***
Based on the extravagant drive through Shane’s gated community, with the security guard checkpoint and all, I shouldn’t have felt the need to gawk at his spacious and equally impressive backyard. Tall lampposts lit up the field of grass, illuminating the trees bordering the yard. A paved pathway wound around the outskirts in a circular formation. Tables and chairs sat in the center, the tables displaying an assortment of finger foods. Bottled sodas packed with ice lay in huge buckets beside the tables.
“Shane’s pad is so cool,” Tara said in awe. “Remind me to marry a brain surgeon like Shane’s dad when I grow up.”
“No kidding,” I agreed, “Check out the fire pit!” In the corner of the yard, theater-style seating allowed us to step down into the fire pit, approaching the cluster of students roasting marshmallows around the huge, concrete ring. Upbeat music set the energetic mood of the party, with kids laughing and dancing to the tempo.
“There’s Austin.” Tara’s smile broadened, and she ran a hand through her straightened hair, her natural curls flat-ironed smooth today. “I’ll see you later,” she said to me, practically skipping over to him. I watched Austin open his arms to her, swirling her around in a big hug. Tara threw her head back with a laugh. She made dating look so easy.
Scoping out the rest of the party, I caught sight of my sisters standing together at the edge of the fire. While they weren’t identical, their features closely resembled each other enough that they were often mistaken for one another—both with the same nutty-brown hair like mine, though Leah recently cut hers short and angled by her chin and Taylor’s long locks maintained golden highlights.
Like their hair, their social confidence outside of basketball differed as well. Leah’s arms were wrapped around herself for warmth, though the way her eyes darted through the crowd with a half-smile on her face, I knew she was nervous to be at her first varsity party. She looked a little starstruck surrounded by the older athletes. Taylor, on the other hand, appeared to dominate the conversation with Grant, a decent player from the boys’ team, who was chatting with her. She spoke with the self-assurance that Leah often lacked in large social settings, though I knew both of them would do just fine. Their own rise in stardom as the newest and youngest Collins gave them a head start in the social arena.
Two hands squeezed my shoulders from behind. Startled, I whipped around. The culprit grinned back at me, his brown eyes catching the light from the fire. Facing Shane, I couldn’t help noticing that his red sweatshirt contrasted nicely with his warm skin tone.
“Thought you might not show,” he said.
I frowned at him. “Now why would you say that?”
“Because you’ve basically turned into a hermit since school started.” He seemed to regret his words the moment they slipped out of his mouth. “Oh, I mean—”
I sighed. What he meant was to say was, “Since your cousin drowned and you became socially reclusive.” I remembered why I’d been avoiding these gatherings. People always said the wrong things, even when their intentions were good.
I put my fingers against Shane’s mouth, blocking any more of his fumbling words. “You really could work on your tact. Do you always say the first thing that pops into your head?”
Shane’s eyes scanned my features. He half-smiled and said, “Obviously not. Because if I did, the first thing I would have said to you is how pretty you look tonight.” He brushed a layer of hair away from my eyes.
My mouth opened, but now I was the one struggling for words. Shane maintained his unnerving gaze. I settled for clearing my throat, taking a moment to break eye contact. He was flirting with me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. One date gone horribly wrong, and now he was being charming?
I forced a laugh, attempting to act casual, like I wasn’t picking up on his flirtatious vibe. I was sure it didn’t mean anything, anyway. Guys like Shane could say whatever they wanted and get away with it, even if they didn’t mean what they said.
Since I was at a loss for a witty response, I changed the subject entirely. “So… did you sell any raffle tickets this week?”
Shane let out a chuckle, though since I hadn’t said anything the least bit funny, I knew it was directed at me. “You want to talk about the raffle?” Amusement touched his expression.
My cheeks burned. I hoped that even with the lighting from the moon that he wouldn’t notice the sudden pink hue. First he was rude, then charming, and then back to making fun of me? I couldn’t figure him out, and I didn’t like it. I let out a frustrated huff of air, looking through the crowd for an escape. Talking to Shane was impossible because, for whatever reason, he set my nerves on edge. I could barely hold a decent conversation with the guy, whether it was because of his good looks or dumb, insensitive comments.
Shane’s fingers lightly touched my elbow until I looked back at him. He probably sensed my irritation because his features dropped the hint of mockery. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“To where?” I asked, slightly heated. “On our date?” My tone indicated that if this was the start of our evening, I was less than impressed.
“Follow me,” he said. “Let’s go for a walk.” He took a few steps and then turned around, waiting for me.
Stalling, my eyes found my sisters, both of them now comfortably seated on the iron chairs beside the fire. They were smiling and heavily involved in the conversation at play with a group of guys. Tara was nowhere to be found—and neither was Austin, so I could guess her whereabouts clearly enough. Aside from a couple of friendly smiles and fleeting waves from my teammates (who paused their conversations only long enough to briefly acknowledge me), I was on my own.
With nothing better to do, I shoved my cold hands into the pockets of my white coat and caught up to Shane. We ascended the stairs out of the fire pit. In silence, Shane led me to the corner of the yard. He lifted the lock and pushed the double doors of the gate open, closing it behind us.
We walked without speaking for a couple of minutes, our shoes padding against the cool sidewalk beneath us. Since Shane had pretty much laughed at me when I had tried to start a conversation earlier, I refused to initiate. However, he didn’t seem bothered by the silence. I caught him glancing at me a time or two, a mostly hidden smile in his expression. He’d look away when I’d make eye contact, but only after making sure our eyes did, in fact, meet for a moment.
After cutting through Shane’s ornate neighborhood, I could see we were approaching an enormous, luscious golf course. Some of it was well lit by huge floodlights, probably for security, while dimmer areas relied on moonlight.
“So, what do you think?” Shane asked, taking in the view from beside me.
It was the most gorgeous golf course I’d ever seen. “I can’t believe you have your very own golf course inside your neighborhood.” Disbelief etched in my voice. It wasn’t like I grew up without money or anything. I knew Dad spoiled us, too—sometimes, it seemed to be his way to make up for the divorce. Even still, to have this huge golf course in the center of your community was unreal.
Shane stepped onto the perfectly groomed grass. I followed.
“Are we allowed out here?” I asked, looking around at the quiet course void of people.
“Of course not,” Shane answered, his steps unfaltering. “But, are you seeing this place? It’s huge. They can’t watch all of it at the same time. Come on.”
We trailed quietly, ditching the homes behind us and delving deeper into the golf course. Passing through a few hills, we situated ourselves on top of one mound with a gathering of trees. Hiding in the shadows, I pulled my knees up to my chest for warmth, resting my arms around my knees. The huge lake before us added to the quiet peace.
I gave in and broke the silence. “So, do you golf? I would guess yes since it’s practically your backyard.”
“Nah, not so much. I’ve tagged along with my dad and his country club buddies now and then, but golf’s not really my thing. It’s
too slow—too structured.”
“So maybe mini-putt is more your style?”
“Ha! Mere child’s play.” Shane leaned back onto his hands. “Yeah, I don’t mind it. If I had a choice, I’d rather hit the driving range. I come with the guys sometimes. Although, when we all come to the golf course, we tend to get a little more creative than the average golfer.” I thought I caught a mischievous grin play across his face, but it disappeared before I could be sure.
“I wonder how many golf balls would be found in the lake if someone drained it?” I pictured the thousands of golfers who had run this course over time. I knew if I came out here, that was where most of my golf balls would end up.
“Good question. Let’s go find out,” Shane said. He jumped to his feet. Grabbing my hand, he pulled me up.
I dug my feet into the ground when he tried tugging me down the hill. “What? No way!” I shouted, though a laugh escaped my protest. Shane’s hand covered my mouth, his body stepping into mine.
“Shh! Do you want us to get caught?”
With muffled objections, I reached up with both my hands, pulling on his forearm to make him release me. He chuckled, not letting go.
Ok, he asked for it.
Twisting my face, I bit his finger—hard.
“Ow!” Shane pulled his hand away, shaking his right hand and examining his finger. “You’re a little beast!” Despite his amused tone, I knew the bite must have hurt.
I grinned wickedly in satisfaction. “That’ll teach you to put your hands on me like that,” I said.
“You’re a fighter,” Shane concluded, shaking his head at me. “That’s good. It’ll get you far in life.”
I dropped my smile, his choice of words hitting home.
Fighter.
That’s how everyone described me after the drowning accident last summer.
“It’s a good thing she’s a fighter,” I heard everyone say at the hospital when I pretended to be asleep, not wanting to face anyone or answer any questions. “She could have died, too.”
I was a fighter. I knew I’d put up a good fight against the tumultuous river—but so had Maddie. She had more fight in her than I did. She should have survived. If only I hadn’t—
“Allie…” Shane ventured closer, noticing my sudden change in demeanor. I knew what he could see—the emotionally broken parts of me displayed on my face, weighing heavily on my shoulders. My posture would appear slightly hunched, as if I struggled to carry a load—and my hazel eyes, most of all, would be void of the glistening laughter from moments ago. I knew how I looked because I’d seen those sorrowful eyes, accusing me from my own reflection, for months.
“I’m sorry.” Confusion touched Shane’s voice. “What did I say?”
I shook my head, my eyes casting to the ground. He was oblivious to the impact of his words, not even considering that Maddie often occupied my thoughts. Memories of the accident often hit me out of nowhere. It wasn’t Shane’s fault. Like everyone else, he lived a sheltered life—and I didn’t mean from a worldly standpoint. He had never experienced the hurt and pain I was suffering, so he couldn’t relate. No one could.
No, it wasn’t his fault at all. Shane’s life was void of the emotional devastation that comes from loss—from guilt. He was just an average senior in high school, a typical jock juggling academics, athletics, and girls, whose biggest worry was which college he would attend. I couldn’t expect more of him, and so I would not even try to pull him into my disparaging world.
I forced a tight-lipped smile. “Nothing.” My voice was a whisper, pushing past my emotions. I pulled out my phone and checked the screen. “I… just remembered I was supposed to drive my sisters home thirty minutes ago.” I let out a breath of air, playing the part. “Mom’s gonna kill me. She didn’t want them at the party too long.” My eyes wouldn’t meet Shane’s. I didn’t know if he believed me or if he could see past my strained façade.
I also didn’t expect his soft lips to touch my forehead, or for him to place his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer.
My breath caught in my chest, confused and uncertain. Shane’s lips lingered on my skin before he lowered his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes, uncertain if Shane’s eyes were closed as well, or if he was watching my tentative reaction.
Either way, I didn’t see him make his move. I only felt him place his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my face. His lips touched mine, ever so softly—almost in question, like he was testing my response. My mouth opened slightly, perhaps about to protest. I didn’t know for sure because the next moment, before I could decide if my heart was drumming faster from attraction or nervousness, Shane moved his mouth more adamantly to mine. His hand slid to the side of my face, holding me steady.
I surrendered.
His kiss became our kiss. A shiver ran down my body, igniting a fuse of emotions—like a breath of fresh air blowing away the heaviness. In that moment, I forgot about my pain, and my guilt. All thoughts of Maddie were pushed aside.
For the first time in months, I felt sheltered.