“She said you call a lot,” I answered quietly.
“I just wanna make sure you’re OK; I know she can get lost in her work,” Mom said
“Runs in the family,” I said, not able to hold in the sarcasm. I swear, it was a reflex that had gotten out of control.
“Fair comeback – but I’m trying. I’ll be there tomorrow - did Kara tell you?”
“Yeah – at three, right?” I said, crossing my legs on my bed.
“Yeah, I’ll rent a car and drive to the house.”
“I’ll come get you – I have a car now,” I said, trying to sound proud of her gift.
“You do,” she said in a tender tone, “but I wanna have something to drive anyway.”
It was quiet for a second.
“So I hear you had dinner with Nana,” she said.
“I did.”
“Anything else happen?” she asked casually.
“Yeah…a lot.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I’m still trying to figure it all out, mom…but I know that…I know I forgot something that I never should have.”
“I don’t think you ever really forgot him…you may look like your dad…maybe even play like him, but that stubborn determination comes from me – you were just trying to protect the ones you love. I – I just want to make sure that the next time something like this happens, you trust me enough to tell me.”
“I do trust you,” I said in a whisper. I really wanted to let her in – but there was a wall between us, one I doubt I’d ever figure out how to climb.
I heard Kara and Draven’s hypnotic voice echoing through the house. My eyes moved to the stairs, expecting to see him there at any moment.
“What brought your memory back…the music or Draven?” she asked.
“Both…it’s not all here, though…I’m still lost.”
“I talked to Nana today; we both agree that it may not be a good idea for Draven to see what you went through – she said she’d help you work through it…please let her.”
“I will,” I said as Draven reached the top step of my room.
I smiled at him and mouthed the word ‘mom’. A smile beamed across his face, and my heart started to pound. He walked quietly to my side and sat down next to me, leaning back on his arms. I breathed in the addicting aroma of his cologne, and my eyes dared to glance over his perfect body. His jeans were loose, but his dark green T-shirt seemed to cling to him in all the right places. I felt heat rise in my cheeks as I looked into his captivating eyes as they stared intently at me.
“Is he there now?”
“Yeah, he just got here,” I said, smiling at him.
He reached for my hand and kissed my fingertips gently, sending a warm sensation to every part of my body.
“OK… well, listen, if the weather gets really bad – just stay there. I don’t want you two trying to get across that creek in the middle of a storm. I think we need to look into replacing the floor in that bridge this summer; the rising water over the years has made the wood weak.”
“Maybe we should just stay here,” I said, glancing at my side at Draven. He furrowed his eyebrows to question what my mom was saying.
“No…you need to see Nana…to learn to see again.”
I swallowed as I felt my stomach tie itself in knots; I was sure she’d never acknowledged ‘seeing’ around me.
“Can you see?” I asked timidly.
Draven sat up and stared at me with wide eyes.
She was quiet for a second, then said, “We’ll talk about that tomorrow…I want you to play for me.”
“You really are serious about that, aren’t you?” I asked as fear came over my expression.
I was making Draven uneasy. I put my hand on his knee to tell him I was fine.
“Very…” she said as she let an uneasy breath out.
“OK,” I said as a timid smile came to the corners of my lips.
“Ask Draven to come to dinner with us tomorrow…I want to thank him for bringing you back.”
“K”
“Love you, Charlie.”
“Love you.”
“I’ll see you soon,” she said as she hung up the phone.
I slowly let the phone down and slid the bar to end the call.
“Are you OK?” Draven asked as he slowly rubbed his hand across my back.
“I can’t believe she wants me to play for her,” I answered, looking at him.
A smile spread across his addictive image. “Maybe some good will come out of all of this.”
“I don’t think I can,” I said, trying to smile.
“I know you can,” he said as he leaned in to kiss my lips. He reached his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. As our lips moved against each other, my head spun. Everything about him was so insanely addicting; it was like he was the air I was breathing in. It was impossible to care about someone more than I cared about him – I knew the risk of losing him was too great. I had to fight Bianca on my own.
Our kiss slowed, then I pulled away and laid my head on his shoulder. I felt his arms tighten around me. I let my lips touch his warm neck, then whispered, “I’m sorry…for everything.”
He leaned his shoulder back, causing me to look up. He then put his hands on either side of my face. “Don’t be sorry…I know,” his eyes looked over every part of my face. “I know you had your reasons.”
I let a breath out, then leaned forward and stole one more kiss before I stood and grabbed my bag. “I want to see…” I looked around at the thin air chasing the guitar that had fallen into the background. “I want to see everything.”
The sound of the guitar erupted, as if to encourage me. Draven looked around himself, then grinned slightly as he stood. I reached for his hand. He nodded once, then gently pulled me to the stairs.
Kara was on the phone in the kitchen. I could tell she was talking to her husband because everything she was saying was at the speed of light, describing some creative flow she must have had today. Her husband, Robert, was the only one that seemed to understand her when she talked like that. I used to think it was because he was a writer, too, but now I’m not so sure. She asked him to hold on, then looked at us as we walked in the kitchen.
“Did you talk to mom?” she asked.
“I just got off the phone with her,” I answered.
“Good,” she said, smiling. “Be careful; it’s getting bad out there again.”
I stared at her for a second and let my eyes say thank you for not telling mom or Draven about Bianca. I think she understood what I wasn’t saying because she nodded, then waved us to go on.
Draven nodded at her, then led me to the backdoor; as soon as we stepped on the steps, the guitar faded, and for a second I heard silence. Draven gripped my hand and led me past my car to his Hummer, which was just outside of the garage. I studied the shadows of the trees across the pavement, then I heard the whispers begin. At first, I was sure they weren’t in English, but then I heard: “...Come, Charlie…take us.” They hissed in overlapping taunts.
I shook my head and glared at the thin air around me. Draven opened the door for me. Once I climbed in, he reached over me and turned the key, causing the music to come on. He looked at me as he climbed down. “No one’s taking you – that’s not what they mean.”
Shock came over my face as he closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. My heart was beating violently against my chest. I was terrified that these demons could tear us apart – that they could tell him that Britain existed – I told myself that he’d never believe them over and over as he climbed in and pulled his belt across himself.
As he reached for my hand, I took his and squeezed it. “Promise?” I whispered.
He brought my hand to his lips “Promise,” he said against my skin.
“When you teach me to see – when I see them – will I be able to handle it?” I asked in a shaky voice.
He turned the radio down slightly and looked a
t me. “They’re more afraid of what we are than you are of them.”
“What are we?” I asked timidly.
“Wide awake,” he answered in a serious tone.
“Is that bad?”
“No – the beauty we see is just as powerful as the darkness.”
“How do we fight this? I mean, are we supposed to run – hide behind music and fool ourselves into thinking it’s not real?”
“We face it – it’s a war of souls – the only strength you need is your mind.”
I looked through the windshield at the shadows that were lingering around the driveway. I felt hopeless and full of dread.
“How can you face something you can’t see? There are so many – I can’t even make out what they’re all saying most of the time.”
“They’re fooling you, Charlie – there are never as many as you think – they play off your fears – they read every part of you…out of all of us. You’ve been able to protect your mind the best – you hide behind a song you hear – the song that’s playing inside your house right now…when you feel the darkness trying to invade, you remember it – you see yourself playing it, and that causes a wall to come up – from behind the music, you can still see what you need to fight, but you’re protected.”
“I don’t get it…I have no memory of playing that song.”
“I don’t think you’ve played in real life…you said it was too sacred…but maybe you should.”
I glided my head from side to side as I looked at him. I knew he was asking too much of me. Out of everything I needed to remember – playing was the last thing on my list.
“Can you remember it clearly now?” he asked, looking through the windshield.
I nodded.
“Alright…,” he said as he unfastened his belt. “Focus on that – we’re about to make this soul remember who he is,” he said, reaching for his door.
I lunged across the seat and grabbed his arm. “Wait - are you crazy?! I don’t wanna see this – I’m not ready – I don’t even know how!”
He let go of the handle and looked at me calmly. “Yes, you do…” he reached for my hand, and his fingertips began to circle across my skin. “It doesn’t matter who you meet - dead or alive – you have the power to see everything that’s brought them to that point. All you have to do is listen.”
“Listen? Draven – I don’t want to do this!” I said in a panicked tone, reaching to turn the radio up just to reassure myself that I couldn’t hear the whispers.
He turned it down, then let out a breath. “You can do this…you taught me….before you figured it out, we just hid. When you listen – you see. You won’t be standing in this driveway – you’ll be standing in the center of every single memory this soul has.”
I shook my head as tears started to glass over my eyes. I was terrified.
He leaned closer to me and stared intently into my eyes.
“Breathe,” he whispered.
I let out a breath that I had been holding, but every part of me grew tense.
“All you have to do is search the memories…find a point before they lost their way…say one word - the name of a loved one, pet, a place, a toy – something that will cause them to remember the emotion they had at that point – if you pick the right emotion - they’ll be flooded with peace – they’ll see how and when they took the wrong path, and with… free will…they’ll change their course…I can’t tell you how many souls you’ve helped – dead and alive.”
“Dead?” I said breathlessly.
“You’ve helped more of the dead than the alive…they’re easier to save.”
“How?” I asked breathlessly as horrible images of demons raced through my imagination.
“You can see deeper into the dead – they have no secrets. The living…,” he paused as his eyes slowly moved across my face, “we do…and we hide things from ourselves – from others.” He tilted his head slightly as his eyes stared deep into mine.“There’s a soul behind what you hear…that’s what you said to me…you convinced all of us that we were gifted – not cursed. Because of you…so many have found their way. Listen…what is your soul telling you? Do you not feel pulled to help – to protect?”
Down deep – I mean really deep inside, I felt this pull – this desire to fight – to end darkness, but everywhere else I was horrified. I didn’t want to do this. “What if I can’t see? What if they just attack? They’ve been violent before.”
“It’s all in your mind. Charlie – they’ve been violent because you’re scared and they can see that – they sense it – and they reflected the emotion you had - all you have to do to see is …listen.”
“I can’t,” I said again.
He reached for his door and climbed out. My heart was beating violently against my chest – I thought I was going to be sick from all of the adrenaline racing through my body. Draven opened my door and reached for my hand.
“I will never let anything hurt you – right now, I have no idea what you’re hiding from me – but I have to know that you can defend your mind – your soul.”
I could see his eyes pleading with me to tell him what I knew – who I was fighting, but I couldn’t find the courage – right now, I’d rather look a demon in the eye than confess.
I took his hand and slid down. The whispers laughed and mocked, “Come, Charlie.”
Draven took my hand and pulled me to a part of the driveway that was shadowed by the trees. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as tight as he could and whispered, “Breathe,” in my ear.
I let another breath out as I watched the shadows slither across the pavement.
“Play the song in your mind,” he whispered against my neck. “Do you hear it?”
I nodded, feeling the warm sensation of his breath.
Draven squeezed his arms around me, then in a demanding tone he said, “Show yourself.”
I held in my breath as I saw the shadows across the ground begin to move together; within an instant, they were mocking the image of a man. I couldn’t see any of his features; it was just dark. Behind this image, I could hear the mocking laugh and annoying hiss.
“Listen,” Draven whispered into my ear. “Look past the darkness and listen – who was he – how did he get here?”
“Charlie…,” the image hissed at me.
I focused on the music in my mind – my song. I felt a protection and confidence – I felt like I was looking through glass – like I had a shield. As soon I felt that, I stood up straighter and found my breath. I listened and stared forward - all of a sudden, I didn’t feel Draven’s arms around me...I didn’t see the driveway or the image...it was like I was standing in glow and a life that didn’t belong to me was sliding before me.
This man had lived hundreds of years ago…somewhere in the east. He had been on his own most of his life - never had a wife – a child – he couldn’t clearly recall his parents – in his mind, they had left him. He lived his life in anger, full of hate…always struggling to survive. As I searched deeper in his life, I could see an older woman rocking him to sleep as a child. I listened to what she said and repeated it slowly: ‘je vous amie ma beaute douce.’
I said the words over and over again as I watched the woman rock this little boy. I pulled myself out of that illusion and focused on the figure in front of me. It was no longer a dark shadow - it was man, and his whispers were silent. He gazed into my eyes, as if to beg me to say the words again. ‘je vous amie ma beaute douce,’ I repeated. The man before me began to grow younger, and before my eyes he turned into the child I saw the woman rocking in my vision. This child smiled slightly at me, then turned to leave; he vanished at that moment.
I stood in shock as I listened to the silence. I felt Draven’s arms loosen as he stepped in front of me. I looked into his eyes to find a pride that I didn’t think I deserved.
“What did I say?” I asked in daze as I replayed what had happened in my mind.
“’I love you, my sw
eet beauty’…you made him remember the only woman that ever really loved him: his grandmother.”
“Do I speak French?” I asked, mystified.
“Not well,” he said, an impish grin spreading across his face.
I looked all around us. “It’s quiet,” I mumbled.
“For now…more will come – you just lashed out at the darkness – it will send more… and then more.”
“French?” I questioned, wondering if that was why, at times, I couldn’t understand what the whispers were saying.
“We see images from all over the world – when they speak our language, they’re only repeating the fears we have…they’re under the command of something dark – all we have to do is make them realize that they don’t have to be.”
“Madison said you see something darker than me – how?” I asked as I grew more terrified for him.
He reached his arms for my waist and pulled me closer to him. “I see all the dark moments they lived through…their nightmares…I step into the darkest part of their life....but you helped me understand how to help them through what I saw – I take their fears and give them a reason to find a way out.”
“How dangerous is this? I mean, where do we go – are we here, or is this only in our mind?”
“It can be dangerous if we forget that it’s not our life – if we try to change it for them. They have to change – just like with the living – free will of the soul is the only thing that can save them.”
“I can’t let anything happen to you,” I whispered as I gazed up into his eyes.
“I know when to get out – when to look away. I never let their nightmares consume me…I promise.”
I looked down. “You could literally spend all day doing this – there has to be countless souls,” I said as grief absorbed me and I felt an indescribable desire to fight for redemption.
He nodded. “There are. You have to understand that sometimes….sometimes, walking through the mind of another can be painful – dangerous…we don’t help everyone….we have to protect ourselves. We’ve been trying to spend more time helping those that are still here….it hasn’t worked out so well, though.”
“I can do that with everyone? You can see everything? All my fears - memories?” I asked as panic came over me. I knew if that were true, he already knew about Britain.