Chapter Sixteen - A Sorrowful Return
Gabriel and Eva are outside before we even stop. It’s snowing. Andrew picks me out of the car, handing me to Eva. “Take her inside and we’ll help get Katrina in.”
I’m shocked at how easily Eva carries me. I try to object.
“You won’t do anyone any good if you fall.” She replies softly. “I’m sorry about Katrina and David. You are not alone in this!”
Placing me on the couch in Katrina’s room, I watch as they begin hooking up the machinery. They move silently, efficiently and in sync. When they finish, she looks peaceful. Gabriel hugs me before he leaves, his eyes say it all.
As Andrew goes to get me something to eat, I move next to Katrina. Even though the physician in me knows she isn’t here, the sister in me needs to say certain things. “Katrina, I’m sorry you got ripped away from your children. I know how much you loved them and they will too! I could never be half the mother you would have been, but I will try my best. I wish you were here to hold them, kiss them, and watch them grow into the wonderful adults I know they will become. I’m sorry we wasted so much time fighting and they will know that such fighting accomplishes nothing but regret and lost time that can never be recaptured. I’m so sorry that it wasn’t me instead!” My head falls next to hers.
Andrew’s cool lips are at my ear. “Come sit.”
His tone tells me he’s upset. “Are you alright?”
“Mia, I heard what you said.” His face contorts with pain. “You can’t wish that it was you there…”
I blurt out interrupting him. “When we lost her, too many people lost too much! It should have been me! I would not have left anyone to mourn, but she is leaving two helpless children that will never know their mother’s love!” He shakes his head vehemently. “It should have been me and you know it!” I feel frustrated, he should know this.
“I couldn’t stand it if it were you there.” His hands grip my face. He is staring at me, his eyes full of despair. “You have so much to live for. It isn’t your time yet! Do you understand me?” His hands move down to my shoulders and he crushes me to his chest. “I can’t lose you, not now!”
We sit silently. As he loosens his grip, my eyes shoot up toward his. His beautiful features marred by his immeasurable sadness and his eyes are vacant, reminding me of a desolate wasteland. “I didn’t realize you came back. I would have kept my thoughts to myself. I don’t want to cause you pain.” Bringing my hand up, I gently stroke his cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have intruded on a private moment.” His expression strained. “Don’t worry about anything. I brought you something to eat.” He forces a smile, but for the first time, the beautiful face of my glorious angel looks more like the face of the dead. My eyes lock onto his vacant stare. I lost my sister, am losing my mother and now I’m inflicting unendurable pain on my benevolent angel who already endured immeasurable losses and loneliness. “Andrew, please tell me what you are thinking. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s nothing really.” His sad tone cripples my heart. “You have more important things to think about now, don’t you think?”
Tears fill my eyes as I stare into his. “I can’t stand seeing you like this, knowing that I caused you pain. I can’t help anyone else, but maybe I can make things right with you. Do you even know how important you are to me? Please tell me what I can do! “My hands move to grip his.
His voice turns thoughtful. “You didn’t make me sad, you are the only reason I have felt a glimmer of happiness since our transformation. It’s just hearing you made me realize how close I came to losing you and that thought is unbearable.” His head shakes as if trying to dispel some bleak thought. “I know I’m a lifeless creature, but for the first time, imagining my existence without you, I felt the desolation and deprivation of an abyss worse than any hell which we could ever be cast into!”
The tears I fought so hard to contain, now stream down my face. “I’m so sorry. Seeing her there and knowing who she is leaving behind, I became overwhelmed.” Desperate to lighten his mood, I try to distract him. “I have to stay and you have to stay with me. I hear boys can be real shooters, with your lightning speed, you would never be doused.”
He is at least seeing me now, but his desolation remains. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put more upon you. Eat and then I’ll take you home.”
My eyes shoot over to Katrina. “I have to stay.”
“We’ll stay.” Cuddling up to his cool chest, offsets the heat and tingling sensations energizing my every cell from being close to him. As I drift off to sleep, I feel his fingertips stroking my hair and then running up and down my arm. I hear his sigh and all of sudden feel suspended between consciousness and sleep. In my mind’s eye I can see his heavenly blue eyes looking down upon me with such love and affection that I feel myself sighing too. In that instant, the darkness only lit by the glint of his eyes fills with the light of a brilliant sunrise shining through a picturesque stone window. Tearing my eyes from the pink hues coloring the white wispy clouds, I glance around. The walls are sandstone with maroon and gold tapestry hanging. A smoldering fire is in the fireplace. Sitting up, I am in a king size bed with an ornate maroon and gold duvet, wearing nothing but cotton nightdress that ties at the nape of my neck. I’m confused. A moment ago, I felt Andrew’s fingertips caressing my arm as I was drifting to sleep. Yet now, I’m awake and feel the comfort of the silky duvet and the cool air which fills the room. Never have I felt this sentient in a dream, but I must be dreaming. Yet at the same time, it feels real, too real, too colorful, more like the feelings and images I have been experiencing with Andrew lately, but I’m alone. I can even hear the rustle of horse steps and the grinding of what sounds like heavy metal gears. Before I can dwell on these strange happenings, the door creaks, I turn quickly. Someone enters carrying wood. His face is covered by the pile before him. I shuffle, pulling the covers up toward me. Who is this? They must hear my movements.
“Sorry I was gone so long, I hope you didn’t get cold.” I gasp, I know the voice in an instant, but looking at his back, I’m stunned that his hair is long, tied in a short ponytail at the base of his neck and its color is not raven but a deep brown. In my dreams, his hair has never changed, but in what I’ve been experiencing lately, it always changes to this chocolate brown. I watch as he places the split logs next to the fire and taking some, brings the extinguishing fire roaring back to life. I feel its warmth immediately. He rises. His back still turned to me. I shake my head, his clothing makes no sense. He appears to be wearing an oversized white top and knickers. I giggle, he turns and his eyes are filled with desire and mischief. I stare unbelieving, his eyes are ocean blue, his perfect features are not pale, but flush from his carrying the wood or maybe the carnal desire which now gleams in his eyes as he strolls ever so slowly toward me. Untying the string which rests on his neck, he slowly peels off his shirt, never taking his gaze from me. A fire ignites within me, raging hotter than the one heating the room. I’m too hot. I throw the duvet off me. He kneels at the end of the bed, crawling up it slowly flaming the forest fire consuming me. My arms snake around his bare back, running my fingers up and down, relishing the feel of every sinew of his flexed muscles as his warm lips possess mine.
The door bursts open, he hoists his upper torso upright. He yells at whoever entered. “Get out.”
“Sire, I’m sorry to interrupt, but your father has learned of your marriage to the wench and three of his best men are on the way to drag you back. They are almost here, you must leave.”
The cushion shifts underneath me dragging me back to the present. My eyes open, meeting Andrew’s astonished features telling me he saw it too, he had to. His eyes shift down. He’s embarrassed and in truth so am I, but not because of what I just experienced, I am sitting astride him, my hands grasping at his shirt. Immediately I release his shirt and scurry off of him as my cheeks flush crimson. “I’m sorry.” I squeak, my eyes shifting from his.
/>
His soft astounded voice mutters, “You felt that too, didn’t you?”
I still can’t look at him, I nod.
His cool hands reach under my chin lifting my face so that my eyes are forced to meet his sky blue eyes. He hesitates as if unsure of what to say as innumerable expressions flit across his features, love, lust, wonder, surprise, desire, but most prevalent is bewilderment.
How could we have both seen that? Why even now does my skin tingle and my lips feel swelled? I run my finger over them, and they are normal, yet that is not how they feel. Even my insides feel strange, my limbs languid and my heart still erratic as if I ran a three minute mile.
There is a strange energy between us, despite our awkwardness at this new revelation. Once again I feel as if I got a glimpse of some strange, shared distant memory longing to be recalled, but that makes no sense. “Do you feel strange?” The words are out before I realize.
“I feel as if I experienced it again.” He stammers in his own distraction.
My eyes shoot up at him as my mind registers the word again. “You feel that way too? Did you feel that way the other night?” I ask hopeful and from the way his lips pierce and his eyes shift down, I know he did.
His hand lifts, but he hesitates and rests it back on his knee. He appears deep in contemplation, sitting stock still for what seems like hours. The images bombard me. With everything I have come to learn over the past several weeks, a question circles in my head. Could this be another reality that we were somehow a part of? When I can no longer take the silent chasm growing between us, I bring my hand up to his face calling him back from where he is and mutter softly. “Is it possible that we were there?” His eyes widen, is he considering the same thing? “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
He draws in a deep breath. “I’m not sure what to think. It did feel real.” His voice trails off. “Although the version of me wasn’t quite right, I did feel like I was experiencing it, not just seeing it.”
I can hear a “but”. “And?”
He shakes his head. “What if it’s some kind of trick to entrap you, to make me admit…” He stops suddenly, rises and begins pacing. He grabs something out of his pocket, his beeper. His exasperation obvious, but then he closes his eyes, calming himself. “I’m sorry. I have to deal with this. I’ll meet you back at the residency. We have to go see Judge Thompson.” He kisses my head before leaving.
I pick at the food as I call David’s parents knowing that their world has collapsed around them.
Walking back toward the residency, someone grabs my shoulders, spinning me around. I gasp, too surprised to scream. I stare into Nicholas’ shocked face staring back at me as if I am a ghost. I wince as his grip tightens on my shoulder and try to shrug free, but he’s holding me too tight. I push my pounding heart back down my throat and shriek. “Let go, you’re hurting me!” Other hands are now upon Nicholas’ and I am free.
“What did you do?” Gabriel shouts, but Nicholas doesn’t answer, he just stares. “How could you?” The fierceness on Gabriel’s face and ferocity in his yell tells me he’s yelling over something more than Nicholas holding my shoulders.
“What’s going on?” I implore.
“Mia, go back to the residency. I’ll be there shortly.” They disappear.
Andrew catches me pacing. “What’s wrong?”
“Have you seen Gabriel?”
“No. He was supposed to meet me on a consult, but didn’t show. Mia, do you know why he didn’t show.” He immediately tenses.
Fearing his reaction, but also concerned for Gabriel if they are fighting, I stutter. “It’s just that when I came here, Nicholas stopped me and Gabriel intervened.”
“What did Nicholas say?” His tone turns uneasy.
“He didn’t say anything, he just…” Unsure if I should tell him, I hesitate.
His jaw clenches. “What did my brother do?”
“He didn’t do anything really.” I stammer anxiously watching his eyes grow angry. “He grabbed my shoulders. He appeared surprised to see me.”
“Then what happened?” His face turns fierce as he fights to control his voice.
Nervous, I utter quickly. “Gabriel came, started yelling at Nicholas and told me he’d be back, but I haven’t seen him since.”
“Do you remember exactly what he said?” His voice is laced with concern.
“He yelled at him saying ‘What did you do?’ At first I thought it was because I told Nicholas he was hurting my shoulders, but he seemed angry about something much more important. His face turned furious and he yelled ‘How could you?’ Then he grabbed Nicholas’s upper arms and they were gone.”
“How badly did Nicholas hurt you?” His eyes darken and voice is furious.
I step back; the ferocity on his face makes him more frightening than Gabriel. He momentarily closes his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Just the thought of my brother hurting you…” He appears to shake off a vile thought and his voice softens. “May I?” As he slips the jacket off my shoulder, his hands brush my clavicle and I wince. His eyes widen and he unbuttons my top button. My heart pounds erratically and my cheeks flush as he unbuttons two more and pulls the collar to the side to examine my right shoulder. He’s mortified. Peering down, I see a black and blue thumb print on my collar bone.
As he examines my other shoulder, his jaw snaps and he re-buttons my blouse. “I’m sorry he hurt you.” He sounds contrite, but I can see he’s fighting for control of himself.
“It’s nothing. I think you should look for them, Gabriel may need your help.”
“I can’t. Judge Thompson is waiting. I just need to speak with Eva and then we’ll go.”
When he returns, his whole demeanor has changed. He’s appears more frightened than furious and his eyes are dull. While driving, his eyes are constantly scanning ahead and both hands are gripping the wheel tightly. “Does Eva know where Gabriel is?”
His voice reflects his tension. “Gabriel took Nicholas somewhere; he should be back when we return from the funeral.”
“I can go myself. You should stay in case Gabriel needs help.”
“I don’t want you facing this alone!” He growls back.
I’m taken aback by his harsh tone. “Andrew what’s going on?”
He stops the car. “We need to go inside before dealing with anything else.” He clips. His eyes are still darting around, searching, but for what? He pulls me tightly to his side.
Despite the positive meeting, Andrew’s tension does not wane and he is still on alert. “Andrew, what are you keeping from me? Nicholas looked as if he saw a ghost, Gabriel was furious and now you are anxious, and practically carried me across the yard. Please tell me!”
“I’m not sure. Eva said Gabriel hauled Nicholas off to get answers. Between the strange goings on and images which are occurring between us; Gabriel’s erratic behavior; Nicholas’ reaction; and the strange feelings that are coming over me the way they used to when Nicholas and I were fighting, I’m concerned because it all centers around you.” His tone is filled with consternation. Seeing my alarm, he tries to calm himself, but I can hear his latent anxiety. “Mia, I’m probably just overreacting because of the accident. I’m sure that everything will be fine.”
Packing for the funeral, I feel apprehensive about seeing David’s parents. A knock brings me out of my introspection. Andrew’s standing in the doorway, his features softer, but his eyes are still troubled. Despite all of the chaos, his absolute perfection stuns my heart.
He moves toward me, hugging me and stroking my cheek gently with his thumb. “It’ll be alright. You’ll find the words when you see David’s parents.” Despite his comforting words and gesture, I can feel the tension and know he’s worried about what we witnessed.
Trying to distract him, “Aren’t you in charge of the terminally ill not psychiatry? How did you become so perceptive?”
“When you
are as ancient as I am, you gain certain insights. He smiles and for the first time in a long time, it is a genuine smile. “You should get some sleep.” He kisses me on the forehead and turns to leave.
I don’t want him to go, but don’t want him to become anxious again. His hand is on the door and he’ll be gone in an instant. “Can you stay?” I mutter.
“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a bed?” From his tone, I wonder if his reasoning is based more on this morning than my comfort.
“I feel very comfortable next to you.” I answer earnestly.
“I guess the comfortable beds we bought were a waste if you prefer Stonehenge instead.” He chuckles before sitting.
My mind drifts, but this time to darker thoughts. I am reliving the accident, however now I’m a detached third party viewer. There is something about the sequence of events that tugs at my consciousness, but a quiet knock calls me from my sleep. Andrew shifts out from under me. His voice is soft. “What happened?” I force my eyes open and see Gabriel grabbing Andrew out the door. I run to the door, but they are already down the hallway speaking. I cannot hear their conversation, but their faces look intense.
“Wait please!”
They face me, their expressions grave. My stomach lurches as Andrew’s vacant eyes, tell me I am directly involved. I move closer. “I know you prefer that I don’t know what’s going on, but you can’t keep this from me!” I plead.
A look passes between them telling me it’s Andrew’s decision. “Please don’t keep me in the dark. I can handle it really.”
His voice is solemn and his eyes agonized. “We should talk about this when we return. The funeral is going to be difficult enough.”
“No, you need to tell me the truth now! From the way your acting, it has to do with the accident. You grabbed me right before impact. Whatever you suspected, Gabriel confirmed; be honest with me!”
He’s stunned. Back in the room, he struggles to explain. “His forces convinced Nicholas that if you were off the grounds to give them a chance to manipulate you into doing something drastic, he would free our mother. They gave Nicholas some earrings so they could find you. Do you have them?”
Nicholas hadn’t given me any earrings. I gasp. “The ones I found outside my door at Christmas I thought were from you. I brought them to New York with me; those were the earrings that I wore New Year’s Eve. Oh no! Oh no!” I hyperventilate.
The blood chilling look passing between them strangles me.
“The accident wasn’t an accident, was it?” I choked out as sobs rip from my chest. “I caused Katrina’s death! It’s my fault David is dead! I’m the reason the twins won’t have a family!” Grief floods over me like a never ending tidal wave, pulling me under.
“Mia, we don’t know that for sure.” Andrew says steeping towards me. I step back.
“Of course I do! They wanted me and got Katrina and David by mistake. They would have gotten me too, but you protected me. A moment before the crash, you wrapped yourself around me, why?” I shout. “What did you know?”
“I didn’t know anything! I didn’t even know Nicholas gave you anything. It was more of a feeling that I didn’t understand, like someone whispering to me to do it.”
“The police said the driver died. I thought your type was indestructible?”
Gabriel interjects. “We are essentially. I spoke to the police and the driver was human.” His expression tells me he is holding something back.
“What else do you know?”
His eyes quickly dart to Andrew.
“Look at me! You already told him, now tell me.”
“Mia, I am only speculating because actual demons are not allowed to directly impact a situation.”
He’s stalling. “Gabriel, what do you suspect?”
“The driver was human and the police smelled alcohol, but the autopsy results didn’t find any significant alcohol in his system and his speed was excessive, too excessive. I suspect he was dead before the accident, but if I’m correct, they were allowed to cross over and possess a corpse!”
I turn to Andrew. “I’m right, they were seeking me and now she’s lying dead instead. It should have been me! You should have let me die and protected her! If you had, those children would have a mother instead of a target which will be ripped away from them when they least expect it!” I roar. I know what I said registers with Andrew from his tortured features.
Running into the bedroom, I slam the door. My legs finally give out and I sink to the floor as images of my sister’s life and the future I robbed her of blaze before my eyes as Nicholas’ warning actions and words scream in my head. I could have prevented this if I had only been honest with Andrew. Gabriel warned me and I didn’t listen. Nicholas tried to warn me and I didn’t understand. I can hear them arguing this very thing and force myself to listen. Gabriel believes Nicholas really didn’t see this happening. He detected Nicholas was glad that I was off the property, but did not perceive this type of plan and even believed his warnings tipped me off and would avert their attempts, but that since he got me out of Sanctuary, their mother would be freed.
Andrew bellows. “What do you mean he was spending time with her? I thought we were going to keep them separated to avoid temptation or do you want another war! You should have told me! Maybe if we worked together, two more souls would not be lost and she would not be going through her worst nightmare, alone!”
I force myself off the floor knowing this is my fault, I begged Gabriel to remain silent. My family was ripped apart forever, and I couldn’t allow my actions to rip his already suffering family apart further. They need to work together solve this puzzle and rescue their eternity.
“You’re right.” Gabriel utters as I open the door. “I should have told you, but every time I was near him, I didn’t see any plan; he seemed calmer the more time he spent with her. I know that is no excuse, but I don’t believe that you could have stopped this. No one could have predicted such direct intervention and you would have felt our kind coming.”
Andrew’s response is agonizing. “She wouldn’t be suffering at all if it wasn’t for me, maybe they wouldn’t be aware of her.”
“You’re wrong. You know what we saw around her at the lake. She was targeted as a child. Your encounter probably saved her, prevented a direct attack. She was already being isolated.”
“It’s happening all over again. Gabriel what am I going to do? I can fight my feelings to keep her safe, but I can’t lose her the way dad lost our mother!” His voice sounds tormented.
I step out as Gabriel puts his arm around Andrew. The torture ripping through his now darkened eyes and anguish engulfing his features pierces my heart with such excruciating pain it’s difficult to breathe. “This is not your fault and you shouldn’t blame Gabriel. I begged him not to say anything. I thought I could figure out what Nicholas was up to and even Nicholas tried to warn me. Maybe he didn’t know what would happen.” Saying this to stop what I fear will be a fight I began to wonder if Nicholas really didn’t know.
“Mia, even if that’s true, they may have stayed on you because of me. You’re not the reason Katrina and David are dead, I am! I should have let Nicholas destroy me at the lake. I should have never brought you here!” Standing, he darts out the door.
I move to follow, but Gabriel stops me. “He needs time.”
“Gabriel, what did you see around me and what do you believe he stopped?” When he doesn’t respond, I try again. “Don’t you think it is time I knew everything?”
He takes a deep breath. “Do you remember the story about our mother?”
“Yes”
“She was targeted because of her strong soul. You have a strong soul. Andrew believes they pursued you more so because of his encounter.”
“But your mother was targeted before your father became involved with her.”
“That’s true. Each side is always watching. However, Andrew believes some souls go unnotice
d by him.”
“What do you believe?”
“I believe the shadows already let him know about you and that they don’t let go of strong souls, but Andrew believes otherwise. Andrew saw the darkness trying to penetrate the light around you that night and probably stopped a direct attack similar to the ones suffered by patients here. We kept a watchful eye on you, but as you became more isolated, we felt the need to get you up here. Andrew thinks it was more of his desire to protect you personally and see you that led to that decision.”
“Gabriel, do you believe the accident was a direct attack?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. For you to be at your strongest for him, you would have to do something drastic to cause your own demise, but maybe this was inevitable, whether we were involved or not. I just don’t know.”
“What do you mean inevitable?”
“When we were warring, Andrew became extremely affected by what Nicholas did. I think twins have a connection and it is possible that by taking her, he thought you would become weaker. If he takes you directly, he loses your strength.”
This is all so confusing. I need time to think.
“I need to find Andrew.” He leaves.
I can’t sit in my room any longer with my scattered thoughts, I feel trapped. Stepping out into the night air, I still cannot focus. I want to deny I caused their death, but cannot escape the fact that they wanted me, but then Gabriel’s words come back to me. Could this have been inevitable and how could I really be a strong soul? The cool air is biting and not helping my thoughts. I go to see Katrina. The paradox of her lifeless body giving life is something I cannot wrap my mind around, but then again, my whole existence is now centered on the phantasmagoric. Resting my head next to hers, tears trickle down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, I love you. I hope you can forgive me.”
A cool hand at my back wakes me. “I’m sorry for running out on you.” My eyes meet Andrews, he appears calmer. “We have to go or we’ll miss our flight. Jackson will monitor her.”
Feeling numb, I head toward the car.