Jill scrunched up her face uncomfortably, afraid Hillary would blurt out that Brooke and Brady had made out here that one time. She and Hillary had agreed it would be best not to tell Lorylyn, but now Jill was afraid Hillary would say it without thinking and Lorylyn would be pissed at both of them for not telling her sooner. Jill wished she never would’ve told Hillary about that.
Lorylyn shrugged. “Well, yeah, I kinda wondered then, but she hasn’t done anything since. You don’t really think it’s a big deal, do you?”
“Well, you should watch out for her,” Hillary warned. “She likes him, and I bet she can be a bitch when she wants to.”
Lorylyn looked a little troubled.
Jill said nothing and concentrated on the center of the circle, breathing a silent sigh of relief that Hillary hadn’t mentioned the making out. She was feeling more positively toward Brooke now, after their escapade in the bathroom.
They played for about half an hour, and nothing really exciting happened. All Jill could think about was kissing Todd. She desperately wanted it to happen, yet at the same time she was petrified, because what if he didn’t want to or he thought she was a bad kisser? Her stomach was practically churning. Then all of a sudden she felt Hillary elbow her in the side.
“Jill! It landed on you!”
Jill blinked and looked up to see who had spun. She smiled in relief when she saw Bennett standing up on the other side of the circle. At least he was kind of hot and not someone gross. And she wasn’t worried about him thinking she was a bad kisser, because she didn’t care about impressing him.
Oh no! she realized suddenly. He could think I’m bad and then tell Todd! Her heart pounded a little as she stood up to meet him. Should she try extra hard to kiss really well? But then he might think she was really into it...
Bennett walked up to her and stepped in close, putting his arm around her waist and lightly touching her back. He smelled good, like he was wearing cologne. Husky, was how Jill would’ve described the scent. It gave her little butterflies in her stomach. She looked up and closed her eyes as he leaned in.
It was a soft, sort of awkward kiss. As his lips lingered on hers, Jill could suddenly tell he wanted it to last longer. Oh my gosh, he likes me, she thought, stunned. What is with this kid?! Not even talking to me since Homecoming…
“Hey, Jill,” Bennett said as he pulled his face back from hers. “Um, would you go out with me?”
What?! Jill screamed in her head, rapidly pulling back to stare at him. He looked like a hopeful little puppy. Jill wanted to cry. She was trapped. How could she say no? With everyone watching? What the hell was going on...she hadn’t seen this coming at all. She vaguely heard Hillary and other people in the circle hooting and hollering.
“Hell yeah, man!” somebody yelled. Jill glanced toward the voice and froze, staring. It had been Todd. He was grinning and clapping. Something inside her died.
She ripped her gaze away from Todd and turned back to Bennett. “Yeah,” she said in an empty voice. “I’ll go out with you.”
As everyone cheered, Bennett pulled her close again and gave her another short, awkward kiss, and all Jill could think was that she wanted to rip off her Rachel costume and throw it in the lake. Irony was cruel.
***
Down by the stone wall, in the sophomore circle, Brooke’s spin had just landed on Brady. She smiled smugly at the ground as she pushed herself up, then glanced over toward the freshman circle to see if Lorylyn was watching. Brooke hoped she was. But Lorylyn’s back was to her. Damn, Brooke thought. Oh well, this would still be fun. She smiled flirtatiously at Brady and curtsied to him, purposely pulling her already short skirt up even higher. She grinned in satisfaction as she saw his eyes shoot down to her legs then slide up the rest of her body.
“Hey, Brady,” she whispered sexily, winking at him and flashing a huge grin.
“Hey, Brookie.”
She was even more pleased that he’d used his nickname for her. She felt a sense of intimacy between them whenever he used it, and she loved how sexy he sounded when he said it. She stepped up to him, shooting one more glance toward Lorylyn, who still wasn’t looking. Brooke touched Brady’s chest and slowly leaned in, letting her hand trail down to his stomach as they kissed. She felt him inhale sharply as her hand neared his belt, and she stopped and pulled away, leaving only her fingertips touching him.
“Can I talk to you for a sec?” she whispered.
Brady was staring at her. Confusion flashed into his dark eyes; she could see it in the shadows of the house lights in the background. “Okay, I guess.” He stood with his hands in his pockets as he had the whole time. Brooke grabbed his arm and led him around the stone wall, down toward the lake.
“Woooo!” someone shouted after them. “Where are you two going?”
“Oh, shut up,” Brooke replied. “We have to plan something for later. A drinking game.”
They walked all the way down the hill until they were only inches from the water, and then Brooke turned and faced him. She saw a couple people were watching them over the stone wall, but she knew they couldn’t hear from that far away. “What the hell’s going on?” she demanded.
Brady shrugged and looked at his feet, his hands still in his pockets. “What do you mean?”
“What do I mean?” Brooke exploded, then lowered her voice. “I mean Lorylyn! I thought there was something going on between us! And then just out of nowhere you asked her to the dance and now she’s your girlfriend?!”
Brady shrugged again. “Well, I’ve liked her for a while, and I had to make a choice of who to ask to the dance.” His tone was calm and indifferent.
“You liked her?! You chose her over me?! How could you do that, Brady? We had sex like, a month ago!” Brooke crossed her arms tightly over her chest because she felt less vulnerable that way. She wanted to get an explanation, but he had hurt her and she didn’t want him to know how much.
“Yeah, well.” Brady crossed his arms too and looked out over the lake.
“Yeah, well, what?” Brooke hissed. She wanted to scream. “I don’t understand! I thought you liked me! I thought there was something going on with us! How could you do this to me?!”
Brady sounded like he was starting to get annoyed. “Look, Brooke, I told you, I liked you both and I had to make a choice.”
“But...” Brooke sputtered, throwing her arms up in the air.
Brady was silent.
“Don’t just stand there! I deserve some kind of explanation! We had sex!” She would never tell him it had been her first time; she hoped he didn’t know.
“Okay, fine, Brooke, do you want an explanation? You were just for fun, okay? I wouldn’t wanna date you ‘cause you were way too easy. I mean it was fun hooking up and all, but I wanted someone more like Lorylyn for a girlfriend.”
Brooke stood speechless, mouth agape, staring at him. There were a thousand miles between them, when only two minutes before she had felt unbreakable intimacy. His words had been like a cold, sharp slap in the face. And now he just stood there, looking annoyed with her, but basically indifferent to the whole situation.
When she finally got enough breath, she spoke in a quiet, cold voice. “You asshole. You fucking asshole.” Then she walked off quickly, arms crossed, trying to control herself from breaking into a run and drawing everyone’s attention.
chapter 6) the boob-touching incident
For Thanksgiving break, Jill’s family always went to stay with her grandparents in Schaumburg, Illinois, just outside Chicago. Jill loved it there because the mall was a lot better than Brinkley’s mall. Hillary had gone with them ever since Jill could remember, but this year she backed out a couple weeks before.
“Dirk invited me to eat with his family, and I really, really want to. I would feel so bad turning him down,” she said in explanation. Jill was upset and angry, because not only was Hillary backing out on Thanksgiving, but also on Jill’s birthday, which was the Saturday of Thanksgiving break. Jill
thought of the pact, and felt that Hillary really wasn’t holding up to it. First Halloween, now this. But what could she do, force Hillary to go?
So she invited Hilton instead. Her parents were glad to have Hilton coming along, because they had both really liked her the few times they had met her. Winnie was even more excited. She was completely enraptured with Hilton and looked up to her even more than she did Hillary. Every time Winnie said something, she would glance Hilton’s way to see if Hilton approved or thought it was funny, and Hilton was great with her, always paying her lots of attention and flattering her.
“Winnie, I love your hair ribbons!” Hilton complimented her as soon as they got in the minivan to leave Jill’s house on Wednesday after school. “You look so pretty!”
Winnie touched her hair ribbons shyly and smiled at Hilton. “Can I do your hair on the way?”
“Oh, Winnie, you don’t need to do Hilton’s hair. It already looks very pretty,” Jill’s mom said from the front seat, turning around to give Hilton an apologetic look.
Hilton laughed. “No, it’s okay, I’d love for you to do my hair, Winnie!”
Winnie beamed.
After Hilton’s hair was in a messy side ponytail with long pieces hanging out everywhere, Jill, Winnie, and Hilton played games for a couple hours. They always kept a deck of cards in the van, so Jill dug them out and they played go fish and war on the back seat.
“Shut up!” Aaron, Jill’s fourth-grade brother, snapped from one of the middle seats when Winnie kept squealing and giggling during war. “Mom, tell them to shut up! I’m trying to listen to my CD player!” He pushed his already reclined seat back even farther, hitting Winnie’s knee.
“Mom!” Winnie wailed. “Aaron hit me! On purpose!”
“Hey, you guys, calm down,” Mrs. Sherer said, giving Winnie and Aaron a disapproving look from the front seat. “Winnie, how about you try to take a nap after this game?”
“Okay,” Winnie said reluctantly. Jill knew Winnie wanted to keep playing games with her and Hilton, but personally she was relieved. This might be okay for Hilton, but Jill put up with it all the time, and it was getting annoying. She wanted some time to listen to her own CD player.
***
“Sorry about Winnie, if she was annoying you,” Jill said to Hilton later, as they unpacked in their room at Jill’s grandparents’ house. It was an old house, and the room had an archaic sort of feel to it, Jill had always thought, with its antique dresser and lace curtains and rotary phone on the bedside table.
“Oh, no, it’s fine!” Hilton said, laughing. “I don’t have any brothers or sisters, so I like being around little kids.” She grabbed a handful of underwear and bras from her bag and stuffed them in the top drawer, then kicked her bag under the dresser and flopped on her stomach on the double bed. She put her chin in her hands and faced Jill, who was sitting back against a pillow. “So, are things with Tyler any better?”
Jill rolled her eyes. “No,” she moaned. She had somehow thought relationships in high school would be different, and she could tell Hillary and Dirk’s was, as was Lorylyn and Brady’s. They were just more grown-up somehow, more like adult relationships. Lorylyn and Brady went on real dates, and even though Hillary wasn’t allowed to date, she and Dirk went to each other’s houses, even on school nights sometimes. But Jill’s own relationship was exactly like ones she’d had in junior high. Tyler still half ignored her in English; they always sat beside each other, but Todd still talked to her more. She sat beside Tyler at lunch on green days too, but they didn’t have the easy back-and-forth that Lindy and Andy or Lorylyn and Brady demonstrated. Jill always felt out of place and uncomfortable. She sometimes even tried to avoid him between classes so she could talk to her girlfriends instead. And the only difference on weekends was when they went out in their group, she sat by Bennett wherever they went. The occasions where she and Todd sat off by themselves and talked were less frequent, although they still happened sporadically. The times with Todd were the times she enjoyed the most, and she was much more herself around him than around Tyler. The most fun group outing since she’d been dating Tyler had been over fall break, the week after Halloween. They’d had a half day of school on Wednesday, and after school she, Hillary, Lorylyn, Hilton, Dirk, Brady, Todd, and Tyler had all gone to Pizza Hut for lunch, and she’d sat between Todd and Tyler. That day she’d probably talked to them both equally, but she’d been much more conscious of Todd next to her than of Tyler on her other side. She did like Tyler a little; she still found him attractive, but whenever he kissed her she didn’t feel any desire to actually make out or kiss for very long, and her heart just wasn’t in the relationship at all. If you could really even call it a relationship, she thought sarcastically.
“Maybe you should just break up with him,” Hilton said now. “I mean, he’s not even the one you like.” She caught Jill’s eye and flashed a devilish grin.
Jill gave a small smile back, then giggled. “Shut up!” Then she became serious again. “Do you really think I should break up with him?”
Hilton gave a small shrug, her chin still in her hands. “I would. You should go for Todd.”
“I don’t see you going for Landon,” Jill teased.
“Yeah...man!” Hilton sighed, flipping onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. “I wish I saw him more. He’s just so hot!”
The girls both giggled.
***
Jill was extremely glad Hilton had come this weekend, because if she’d been alone, she knew she would’ve spent the whole time focusing on how mad she was at Hillary and how upset she was about Tyler. But having Hilton to talk to when the rest of her family was asleep or doing their own thing helped keep her mind off her problems. She had been wanting to confess to her mom how she felt about Tyler, but she somehow felt embarrassed. She talked about Todd nonstop at home though, and she knew her mom suspected she liked Todd better. But Jill knew her mom probably wouldn’t bring it up unless Jill did first.
On Thursday they had Thanksgiving dinner at her grandparents’, then on Friday Jill and Hilton went shopping at the Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg. On Saturday, Jill’s birthday, the whole family, including her grandparents, went into Chicago to shop on Michigan Avenue and enjoy the city. Jill got to pick out her presents while they were shopping, and she also got to choose where to have dinner. She picked Hard Rock Cafe. Jill loved Chicago, and the weekend flew by rapidly. It was a good birthday, and she was glad Hilton had been here for it, even though it was the first time since elementary school she hadn’t celebrated Thanksgiving or her birthday with Hillary.
Sunday afternoon when they got home, Jill told Hilton she’d decided to give Tyler another chance and see if things got any better. She told herself determinedly that she was going to put some effort into this relationship and try to make it less of a junior high relationship and more of a high school one.
***
The second weekend in December, Lorylyn was at Brady’s house watching a movie. They were lying on the couch in his basement with the lights off, and Brady was behind her with his arm draped over her side. Lorylyn had thrills and weird tingly feelings running through her whole body; she always did when they cuddled. She was barely concentrating on the movie.
Finally it ended, and rather than getting up to turn it off, Brady leaned down and kissed her cheek.
Lorylyn smiled up at him and turned onto her back so that he was leaning over her. As he kissed her, his hand played with the bottom of her shirt, and when his fingers grazed the skin between her shirt and jeans, she felt an electric charge where he touched her. Her whole body jolted a little and she reached up to pull his head down closer to hers.
As they continued kissing, Brady’s hand moved over her stomach and her light cotton shirt, and she shivered in anticipation. Yet at the same time she was scared. He’d never tried to do more than kiss her; what was she going to do if he tried to go up her shirt or something?! She knew she wasn’t ready to go that far, but they hadn?
??t talked about it at all.
Brady’s hand moved up and his thumb traced the underwire of her bra through her shirt. Lorylyn inhaled nervously but kept kissing him. This was okay, she decided...they weren’t going too far yet. Her body relaxed in relief as his hand moved back down to her stomach. He probably wasn’t going to try anything after all. She poured her energy into kissing him.
Then, in one swift motion, his hand ran back up her stomach and cupped her breast. Lorylyn gasped and pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes.
“What, don’t you wanna do that?”
“No. I mean, I don’t know. I just don’t wanna go that far yet.”
“Okay, sorry. I was just caught up in the moment, I guess.” Brady laughed and smiled that charming smile and reached up to push the curl out of his eye.
“It’s okay,” Lorylyn said hurriedly, glad he didn’t seem upset.
“I’ll try to control myself,” Brady whispered sexily, then brought his lips back to hers. He kept his hands to himself for the rest of their make-out session, and although Lorylyn was relieved, she missed the exhilarating sensation of his hand on her bare skin.
***
Wednesday of the last week before Christmas break was Jill and Lorylyn’s first gymnastics meet. They’d started practice shortly after the end of the football cheerleading season in early November, and they loved it. They didn’t have as many close friends in gymnastics as they did in cheerleading, but Lindy was on the team, and so was Amy, one of the other sophomore cheerleaders. Lindy was really good, better than Jill had realized, and she hung out mostly with the junior and senior girls or Amy. Jill and Lorylyn always spent as much of practice together as they could, and Jill enjoyed hearing all about Lorylyn’s latest Brady stories, even though it bummed her out that her relationship with Tyler was still nothing like what Lorylyn had with Brady. Lorylyn’s current dilemma was that Brady had tried to touch her boob while they were making out and she’d told him no, and now she was kind of freaked out about how far she should go with him. The boob-touching incident had just happened the previous weekend, and Lorylyn and Brady hadn’t actually discussed it – or Lorylyn’s boundaries – yet.