I crossed my arms. “Looks like.”
“And if I still refuse?”
I slowly let out a shaky breath. “My father said that you were supposed to do as I asked. Isn’t that true?”
He grimaced. I hated having to remind him of his servant status. I didn’t think of him that way—not even slightly. But I needed him to take me back without arguing. Even though commanding him to do it made me feel sick inside.
“Of course it’s true, Princess.” He looked away. “If you order me to take you back, then there is nothing I can do but take you.”
I forced myself not to cry. “Then I order you to take me back to the Shadowlands.”
“Very well.” He nodded slowly. “We should leave immediately.”
“I need five minutes first. I have to go inside and say good-bye to my friends or they’ll be worried about me.”
He didn’t look directly at me. “I’ll wait here.”
Heavy-hearted, I stopped at the limo first and retrieved my purse through the opening where the door had blown off. I’d placed the potion bottle inside it since I couldn’t hide it under the low neckline of my dress. I went inside the school, and into the gym. I’d already said good-bye to Melinda earlier so that wasn’t actually my main reason for going back.
Instead, I went to the bathroom and stared at my now-disheveled reflection in the mirror over the sinks. At least I didn’t see any remaining traces of Darkling. I’d fully turned Darkling twice—three times if you counted what happened to Robert—and I was still alive, still breathing. Maybe Elizabeth was wrong. Maybe I was different from the other Darklings she’d researched.
I tried to smooth my now-messy updo back into place. I splashed cold water on my face and touched up what little of my makeup was left as best as I could. I dug into my purse to get my lipstick and my fingers grazed the bottle of potion. I pulled it out and looked at it for a long moment, a million possibilities racing through my mind.
If I drank it everything would be normal again.
But what was normal anymore?
Michael didn’t want me to drink it but he said I had to.
Sounded exactly how I felt about it, too.
Didn’t want to, but had to.
I was so sick of being told what I had to do. It was usually the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.
I stared at my reflection for a couple more minutes, trying to will something deep inside of me to the surface. Courage, inner strength, serenity, something that would help me to do what I knew then, without a shadow of a doubt, I had to do.
After another minute, I left the bathroom and walked to the punch bowl to get a glass of the fruity beverage. Drinking it made me feel momentarily better. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was. I looked down into the bowl as the orange slices swam on top, and I tried to collect my thoughts. I wanted to get rid of the feeling of dread that swirled violently in my head—not unlike the dark storm clouds beginning to circle over the school, threatening snow.
A storm was brewing and I was headed right toward it.
But no one seemed to notice but me.
15
I seriously wished I’d taken a coat to the dance. Little did I know I’d be walking through Erin Heights in a spaghetti-strapped silk dress and bare legs in the middle of December. Luckily, it wasn’t snowing yet, but I was still chilled to the bone.
Michael noticed I was shivering and immediately gave me his hooded sweatshirt to wear. Otherwise he was quiet.
“Thank you,” I said, zipping it up over my dress. I still felt horrible that I had ordered him around. “Look . . . I’m sorry about this. Really.”
“Forget it,” he said quietly.
But I didn’t want to forget. That was one of the reasons I was going back to the Shadowlands. I was sure there had to be a way for everything to work out without taking the potion.
I knew I’d made some potentially questionable decisions. I just hoped it would all work out for the best.
“Do me a favor, though?” he asked after another minute. “Don’t tell Elizabeth you’ve turned Darkling. It will . . . it will worry her too much.”
He was right about that. I wouldn’t tell her. But she was the resident expert on Darklings. I had to talk to her and get more of an idea of what I was up against.
Besides, if she was willing to be queen and I didn’t want the position, why couldn’t it be left at that? A decision rather than an uncontrollable selection process that couldn’t be changed?
I looked at Michael. I could tell that he was trying to sense where we could find another gateway. His amulet pulsed with dim light.
“My father told me that if Shadows still ruled the Shadowlands you’d be a prince,” I said. “Is that true?” I wasn’t sure where the question came from, but I had to ask.
He kept his eyes on the sidewalk ahead of him. “Yeah. But they don’t and I’m not, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?” His amulet flared with green light. He turned right once we entered the downtown area. “Here’s where we want to go.”
Behind the convenience store where Mom usually picked up milk and scratch-and-win lottery tickets, Michael took hold of a large Dumpster and pulled it away from the wall an inch or two. Behind it I could see a dull glow.
“That’s a gateway?” I asked.
He nodded. “They’re well hidden in the human realm and they shift regularly. We wouldn’t want just anyone accidentally dropping into another dimension, would we?”
“No, that would be very bad.”
Once he’d pulled the Dumpster completely away from the wall and I could see the outline of the gateway clearly, he turned to me with a concerned expression. “Look, I’m doing this for you against my will. I want you to know this. You shouldn’t go back there. You should drink the potion and be safe here. But you want to go and so I’m taking you. Just . . . just be careful, okay?”
I’d expected him to still be mad at me for pulling rank and this strange concern was surprising. I swallowed hard. “Okay.”
He fixed me with a grim look that softened the longer he gazed into my eyes. And then he turned around and disappeared through the glowing gateway. I didn’t wait too long. I followed, experiencing the lurch and vertigo of my previous gateway trip. The next moment I stood on the threshold of the Shadowlands, with the faery realm next to me, warm and green and beautiful.
Well, here I am again, I thought, as the stunned realization sunk in that I was really back. The vertigo stayed a moment longer than last time and I wobbled in my high heels. Michael put his arm around my waist to steady me. After I regained my equilibrium, I took off his sweatshirt and handed it back to him. Our fingers brushed as he took it from me and then he slowly gazed at my lavender dress, which he could now see in daylight.
“You look so beautiful, Princess,” he said.
A breath caught in my chest. I normally would have been thrilled with a compliment from him, but he said it so sadly and when he looked in my eyes, he seemed worried.
He was afraid. Of what, exactly? Of bringing me back here unannounced and getting in trouble? Of my father dying and my being trapped here as a very unwilling queen? I was afraid of that, too. More than he knew.
Or was it something else entirely?
Before I could ask, he turned away from me. “Let’s go.”
My high heels dug into the soft ground as we walked, but once the ground turned to gray rock it was a bit better, although still precarious. The front doors of Castle Dread opened for us when we finally reached them and a chill went down my spine as I entered the now-familiar expansive front area with its glistening black floor and spiral staircase.
I felt a wave of fear then, but I knew there was no time for that. I wanted to see my father, I wanted to talk to my aunt. Now, before it was too late.
My feet were killing me. Heels were great for sitting in a limo and hanging out at a dance, but obviously not so good for interdimensional travel. I took a minute to take them off and leave them
by the front door, preferring to walk around on the cool, smooth floors in bare feet than to continue with my self-inflicted torture.
“Where’s Elizabeth?” I asked.
“She’s probably in her quarters,” Michael said as we began making our way up the stairs. At the top I reached for his hand and he glanced at me with surprise.
“You don’t mind?” I asked.
“Of course not.”
We walked past the large, cavernous room with the fireplace that I remembered very clearly from last night, and then down a hall, deeper into the castle. Instead of electric lights, there were candles and oil lamps on the walls. The flames flickered in the darkness to light the hallway.
Michael glanced at me. “You’re sure you really want to be here?”
“Of course. Why?”
“Because you’re practically squeezing my hand off my wrist.”
I cleared my throat. “Maybe I’m a little anxious.”
His grip increased on my hand as well. “I can take you back. You don’t have to be here at all. We can leave.”
I shook my head. “I have to talk to my aunt.”
Then I froze as I heard a bellowing roar reverberate through the castle. The sound made me go cold with fear.
“What was that?” I managed.
Michael’s arm came around my waist. “It’s okay.”
“It didn’t sound okay. What was it?”
His jaw was tight. “Your father.”
My heart clenched. My father made that horrible noise? It sounded like a creature in such anguish that death would be a relief.
“Don’t cry,” Michael said as he stroked my tears away.
“How can I not cry when my father is in so much pain?”
He swallowed. “Come on. Let’s see your aunt.”
I listened for any more sounds from my father, but there was only silence. We continued on through the castle until we came to an open doorway. I peered inside to see my aunt standing behind a black, marble-footed basin that looked like a very shallow freestanding sink. She stared down into the water as if mesmerized by what she saw there.
“What is she doing?” I whispered to Michael.
Elizabeth raised her head and looked directly at me. Her eyes were demon red, but then faded quickly to a hazel that matched my own. She smiled warmly at me.
“This is my gazer,” she said. “I can use it as a communication device as long as whoever I’m trying to contact also has one.”
“Like a two-way videophone?”
Her smile widened. “Yes, I’m sure it’s very much like that.”
She moved away from the basin so I could see that she wore a red dress with long, draping sleeves and gold flowers embroidered at the edges. It was low cut and the material split at the waist to show a black skirt beneath. Her blonde hair was in one thick braid that draped over her left shoulder. She still wore the small blue bottle of perfume from her boyfriend around her neck on a thin gold chain.
“Nikki,” she said. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I’m so glad Michael has brought you back to see me.”
“I’m glad to see you, too.”
She approached me to give me a hug and then leaned back to look at me. “Although I’m worried. This means you haven’t drunk your potion yet?”
“That’s right.”
Her forehead furrowed. “What does this mean?”
“It means that I wanted to see you again. And I want to see my father before . . . before it’s too late.” I glanced at Michael, who had slunk back into the shadows at the side of the room and seemed to be studying the floor. “I heard him a minute ago.”
“He’s gotten much worse, I’m afraid.”
“Michael told me there are only hours left. Do you really think so?”
She reached out to squeeze my hand. “It must be terrible for you. To find your father after all this time and then to have him taken from you in such a tragic way.”
My throat thickened. “It is terrible.”
“I think it’s good that you’ve returned. We must cherish the short time we’ll have together. I’ll take you to see him if you like.”
“As soon as possible.”
“Of course.” She nodded. “Nikki . . . did you happen to bring the potion with you or did you leave it at your home?”
“I have the bottle here.” I unzipped my purse and pulled it out to show her. Then, instead of putting it back, I slid the chain over my head and let it drop to my chest.
“Did Desmond tell you that’s all the potion there is?” she asked. “Such a small amount for such an important task. It’s crucial that you keep it safe.”
“He mentioned something like that.” I traced my fingertip over the cool vial filled with red liquid, her words making me very nervous. All there is. “But can more be made if necessary?”
“Yes. It’s possible, but difficult and time consuming.” She smiled. “It helps the potion makers to command a high price in return for their skills. Supply and demand.”
“Can I ask you a hypothetical question that I’ve been wondering about?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“Okay, so let’s say somebody drinks a potion, but then something bad happens and they change their mind. Could it be reversed? Is there, like, another potion they could take to cancel out the effects?”
She looked at me with confusion. “Why would that be something you’re concerned with?”
“I don’t know.” I crossed my arms, the whole situation making every muscle in my body tense. “I’ve been working out all sorts of ideas. I was thinking earlier, what if I drank the potion, waited long enough for you to become queen, and then, if there’s a reversal potion, I could drink that so I could remember everything?” I stopped talking and chewed my bottom lip nervously.
“Oh, Nikki.” She touched my face. “That is a very clever idea. Yes, the Underworld potion makers always create an anti-potion for everything. It’s a by-product of the potion itself and a very good fail-safe—after all, one can never be too careful when it comes to magical brews.”
“It’s like an antidote?”
“Yes. But I don’t think it’ll work,” Elizabeth continued. “I’d love for you to keep your memories. I’d love to get to know you and have you visit me once I’m unable to leave the castle. But I’m worried it won’t work as well as you think it will.”
“Why not?” I asked. I’d already assumed that particular idea of mine might not work, but I was still disappointed it was getting shot down so quickly by my aunt.
“Along with your memories come the problems we had to begin with. The deadly instability of your Darkling status, for one. I’ve already told you of the poor creatures in the past who’ve died from harnessing their powers. And also, there is no guarantee that once you drink the anti-potion, the power of the kingdom won’t then shift to you, when it realizes that you are again half demon. Your safety is my first concern.”
I touched the vial at the end of my chain. “I appreciate that. But maybe I’m different. It’s been a long time since the last Darkling.”
“Perhaps. But it’s too dangerous to take that risk,” she said. “You really must drink the potion now.”
“I need to see my father first.”
She squeezed my hand. “I’ll take you when I check in on him shortly. He’s sent all of the servants away, now. He doesn’t want anyone to see him as he is, but I’m sure he’ll make an exception for you.”
I swallowed hard, relieved that she didn’t want to keep arguing with me about the potion or seeing my father in his current condition. “Thank you.”
I wanted to tell her about turning Darkling and being okay, but I decided to listen to Michael. Not yet. She would be more worried than she already was.
I glanced over at her gazer. “Who were you talking to before I got here?”
“My boyfriend. Or rather”—she frowned—“I was trying to speak with him, but I couldn’t seem to make contact.”
“You mentioned him yesterday,” I said. “Who is he?”
Maybe it was none of my business, but I was curious. My aunt was still a complete mystery to me. She was beautiful and kind and concerned for my well-being even though she hadn’t known I existed until just the other day. She was willing to sacrifice her freedom to become queen here in this empty castle. It seemed like a huge sacrifice to me.
“He’s one of the princes of the Underworld—the opposite side to where we are now. His name is Kieran.” She smiled then. “He’s wonderful, really. So very handsome. I would have loved for you to meet him.”
That’s where my father had said there were dragons. I still couldn’t believe all of these other worlds existed alongside mine and I’d never had any idea.
“I lived there for several years until recently. I wanted to spend more time with Desmond so I returned here. I knew my brother was very lonely.”
I thought of how isolated my father must have been over the years. “Was there ever a queen? Did my father ever fall in love with anyone else?”
She shook her head. “Desmond has been devoted to the Shadowlands and protecting the human and faery realms. I suggested that a queen could be found for him, but he refused.” She sighed. “I’m afraid he never moved on after your mother.”
“He thought she was dead. All of those years.”
“He loved her very much.” She glanced at her gazer. “Like I love Kieran. I miss him already. I hope that he’ll come to visit me very soon.”
“So he’ll be able to come here?” I asked. “I know my father said that other demons can’t enter the Shadowlands.”
“They can’t,” she said. “Not without the king’s permission. Or with my permission soon, I suppose. I will make an exception for Kieran, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Do you have a boyfriend, Nikki?”
That was a question I didn’t really know how to answer. A couple days ago I would have said it was Chris, and that I was so happy about it, but now everything had changed. Drastically.
I forced myself not to glance at Michael, who stood silently behind me, but I could feel him looking at me.