Chapter Twenty-Six – Springtime
As the weather turns warmer the residents of this strange but wonderful facility pitch in and work together to help one another and plant the young seedlings. It is wonderful to see and be part of such hope and tranquility after such a sorrowful winter.
The twins’ expressions are more animated and they seem to enjoy the walks in the woods, reaching for all the blossoming colors. In truth, I probably enjoy the walks even more, gazing into Andrew’s perfect sky eyes as the sun pops through the trees and they sparkle like the heavens, warming his beautiful features and watching how his perfect smile lightens his face as he shows the twins a world anew.
Now that the weather is more conducive to travel and the St. Clouds are convinced, from their many nights traveling throughout the woods, that nothing is trying to penetrate Sanctuary, I decide to call David’s parents, my father and Stephan to see if they want to come for the twins’ christening. Andrew makes the travel arrangements and despite my protests, Gabriel insists on cooking the meal for the party afterwards.
Andrew and I prepare the upstairs rooms for our guests while Eva and Jackson watch the twins. Upon our return, I muster the courage to ask them something I have been debating all day. I worry that it may be too much of an imposition, especially considering I am hoping that they will enhance their efforts to find a solution to their quest in my lifetime, but I need to know that the children will be protected should something happen to me. “Andrew, Eva would you mind standing up for the twins?”
Eva is delighted. I see her nudge Jackson. “Maybe we should put the twins to bed.”
I turn to Andrew knowing he has something to say. “Mia, I’m honored that you asked me. I adore the twins, but I think you should ask your brother. He is family and Stephan and Katrina were very close. She may have even asked him.”
“I did consider him, but then I remembered how David didn’t want Stephan involved in their custody. If anything happened to me, isn’t it typical for the godparents to take them? You obviously care for them, but if you don’t want the responsibility considering how much you have on your shoulders already, I understand.”
Placing one arm on my back, his other grasps my chin. “What do you think is going to happen to you?”
I try looking to the floor, but he tilts my chin upward forcing me to meet his eyes. “You never know what could happen. I mean I never expected to be raising my sister’s children.”
His tone turns comforting. “I will do everything to make sure nothing happens to you. It is not that I don’t want to take responsibility for them. I would do that in a heartbeat. It’s just that Stephan appears to be working on the things David didn’t like and he is their uncle.”
I hate to admit he is right. Katrina loved my brother and probably asked him without reservation. Despite her asking me, I know David coerced her.
I could feel the tension resonating from Andrew as he waits for me to respond. “Please don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with myself. I am keenly aware how much Katrina loved Stephan. She used to wish he could have been her twin. Instead she got stuck with me. She used to talk about me being a reflection of everything that could have been wrong with her. Maybe she was right. I didn’t consider what she wanted, only what I think is best for them, but that’s wrong!”
His hand moves from my chin. He cups my face in his strong hands and speaks deliberately. “Mia, you are thinking like a mother. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m not their mother, she was!”
His voice turns stern. “You cannot fault yourself for thinking of them as your own, you will be raising them. They will turn to you for comfort when they are sick, argue with you when they are frustrated. You will be the one who guides, shapes and protects them.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sure that you will share memories of their parents, but that is just what they are, memories. They will look to you as their mother because you will be the only one they know in that role. You will need to act as their mother, to set boundaries, make rules, tell them when they are wrong, praise them when they are right and encourage them when the struggle. So if you think as their mother, you should not feel badly because it is not wrong! In fact, it will help you make the tough decisions because unlike other aunts, you don’t get to walk away. You have to stay there and fight for what is right for them, no matter how hard they fight you back!”
“How do you always know what to say to make me feel less guilty?” I lean on his shoulder as he releases my face.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about.” He strokes my back gently.
Eva and Jackson come out. “They are asleep. Thank you again for asking me.” She hugs me on the way out.
I didn’t mean to, but as I snuggle into his side listening to an interesting case he is dealing with, I fall asleep, my mind entertaining the weirdest dream. I hear my sister’s voice telling Stephan how I am her evil side. My dream shifts to an image of Katrina as a tiny spec inside a large black bubble, but her face is unmistakable. She is adorned in a white glow, but I can see a small crimson empty bubble resonating heat, next to her. All of a sudden, Katrina becomes blurry as if hidden by an overlay. The overlay skims over Katrina’s bubble and is now impeding upon a little red glow which begins to grow, crushing the other bubble and breaking out of the black bubble which encircles them both.
Startled awake, I hear the twins crying and see Andrew heading toward their room. It’s too early for them to eat, so we cradle them until they fall asleep. Placing them in their cribs, Andrew walks back into the living room, sits and holds out his arms to me. The invitation is enticing. Crawling into his lap, my pulse quickens, he is amused.
His voice is soothing. “What had you so restless? Is it something I said? I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No. I just had a bizarre dream.”
He looks at me skeptically.
“Really, it had nothing to do with you.” I feel strange telling him, but I don’t want him thinking that it is him.
When I finish, his features register his surprise. “That is strange. It must be a twin thing. I think we all think of ourselves as the good or bad twin, especially when we are young and need to blame someone for something that goes wrong, like a broken vase.” He chuckles.
I know he is trying to make me feel better, but as I recount the dream to him, I can feel something about it tugging at my consciousness, something just out of my reach. My eyelids begin closing and I feel him shifting me so I can sleep. My mind begins to focus on all the twins surrounding me, but sometimes they seemed to meld together into one. It is very strange. My mind is definitely trying to tell me something and although its message is unclear, I’m happy that my mind is focused on this because earlier I could feel it drifting in a direction that would only get me into trouble.
Through the darkness on some level, I can hear Andrew murmuring to himself and wonder if he is also trying to keep his thoughts on track. As silence embraces me, a flicker, a golden glow is piercing the corners of my dreamless state, moving ever so slowly closer to my mind’s eye. As the glow comes into focus, so does my surroundings. The clearest of skies stretches endlessly with just a hint of night creeping in as the sun’s blazing glory sinks into the horizon. A soft, gentle breeze lifts the tendrils of my hair and causes the hem of my dress to sway against my legs. I stand on the shoreline watching the surf roll in as waves carry numerous small boats filled with men from the large ship moored off the coast. My eyes are affixed to the strong, muscular man with the most breathtaking smile. He stands at the edge of a dingy and jumps in, swimming toward me. He moves closer to shore and stands, his dark blue eyes alight with the last glimmers of the sun’s rays, his hair wet, tied back and he’s sporting more than a five o’clock shadow but not quite a beard.
As he moves through the last of the surf, I bolt quickly towards him and throw myself into his awaiting arms. His cool wet body instantly soaks m
ine, but I do not feel the cold, I’m hot, my blood overheating as his muscular arms pull me to his taut chest and desire unfurls within me. He has been gone much too long. I’ve missed him so.
His perfect lips upon mine, kissing me fiercely as he carries me back toward the sand. “Mrs. Greys you appear happy to see me,” He says, his lips still against mine. “Anxious for me or anxious to see what I have brought you from my latest conquest?” He teases.
“You, always you”
“How is my greatest treasure?” He asks placing his hand upon my bulging abdomen.
“He is doing wonderful, very active.” I smile. “Or maybe you will have a daughter this time.”
“As long as the child is healthy I will be happy. Shall I take you to the ship or shall we go home?”
“Your brother is with the children so could we go to the ship, from the look of the boats you left only a skeleton crew to unload and I have missed my husband terribly.” I wink at him and his eyes darken. He lifts me once more, moving quickly now to a boat that has just reached shore. As the men get out, he puts me in and begins rowing out.
The ship is fairly deserted. He waves off a deckhand coming toward him as we stand on deck. He is staring at me with such love and affection, desire ignites within me and I can’t wait until we get to his cabin. I run my fingers up his strong arms, across his clavicle, down his pecks, through his chest hair and down his sculpted abdomen. “You have been away far too long this time.”
As my lips touch his chest, he scoops me up in his arms and his lips crush mine. We are now standing in a darkened cabin. Setting me on my feet, he lights a small lamp casting a soft glow in the cabin and across his perfect features.
As he turns to me, I throw myself at him and we both fall onto the small hammock suspended between two poles. We are cocooned in our own little world. His strong hands cup my face, he kisses my eyes, my temple, moves slowly down my cheek and then places a gentle kiss on each corner of my mouth before crushing his lips to mine. His hands move from my face, gliding down my neck, caressing my shoulders, and my back.
As his hands glide up my spine, I feel something cold and hard traveling in their wake, but my shiver is not from the object, but being close to the man I cannot live without, the man I love more than my own life. His fingertips trace my neck and I now feel the chain hanging but my eyes refuse to leave his beautiful blue ones.
“Don’t you even want to see your present?” His tone sounds amused.
“I am enjoying my present right now.” I marvel at the exquisite feel of my husband’s sinuous arms, shoulders and back. His face sparkles with whatever gem he has just placed around my neck, but I can concentrate on nothing else. The longer he is away the more enthusiastic his return. I love this man so much.
We lay basking in our reunion. “I love you.” His eyes sparkle with joy.
“I love you and am so happy you returned home once more, unharmed, that’s all I ever want.”
“I don’t know Mrs. Greys; you seem to enjoy being close to me too.” He says teasing, gliding his fingers down my back slowly.
When my eyes open, Andrew is as still as stone, staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused. “Are you alright?” He doesn’t answer. Jumping up, I shake his shoulders calling out his name several times.
Finally, his head sweeps up to meet my anxious gaze. “I’m sorry I worried you.” He mutters distracted. I begin breathing again, not realizing I was holding my breath.
His eyes are filled with concern. He opens his mouth to say something, but seems lost and closes it again. I take his hand and gently stroke it.
“That was something wasn’t it. My voice is still breathless. I don’t know if it’s from the fright of seeing him immobile or the desire and tingling which the vision has left in its wake.
“Yes it was, but Mia, I need to know something. As it’s happening, do you feel as if you are there, because in some strange way I do? I feel everything that is going on. I don’t sleep, so I know it cannot be a dream yet in some ways it reminds me of a dream state, but much more intense. I am conscious of everything I am experiencing, feeling and seeing, but have no control over what is happening, similar to what I remember when I was human and dreaming, but it is much more vivid than any dreams I remember. In some ways it is also similar to what I first experienced with Nicholas, but not quite.” His eyes bore into mine as if he is trying to see if I feel the same way.
“I know exactly what you mean. I feel it too, but each time, I can’t help but wonder if it is a memory trying to push its way through. I know that it can’t be - can it?”
He shakes his head. “How could it be? I have existed for the past five hundred years, walking this earth as one of the dead.” I can see him shaking his head. “Yet in those images I am alive, warm blooded, different but the same.”
I interrupt. “You are not one of the dead.” I retort angrily. You are a warm, loving and giving individual who makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt and no one who is dead could do that, so stop with the self-loathing Andrew. Maybe we can’t figure this out because we don’t know enough about all that surrounds you, me and this surreal existence, but I will not have you speak about yourself like that, do you understand me.” I put my hands on my hips and lean down staring at him intently, just inches from his perfect face.
He fights to hide a smirk at my little outburst. Leaning back slightly, he holds his hands up. “I won’t say it again. I promise. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated with all of these unanswered questions and very steamy visions.” He mutters as if he is confessing to something untoward. “I just wish I had some answers or that Reginald was accessible, maybe he could shed some light on this”
I want to ask him who Reginald is as curiosity rages within me at the thought that someone may be able to shed light on this, but knowing how guilty he is feeling about what we see and experience, I fight it with every fiber of my being, beating it down, at least for now.
He rises. His anxiety and fear show clearly in his eyes. “Let me make you some coffee.” He is in the kitchen before I can even answer and I know it was right not to push him.
Wrapping my hands around the cup, I take a comforting swig.
“Why do you like that? It tastes like sludge.”
I look at him surprised that he drank it before. “How can you say that? I am convinced that this is the true nectar of the gods in all those Greek myths.”
He laughs. “Sometimes you really are so strange.”
I’m glad that we can still joke especially after our illicit encounter, but I also know from his change of subject that he is not ready to deal with this unanswerable territory.
The next day, everyone arrives. Martin and Suzanne are thrilled. My father’s eyes are somewhat unfocused and misty. I’m sure he is missing my mother. Stephan’s face looks softer and he has a gleam in his eyes as he holds Edward. When I welcome Marie, I notice a diamond ring hanging around her neck. “I’m glad you could come. I would love to show you around.”
“That would be nice.” She replies shyly.
After they get settled, Marie and I go for a walk. “Marie, I don’t mean to pry but I was wondering how it’s going for you two?”
She takes in a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m nervous, it’s been three years with just Edward and I and I can see my son getting close to Stephan but fear he could get hurt if your brother leaves again. Stephan has asked me to trust him, but I’m scared.”
“Is that why you wear the ring, I suspect he gave you, around your neck?”
“You’re very observant. I thought my best friend would ask and we could talk, but she hasn’t.”
“You could talk to me.”
She laughs. We walk around the beautiful grounds and Marie enlightens me that she is nervous about committing to Stephan for fear he will bolt again, the way he did upon learning she was pregnant to further his career.
Although I know the man she descri
bes, I see a difference in Stephan with Marie and Edward, a softness and reverence for them that I have not seen before. As we head back, I do something I never thought I would. I advocate for my brother. “Marie, I’m sure you know that my brother and I haven’t gotten along, but I can tell you that he would not have asked you if he wasn’t sure he loves you and Edward and wants to be there for you always. No one knows the future, but some things are worth the risk. Do you love him?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then I think you have your answer. If you are worried about Edward, children are more resilient than we could ever hope to be. If you both love him, give yourselves a chance to be a family.”
We reach the residency. “I’ll see you later.” She heads upstairs.
I decide to give Martin and Suzanne more time with their grandchildren and head upstairs to check on my father. As I climb the second set of stairs, Andrew comes up behind me. “Did you have a nice walk?”
“It was different. I have never advocated for Stephan before, but Marie says she loves him, so I hope I did some good.”
“Maybe they can make it work. He was playing with Edward and responds very positively toward him.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she is wearing the ring on her finger tonight at dinner.” I say with satisfaction.
Sitting on the step, he takes my hands making my pulse race. “What about you? Do you feel you are missing the opportunity to start your own real family by staying here, hoping that I can get past my fears so we can talk and enjoy a piece of the visions we share in this reality?” He smiles, but I can see the fear creeping into his eyes.
I lean over and kiss his perfect lips gently, hoping to stop him from saying another word. I know where he is going and don’t want him worrying for no reason. “Stop it right there! I told you, I do have a family and now I even have an extended family, which I must say, the extra hands are appreciated.” I chuckle. “I am very happy here and thankful for what we share.” My little devil appears. Don’t you wish you could share what you see? What are you waiting for, seduce him. He will cave, especially after last night. I quickly knock him off. “Please don’t go reading anything into what I said.”
He leans forward, kissing me tenderly, jolting my heart with its usual lightning bolt. He touches his cool forehead to mine and sighs. “It’s just that I would love to be able to give you that normal happy family, the opportunity for us to be husband and wife and raise Nicholas and Kayla as parents, for you to live your happily ever after. But I have to be realistic, we may never solve this and to leave you waiting for something that may never be within my power, it is just so wrong!” Anguish resonates in his strangled voice. “If I could push you back out into the real world, you would have that opportunity. You’re so special someone would find you. They wouldn’t be able to miss your smile, your laugh and your loving heart. Even if I could get past the fear, we would never be normal. It would only be…” He raises his hand to my cheek and closes his eyes.
I raise my hand to his lips hoping to stop his downward spiral. “Andrew, I was out in the real world and dating was not good for me. I never felt worthy enough or alive enough to get close enough to anyone. Not until I came here did I even begin to feel like a person and yes I did find that I wanted to share things with someone and by some grace beyond anything that I could ever deserve, he wants to spend time with me too.” I place my hands on his anguished face and he opens his eyes. “I know that you don’t want to hear this but, I want to share my life with you always. I understand that because of your fears that you feel the need to keep a piece of yourself back. I’m not sure that I agree, but I’m willing to wait until you are ready to talk about it, if you are ever ready. What I am not willing to do is to leave you or pretend that I want to start a life with someone else! Nor will I pretend that if you make me leave, I will remotely even consider spending my life with someone else. I am sorry if this upsets you or makes you sad, but it is the truth and I don’t want to pretend anymore. Even our visions, as strange as they are show us sharing something special, whether they’re real, dreams or whatever, they show us happy. As confounding as this may be sometimes, I am happy here with you and I will take our life together in whatever form it can come. If that means that you and I will continue on like this forever, that’s fine! If we can move forward, that would be wonderful, but I will take whatever part of you that you are comfortable sharing because honestly, what we have is more than most people could ever have, even if they lived one hundred lifetimes. As long as we are together, you need to understand that I am euphoric!”
His strong arms wrap around me, pulling me closer to him. “I don’t deserve you!” His voice exudes gratitude. He caresses my back until someone at the top of the stairs clears their throat.