I glared at her and back at him. It was a bad idea. It was too much temptation and all too similar to the things that used to get him in trouble. “This is going to be awful.”
Jordan clapped her hands together in excitement and Cable gave me a look I couldn’t read. There was something going on behind those eyes, something challenging and hard. Every time I thought I had him figured out, he did something like this and threw me for a loop.
“Lighten up, Reed. A little fun and games won’t hurt you.”
No . . . but they might hurt him, and that was suddenly the focus of everything in my life: keeping things from hurting Cable James McCaffrey.
Cable
“THERE ARE DIFFERENT kinds of broken, you know.”
I cast a sideways look at Affton’s girl to see if she’d gone too hard at the tequila that was floating around. “Excuse me?” She was a looker, for sure. I remembered her from Loveless. She was the kind of chick who wanted to see and be seen, but she was a good girl. She had to be for Affton to take her into her confidence. The sexy brunette narrowed her pale eyes at me, and I could tell there wasn’t any kind of booze-fueled bravery behind her words.
“There’s the kind of broken everyone can see. The kind that leaves a mess no one wants to get stuck cleaning up because it’s obviously going to be a lot of work. And, even if you try to get it all, you’re going to miss some of those sharp, jagged pieces. Then there’s the kind of broken no one can see. The kind that’s made up of hairline fractures and narrow little fissures that cover the entire surface. It’s the kind of broken that’s held together by some kind of miracle and pure strength of will. All it takes is one little bump, one wrong move, and that kind of broken shatters. There is no cleaning up that mess. There are too many pieces, and they scatter everywhere.” She lifted her chin at me and narrowed her eyes across the room where Affton was talking to some guy who had wandered in off the beach a couple hours ago. “Do not be the guy who breaks her, McCaffrey. If you do, there is no coming back from that. There is no forgiveness and no second chance.”
The house was packed. Music was blaring. Bodies were bumping and grinding as booze flowed freely while the fire on the beach burned big and bright. My dad would shit himself if he saw how many strangers were lounging around his perfectly decorated hideaway. My mom would blow a gasket if she knew how many bowls were being smoked and how many lines were being snorted. Some kid was handing out Molly, and there was a whole group of bikini-clad bodies rolling around on the sand as a result. It was everything I was supposed to stay away from. Everything that got me into trouble in the first place, but I’d been too distracted watching Affton, and too busy watching every guy who wasn’t me watch her, to miss all my old vices.
She had on another one of those sundresses that made her legs look a thousand miles long, and I wondered again if she had a bra on or not since I couldn’t see the straps. Her winter-tinted hair was messy, but not her normal, just-out-of-bed messy. It was messy in the way that took time and skill to craft. It was the kind of hair that made me think of tangled sheets and grabbing hands. It was sex hair. Rumpled and wavy, that hair should be spread across a pillow and clenched in fists. And that face. God, that face of hers. It didn’t need any help to break hearts between blinks, but her girl had played with her makeup and her hair, so tonight, a typically stunning Affton Reed was something else. She was unreal. The gunk around her eyes made them look lavender and even more mysterious. The shiny stuff on her cheeks made her freckles glow. And whatever was on her mouth made her lips resemble candy, and I was dying for a taste. Me and every other guy who caught sight of her.
“One of the few things I’m good at is breaking shit, babe. Thought you knew that.” I picked up the can of 7UP I’d been nursing for the last hour and made a face as I took a sip. It needed a splash of vodka, but that’s not what this party was about. Getting wasted wasn’t the point. Staying sober was. I could do it, even though it surprised the hell out of me. I told myself it was to keep an eye on Affton, but somewhere in the back of my brain, there was a tiny voice screaming that I could do it for me as well.
Jordan cocked her hip and flipped her hair over her shoulder. Everything about her screamed high maintenance, which was one of the reasons I’d never made a move on her back in the day. I didn’t do anything, or anyone, that took work back then, and Jordan Beckett was all kinds of work. Not to mention I knew even then that if I hooked up with her girl, there would never be a chance to hook up with Affton.
“I do know that. That’s why I’m telling you to be careful with Affton. Handle her with care, Cable. I see the two of you getting ready to crash into one another, and I’m telling you, that is going to destroy her and no one is going to be able to put her back together. For once in your life, do the right thing.” She poked me in the arm with her last words and then flounced away. Immediately, one of the guys I recognized from the waves was at her side. He offered her a beer, but she shook her head and told him she would get her own drink. He followed her as she disappeared deeper into the house. Smart girl.
But not as smart as her girl. I could see in those odd-colored eyes that Affton knew there was something more behind this party than my excuse to cut loose and an opportunity to piss off my old man. Her gears were grinding every time our eyes locked as she struggled to piece together my motivations.
It was easy. I was trying to do the right thing for once.
That’s what the daily study sessions that were so boring I could cry were about.
That’s what the grilled cheese had been about.
That’s what sending Miglena home had been about.
And that was what this party, where I was staying sober and keeping my nose clean, was all about.
I wanted to show her I could make the right choices when I put my mind to it. That I did, in fact, know right from wrong and that I was capable of taking care of myself. I wanted to impress her. I wanted her to know she wasn’t wasting her time, that I wasn’t a lost cause. However, she’d been so busy fending off advances from other guys and so caught up in making sure the house didn’t get trashed that she hadn’t paid me any attention. Every now and then she would shoot a curious look my way, but that was it.
I’d like to imagine I’d miraculously earned a snippet of trust from her over the summer, but I knew it wasn’t true. She was distracted, and I’d been on my best behavior for hours for nothing.
I finished the soda with a grimace and frowned when the big, blond guy, who had edged out all her other admirers, threw a beefy arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. He threw back his head and laughed obnoxiously, and even though I was across the room from her, I could see Affton recoil in horror. She was all about being unobtrusive and discreet. This guy obviously thought he hit the jackpot and wanted everyone to notice his good fortune.
The brute grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her around so that she was in front of him. He said something to her and she frantically shook her head ‘no.' The guy ignored her protest, wrapped his hands around her upper arms, and started to back her toward the open doors that led to the deck. He was trying to move her out of sight, trying to take her somewhere secluded. She clearly didn’t want to go, and the only person who was allowed to lead her off her chosen path was me. I was the only one she was going to follow into the dark.
I braced my hands on the top of the island, hoisted myself up, and slid across the marble surface. I knocked over a handful of beer bottles on my way and almost knocked over a cute little redhead in a pair of overalls when I landed on the other side. I caught the girl before she went down and then bodily moved her out of the way as Affton’s panicked gaze sought mine over the shoulder of the guy manhandling her. She didn’t party. She didn’t play. She didn’t flirt and find stupid ways to kill her time. She had no idea how to handle this guy or the situation, and it terrified her.
They were on the deck when I caught up to them. He was telling her she was beautiful and trying to talk her into
a walk along the darkened beach. She was adamantly telling him she wasn’t interested. He pressed. She tried to pull away. I could see the way his fingers dug into her skin. He was holding her hard enough to leave marks.
I put a couple of fingers in my mouth and let out a shrill whistle that made everyone within a hundred yards go quiet and turn to look in our direction. She would hate a scene, but if this jackass started something I was forced to finish, I was going to need as many witnesses as possible to keep my ass from going back to jail.
“Where you going, Reed? You’re not supposed to leave me to my own devices. Especially not when there’s so much temptation around.” I stepped around the two of them so that he would have to walk her through me if he wanted to get down the deck steps.
Her back stiffened and she looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes wide and pleading. “I’m not going anywhere.” She turned back to the guy who was manhandling her and told him firmly. “I can’t go on a walk with you, not that I want to anyway. Let me go.”
She pulled back, and the guy let go of one of her arms but refused to loosen his hold on the other. She tugged until her back was pressed up against my front and I could feel her shaking. I put my hand on her waist and looked pointedly at the meaty fingers still digging into her muscle. “Every mark you leave on her, I’m going to make sure you get a matching one. Let her go and get out of my house.” The words bit through my clenched teeth and were spoken low enough that the threat was clear.
He had an inch or so on me and was twice as wide, but he was slow. I could see him trying to put together who I was and how I played into his plans, and it was taking forever. He had brawn, but I had brains and my last name. I might be a screw-up but my parents weren’t, and the kind of money and influence they had went way further than any right hook or kick to the ribs.
“We were just getting to know each other, weren’t we, honey? I go to UCLA. I play football there. I told her if we went somewhere quieter, I could tell her all about going to college in California. She said she was curious.” I looked at his fingers again, and he slowly started to peel them off. Her golden skin was an angry red as the blood rushed back in.
She practically collapsed against me as soon as she was free. I wrapped my other arm around her chest and brushed my lips against the back of her head. She slid her hand over the top of mine where it was resting on her middle and laced her shaking fingers through mine.
“I was not curious. I told you that was interesting to be polite. I asked you to let me go five times, and you didn’t listen.” Her voice got thready and thin. “Why wouldn’t you listen?” She really had no idea how boys could be. Not all boys, or even most boys, but there were some who didn’t listen, and they were the kind she needed to stay away from.
I kissed the back of her head again and looked at the guy who was taking in the way she was trying to burrow into me and the way she was glaring at him. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it. Her anger was hot, and her fear was practically vibrating along every line of her body. She was wound up, and she was going to snap.
Luckily, her girl popped up and diffused the situation in the way only a really pretty girl could. She was distracting and confident as she waded in. She caught sight of the way Affton was folded into me, the way the big guy and I were squared off, and she promptly put herself in the middle of it.
Hands on her hips, she pointed a finger at the blond brute and told him, “Go. I don’t know what happened, but she does not shake. If you did that, you don’t need to be here. You have a minute, and if you don’t get gone, I’m calling the police.” That would clear out the party and piss everyone off, and they would all blame him. Jordan was good, and she was ready to fight for her friend. I wondered what that was like. Having someone who cared enough to go toe to toe with the things that scared you so you could be afraid but know you weren’t in the fear alone. My fear was lonely, hollow, and vast.
The footballer held up his hands and gave all three of us a dirty look. “High school girls are so fucking immature. This is exactly why I don’t waste my time with them.” He gave Affton a smirk as he turned to take his leave. “You’re a stuck-up bitch, anyway. They’re never very fun once you do all the work to get them naked and on their knees.”
I made a sound that was closer to animal than human. I couldn’t remember any other time in my life where I cared about anything enough to growl over it. I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to put my fist in his face. I wanted to crack his jaw with my knee. I wanted to break his ribs and stomp on his fingers. In order to do any of that, I would have to let Affton go and turn around, and that wasn’t happening. Right at this moment, she spun around in my arms and tucked her head under my chin as her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Yeah, I wasn’t going anywhere.
I looked at Jordan over the top of her head and told her, “Make sure he goes, and if he doesn’t, shut the place down. It wasn’t nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be anyway.”
She looked at her girl locked in my arms and cocked her head to the side. She opened her mouth to say something, but I shook my head and cut her off. “I got her.”
Jordan sighed and pulled out her cell phone as she headed for the steps off the deck. “That’s what I was afraid of. Let me know if she needs me.” She held up the phone and took off after the guy, following at a safe distance and corralling one of her admirers to have her back. Again, there was no doubt she was a smart girl.
I lowered my head so that my lips were next to Affton’s ear and whispered, “Tell me what you need me to do right now, Reed. I’m used to being the villain, not the hero.” I had no frame of reference for how to help her. I never cared enough to get involved before.
Her arms tightened around my waist, and when she lifted her head so she could look at me, her eyes were beyond the bruised blue that they turned when I used my words as weapons against her. “I need a minute. Someplace quiet, without all these people.” Under her breath so softly that only I could hear she muttered, “I can’t believe this is what Jordan thought I needed to experience all those nights I stayed home to study.”
I took her hand in mine and started to pull her through the thriving party. People were starting to lose their inhibitions, and things were tinkering on the verge of crazy. She kept her eyes averted and her head down as I guided her through dancing bodies and entwined couples, heading past the theater room. She gasped and tried to pull me to a stop when she noticed there was a very graphic, very vulgar porno playing on the massive screen. I told her to ignore it and pointed out that whomever was watching that in a stranger’s house wasn’t someone she was going to want to walk in on unannounced. She’d had enough shock for one night. She didn’t need to stumble across anymore.
I ushered her into my room, letting go of her hand so I could flip the lock on the door and hit the switch on the remote that made the floor-to-ceiling curtains slide shut. The fire on the beach caused interesting shadows to dance across the fabric and gave Affton’s pale hair an ethereal glow. Of course, the girl would look like she was wearing a fucking halo when I got her alone and had her ironclad defenses down.
She wilted onto the edge of my bed. She picked up the notebook laying there, the one that I doodled in when my mind was being an asshole. Since I couldn’t use narcotics to escape anymore, I drew. The strokes across the page, the scratch of the colors as I made a page come to life calmed me down and kept my hands busy.
She trailed her finger over the cover and looked up at me from under her lashes. “You’re really talented, you know?” She cleared her throat. “I may have peeked one day when I was throwing your junk back in your room so Miglena didn’t have to pick up after you. You’re an artist, Cable.”
I snorted and crossed my arms over my chest. “I mess around. It keeps me busy. Are you okay, Affton?”
She flinched when I used her first name. “I will be. That was scary. I’m not used to people ignoring me when I tell them something.”
She was
a fierce little thing but entirely unaware how the world worked. “Your girl is right. You don’t shake, but you’re quaking like a leaf. He shook you up.”
She tilted her head back and squeezed her eyes closed. “This whole night shook me up. Too many people, too many opportunities for you to fall back on old habits. I hate feeling out of control.”
I walked closer to her and reached out to push her messy hair away from her face. “You upset I didn’t fail, Reed?”
She turned her cheek into the palm of my hand and whispered, “No. I’m proud of you, and that’s almost as scary as having that guy shove me around and not take no for an answer. I really don’t want you to let either of us down, Cable.”
I bent down and put my lips on her forehead. “You need to have reasonable expectations.”
She sighed and reached up so she could rest her hands on my waist. “What are we doing?”
I had no idea, but I was positive it was going to be the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me.
“Well . . . I’m going to ruin you, and you . . . you’re going to do your best to save me.” I slid my hand under the heavy fall of her hair and cupped the back of her skull. I knew where this was going and I was sure she did, too. I was going to get there faster, but that was okay because I might just wait on this girl forever.
“You’ve come to my rescue twice this summer already. You’re the one doing the saving.” Her voice drifted off as I stepped into her personal space. I was crowding her. I was pushing her. I was taking her somewhere she had never been before.
I was going to kiss her.
I was going to taste her.
I was going to fuck her.
I was going to be her first, which was scary, but not nearly as scary as the very real actuality that she was also going to be my first as well. I’d never done this with anyone I cared about before. Sure, there had been girls who cared about me, but I never felt the same. Affton was different. Some days, I couldn’t stand to be around her. Some days, it hurt to be so close to her. Other days, all I wanted to do was get closer. One thing was absolutely clear to me, though, while I couldn’t always tell how I felt about her, I did feel some kind of way. There wasn’t a void in the center of my chest when I thought about Affton. There was something there, and something was so much more than nothing.