Travis smiled a wet, open-mouthed smile back to his mommy, twisted in his father’s arms, and lurched toward me.
Catching him and pulling him to me, I hoped I’d never forget moments like these. Seeing my baby’s eyes light up when he saw his mommy. Seeing him reach to me. Catching his little warm body in my arms. Little moments that could be easy to forget, but they were so precious they should always be remembered.
I cuddled him to me, kissing his neck, giving him squeezes, listening to his baby giggles as he latched on to my hair and tugged.
It felt wonderful.
I turned away from the door, muttering, “You can drop the bag by the door. Thanks, Aaron.”
“Jesus, I knew I knew you,” Aaron said, and I turned back to see him looking at Joker. “Fuck, you’re Carson Steele.”
I looked Joker’s way to see he was on his feet.
His eyes were on Aaron.
“Yep,” he answered.
Okay, I hadn’t expected that moment to come, since I hadn’t expected Aaron to return Travis. Though I knew it would eventually happen, but I didn’t know that eventuality would come so quickly.
But now it was done and it was family time, Travis, Joker, and me, so it was also time to move on.
“Thanks for bringing him,” I said to Aaron firmly and repeated, “You can drop the bag by the door.”
Aaron looked to me and his brows went up. “You’re dating Carson Steele?”
I looked to Joker then back to Aaron, answering, “Well… yeah.” When he looked at a loss for words, and considering I didn’t really care what he had to say whatever it might be, I again repeated, “Just throw the bag by the door. I’ll sort it out later.”
“You told me I didn’t know who he was,” Aaron pointed out, not taking my not-very-veiled hint that he should go.
I wasn’t going to explain my mess-up to my ex-husband.
So instead, I asked, “Did you know him back in high school?”
“You know I didn’t, not really,” Aaron returned. “But I still knew him, Carissa.”
“Is it necessary to go over this before you take off?” Joker joined in and I turned my gaze back to him to see him staring steadily at Aaron, but doing it looking impatient.
I swung my gaze to Aaron to see he was also studying Joker. Then he drew in breath and turned his attention back to me.
“I need to have a word,” he announced.
Fabulous.
“Shit,” Joker muttered, obviously feeling the same as me.
Aaron’s eyes sliced to him. “You don’t need to be here.”
“Actually,” I said quickly. “This is my house so I get to make that call. And my call is, Joker’s not going anywhere. Now, I have bonding to do with my son. If you need a word, have it, Aaron, so we can get on with our night.”
My heart sank as, when I said this, Aaron took a step in, closed the door behind him, and dropped the diaper bag to the floor.
At this move, I felt tension hit the room, and not just my own, as I cuddled my boy, who still had a fistful of my hair, which he was shoving in his mouth. I carefully extricated it from his grip, and he immediately grabbed on to my top and bent forward, shoving that in his mouth.
All this happened while Aaron looked around.
I knew what he saw. I liked that he saw it because I liked that I was living it and able to give it to Travis. It wasn’t a huge house like the four-bedroom one I’d left that Aaron now lived in with Tory. It was just two bedrooms, one bath, a living room that shared its space with the dining room.
But regardless, it was a very nice one, and that was plain to see.
And the “ex-our” furniture looked fantastic in it.
Aaron gave me his gaze. “This is a great house, Riss.”
Riss.
Ulk.
“Thanks, I know,” I replied.
“Is that the word you wanted to have?” Joker prompted.
Aaron shot him a killing look then turned his attention back to me and promptly rearranged his features.
Ulk again.
“I’m pleased you landed in a nice place,” he told me.
“I am too,” I stated the obvious.
“If you’re goin’ for a tour, not sure I’m big on Carrie obliging,” Joker put in.
Aaron cut his gaze to Joker. “It would help this go faster if you didn’t participate.”
“It would help this go faster if you got to the point,” Joker noted rationally.
I fought back my giggle as I saw Aaron’s jaw grow hard.
“Okay,” I cut in and when I got my ex-husband’s attention, I asked. “Aaron, what do you need?”
He stopped looking annoyed and started looking something I knew very well from him.
Contrite.
I cuddled Travis closer and braced.
“Listen,” he began. “My attorney is going to call your attorney tomorrow, but I thought, since I had you, I’d tell you now. I’m going to have to postpone our meeting.”
I felt more tension in the room, this was mostly mine but definitely some of Joker’s, and I stared at Aaron, knowing exactly what he was up to.
He could attempt to postpone until the cows came home and he would. There were a variety of reasons for this. He could be doing it just to mess with me. He could be doing it because he didn’t want to spend his precious time going to court to battle me. He could be doing it because he knew Angie was the bomb and he’d lose so he wanted to drag out the preliminaries for as long as he could. Or he could be doing it because he thought doing it would wear me down to the point I’d give up.
Whatever he was doing, he was doing for himself with little thought for me.
Or his son.
The same old story.
“Before you jump to conclusions, Riss,” he went on quickly, “I had a big case get pushed up. We’re not ready. We’re in court this week and I’m going from here right back to the office. I’ll be up to my neck in it, and I’ll need to be in court when we’re supposed to have our meeting. The case is going to go for a while, at least a few weeks. Now I’m telling you that I’d appreciate it if you’d have patience with that process.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding,” Joker growled, and Aaron turned angry eyes his way.
“Man, you are not in this,” he clipped.
“Excuse me,” I said when Joker opened his mouth, and in doing so, I got both of their attention. But I was looking at Aaron. “Again, I’ll say this is my house. Joker and I aren’t dating. We’re seeing each other. He’s part of my life and therefore part of my home. He’s welcome here. This is my home, and I get to say what he’s in, and since he’s in my life, he’s in everything that has anything to do with me. The person who isn’t and who doesn’t get to say that is you.”
I felt some of the strain in the air leave (all this was Joker, I was still angry) but I kept my focus on Aaron because I wasn’t finished talking.
“If you postpone, I’m afraid that I’ll have to speak to Angie about deviating from this meeting and returning to our preliminary strategy of filing our motions.”
Aaron took a step toward me and when the air again grew heavy (this entirely from Joker) and my body visibly stiffened, he stopped.
He lowered his voice to conciliatory when he carried on, “Riss, I understand I haven’t given you a lot of reason to trust me, but I’m telling the truth. This case is huge for my firm and I’m first chair. It’s my first big case taking that chair and I need to have my head in the game.”
That was big for him. Huge. He’d take that seriously. He’d want to give it his all.
But it had nothing to do with me.
“This is not my problem,” I returned.
He nodded as if he understood, and while I was dealing with the surprise of that, he kept speaking.
“I know things are tough, they’re probably tougher with this move because the rent on this place can’t come cheap. I appreciate whatever sacrifice you’re making for our son to get him into a nice home. So
in the meantime, until we can set up another meeting to discuss the changes we’re making, in Travis’s bag, there’s five hundred dollars in cash.”
I blinked.
Aaron kept going.
“If this case takes as long as I think it will, I’ll give you the same when I return Travis to you after his next time with me.”
“I—” I started.
“Take it, Butterfly,” Joker said quietly.
I saw Aaron shoot him another acid glance as I, too, looked Joker’s way.
“Maybe I should talk to Angie,” I suggested.
“You wanna talk to Angie, do it. But for now, take the cash,” Joker replied. “You can give it back if she says it’s a bad idea.”
“I know it’s none of my business,” Aaron said carefully, and I looked back to see he was addressing me. “But this is a really nice place, Carissa. I…” He shook his head and the next came out like he was forcing it to, “I’ve seen your clothes. Your car. I know you were unhappy having Travis in your old place and I expect you’re cutting even further back to give him this one. I’m asking you to let me help.”
At his words, something started building in me. A pressure I didn’t understand, but I knew it had to do with the fact that my ex-husband, who killed my dream and destroyed my life, forcing me to rebuild it and do it the hard way, felt sorry for me.
I shook my hair, straightened my shoulders and locked eyes with him. “I’m fine.”
“Let me help,” Aaron repeated.
“I’m not sure what you’re doing but if this is an actual wake-up for you, okay. We can sort that out through our attorneys. Until then, Aaron, I don’t need your pity.”
He flinched and I drew my son closer, his smell, his warmth, his little baby body giving me strength as he luckily seemed a-okay with twisting my top in his hand and alternately wetting it with baby saliva while all this happened.
“I don’t pity you, Riss,” Aaron said gently.
And again with the Riss.
Plus talking to me gently.
What was his game?
No, really, I didn’t care. I wanted him out of my house so I could have Travis (and Joker) time.
“You’re right,” I told him to get things moving. “It’s more expensive here. But my life has changed so it isn’t the sacrifice you think it is.”
“Carrie,” Joker murmured, and it sounded like a warning.
I didn’t heed that warning.
“And you’re also right,” I kept speaking. “It’s time I quit sacrificing. There are things Travis needs since he’s growing, like new clothes. And there are things that I need to take care of to make things a little less tight for me. But I’ll be seeing to those myself. If Angie says it’s okay, I’ll take your cash for Travis. But just so you know, I’ll be selling our guest room furniture, the bracelet your parents gave me, the bangles you used to give me, and our wedding rings. That should help me sort out some things financially, therefore you can stop feeling sorry for me.”
When I finished speaking, I stared at my ex-husband because he looked like he’d been struck, his face was pale, his eyes pained.
“You’re going to sell my bangles?” he whispered.
I couldn’t understand his reaction, but I had to admit, whatever it was, it troubled me.
So my reply was soft when I said, “Yes, Aaron. They’re mine, you gave them to me, but I don’t live the life they represent. Not the part where you gave them to me but also not the part where they fit the life I lead. I work in a grocery store. I’m not a lady who lunches who needs expensive jewelry. I need other things. So I’m going to make them useful.”
It was like I said not a word.
Aaron’s tone was nearly tortured when he asked, “Our wedding rings?”
My head shook automatically in startled confusion as I felt Travis fidget in my arms. I looked down at him to see he’d sensed his daddy’s strange dismay and was no longer focused on my top, but on his father.
That was when Joker was in my space, his hands on Travis.
I looked up at him.
“Deal with him,” he whispered, jerking his head Aaron’s way. “I got Travis.”
Then he did have Travis because my son was in his arms and he was walking away with Travis looking up at him.
I twisted to watch them head toward the hall, Joker muttering, “Wanna see your new room?”
Travis cried, “Dah, bah, buh!” and yanked on Joker’s earlobe.
That almost made me smile, but I didn’t when I looked back at Aaron, who was not watching Joker with Travis.
He was watching me.
“I don’t really understand your response, Aaron,” I told him and did it carefully. “But I’ll reiterate those things were given to me. They’re mine. I have uses for them, and I’ll be putting them to those uses.”
“I gave you your engagement ring on the bricks of Boston Harbor,” he returned. “I asked you to marry me with the lights on the water.”
He did. He’d put a knee to those bricks. The clock had just struck midnight. He’d held my hand and looked up at me, asking me to be his wife, the night lights of Boston illuminating the moment, making it almost like a fantasy.
In any other circumstance, it would have been unbearably romantic. At the time, I’d even convinced myself it was.
But in truth, the months before, he’d been with another woman.
“You don’t want to do this,” I warned him quietly. “I don’t need emotional manipulation with everything else. But just to say, I know what you were doing and who you were doing it with when you proposed. I’ve got ammunition. You want fire for fire, I’ll give it to you. But I’d prefer we not go there.”
He shook his head as if he suddenly realized where he was and what was happening.
Then he stated, “I’m not manipulating you emotionally, Riss. God.”
“You have never, not once, shown any indication you cared about what you threw away,” I replied. “Now I’m fighting back and have a man in my life and suddenly—”
“Speaking of that,” he interrupted me, his eyes going to the hall and back to me. “Carson Steele? Honey, really?”
Oh no.
Absolutely not.
“Do not,” I snapped, my back straight, my eyes I could actually feel shooting icicles.
Aaron’s back straightened too.
“He’s—”
I leaned toward him. “Mine,” I bit out and leaned back. “He’s great with Travis and wonderful to me. Wonderful, Aaron. Flawless. Amazing. The way he treats me, something I’ve never had in my life”—I threw out a hand to him, making a point I knew he didn’t miss when his face got hard—“you don’t get to judge. You don’t get to say a thing. That’s mine. I don’t share my thoughts about who you spend your time with. I expect you to return that favor.”
“I don’t spend my time with the high school loser grown up to be whatever the fuck he is now, but just looking at him, I know it’s no good,” Aaron shot back.
Oh no.
Absolutely not!
“No, you spend your time with a woman who has no problem sleeping with a married man,” I returned sharply. “A married man who had a pregnant wife. Then accepting that man’s ring after he scraped off that pregnant wife while she was still pregnant. A woman who stands by watching her man make the mother of his son’s life a misery. She’s shown signs of humanity recently, Aaron. But don’t you dare think you can compare when Joker wipes the floor with her.”
He looked furious but he didn’t volley.
Instead, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Walking to the coffee table we bought together for the home we were supposed to share for eternity, he opened his wallet, took out a bunch of bills and dropped them on the table.
He then turned to me, “I know you like your clothes. You need to look nice for your loser, use that.” He pointed to the bills. “Don’t sell my rings.”
I couldn’t imagine why he cared one little bit
about those rings. He’d never cared before.
But I couldn’t think on that. I had to think about the fact that my head was about to explode with the pressure of mounting fury the likes I’d never experienced.
“For your information,” I hissed. “When I sell all that stuff, I’ll be using it to pay off my old attorney’s bills. It’d be lovely to have a few new tops and some shoes that are cute that aren’t made of plastic. But Joker likes me as I am. He doesn’t need me in two-hundred-dollar sandals. He takes me as I come.”
“He wouldn’t, seeing as Joker, whatever the fuck the deal is with that shit, the guy’s name is fucking Carson, probably doesn’t know shoes can cost two hundred dollars.”
“I suspect that his motorcycle boots don’t come cheap,” I retorted.
Aaron’s lip curled as he asked derisively, “Motorcycle boots? Seriously?”
I had my reply on the tip of my tongue but didn’t get to say it because Joker said from the mouth of the hall. “You’re done, friend. Leave.”
I looked to him to see he still had Travis and now Travis had a toy he was shoving in his mouth.
Even as angry as I was, it wasn’t lost on me that Joker looked fabulous with my son in his arms.
This made me wonder what he would look like if he held our child in his arms.
Probably the same. No more. No less.
Simply fabulous.
“I’m not your friend,” Aaron ground out.
“No, you’re not,” Joker returned.
There was silence. This stretched. There was hostility in the air. It built.
When I was about to put a stop to it by walking to the door and opening it, Aaron asked a strange question.
And he asked it to Joker.
“Do you think you can beat me?”
I felt my breath catch, understanding the question and not liking it one… little… bit.
Joker also understood the question.
Completely.
This was why he answered, “You lost way before I entered the picture.”
“Gentlemen—” I began.
“We’ll see,” Aaron spoke over me, his gaze intent, irate, and locked on Joker.
Joker shook his head, his lips curved up, and he muttered, “Whatever.”
“We’re done,” I announced, walking to the door, opening it and looking to Aaron. “If you wouldn’t mind…”