I was, without a doubt, going to break her, and there would be no cleaning up afterward. My pieces and her pieces were going to be scattered from here to hell and back. There would be no putting either of us back together.
Affton
CABLE MOVED UP and over me. He put his knee on the edge of the bed next to my hip and pushed me backward. He put a hand next to my head as his face hovered over mine. Those midnight-colored eyes of his were unreadable, but the shadows were gone and in their place were all kinds of promises and plans. The outside light from the fire shining through the curtains cast his face in an orange-red glow that highlighted those demons in his soul he was always trying to outrun.
He was going to kiss me.
He was going to touch me.
He was going to taste me.
He was going to fuck me . . . and I was going to let him.
I wanted him to do all those things. This boy who couldn’t get it together. This boy who hurt people without even trying. This boy who was so lost I wondered if he could ever be found. He was the one I was going to let in. He was the one I’d never been able to keep out.
His lips landed on the crest of one cheek and then moved to brush across the other. His head tilted so his mouth was at my ear, his breath warm and damp against my skin. “You know where we’re going, Reed? If you don’t want to come along for the ride, now is the time to put on the brakes.”
It was too fast. It was dangerous. It was illogical and definitely not smart. It was probably even somewhat unethical considering I was here through coercion and was getting paid to spend the summer with him. Those were all great reasons on top of the fact that I swore I would never care about an addict, to tell him this was as far as I could go, but common sense couldn’t fight its way past all the other emotions that were churning and burning inside of me.
My usual focus was shot.
My typical calm and rationale was nowhere to be found.
Everything inside was buzzing and shaking. For someone who wasn’t supposed to shake, I was doing an awful lot of it tonight. I’d never been so unsteady in my life.
“No brakes, but I might not be up to the speed you’re used to when you go down this road.” Once or twice things had gotten hot and heavy with Hayes when I was seeing him. I knew my way around the general landscape, knew when to turn right and when to turn left, but I had no clue how to park the car. I knew Cable traveled down this road on a regular basis, so nothing was new to him. I, however, didn’t want to miss a single thing.
“I’ll let you drive, but I’ll navigate. I’ll show you where to go, but you can set the pace.” His voice was low, and his words were exactly what I needed to hear. He could be considerate. He could be kind. He could be understanding. He could be all the things he was so sure he would never be.
I turned my head so that my lips touched his. He tasted of his last smoke and something sweet. I’d kept him in the corner of my eye all night, falling back into the old habit of watching him when no one else was looking, even him. I was waiting for him to pick up a drink or disappear with something he wasn’t supposed to be around. He never did. Other than stepping outside to smoke, he’d stayed within sight all evening long, eyes watching his old life happen around him. He didn’t seem resentful or remorseful . . . he seemed sad. Maybe he finally realized everything that was supposed to make him happy never really did. It was all just noise. It was all distraction and diversion.
He kissed me back. His lips moved over mine as he lowered himself down so our chests pressed together. I never enjoyed feeling trapped, but in this moment, I never wanted to come out from under the weight of Cable James McCaffrey. His hands grasped either side of my face, and his breath mingled with mine as we both panted and groaned at the feeling of being pressed together. My nipples pulled tight. My legs shifted restlessly against his and my hips lifted and arched into his. Pretending they knew exactly what they were doing, my hands found their way to the hem of his t-shirt and started to push it up the hard plane of his back. Muscle flexed and tattooed skin moved under my fingertips as he reached up and grabbed the back of the collar so he could yank the cotton over his head in one swift move. It was practiced and effortless, but my breathing, after all that tanned and taut skin was pressed into mine, was not.
I felt breathless and overwhelmed, which wasn’t helping at all when Cable’s lips moved from my wet, kiss-stung mouth to the side of my neck. I felt the edge of his teeth and then the glide of his tongue as he licked along my pulse and nipped at the curve of my neck down past the curve of my jaw. One of his hands lifted from where it was braced on the mattress above my head and landed on my thigh where the edge of my dress had ridden up. I felt the burn from every finger as he used his thumb to draw circles on the sensitive skin on the inside of my leg.
It made the part of me that was pressed against the bulge in his jeans clench and quiver. It made me gasp and shift under him in anticipation. The tip of his nose skated across my clavicle, and I felt the rush of his lips dance across the crest of my breast. It made my nipples harden even more, and suddenly my entire body felt too heavy. I ached between my legs and both my breasts throbbed and lifted compulsorily toward that questing mouth. He was being gentle, but there was an edge to the way he touched me and the way he tasted my skin. I could feel the restraint he was using, the care he was taking not to scare me or move too fast for me to keep up. He was the boy who took what he wanted, did what he wanted, whenever he wanted, but he was reining himself in for me. It made me feel special and important. It made me appreciate that I was having this moment with him instead of someone else, but it also made me impatient.
I could hear people laughing and talking on the beach. The party still raged on outside. The real world, the one where this was a bad idea, the same one that was going to leave me upside down and sideways was so close. If he didn’t throw a little more of the dangerous Cable into the mix, my typical caution was going to get loud enough that I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I wasn’t scared of him or what was happening between us. If I was honest, the way he was making me feel right now was less frightening than all the other ways he had made me feel this summer. I understood that he was ridiculously good-looking and had broody down pat. Attraction was a no-brainer. I liked the way he looked, and my body liked the way he looked at me. It was the pull toward him—even though he was always pushing me away—that scared me. I was getting so wrapped up in how he was doing and what he was doing that I forgot to keep myself safe. I forgot that there was no room in my plans for Cable James McCaffrey. Berkeley was in my plans, McCaffrey and anything—other than my dad—that had to do with Loveless were not.
I curled the leg he was caressing around him, trailed the fingers of one hand up the line of his spine, and dragged my fingers through the longish hair at the back of his head. My fingers dug into his scalp as he started to move his hand up the inside of my leg. My dress went easily with his sliding hand, and I let out a little gasp when I felt the brush of his knuckles against the center of my underwear. The contact made my skin tingle, and I couldn’t take the layers of clothing between us anymore.
I snaked my hands down to my hips and wiggled until I had my dress over my head. I was left lying underneath him in nothing more than a lacy pair of underwear and a strapless bra that was doing very little to keep my aroused body hidden from view. Cable bit out a dirty word and looked down the length of my body with heavy-lidded eyes. There were twin spots of pink on his cheeks, and his broad chest lifted and fell as he exhaled a deep breath.
“Didn’t lie when I told you that you’re a stunner, Reed. Also, not gonna lie about the fact that I was trying to imagine what you had on underneath that dress all night.” The hand on the inside of my leg lifted and teased the edge of my bra. He slipped his thumb under the satin seam and traced the full curve that rested underneath. I held my breath, waiting, wanting his touch on the pointed peak that was practically begging for his attention. When his fingers did circle
the stiff point, I squeezed my eyes closed and bit down on my bottom lip to keep from moaning. He rubbed leisurely circles around one nipple and then switched tactics. He ordered me to lift so he could pop the clasp and get rid of the barrier entirely. His lips landed on the other tip, the velvety point disappearing into the warm cavern of his mouth as I sank into pleasure and oblivion.
The drag of his teeth across the sensitive skin had me ready to fly apart. The press of his fingers, and the tug he gave the other side, made my body bow and quake uncontrollably. I felt wet and warm. I was restless and ready. I was wanting and waiting. Every sensation he sent shooting through my nerves felt bigger and better than the last.
My fingers curled into the hard blade of his shoulder as I arched myself upwards to grind against all the hardness that was pressed against my center. I didn’t know what to do with all of that, but I did know I wanted to feel it without the rough fabric of his jeans between us. I had to let go of his hair to get a hand between us, and when I did, I made a beeline for the button on the top of his jeans. My fingers skipped over the rock-hard delineation of his abs, and I sighed as they flexed against my touch. “You aren’t so bad yourself, McCaffrey.” He really wasn’t. He did bad things, made bad choices, tended to think bad thoughts about himself and everyone else, but he wasn’t bad. And the outside, well, that was better than good. I wanted my hands and mouth all over every single inch of him.
He couldn’t answer me because his mouth was busy marking up my breasts. His licking and sucking and swirling switched from one to the other until my hands were unsteady and made getting his pants open far more complicated than it should have been. While I was struggling, awkward and uncoordinated, one of his hands found its way to the material of my damp panties. This time there was no leisurely stroll around his intended target. This time there was no playing around. His fingers navigated under the silky surface as if it wasn’t even there and I went completely still as he slid through damp folds and obvious pleasure. There was no hiding my reaction to him. There was no pretending that I wasn’t as eager and ready for him as he was for me.
That was new.
The feeling of want. The feeling of being empty and incomplete without him. I enjoyed the things the boy who wasn’t Cable had done to me, but I didn’t feel desperate for more. Cable made me crazy. He made me irrational and wild. He was the only one who could distract me from all the other things that usually held my focus and kept me going. He obliterated what could be, because all that mattered was what was happening between the two of us right now.
I whimpered, half in distress and half in desire as I felt his fingers move. They shifted and slid. Searching and seeking until they found what they were looking for. His lips lifted from my chest and landed back by my ear. I shivered as he pressed in and whispered, “I can’t believe you’re going to give this to me. I really don’t deserve it.”
His touch was confident, firm as his fingers moved in and out of my slick center. His thumb found that spot, the one everyone insisted was magical. They were right. It only took a little tap, a soft stroke, and my eyes crossed, and my toes curled. I forgot all about getting his pants open and got lost in the pleasure that rolled over me from head to toe. His teeth nipped at my earlobe, and his tongue licked along the outer curve. I lifted my hips, frantically asking for something, something I didn’t even know existed until this boy broke into my life.
I wrapped my fingers around the wrist that was caught between my legs. I could feel his pulse pounding and the flex of his fingers as they worked in and out of my body. My muscles clenched and everything inside fluttered. The sensation was foreign but not unwelcome as I rocked more firmly into his touch.
It took some effort to peel my eyes open, and once I did, my gaze was immediately caught by the heated, possessive look in his. He knew he was getting something I would never be able to give to anyone else, and the look he was giving me told me he planned on handling what I was handing over to him like it was more than something special . . . because it was. This was more than a hook-up at a party. To me, this was everything.
I moaned as heat and languid tension started to unfurl from my belly out toward all my limbs. “You might not deserve it, but I sure as hell do. I’ve always done everything exactly right, Cable. Having you here, with me tonight, giving something I’ve never wanted anyone else to have, is my reward for that.”
The pad of his thumb pressed down on my clit and those long, strong fingers that were learning every hidden and secret place I had found a spot that made me see stars. I couldn’t take it anymore. My fingers dug into his skin deep enough to leave marks. Both my legs lifted around his waist. I pressed my chest into his and writhed against him. The warmth that spread throughout my body started to scorch as everything on the edge of my vision went a little blurry, and every part of my body tightened and tensed with pleasure. I was getting shoved off a cliff and floating on clouds of pleasure. I was getting wound up and released. There was a shock similar to that of being dunked in freezing water that quickly faded to a spreading, spiraling warmth that rushed through my blood. It felt good. So good. Better than good. It felt amazing, and I was sure this was what being rewarded for a lifetime of making the right choices was supposed to be like.
Panting, breathless, I kissed his chin as he hovered over me, watching, waiting. I wanted to tell him it was so worth it. I wanted to explain to him that I was sure no one else could make me react and respond the way he did. He was the only one with a finger on my trigger.
All I could get out was a weak, “Oh, my.” It made him chuckle, and his eyes never left mine as he untangled himself from my clinging limbs so he was standing at the side of the bed between my splayed legs.
He offered a hand and pulled my loose-limbed body into a sitting position. After he took the time to slide my underwear down my legs with efficient, sure movements. I found myself face to face with that impressive package hidden behind the fly of his jeans, and now that I didn’t have his hands and mouth all over me, I could focus on getting to him.
There was a little tremor in my hands when I lifted them to the front of his jeans, but it was anticipation, not fear, making them quake. He watched me silently, waiting for my cue as to what he should or shouldn’t do. He was being so patient I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward and dropping a kiss right above his belly button. Those tight stomach muscles tensed and one of his hands landed on the top of my head. I felt his fingers thread through my hair.
I popped the button and pulled the zipper down. He was wearing those black boxers he seemed so fond of and his arousal was ready to burst out of them. There was a lot of him, and I wanted all of it.
He stopped me from pushing his pants down so he could grab his wallet. He pulled out a little foil packet and handed it to me as he proceeded to get naked right in front of me. He wasn’t shy. He didn’t have a reason to be, but that was a lot for my sluggish and mostly sheltered brain to take in. Even in the dark with shadows playing hide and seek, I knew I was blushing scarlet and blinking rapidly.
He held out his palm and made a ‘gimme’ gesture with his fingers. I handed over the condom obediently and watched with wide eyes as he rolled the latex down the length of the shaft. He must have picked up on some of my worry and hesitation because a knowing grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“It’ll be okay. We’ll take our time and make sure it works. Don’t be scared.” He did that thing where he pressed me backward and crawled over me again, this time moving us both more fully onto the bed.
His mouth was soft when it touched mine. His hands were gentle as they skimmed over the surface of my skin, but his body was hard. His shoulders were stiff, his biceps bulged, and I could feel the tension in his thighs. The press of his cock between my legs was insistent and erotic. He was as hot as I had been and that thick flesh felt silky smooth against the inside of my thigh.
“At first, this isn’t going to feel as good as what we just did. You know that, right??
?? His voice was raspy and rough. I had no clue how he expected me to answer when I could feel the tip of his erection gliding through the damp folds that were still hypersensitive from his earlier attention.
I’d heard mixed accounts about the first time. Jordan hated hers, but that could be because she ended up hating the guy she lost her virginity to. She said it was quick, all of it, including the discomfort. I had another friend who had no real issue when she and her long term boyfriend finally decided to do the deed. She said it was a little uncomfortable and awkward but that quickly faded.
The truth was, either way, I was happy to have the memory made with him. Good or bad, I wanted this moment with him.
“I think I’ll live.” Really, it was the first time in forever I was living instead of just going through the motions. I was experiencing something. Jordan would be so proud . . . after she killed me for giving it up to Cable.
He chuckled again and slowly tilted his hips into mine. One of his hands skimmed between us and over my belly. I felt him wrap his fist around his straining shaft and a second later his body pressed slowly and steadily into mine. I caught my breath, and his eyes drifted closed.
“Good thing one of us is going to live through this, Reed. I’m pretty sure you’re about to kill me.”
There were a few seconds where everything inside of me resisted his invasion, but when I remembered to breathe and when he kissed me, I forgot about the odd sensation of being filled and taken. I forgot about the stretch and pull. I ignored the ache of discomfort and focused on the feeling of pleasure and passion that hid behind it.