Jill had been so nervous about the meet all day it was all she could think about in class, even during her world history final that morning. She tried reminding herself it was no big deal because she’d been competing on a club team since fifth grade, but she knew why this was different. Now, as she waited in line to do her last warm-up vault and anxiously pulled at her fingers, she glanced over toward the entrance to the gym, and her stomach did little flips. There he was.
Todd walked in casually, with Dirk at his side. They paused for a second, looking up at the bleachers, then climbed halfway up and sat down. Todd looked over at the girls waiting in line by the vault runway. He saw Jill looking at him and smiled, giving her a thumbs-up.
Jill smiled back weakly and quickly turned away. She was so excited to have him here so she could show off and hopefully impress him, but it also made it so much more nerve-wracking, because she wanted him to think she was good. Hopefully he thought she looked hot. All the girls were wearing matching sleeveless dark green velvet warm-up leotards with knee-high tie-dyed green and gold baseball socks, because it was a team tradition to warm up in socks. Jill and Lorylyn had matching green and white plaid flannel boxers on, rolled down at the waist, and Jill thought they looked really cute....It was her turn to vault.
Jill took a deep breath, wrung her hands out by her sides, pushed herself onto her tiptoes, and broke into a sprint. Please, God, don’t let me fall on my face, was all she could think as she bolted down the runway. Her stockinged feet hit the springboard and she twisted and felt her hands touch the horse, but it felt unreal, like it was very far away, then she twisted again and landed on her feet. The landing was a shock to her feet and knees. She blinked, then looked at her coach.
“That was great, Jill! Just like that in the meet!” Coach Tanner was saying, then she was moving away to watch Lorylyn’s vault.
Jill shook her head quickly. That was probably the most unfocused vault she’d ever done, and she was a little freaked out by it. You could’ve gotten hurt! she scolded herself. You have got to stop worrying about Todd so much and focus on the meet! She waited for Lorylyn, then grabbed the sweatshirt she’d worn earlier and headed to the locker room to change for the meet.
***
When they came back down and lined up outside the gym to walk in, Jill wondered if Tyler was here yet. Their relationship had progressed a little in the three weeks since Thanksgiving; they had each been to the other’s house once now, and Jill had actually made out with him for a full five minutes or so. It was okay, but not what she had hoped it would be. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could give it before she broke up with him. But then she was afraid it would be awkward in English, and if Tyler didn’t want to sit by her anymore, Todd wouldn’t either.
The march-in music started playing, and Jill watched as Logan North’s team filed in. As soon as they were all in the gym, Lorylyn, the shortest BC team member, led BC’s line in behind them. Jill glanced quickly at the bleachers and saw that Hillary, Hilton, Brady, and Tyler were all sitting with Dirk and Todd now. And...oh no...there was Brooke. Sitting right by Brady. Why was she here?
To watch Lindy, Jill realized. And to hit on Brady, probably. Well, maybe not. Lorylyn still didn’t seem bothered by Brooke. As Jill walked by, Brooke grinned and raised her knuckle to her nose in a brief wiping motion. Jill grinned back genuinely.
Jill could feel eyes from the crowd on her as she walked, and she enjoyed it. She just hoped Todd was looking at her. When her name was announced and it was her turn to step out of line and salute, she stepped forward and raised both hands above her head, grinning at her family, then letting her gaze scan her friends quickly. They were all clapping for her. She smiled again. She wasn’t that nervous anymore. The regular competition adrenaline was kicking in.
***
Vault and bars both went well. Jill scored a 7.7 on vault and a 6.6 on bars, which Lindy and all the older girls told her was awesome for her first meet. Beam was next, and that’s what she felt most nervous about, because the beam was set up right in front of the bleachers.
“Are you doing back handsprings on beam tonight?” Lorylyn asked her as the team gathered together on the floor to watch each other’s routines.
Jill shook her head. “No, I don’t have them good enough yet. And I just wanna do something kinda easy the first meet, you know?” She made an anxious face at Lorylyn. “Are you nervous?”
“Are you kidding me?! I’ve been nervous all night! Brady’s here!”
Jill giggled. “Good, I’m glad I’m not the only one having that problem!”
Lorylyn gave her a knowing grin, aware it wasn’t Tyler who made Jill nervous.
Jill only fell twice on beam, once on her full turn and once on a front walkover. After she dismounted and saluted the judges, she turned toward the team and grinned in relief. Coach Tanner ran up and hugged her, and all the girls followed.
“Good job, Jill!” they congratulated her, and she couldn’t stop smiling. Not perfect, but she would take it! She glanced over the girls’ heads at her friends. Hilton gave her a thumbs-up, and Jill smiled excitedly. And now only floor was left, her favorite event.
She nailed her floor routine. Her music was “Build Me Up Buttercup,” so her routine was upbeat and bouncy, and she loved performing. She flew across the floor, pouring all her energy into every jump and tumbling pass, and ran off at the end with a huge grin.
“Wooooo, Jilly!” she heard Todd yell, and she looked over to see him standing up next to Hilton, clapping his hands over his head.
Tyler remained seated, but he clapped, and Jill could tell even from far away that he was impressed.
You could at least stand up to cheer for your freaking girlfriend! she thought, but she was laughing as she thought it, and she didn’t even care. All that mattered was her routine had been awesome, and Todd was standing up and yelling for her.
chapter 7) a junior high end to a junior high relationship
Jill was more than ready for Christmas break when it came. She felt like she hadn’t had a chance to sit down and really even watch TV or read a good book in so long. She’d gone right from cheerleading practice to gymnastics conditioning three days a week, then when practice started she had that till six every evening and from eight to eleven every Saturday, and 10:30 church on Sundays. So much for ever sleeping in! And after practice every night she had to come home and do her homework. She hated biology; despite Mr. Moore being funny and cool, her lab group totally sucked; she always did the whole lab write-up herself to guarantee a good grade, and biology tests were the hardest tests she’d ever taken. She got a C+ on her first one and was so upset she almost cried. She’d always been a straight-A student, and she hated this new feeling of failure. For the second test she studied till two in the morning, something she’d never had to do before, and managed to pull off an A-. Hopefully the lab grades would be good enough to give her an A average in the class for the semester. English was good because of Todd of course, but there was so much reading since it was an advanced class. Grayson was still weird as ever, and it was kind of annoying because he was pretty disorganized. Sometimes they would read stories for homework and then never discuss them in class, but sometimes there would be pop quizzes, so Jill had to read everything just in case. Geometry was easy, but there was homework every night, and it had come to the point where Jill never got anything done in SRT, because if she wasn’t writing notes back and forth to Hilton, Todd, and Doug, she was writing notes to Hillary. It seemed that was almost their only form of communication anymore, now that football cheerleading was over. Hill was with Dirk so much she hardly ever hung out with Jill one-on-one anymore, and if she wasn’t with Dirk, she was cheering for basketball. And now that health was over, the only thing Jill would have with Hillary next semester would be lunch on green days, because Hillary had careers in place of health, and Jill had music appreciation. Jill’s other classes were all blow-offs, but they were really boring, and her first finals w
eek ever had been majorly stressful and annoying, so she was just ready for a nice two-week break.
The first night of break, her whole family, except Aaron, who was way too cool to hang out with his family, had a movie night. They made popcorn and watched Sleepless in Seattle and, of course, The Little Mermaid, Jill and Winnie’s favorite. After Winnie went to bed, Jill and her parents watched The Client, another of Jill’s favorites. When she was younger she’d thought Brad Renfro was so hot.
On the second night of break, Jill, Tyler, Hillary, and Dirk went to a movie. The whole group was supposed to go, but Lorylyn, Brady, Hilton, and Todd all cancelled. Jill was depressed Todd didn’t come, and she had a horrible time because Hillary and Dirk were making out the whole movie, and she felt like squirming away just when Tyler tried to hold her hand. I have got to break up with him, she thought.
***
On Christmas Eve Jill’s family went to dinner at the Brinkley House with Hillary’s family around seven, then continued on to the 9:00 church service, an annual tradition. Hillary’s family had always gone to the same nondenominational church as Jill’s family, but the Sherers went every week, and Hill’s family basically went only on Christmas Eve and Easter. But they always ate at the Brinkley House on Christmas Eve together, and Jill and Hillary usually sat at their own table. When they were in junior high it had made them feel really grown-up to sit by themselves, and they liked to pretend they were in their twenties and going out to dinner together in some big city somewhere. Their conversations were always juvenile though; all they could usually talk about was people at school and what they hoped to get for Christmas the next day. This was also the time the two of them exchanged gifts.
This year Jill had had a hard time picking a present for Hillary. In the past they’d usually gotten each other clothes, because that was one of their main interests, but this year Jill didn’t think that felt right, even though Hillary had gotten her a cute top for her birthday. Hillary’s gift had just felt so impersonal for some reason, probably because in the past, Hillary would’ve gotten something Jill had pointed out when they were at the mall together, and the last time they’d been to the mall together was over the summer. The whole situation felt a little weird because their relationship had changed so much. Jill felt like Hillary had grown up so fast and left her behind. She knew she felt that way mostly because of Dirk and her own lack of a similar relationship. When Hillary and Dirk had first started dating, Hillary had told Jill everything, every little detail of her time spent with Dirk, but lately she’d become more elusive, and Jill had a feeling it was because Hillary and Dirk had done things sexually that Hillary didn’t think Jill would understand since she hadn’t done them herself. She wondered if Hillary talked to anyone else about that type of stuff now. Maybe Lorylyn? Jill longed to be close to Hillary again, and she was also dying to know how far Hillary and Dirk had gone.
Walking into the restaurant carrying a gift bag with Hillary’s present – she’d finally decided on a picture frame and some body wash and lotion from Bath and Body Works – Jill felt eager to finally have a chance to catch up with Hillary and get things back to how they used to be. When she saw Dirk sitting beside Hillary at the long table their families always reserved, she froze in the doorway.
Dirk was here?! With Hill’s family on Christmas Eve?! Jill couldn’t believe it. The thought had never even crossed her mind to ask Tyler. This was a family holiday. At least it’d always been for her. She couldn’t even comprehend Dirk’s being here. More than anything, she was jealous. It would be so awesome to have a boyfriend she was so close to that they spent time with each other’s families on Christmas Eve. The whole thing was just so grown-up. Every couple in high school probably did it. That was so cool. She wondered if Lorylyn was seeing Brady tonight. She felt more left out than ever. And now she wouldn’t even get a chance to talk to Hillary privately and catch up with her.
***
Gymnastics practice resumed the day after Christmas. Jill casually mentioned to Lorylyn that Dirk had come with Hillary to Christmas Eve dinner and asked if Lorylyn had done anything with Brady that night. Jill tried to act like she thought it was no big deal.
“No, I went to church with my family in Logan; we always go to my grandparents’ church for the midnight service. And then I spent the night there, so I didn’t get to see Brady. He was in Indy at his grandparents’ anyways. But he came over last night when we got home from my grandparents’ and he got home from his.”
So they hadn’t spent Christmas Eve together; they’d actually spent part of Christmas Day together. Jill was so jealous.
“I think I’m gonna break up with Tyler,” she said suddenly.
“Really?” Lorylyn looked up from the chalk bowl by the bars, surprised. “How come?”
“I’m just so sick of him,” Jill moaned despairingly. “I don’t even like him anymore!”
“When are you gonna do it?”
“I don’t know. Soon. I can’t take it anymore!”
“Oh, so I talked to Brady about the whole...boob-touching incident,” Lorylyn said with a giggle.
“Oh, really? What’d he say?”
“He just said he shouldn’t have tried it so soon and that he really wants to go farther, of course, but he’ll wait till I’m ready.”
“Aww, that’s sweet.”
“Yeah, he’s so cute!” Lorylyn beamed and giggled again happily. “Agh, I like him so much!”
“Are you doing something with him tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m going over to his house. Are you and Tyler doing anything?”
“No.”
Just then Brooke walked into the gym over on the far side, dressed for cheerleading practice in a wife-beater and boxers, and waved at Lindy, who was waiting against the wall while Amy did her floor routine.
Lindy looked to see where Coach Tanner was, and, seeing her busy with several girls on beam, hurried over to the entrance of the gym to meet Brooke. They were too far away for Jill and Lorylyn to hear their conversation, but Brooke had her hands on her hips, and Jill could tell she was talking rapidly.
Lindy began emphatically shaking her head, but Brooke nodded back just as emphatically and continued talking. It looked like she was trying to convince Lindy of something. Finally Lindy gave an exaggerated shrug, and Brooke grinned, her hands still on her hips. Then Lindy glanced back over her shoulder. Coach Tanner was still busy with the girls on beam. Brooke and Lindy left the gym together, probably to get a drink.
“So what’s up with her?” Jill asked Lorylyn. “Has she been around Brady at all lately? Did you see her sitting by him at our meet?” Brooke never talked about Brady at lunch anymore, and Jill hadn’t heard anything else about it since Landon’s Halloween party when Brooke had so obviously split Brady and Lorylyn up for spin the bottle.
Lorylyn shrugged. “Yeah, I saw her. But I’m sure she was just here to watch Lindy. I don’t think she’s really around him much. I mean, I know they have class together though. But whatever. He never talks about her. I’m not really worried about it. I mean, you don’t really think she’d try to break us up or something, do you? She seems so nice.”
Lindy came back into the gym alone and returned to the floor exercise mat. Amy had finished her routine and was taking a breather. Lindy went right over to her and started whispering. Lorylyn had started going through her routine on bars and didn’t see, but Jill watched them curiously. Amy looked shocked by what Lindy was saying, and Jill could’ve sworn Amy snuck a glance in Lorylyn’s direction. That couldn’t be good...Jill wished she knew what Brooke had told Lindy.
***
The next day Hilton called Jill. “Landon’s for sure having a New Year’s party! I’m so pumped! Brooke and Lindy say his New Year’s parties are like, the best of all his parties! He’s had them for the last two years!”
“He had one when they were in eighth grade?”
“Yeah! And Brooke and Lindy said everyone who’s not there
with a date has to draw a name out of a hat and that’s who you kiss at midnight!”
“What?! Are you serious?”
“Yeah! So what are you gonna do, break up with Tyler now or stay with him till the party to make sure you don’t have to kiss somebody gross?”
“Oh, I don’t know! I didn’t even think of that! What should I do?”
“I’d break up with him!” Hilton giggled mischievously. “You might get to kiss Todd!”
Jill grinned at the thought. “But what should I say to him? To Tyler? I don’t know how to break up with him!”
“Um...call him and just do it. You need to get that over with! You so don’t even like him!”
Jill giggled. “I know...agh, that’s so awful.”
“No, it’s not awful, it just means you really need to break up with him. You know there’s way better guys out there.”
“Yeah, I know....Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Yay! You’ll feel so much better once you do. I think it’s the right thing.”
After hanging up from Hilton, it took Jill a couple hours to get up the nerve to do it, but after asking her mom for advice on what to say to him, she finally called. Knowing her mom was supporting her made her feel much more confident. She knew Hilton would be proud of her too.
“Hey, Tyler? It’s Jill. I…um...I think we should break up,” Jill said uncomfortably when he answered the phone. Her heart was pounding. She’d never been more nervous about calling a guy.
“Oh,” he responded. “Um...okay.” There was a short awkward silence, then Jill heard him hang up.
How pathetic...not even a question as to why she was ending it. A junior high end to a junior high relationship. But it was over! Jill breathed a sigh of relief, then ran downstairs to tell her mom.
chapter 8) landon’s... new year’s
The night before Landon’s New Year’s Eve party, Hilton spent the night at Jill’s house for the first time. Jill was excited. She felt like maybe Hilton was becoming her new best friend, since she didn’t really have Hillary anymore. They debated on what to wear to the party; it would be Landon’s first party in cold weather, and they didn’t really know whether they’d be outside much or not.