child kept moving in my belly. I didn’t feel it, but I saw my stomach bulging in various places.
The sky darkened completely. I could barely see a foot in front of me. In fact, the only light came from Drake’s wings as he approached me. They gleamed, making his eyes look terrifying.
I reached out to embrace him, but he pushed my arms away as if I didn’t matter. He nodded at someone, and strong arms gripped me around the chest. I was suddenly looking up at the sky without having realised I’d fallen. Arlen and Líle had pinned me to the grass, and a knife flashed in Drake’s hand.
I screamed as he cut open my dress, revealing a swollen stomach that looked like something out of Alien. My skin crawled, and I cried out in terror. Then the knife’s edge touched my skin. Blood gushed. I felt no pain, only loss.
Drake stuck his hands into my belly. I watched as if viewing a video. A huge wing erupted from my stomach. I shook my head. That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. He pulled on the wing, and a girl child was attached. She was larger than a toddler and fighting back fiercely. She clawed his face, leaving red lines in the wake of her nails.
He slapped her, and I kicked him. He growled, but he wasn’t Drake any longer. He was the monster under the bed, the one who had crawled out and scared me night after night. I waited for a cat’s yowl, for someone to come and save us.
I called for my friends, but they didn’t answer. Tunnellers appeared, crawling all over me, dipping their hands into my empty womb and squeezing. They were killing me, but not quickly enough.
The monster under the bed threw back his head and opened his mouth wide. A scream filled the air. I didn’t know if it was mine or the child’s. Then there was a crunch as a dark thing with red eyes devoured the monster. It gathered my baby, my child, in its arms and left me laying there with nothing.
The fae had taken my child, just as they would in real life.
Chapter Five
I awoke screaming. Zoe was shaking. I grabbed her arms, staring at her for a moment before realising I was safe. I was in the human realm. I still had a tiny bump, still had the child growing inside me. But the dream was a portent. It would happen, one way or another. There was no escaping the fae.
“You kept screaming.” Zoe’s face was tear-stained.
“I didn’t know what to do.”
“They’re going to come for the baby, Zoe. I can’t escape them. No matter what I do, they’ll find her. He only sent me away. He didn’t know about the baby.”
“Cara, calm down. It was a pregnancy thing. A dream. A nightmare. I read about it in a pregnancy book. This happens. It’s normal, but it’s just a dream. Nobody’s going to take this baby.”
“They will. I’m not strong enough to protect her. They’ll take her from me as soon as I’m not looking.”
She brushed the hair from my face. “Are you talking about Drake’s family? Are you scared of them?”
I exhaled loudly. “Something like that. I have to find them before they find us. Otherwise there’s nobody to protect her but me.” And I wasn’t enough.
“You’re scared and stressed. That’s all this is. Nobody’s going to take this baby. There are laws, and you’ll have me to help you. Please stop getting yourself so worked up. I hate seeing you like this.”
I sat up, wiped the tears from my face, and looked her in the eye. “If there was ever a time for you to believe me, no matter how crazy I sound, it’s now. I was gone for about a month, not a year. I was in a different place. Drake and everyone else you met are faeries.”
“Oh, Cara. I know you have a thing about faeries, but—”
“Just listen, okay? Let me get it all out, and just pretend that it makes sense. Open your mind for a few minutes. I want to explain everything, and you need to not interrupt me, or I might never try again.”
After a moment, she whispered, “Okay. I’m listening.”
“That first night I met Drake, we almost died together. I was led into the park by magic then to an underground party. Lots of faeries died that night, but I was saved, and Drake was stuck underground still. Later, he came to me, except it wasn’t him; it was Brendan. Brendan shared Drake’s body for a while. That’s who was at my birthday. That’s why I’m so confused about how I feel. I had to be a witness for Brendan to become king again. But the demi-goddesses interfered, and Drake was saved, and Brendan was sent to the Fade. It’s kind of like purgatory, and it’s where he was before he joined Drake’s body.” I waved my hands. “It’s all a big thing. So I went on a journey to the Fade to save Brendan. We did it. We saved him. But when it was over, Drake, who is also now a king, sent me away.”
Zoe stared at me for a second. “Okay, even if I believed in faeries, that still wouldn’t make sense.”
“Zoe, I swear it’s true. Look at me. I swear.”
Her face fell. “You honestly believe this.”
“I do, and I need to find him again, or the fae will come for this baby and take her with them. They came for me when I was a kid, but a cat saved me, and—”
“A cat?”
“Jesus, I know I sound like a crazy person, but I’m terrified for this baby. Brendan owes me a favour. If I can just find him, then maybe he’ll protect the baby before it’s too late.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay?”
“We’ll find this Brendan person and see what happens.”
“You believe me?”
“Oh, hell no. But I’m not letting you wander around alone. Something is obviously going on with you, and I’m going to be right by your side while you figure it out.”
I stared at her for a long time.
She shrugged. “So where does he live?”
“Uh, in the faery realm?”
“And we get there how?”
“Zoe, I’m not delusional.”
“Cool. Prove it to me. Show me the faery realm.”
“You can’t see it. You’re human.”
She folded her arms. “And so are you.”
“I know, but my ancestry is… complicated, and I’m carrying a half-faery baby, so that counts double… I think. You really want to come with me?”
“Absolutely.”
I leaned back. “What if I disappear in front of your eyes?”
“Then I’ll know you’re not insane.”
“You’re freaking me out here.”
She snorted. “I’m freaking you out? Have you heard the words coming out of your mouth?”
I covered my face. “I know how it sounds.”
“Well, that’s a good sign. Get some sleep, and tomorrow, we’ll figure out how to find your friend.” She lay down and snuggled under the covers.
“I love you, Zo.”
“Love you, too. Now go to sleep, you header.”
I lay awake for a long time after she started snoring again. She had been so good to me. She had taken care of me like a true friend when everyone else turned their backs on me. I could always rely on her.
But I would bring danger her way. Someday, the fae would be drawn to my child, and the worst kinds would come to take it from me. Zoe would get caught up in the middle of it all.
I knew what I had to do. I had to find a bigger, stronger, more powerful fae to protect my child. Drake had sent me away, but the others hadn’t. And if I found them before by travelling on the leylines, maybe I could do it again. Maybe that’s what I had to do to earn my place with the fae again.
I couldn’t stay in the human realm with a faery baby and no connections, no protection. I couldn’t stop the fae from being attracted to the emotions of a new child descended from a leanan sídhe. If I was going to be a mother, then I had to do it right, whatever the cost.
I was still owed a favour from a different king. Brendan owed me. I had helped him escape from the Fade. A life-debt had to be worth more than a king’s demand. It had to counteract Drake’s magic. That was what I had to count on.
I had to leave Zoe behind, follow the leylines, and beg for Brendan’s protection. He had to care enough to do it. He couldn’t have forgotten already. Soon, my baby would be a target, and until then, I would do whatever I needed to protect her forever.
I fell asleep while still making plans. Zoe would never believe in my story, and I had to try to shrug her off for her sake.
But she was the one who woke me early the next morning.
“What’s going on?” I muttered, pulling the cover over my head.
“We’re going to find your friend,” she said impatiently.
I sat up. “I can go alone.”
“I don’t think so.” She placed her hands on her hips. “It’s either go with me, or you stay here.”
“You’re going to freak out if I find anything.”
“Either I convince you that you’re having a mental breakdown, or you prove you’re telling the truth. It’s a win-win situation, my friend. Now get up so we can get this over and done with.”
I stared at her. “I can’t tell if you’re a great friend or a terrible one.”
She smiled. “You know the answer to that already.”
As I dressed, I wondered what I had ever done to deserve her. I stepped into the kitchen, ready to go.
“We’re going to spend the day together,” Zoe was telling Angela. She looked at me and winked. “Relishing her last bit of freedom.”
Angela smiled. “Have a good time, but don’t do anything crazy.”
Zoe giggled. “Us? Crazy? Never!”
After a quick breakfast, we left the house. I had no idea where I was going. I had taken my vitamins and some clothes with me, but I didn’t know what else I would need. I always had the dagger that still bore the marks of fenris blood.
“So,” Zoe said, linking my arm with hers, “where to?”
“No idea.” I frowned. “Maybe I’ll start where they left me.”
“Good plan.”
I glanced at her. “This might take a while.”
“I have time.” She shrugged. “For you.”
“You’re amazing.”
“Yeah, we know.”
Smiling, I led her to a bus stop that would hopefully take us near to Brendan’s old home. I had no idea if it even existed still. I tried to picture how to get there, but the image was cloudy and incomplete, so I decid
ed the place Drake had left me would be close enough. If I had gotten through the Black Marshes with my eyes closed, then surely I could find a leyline of some kind in the human realm.
When we got off the bus, Zoe was still in good form, but I couldn’t concentrate. I slipped a hand into my pocket to touch the dagger. It helped me focus. Hours passed, but I didn’t stop moving, didn’t hesitate.
Then, I caught the scent of flowers in the air. Soon after that, I felt a faint rumble under my feet. Magic. The trace was weak, but I put everything into concentrating on it. I followed the line of magic as it grew stronger and stronger. I hoped someone would see me and take me to Brendan, but I eventually realised that Drake could have easily made the blindness work both ways. I had to find a powerful piece of magic and hope that someone would hear my pleas.
“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” Zoe said, sounding uneasy.
“We’re almost there,” I said, feeling hopeful. “I think we’re close.”
Chapter Six
My feet ached. I had turned right back into the weakling human the fae expected me to be. But when I squeezed Zoe’s hand, I felt stronger. I was on the right path, and soon, my best friend would understand that I wasn’t lying to her, that there really was another world out there.
“So you kind of have the same delusion as that professor,” she said, breaking my concentration.
“Ronnie?” I sighed. “Not exactly. Drake’s father took her when she was young and sent her back fucked up and pregnant. The baby died, but she thought he stole it. She stabbed him in front of us.”
“That’s… kind of specific. Are you feeling okay? Not thinking that I’m some scary faery trying to kill you and steal your baby, right?”