Logan laughed. "I can understand that. A little too much energy to sit and wait very long."
The waiter came then and took their orders.
"So, where do you live when you aren't boat sitting?" Saige asked.
"I have an apartment in Cincinnati. I'm not there much. My work takes me all over. I do consulting, IT efficiency. My apartment's more a place to keep my stuff. I come here a couple or three of times a year also, staying on the yacht for Andres and Corinne. It's a pretty sweet gig. I can do work from here if I don't need to be on site."
"It's a tough life you've got there, Logan." Saige chuckled.
"Somebody's got to make the sacrifice. We all have our crosses to bear and this island seems to be mine."
They both laughed. Their food arrived and they were silent for a while as they ate. Then the conversation picked up and they compared their lives and experiences. Saige marveled at how easy Logan was to talk to. How their values and views on the world and especially God were so alike. Time slipped by and soon they shared dessert then rose to head back to the resort.
Logan took her hand again as they walked. It was just late enough that the children would all be in bed. Maybe he'd stay for a while and visit with Ryan and Kayla. Saige didn't want the evening to end. It had been wonderful just being an adult. Not having to be a mom. And a single mom at that.
No, Saige thought. I'm not going down that road again. This is what my life is and even though I don't have Nolan anymore I have Jesus. For now, he's my husband. I'm not alone.
"You're quiet." Logan's softly spoken words broke into her thought.
Saige sighed. "Having to take my thoughts captive to Christ. One of those bad ones came in. I'm pushing it away." She lifted her free hand and made a shoving motion.
"That's good. That movement. Such a great visual of forcing the thought out of your mind. I'll have to remember that." He squeezed her hand.
"It is isn't it? I never thought of it before. I do visualize it in my head when I realize I need to take control of my thoughts."
"Just so long as you don't push me away. I'm really enjoying our time."
"Me too." Saige hoped he'd say something like he didn't want it to end, or that he'd like to keep in contact. Or did she? It really didn't matter since he didn't say anything.
CHAPTER 6
Logan wasn't looking forward to the end of the week. Saturday was looming. When it came it would bring emptiness with it. The Garner and Ennis families would be leaving.
He'd spent at least part of every day with them as well as several evenings. He and Saige had gone out on two more dates and they'd gotten to know each other better. He knew they'd planned to simply use the time to ease themselves back into the idea of dating but, at least for him, it had turned into something more.
Logan really liked Saige. Maybe more than really liked. She was everything he'd thought he'd had in Deirdre, funny, sweet, caring. It didn't hurt that she was pretty hot either. She was also a great mother. He'd only known her for about two weeks but she seemed to just fit him.
But, and it was a pretty big but, he'd kept her from committing suicide. How stable was she now? Saige seemed better. She seemed to be dealing more productively with her grief. She talked to him about her late husband. Told him about the man's strengths and, surprisingly, she also talked about his weaknesses. That surprised Logan. He'd thought Saige would look back on the man she had loved so deeply and remember only how wonderful he was. Instead her reflections had shown a regular guy. Someone Logan might have been able to be friends with.
He took the stairs to the second floor suites and knocked on the door of the two-bedroom. He could hear the children inside playing. The door opened and Ryan let him in.
"You sure you want to do this? They're pretty wild today." They'd rented a van and were going into St. John's for a few hours. Saige and Kayla wanted to do some shopping and get each of the children something as a souvenir. Then they planned on having fish and chips at the English double decker bus turned into a restaurant on the way back to the resort.
"You're experienced. I'll lean on you for help." Logan grinned. He liked Ryan and Kayla, too. Both families were Christ centered and seemed to enjoy having him included in their activities. The children did too. Tyce and Amie gravitated to him for rougher type of play, probably missing it. Ryan did his best but he was spread pretty thin between his three and Saige's two.
The twins even took instruction from him. Even gentle rebukes. One day Tyce had shoved his sister down in the sand when Saige's attention was elsewhere. Logan had picked the crying Amie up and given Tyce a harsh look. Immediately the boy had come and apologized to his sister. Logan didn't know if Tyce was truly sorry but at least he'd said he was.
Saige came into the suite from hers in a red floral sundress that hugged her upper curves then flared to end just below her knees. A large brimmed hat that would shade her eyes was held in her hand. Amie came in after her dressed in a matching outfit.
"Very pretty, ladies," Logan said. "Is Tyce dressed the same." He'd seen the boy coming down the hall in a yellow t-shirt and denim shorts from the corner of his eye.
There was a snort. "Naw. I don't do dresses, but I conordirate. See. My shirt's yellow and they have yellow flowers."
Logan nodded wiping his fingers along his lips to keep from laughing at the mangled word.
Soon they had piled into the van, managing to find enough seats and seat belts for everyone. There was only one booster seat, for Eli, and the other children complained that they couldn't see out well.
Logan drove since he knew how to drive on the 'wrong side' of the road. He took a detour onto a back road and found what he was hoping to. Pigmy goats wandering free. He stopped the van and they all piled out. He'd gotten some carrots at the grocery and the children were soon feeding and petting the friendly animals.
"Free petting zoo," Logan said as he and Saige watched. Ryan was taking photos with his cell phone while Kayla kept Eli from squeezing a goat too hard.
"Not quite free," Saige said. "You bought the carrots."
"Small price for the fun and if we hadn't found any goats we could eat the carrots."
"True."
~~~~~
Saige lay in bed, the king size bed, alone later that night. She was not looking forward to going home. The vacation which had started out with her so hopeless had turned into something fun and full of hopes for the future. With their days dwindling her thoughts were becoming much harder to keep captive. Saige really liked Logan. The prospect of losing touch with him, of his leaving her life, threatened to take her back toward that dark depression she had only recently escaped.
Rather than succumb to the depths of despair Saige turned on the bedside light and opened the Bible on her iPad. She needed to fill her mind with something other than her depressing thoughts. She read and then prayed until she fell asleep. In the morning she felt better and decided she needed to talk about her feelings before they escalated out of control.
After everyone had eaten breakfast Saige asked Kayla if they could take a walk and have Ryan watch the children play on the beach. She noticed the couple exchange glances understanding their concern.
Once they had the kids digging a big hole in the sand with Ryan helping, Saige and Kayla walked away. They were silent for several minutes, then Saige said, "I'm struggling again. I promised I'd talk to you or Ryan so I'm letting you know. I'm not looking forward to leaving. It's been so wonderful since Logan found me."
"That's a cleaned up way of saying it." Kayla's tone was flat.
"Yeah, it is. I don't really want to remember that I tried to kill myself. It makes me ashamed."
"I understand, but that's not really healthy. Do you think?"
"Probably not." Saige didn't know what to say next. She really didn't want to talk about her suicide attempt. "I'm going to find a new counselor. I don't think I'm making any progress with the one I'm going to now. I plan to ask Pastor who he'd recommend.
"
"Good idea."
They walked along the beach silently for a while.
"Anything else you wanted to talk about?" Kayla asked.
"I hate the thought of leaving and especially of losing touch with Logan. I really like him. I know we agreed we would just have a vacation relationship but I don't want to just end it."
"Why?"
Saige was surprised at the question. She thought Kayla would either encourage her to keep in touch with Logan or just forget about him. She thought about it. Why indeed?
"Well, he's sweet and caring, likes the twins, generous, funny, helpful, a bit clueless where kids are concerned."
Kayla chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, thinking Eli wears shoes so he should be able to tie them. He's two, he can barely get them on himself."
Saige laughed. Then she stopped walking and looked out over the bay. "I got really down last night. I could see it happening so I got into the Word and prayed. It helped."
"Hence our walk now."
"Yes. So, what do you think I should do... Besides get a better counselor back home?"
"Why don't you talk to Logan? Maybe he wants to keep in touch too but doesn't think you want to. You'll not know unless you talk about it."
"I suppose. What if he doesn't want to?"
"Then you'll know it's not in God's plan. Pray that whichever way God wants the relationship to go it's very clear to you both. Explore for a future or part ways."
"Good idea. Let's go back. We only have today and part of tomorrow. I think it's time to play in the sand and water."
~~~~~
Logan was with Ryan and the children when they arrived back where they had set up a beach umbrella and chaise lounges. Saige and Kayla were strutting their stuff as they approached. They flopped down on the chairs and began to laugh.
"What's up?" Ryan asked as he sat on the end of the chaise Kayla occupied.
"We, old matrons that we are, just got hit on by a couple of young hunks," Kayla said.
"We were just walking along minding our own business and these two guys join us and begin chatting. They asked how two beautiful women were walking without male escorts and that they'd be pleased to see us safely to our destination."
"I lifted my left hand and flashed my rings at the guy next to me and said that I was sure my husband would appreciate their concern for our security."
"They prettily begged our pardon and headed toward some sweet young things in bikinis lying on towels."
Saige and Kayla broke up laughing.
"What do you suppose they would have said if we told them about the five children we have between us?" Saige asked.
"They probably would have run away instead of walked," Ryan said.
"I don't know about that." Logan sat on the end of Saige's chair. "I like those five children very much."
That earned him broad smiles from both ladies.
Those five children were busy hauling buckets full of water up the beach trying to fill the hole they had dug. Just about as fast the water was draining down into the sand.
Kayla sniffed as Eli dashed past. "Uh oh. Diaper duty. Come on, kid. Back to the unit. Can you guys watch the rest while Ryan and I make this little one smell better?"
"Sure, go on." Saige waved a hand.
Ryan, Kayla and Eli walked away after giving instructions to their other two children to mind Aunt Saige. Logan moved to the chaise Kayla had vacated. Saige kept an eye on the four, who were trying desperately to fill their hole with water, glancing at him off and on.
"We leave and head back to the frozen north land tomorrow. I'm not really looking forward to it," she said.
"I'm not looking forward to you leaving either. I'm going to miss you all."
Saige bit her lip. "I'm going to miss you especially. I've enjoyed our time together. Really enjoyed it."
"Me too."
They sat and watched the kids run back and forth to the waterline.
"I'd really like to keep in touch." They both said at the same time then chuckled.
"I guess that's God's answer," Saige said.
"What?"
"Kayla and I were talking. I told her I hated the thought of losing touch with you. She said to tell you and to pray about it and ask God to let me know clearly whether to or not. I think God let me know pretty clearly that we could continue to communicate. What do you think?"
"Seemed pretty clear to me. I'm glad. I've been praying the same thing."
Something released within Saige. A pressure she hadn't even realized was there. She really did like Logan. He seemed so steady, responsible, funny, fun.
He jumped up from his chair and grabbed her hand pulling her to her feet. "Come on. It's time to get those kids wet." He took off running and grabbed the twins, one under each arm and carried them into the water.
Saige drew off her coverup and followed grabbing Brielle and Jordan by the wrist. "Last one in's a rotten egg."
CHAPTER 7
Logan joined them for supper that evening. They all ate at a restaurant on the marina. He was hoping to be able to have some private time with Saige. Kayla had told him about Saige being down about them leaving. He had told her to be sure to contact him if she saw her sister descending into major depression.
Logan really was attracted to Saige. He was concerned about her. She was still grieving for her husband and that made him anxious about having a future with her. She was the first woman since Deirdre who he was at all interested in. He wanted to get to know her better, her children, too. He knew he needed to proceed with caution. She needed to heal before they could develop their relationship further.
Once there was as much food on the floor of the restaurant as had gotten into the children's stomachs Ryan and Kayla took them to the grocery store to get each of them one of the homemade cookies they sold. Logan took Saige's hand and headed off in the opposite direction.
"Hey, I need to go with them."
"It's okay. I asked Kayla if I could walk you back alone. We won't have time to talk tomorrow." Logan smiled a mischievous smile. "Don't worry. We'll stop at the store and get you a cookie before they close."
Saige snorted and smacked him lightly on the arm. "I'll hold you to that."
They walked to the boardwalk and Logan led her to a bench. They sat looking at the yachts. A pelican floated by then took off running across the water.
"Saige, you know I'm really attracted to you. I want to keep getting to know you and the twins better. I want to be a part of your lives and see if we develop into something more than friends. To do that I need you to be open with me.
"How we met... well, it can't be ignored. I know you've had a great loss. Much greater than mine with Deirdre. I'm hoping you will get some counseling when you get home. I'm hoping you'll let me know if, when you get down. Know you can contact me anytime. I want you to. I care about you. I really want you to heal from your hurt. Even if our relationship doesn't progress, I want that for you." Logan turned and looked at Saige. She was looking at him. Tears were slipping down her face.
"Ah, sweetheart, don't cry. I'm not trying to brush you off. I want to talk, video chat, with you often. It would be daily if I could manage it, but that won't be possible. I'll be in Dubai next month and then Florida and Ecuador. My schedule after that is pretty tentative right now. I'm not sure when I'll have time off to come to Illinois."
He watched as she brushed the tears from her cheeks, then took a deep breath, hoping he could make himself clear without making her doubt or place too much pressure on her. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side.
"I think God has planned it this way. This year is an extremely busy one for me going forward. I had these few relaxed weeks and now I start running from place to place. I'll rack up a lot of frequent flyer miles and cross a lot of time zones.
"This will give you time to heal. Focus on that. We'll email and video chat as often as possible. I want to be sure to chat with Tyce and Amie a lot
, too. They are important to me. Nearly as important as you. You are a package deal, you know. I just want you to be able to face the future. That future may include me. If not, I still want that for you. That you can raise Tyce and Amie to be God-fearing healthy functioning adults and have fun along the way."
Saige had stopped crying. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I want that, too. I'd like to think it will be with you but you're right. I need to work for a future of my own. Not one dependent on you being in it. I hope you are, but I understand that I can't set myself looking only toward that." She lifted her head. "Huh, that's where I've been wrong. I placed my dependence on Nolan as the center of my life. I should have had Christ there. He's the only one who won't ever leave me or disappoint me or fail me. Nolan did all of those things. I know he didn't leave me on purpose.
"My point is, I was depending on him for my security, love, purpose. When he died, though I had Christ as my Savior, I hadn't set him as the center, the focus of my life for my security, my reason to be. I missed that I could be held secure by him.
"Because of that I felt so very alone. It's an awful place, to be totally positive you're all alone. That's what I was feeling when I started swimming that morning. So alone I thought my children would be better off with someone, anyone but me."
Saige laid her head on Logan's shoulder again. "Thank you. Thank you for saving me."
Logan leaned his head over so it nestled against hers. "You're welcome."
They sat there quietly as several couples and families walked by. Logan gave her shoulders a squeeze. "If we want any cookies we need to get to the grocery before they close. Their double chocolate chocolate chip cookies are calling my name." He stood and drew Saige to her feet.
"No, I distinctly hear them calling my name."
~~~~~
Logan drove them to the airport the next afternoon. During the morning Ryan and Logan had played on the beach with the children one last time. Saige and Kayla had spent the morning doing laundry and packing. Getting back to real life Kayla had called it.
Each of the children had been given one of Logan's business cards. He'd thought to only give them to the twins but decided not to leave the others out. Eli had promptly put his card in his mouth which caused it to be taken away by his mother. He only cried for a short time since his father gave him half a banana as a replacement.