Jay stepped forward and caught her hands. Held her tight. “I walked away because you wanted what I couldn’t give.”
“Commitment. Marriage.” A fine tension held her body in its grip.
Sadly, he shook his head. “No, Reva, you wanted my money. You loved it, and not me.”
Her lips parted, but she didn’t speak.
“You want security, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I want more. I want a woman who’d love me the same if I didn’t have a dollar to my name. Because you see, Reva, once, I didn’t. I had nothing. So I’d never judge you, and I wouldn’t want you to judge me. But I’ll be damned if I spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me. So I walked away. And I’m going to keep walking.”
A tear rolled down her cheek. “Until you find someone who loves you?”
He wasn’t so sure that would happen. Not at the rate he kept screwing up.
But Reva was peering around his body. “She’s not the one.” Her voice was raspy. “She’s not going to love you, Jay.”
No, Willow probably wasn’t. “I think you should go home, Reva.”
She backed away from him. Her hands swiped over her cheeks, and it was like a veil swept over her features. Not a veil, but maybe a mask. She always tried to hide her real self. “Why?” Reva demanded. “The night is young. Maybe you’re off my list now, but it doesn’t mean I’m done.” She turned on her heel. Marched out with the grace of a queen. No one spoke until she was gone.
West inclined his head toward Jay. “I think it’s time for us to get our asses out of the ladies’ room.”
Leave it to West. Jay’s lips quirked as some of the tension finally broke. “Right. Well, I guess we can mark Reva off our list, too.”
“Yeah.” West exhaled. “And I’ll go find Sawyer. See if he’s turned up anything. So far, this night feels like a bust.” Then West was exiting, too.
Jay squared his shoulders and turned back to Willow. There were dark shadows under her eyes, and she was gazing at him in confusion. He lifted his hand toward her. “Hate to say it, sweetheart, but there’s gonna be even more stories about us circulating tomorrow. I’m sure plenty of folks saw me kick in the bathroom door.” And he was also sure that Benjamin had made sure no one followed them inside. But it was time to leave.
She crept closer, but didn’t take his hand. “I didn’t mean to see her fears. She’s just a really strong projector.”
He nodded and kept his hand extended to her.
“I didn’t make her see those fears, though.” Her words came quickly. “I didn’t do that.”
“I know.” Again, his tone was soft.
Willow licked her lips. “She’s not what I thought. On the inside. I never expected—”
“The world is all about pretending. People are never who you think when you first glance at them.” A lesson he’d learned early on. “Perfect lives don’t exist. Neither do perfect people. We all fuck up, and we just try to do our best to move forward.”
Her hand rose and her silken fingers finally touched his. “You didn’t tell her about me. About what I can do.”
“Because that’s your secret. Reva would have gone to the first reporter she could have found, and then you’d have been shredded.” Shredded, dissected, sent to a new lab when the government found out what she could do.
Subject her to that nightmare again? Only over his dead body.
“You protected me.”
Now he laughed as he tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to sound so stunned.” He escorted her out of the bathroom as if they’d just exited a limo, and, sure enough, he saw the line of bouncers who’d appeared to keep the crowd back. He’d owe Benjamin again. He also heard all of the whispers. Most were too low for him to make out clearly, but Willow tilted her head, as if she could understand them perfectly.
Which, of course, she could.
“They think you’ve gone crazy for me.” Her head turned and her wide eyes met his. “That you’re obsessed.”
They weren’t completely wrong. “I want you to smile.”
Her lashes flickered.
“Every eye in this place is on us. Just smile at me.”
She smiled, but he could tell the curve of her lips took effort. He much preferred Willow’s real smiles to her fake ones. The real smiles didn’t come nearly often enough. He’d work on that.
“Want to dance with me?” Jay asked her.
Her smile faltered. They were walking through the crowd. It seemed like they were finally starting to lose everyone’s attention. “A bodyguard doesn’t dance.”
“Unfortunate. I had so much fun dancing with you the other night.” Last night. It had been last night. Right before a shooter had tried to wreck Jay’s life. “We can go back up to the VIP area.”
She glanced toward the stairs.
“But I think we should leave,” Jay continued briskly. “We came, everyone saw that I wasn’t hiding, and we attracted plenty of attention. If the shooter is here, you would have sensed him.”
“I haven’t.”
Right. “So he’s not here. Let’s get the hell out of this place.”
Willow immediately turned for the front door.
“No, this way.” He nodded toward the back of the club. “I told the driver to pick us up in the back. Mostly because my front departure routine didn’t work so well last time.” He steered her past more bouncers and into an employees’ only section of the club. A moment later, though, both West and Sawyer appeared.
“No sign of a shooter,” Sawyer’s voice was clipped. “West had me check out your competitor, Micah Long. The guy isn’t carrying any weapons, and he was more interested in screwing the two women he’d brought here than anything else.”
Sounded like Micah. The guy always proclaimed that variety was the spice of life.
“The shooter could be running,” West offered as he seemed to consider the situation. “The guy missed you last night, and now he knows the world is after him. If he’s smart, he’s keeping a low profile. He’s gonna try to vanish as fast as he can.”
That was certainly one option.
“Or…” Sawyer cleared his throat. “The fellow is just laying low. Waiting for his chance to strike again. Maybe he’s waiting for the perfect moment to come at you. Could be plotting how to kill you right now.” Jay could only sigh. “Sawyer, seriously, can you ever try sugar coating things?” How did Elizabeth live with the guy?
Sawyer simply shrugged. “Why waste time with that sugary shit?”
Sounded like something a former Navy SEAL would say.
But then Sawyer’s gaze cut to Willow. He frowned. “Everything okay?”
No, not really.
“Hey…” Sawyer’s voice sharpened. It was just their little group in that backroom. The bouncers hadn’t passed the threshold of the door. Jay had no idea where Flynn Haddox was lurking. “Any luck with John Smith?” Sawyer was suddenly asking. “That super soldier we met up in the mountains before Christmas? Is he going to talk with—”
“Not now,” Jay cut in sharply as his gaze jerked toward Willow. Dammit. That little adventure into the mountains was something he hadn’t wanted to talk about with Willow. Not yet, anyway. They’d get to the matter of John Smith much later. Like when Willow didn’t look as if she were about to shatter.
“Who’s John Smith?” Willow immediately asked.
“Someone we’ll discuss later.” Right then, he just wanted to get the hell out of Push. He reached for Willow’s elbow.
But she shook her head. “No more secrets. Secrets like the fact that you used to be involved with Sawyer’s lover, Elizabeth.”
Sawyer blinked. His gaze went cold. Hard.
Crap. “That is ancient history, Willow.” History he was sure Reva had unearthed. “Beth and I are friends, nothing more.”
“You didn’t tell me. You kept it secret.” Color stained her cheeks. “I don’t like secrets.”
He didn’t ei
ther, but, sometimes, secrets were necessary.
Willow’s head swung toward Sawyer. “Don’t you mind? Don’t you…don’t you hate that they were together?”
“Makes me want to drive my fist into his face some days,” was Sawyer’s drawling reply. “But then I remember, Elizabeth is with me. She chose me. Then I get to leave his face exactly as it is.”
Um, okay. Jay glared at the guy. “Not helping much.”
Willow rubbed her forehead. “Everything is jumbled. Confused.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “Anger. Jealousy.”
Wait—Willow was jealous? Because of Elizabeth? Reva? She didn’t need to be.
Then her eyes opened. “Who is John Smith?”
Back to that. Fine. So it looked like they were having this little talk right then and there. “He’s another Lazarus subject I managed to track down. You know I’m looking for the others.”
She gave a jerky nod.
“I found him right before Christmas.” Tread carefully. “Turns out, he was in the same North Carolina lab that you were. He remembered hearing the guards talk about you.”
Willow took a step back. “I don’t know him.”
“John said he never actually saw you.” So she probably didn’t have memories of the guy. Which was why he hadn’t pushed too hard for them to meet yet. “But he overheard the guards and doctors talking about you.”
“You were the control subject,” West murmured.
Really, why was everyone oversharing right then? He tossed a glare at his brother.
West just shrugged. “Man, I get that you’re trying to protect her, but sometimes, a person needs to hear the truth.” He paced forward. “John Smith was experimented on in that lab, killed again and again, just so he could be brought back. From what we can tell, you were isolated, never allowed contact with him or with anyone else at the facility. You were the controlled comparison. I’m guessing they wanted to see how far they could push John.” West inclined his head toward Sawyer. “And all the others. See how far they could be pushed before—”
“They broke?” Willow finished.
West didn’t speak.
So Jay did. “We know some of the test subjects can’t handle the surge of darker emotions. They go…” Now he was the one to stop, letting his words flounder.
“They go crazy.” Once more, Sawyer wasn’t sugar coating. “Absolutely fucking psychotic. And that’s why we’re hunting them. We have to figure out who’s sane and who is a threat that has to be eliminated.”
Willow’s hands twisted in front of her. She stared down at them. “Which category am I in?”
“Willow.” Jay’s voice had turned rough.
She glanced up at him. “Or are you all still trying to figure that part out?”
Enough. Jay positioned himself right in front of her. He held her gaze as he said, clearly and flatly, “There is nothing else I need to figure out about you. You aren’t a threat. You aren’t psychotic.”
“If you were,” West pointed out from behind him, “don’t you think Jay would still have you locked up in one of those hi-tech cells he created for the Lazarus subjects?”
Jay’s eyes squeezed shut. Not helping, West. Not helping at all. “We’re leaving.” Enough talk. Enough fucking drama. His eyes opened. Willow was staring at him with her wide eyes, and so much emotion burned in her blue stare. The problem was that he couldn’t quite decode what she was feeling.
“I’ll check the exterior perimeter.” Sawyer gave him a nod. “Flynn is still in the club, making sure no signs of trouble are in there.” Then Sawyer was heading out the back. A few moments later, he gave a low whistle, and Jay knew they were good to go.
They filed outside. The limo was waiting. A new driver was there, one of the guards West had handpicked. Willow stilled, and her gaze swept the dark alley. A light drizzle of rain had begun to fall on them.
“All clear,” she whispered.
The shooter wasn’t going to make another appearance. Maybe he had run. But we’ll find you, eventually.
Jay and Willow slid into the car. Before the door shut, West leaned inside. “I’ll have guards tail you. I’m going to do a little more recon. Want to check in with the cops, see if they turned up anything new.”
“Watch your back,” Jay warned him.
West just smiled. “Don’t I always?”
The door slammed shut. A few moments later, the limo was rolling away from the club. When they swept around the corner, Jay glanced through the tinted windows. A throng of bodies surrounded the entrance to Push. His latest investment seemed to be a definite success.
The silence continued in the limo as they drove away from the center of the city. His home was just outside of D.C. Jay liked his privacy, and the estate certainly gave him that. He had several houses, all scattered around the U.S. After growing up without a home at all, he knew he’d overcompensated. But so the hell what?
His gaze swept toward Willow. She was staring out of the window. She looked so beautiful sitting there. Her soft profile. The long tumble of her hair. Her silken skin.
“Why are you watching me?”
His lips twisted. “Because you’re absolutely beautiful.” An honest answer.
Her head turned. Her gaze met his. “I’m not as beautiful as Reva.”
As far as he was concerned, she was a thousand times more gorgeous. “I guess that depends on who you ask.”
Willow blinked.
He didn’t move closer to her, though he sure wanted to do so. “I happen to think no other woman on earth can compare to you.”
Her lips pressed together. More silence. Then… “Lines like that come easy to you, don’t they? You can charm anyone you want.”
Anger hummed within him. “You think I’m feeding you a line?”
“I don’t know.” Her response was soft.
His eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you just look into my head and find out if I’m telling you the truth?”
Her stare jerked away from his. She stared out the window once more. “I see fears—”
“Is that really all you see?” Jay pushed.
But she’d pressed her lips together once more.
“Now who is keeping secrets?” he murmured.
The limo drove through the darkness. He didn’t push her again because Jay knew Willow was already on the edge. He could practically see the fine tension in her body.
“I didn’t like the way I felt when I was around Reva.” She gave her confession in a hushed voice.
He waited.
“Angry, furious, and I-I kept seeing you two together in my head. She was saying that you wouldn’t stay with me, and it shouldn’t have mattered. We aren’t lovers. I shouldn’t have cared at all. But I could feel the darkness inside of me. It was getting stronger. Worse.”
“Baby, you aren’t the only one who has a darkness inside. Everyone does.”
She licked her lips. “We aren’t lovers.”
“No.” Unfortunately, they—
Her stare came back to him. “But I think I’d like for us to be.”
Chapter Six
She’d said it. Actually let those words and the secret desire escape her. But now Jay had gone completely still. He stared at her with his deep, dark eyes, and she could see every detail of his face perfectly. His hard jaw had locked. The skin near his eyes had tightened. His breathing came a little faster. He—
“Be careful what you say, Willow. Some things can’t be taken back.”
“I don’t want to take this back.” She still felt jealous. Jealous. She was angry. She was scared. Adrenaline pounded through her body, but Willow was sure of one thing. “I want you.”
He cursed. “Fucking hell.”
Willow blinked as she felt a knot tie in the bottom of her stomach. Fucking hell. Not exactly the impassioned response she’d hoped to get. Didn’t he still want her? “You changed your mind?”
He gave a rough laugh. “Changed my mind? About you? Oh, yeah, that shit won’t ever hap
pen. As long as I can breathe, I’ll want you.” But he made no move to close the distance between them. “Wondering about the sudden turnaround, that’s all. Because you told me to keep my hands off—”
“I want to know what it’s like. You remember your lovers. The way they made you feel. The pleasure you had.” Jealousy burned again. “But I have none of that. It was all taken from me. Every single moment. I want to get it back. I want to see what it feels like, I want to know more than just fear and pain and rage. I want pleasure, too.”
“So anybody would do?” His voice deepened. “A body in the dark? Is that all you need?”
She shook her head. “No.” Didn’t he get it? “I want you.”
Now he moved forward. Not a fast lunge toward her. But slowly, carefully, as if he thought she might run away. They were trapped in the back of the limo, where exactly could she go? Besides, Willow wasn’t interested in running from him. Not then.
His hand lifted and the back of his fingers stroked over her cheek. “Once won’t be enough.”
His touch seemed to sink right through her.
“I’ll want you again and again.”
He couldn’t know that. Once might be plenty. Once—
“And I’ll make sure you feel the same way.” His hand slid down to her chin. He tilted her head up, and then his lips pressed to her mouth. A soft kiss at first. As if he were sampling her, getting to know her taste. Her lips parted for him, though, because she wanted more. She wanted the wild rush of passion. The quick release of pleasure.
His tongue slid into her mouth. A moan escaped her, and her hands rose to curl around his shoulders. Her nails sank into his suit. The kiss started as a tender touch, but with every second that passed, it grew stronger. Rougher. Hotter.
She wanted his clothes out of her way. She wanted to see what it was like to touch him all over. To feel a lover, skin to skin. All of her memories were gone, and Willow felt as if she’d been robbed. Everything had been taken from her. Every. Single. Thing.
It was time for her to take back her life. To start living just like everyone else.
Even if she wasn’t exactly like everyone else.