“Yea, you are.”
He stopped pacing, but still didn’t speak. Was I supposed to guess what the variable was? I knew if two people wanted each other the way these two did, I didn’t understand what could possibly be keeping them apart. Angel turned to face me; he crossed his arms over his chest. I knew any talk of him and Jas was done. Not like we really started to, but I knew the inquisition about me was about to come.
“Why exactly are you here Chase?”
“Dropped your sister off.”
He scoffed, “The sun is about to come up. Where the hell were you dropping her off from?”
“Well genius, if you remember, you were drinking and then just disappeared. She was scared for you and she needed someone to talk to.”
“And that requires you to be without a shirt? The fuck is going on between you two?”
“Not my place to tell you.”
“Come on Chase, don’t give me that shit. I asked Jay the same question and he lied to me. Don’t make the same mistake he did. I’m asking you man to man. What’s going on?”
The infamous scandal between Jay and Angel: I knew why Angel worried and back then. Yea, he was in the right; in a sense. No one wants their little sister messing with any of their friends, but Jay never should have lied to him in the beginning and it might not have turned out so bad. “Well then listen; I’m going to tell you man to man. I like her you know that. I kind of always did. But nothing is going on, through no fault of my own. But I think you need to relax considering who you‘re chasing now.”
He gave me a once over, probably trying to figure out if I was telling the truth or not. He dropped his arms to the side and grabbed his car keys. “I respect that, but I‘m not chasing her.”
“Maybe you need to.”
He just shook his head and went to leave, but before he left, he turned back to me, “You really want my sister?”
“All due respect Marine, I‘m not having that conversation with you right now.”
He chuckled, “I don‘t remember you being that much of a bitch.”
“Man, I‘m not a bitch, I‘m just not stupid; remember I was the smartest one out of the bunch. You‘re a hot head under the best of circumstances, you’re a little messed up in the head right now. I would be all types of dumb to have a conversation with you about Kris at the moment.”
He started laughing, “Chase is scared. It‘s a good look for you, it brings out your feminine side. Yo, come take a drive.”
I chuckled, “You insult me and now you want me to go somewhere with you? Is this your way of trying to make me disappear, Marine?”
“Come on, don’t be such a punk.”
I made my way past Angel and out the door. He had better have a good reason for wanting to go for a damn drive at the crack of dawn. If it was to put me in a ditch for contemplating messing with his sister, I was going to fuck him up.
CHAPTER 14
Sleeping was out of the question. I couldn’t sleep even though I was mentally drained; my mind was not ready to shut down. What the hell was I doing pressuring Angel like that? It was wrong even to think about using him. How could I ever think it was going to be just about sex with him? How could I possibly even think that I wouldn’t want more than just erasing a bad memory? This was Angel and me. It would always be more.
Angel knew I wasn’t ready for him. He startled me with that kiss and I panicked. This shit was so old. It was clear Angel wouldn’t hurt me. Anyway, I practically threw myself at him and he still walked away. Most guys would have jumped on it and not cared about the consequences. But Angel knew. He didn’t let his body rule him and take advantage of the situation. I was grateful for that and was wrong to goad him into trying to sleep with me.
I was so ready for this to be over. I was tired of being afraid, period. It was taking entirely too much time and energy to live this way. I wanted a change. I wish I hadn’t stopped living or lived differently because some dickhead didn’t understand the word no. I’ve never played the victim well; I refused to ever be one. However, for the past four years that’s all I’ve been doing and I haven’t been happy. My brother always said “if you’re gonna go through life, you might as well be happy because no one gives a shit that you’re miserable.” And he was right; I should be happy. This dick wasn’t coming back. I knew that, I could control that. So why not live and let go?
One thing for certain, I needed to do it on my own. Trying to get Angel to save me or anybody else for that matter, was wrong. It wasn’t his burden to bear; besides, life had already proven that people weren’t always going to be there when you needed them. I needed to do this for me. It wasn’t going to be easy and it wasn’t going to happen overnight. But I was ready to take my life back. I used to be a force when I was younger: whatever I set my mind to, I did. This wasn’t going to be any different. Just a little harder. Nevertheless, the alternative to not trying to be happier and not be afraid wasn’t worth it.
I got up and made my way into the kitchen. Kristal was sitting at the table. Given the hour in the morning it was, she had either never gotten to sleep or something was wrong. “You’re up awfully early Kris. Did you even sleep?”
“I always get up early.”
“Since when?”
She shrugged, “A while now.”
It was then that I realized that Kristal and I had veered off into two different paths in the last four years. And yea, I get it; life happens. People tend to go in different directions. It doesn’t usually mean anything but this was different. This girl was my constant, my best friend, my sister. How much had changed that I didn’t even realize she got up early now or even why she was getting up early now? Was I wallowing that much in my self-pity and misery? Shit, how did I ever survive the past for years without her? Looks like I need to repair a lot in my life.
“Kris what happened to us?”
She looked at me confused, “Should I pretend I know what you’re talking about?”
“When did we stop being friends?”
“Are you on drugs? You‘re in my house, in my kitchen talking to me; what would make you think we‘re not friends?”
I walked over to the table and sat down. How could she not see we knew nothing about each other⎼ nothing about who we were as people now? All I knew was who she used to be. “When was the last time you and I talked? Like actually talked?”
“Honestly? About four years ago.”
“And you see nothing wrong with that?”
“Great friends don’t need to talk or see each other every day.”
“Kris, I saw you damn near every day for the past four years. I can’t even tell you what we did or what we talked about.”
She let out a breath, “Jas what do you expect? You were raped. The dynamic of our friendship was going to change. You were no longer the same person you were before, and that was okay. You needed to heal Jas. We weren’t going to be the same way we were; you weren’t the same.”
And that was the problem. That incident changed every aspect of my life. This part was the worst of it. Well losing my brother was the worst, but losing the friendship Kris and me shared was hard. It’s amazing how one thing could alter so many. I think that’s what killed me each day on the inside, after it happened. I had nothing familiar around me to help me bounce back. Being raped rocked me to my core but not having anything familiar around me anymore made it worse. Because of that one incident, everything changed. Everything was taken away from me. Every constant I had up until then was gone. It was well past time I got an ounce of it back.
“Kris, can I ask you something? If I told you I wanted your brother, what would you tell me?”
She outright started laughing. “It’s a little late to be asking me that Jas. You just came out his room in his shirt. Um, don’t think my opinion matters much here.”
“Um, actually, it kind of does, he’s your brother. And we didn’t do anything.” I had to laugh; the look on Kristal’s face was priceless. She was shocked and
confused at the same time.
“What do you mean you didn’t do anything? You didn’t? He didn’t try? What happened?”
I just shook my head. Kris and her responses to shit were always priceless. “I’ve missed you Kris. Cliff notes? He told me no.”
“He told you what? We’re talking about Angel . . . my brother? Angel Torres? Yes? You sure you heard him correctly?”
“Yes I did. He’s been pulling away from me since he’s been home. I think we’re going somewhere; and then he just pulls away. I mean I guess it makes sense. I’m not really . . . well I wasn’t really ready for him in any aspect.”
“Jas I’m sorry.”
“Your apologizing means that you do have problem with me and him then?” I guess I had to respect that. She didn’t want me with her brother; it made sense. Things could get messy if it ended badly; things would change for the worse again.
“No Jas, it’s not that; look when he first got home and he was chasing you around, I had a huge problem with it.”
“Why?”
“Look you’re like my sister and I love you. My problem was never on your end. My problem was with Angel. I know Jay never told you, probably because he didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. But I’m essentially the reason Jay and Angel were no longer friends.”
I wanted to bring Jay back just to beat the shit out of him. They ended a lifelong friendship over a chick? Granted it was Kristal but still, a female! Oh these stupid, stupid shit heads. But wait; why would Kris ever even cause a rift between the two of them? Unless of course, “Dude, you and my brother were having sex?”
“I would like to think it was more than sex. One day we were friends and then it just happened. No one ever really knew for a while. I guess we were getting cocky and not paying attention because Angel knew something was up. One day he asked Jay out right if there was something going on. Jay told him no. You know to this day, I can’t figure out why Jay even lied to Angel about it. Jay never lied; your brother never pulled his punches. I think, maybe if he hadn’t lied, the fallout wouldn’t have been so bad.”
“How did Angel find out?”
“He caught us. It was one of those days when we were in the park playing handball; it was just rotten timing. Jay stole a quick kiss and Angel turned around just in time to see it.”
I must have been living under a damn rock all this time. How the hell did I not know my best friend and brother were seeing each other? “So wait, let me see if I can get all this together. You were dating my brother. Angel didn’t like you dating my brother. Jay and Angel stopped talking because you and Jay were together. So now Angel won’t try to do anything with me because I’m Jay’s sister, and I’m guessing because it wouldn’t be fair to you or Jay?”
“Pretty much.”
When the hell did life get so complicated? Or was it always like this? A headache was starting to creep its way up to my frontal lobe. It was too early to process all this shit with no sleep. Jay and Kristal, and I never knew. “You know you’re both fucked up for not telling me.”
“It started out as a fling. Why say something if we weren’t sure? Look how Angel responded.”
“One, you both know me better than that. I would have welcomed it with open arms. Angel is a hothead; any little thing sets him off. And in all honesty, Angel probably reacted like that only because Jay lied.” I still couldn’t wrap my head around Jay lying. He was brutally honest, always, and he hated liars. So what the hell would possess him to lie like that? “He never told you why he lied to Angel?”
She shrugged, “No and I haven’t been able to figure it out since. But that’s not important now. Look, in the beginning when Angel first got home, I was angry at him for going after you, for a lot of reasons, some more obvious than others. However, after hearing what I heard last night, I think he needs you. I think you need each other. I think you will be able to heal one another. I didn’t get a chance to see if Jay and I could be anything for a lot reasons. You’ve been through too much not to get a chance at being happy. But Jas let me ask you, do you really want him?”
That was the question. What did I really want? I loved him. That much I knew, but it wasn’t a passionate all-consuming love. Not yet, at least; it was a love you have for someone who has been engraved in your life for as long as you could remember. I was attracted to him; I mean what girl wasn’t? Angel was gorgeous and he seemed to be able to set my body on fire. I thought I would never be able to do that again after the attack.
“Jasmine, do you want to be with my brother?”
“Honestly? I want to be able to want him without the fear of what happened to me getting in the way. I want the chance to want to be with him.”
“That’s not good enough and let me tell you why.” Kris stood up to walk over to my side of the table and got in my face. It wasn’t meant to be threatening; I knew that because her eyes were soft with concern. “Last night, my brother said he didn’t believe he was good enough for you. That’s a crock of shit. Angel is too good for any chick, except you Jasmine.
I’ve seen you two; as much as I didn’t want to admit it, you complement each other. So if you really want him, you need to be so sure about this and you need to go get him Jasmine. But before you do, I want you to tell me this is what you really want, because I’ll be damn if you’ll do this half-assed and you both wind up hurting each other in the process. So tell Jasmine, do you really want to be with Angel?”
Kristal wasn’t playing and she wasn’t going to let me leave without a truthful answer. She loved her brother and even though we were friends, she’d kill me if I hurt him in any way. So what was the answer? I wanted to live my life again the way I wanted. My past was no longer in control of my present or at least I was trying to make it that way. So what would I do if I had no past to interfere with what I wanted? I looked at Kris and smiled, “I want him and I plan to get him.”
The door opened and Chase walked in, “Well, it’s about damn time you got with the program Jas.”
I chuckled, “Remember what I told you Chase, if I have to try, then so do you.”
CHAPTER 15
Angel
It had been a couple of weeks since I saw Jasmine. I made it my business to avoid her. Chase called me a coward and a bitch. I told him to fuck off, he had no clue what was going on. I couldn’t be around her without wanting to mount her. Every time I was near her, I got hard as a pike and could barely think about anything but getting inside her. I wanted her tied to a bed, shit even a damn chair just so I could sit there and ravish her body. I haven’t even had a chance to really taste her yet and already she was in blood. I was so addicted to her. But I had to wait, I couldn’t have her yet. She wasn’t ready and I still wasn’t sure I wouldn’t lose control with her. I didn’t want to chance bringing the past back to her in a moment that was supposed to be about us. So I had to do what I hated to do, and that was wait.
My parents were throwing a BBQ and everyone was there. Jasmine was off talking to my sister. It was then that I noticed something was different about her. There was a sense of calm and ease about her now that wasn’t there when I first came home. Here confidence seemed to be back. It was vibrating off her in waves as she stood there in a holey shirt with a tank underneath and light blue jean shorts that showed off her mile long legs. My mouth went dry at the sight of them. What wouldn’t I give to be in between them? “You keep starting at her like that and you’re going to burn a hole right through her.”
“Not starting at anyone, Chase.”
“You’re slipping Marine; everyone here can tell you have eyes for Jasmine.”
“What’s your point Chase?”
“That maybe you should stop staring and do something. I’ve never known you to be a pussy.”
“Not being a pussy. There ain‘t nothing going on.” Yet, hopefully, soon there would be. Chase laughed, “Never knew you to be a liar either. But if you are telling the truth I’m sure you won’t mind Tony’s cousin, Alex talking to
her then.”
Jasmine was an adult and she could talk to whoever she wanted to. I didn’t care; nope not one damn bit. It did not bother me at all that Tony’s cousin whatever the douche’s name was, was talking to Jasmine. Nope, I didn’t care that Jasmine was laughing at whatever that douche bag said.
Tony’s cousin seemed to be getting closer to her., Did that prick not understand personal space? He bent down and kissed her cheek entirely too damn close to her lips. Jasmine looked a little shocked but smiled a small sweet smile at him. I wanted to beat this kid and then drag her off somewhere away from other guys.
“Jasmine!” I winced. I wasn’t trying to call her attention to me. I was happy to stare from afar. She turned, looking at me and waving. Her soft sexy lips pulled into a smile that lit up her entire face. My breath caught, I hadn’t seen Jasmine smile like that since forever. That smile that made her whole face seem young and carefree, she was so beautiful. Some weird part of me wanted to be the one to put that smile on her face always.
She excused herself and headed my way. Each step she took on her long gorgeous legs made my dick twitch. I purposely went to fuck that redhead from the gym to sate this damn lust. So when I saw Jasmine, or even spoke to her again, the blood would stay in my brain and not the southern region of my body. A whole week fucking that redhead! There was no reason that just the mere sight of Jasmine could get me this hard. I’ll bet she didn’t even understand the shit she was doing to me or had the power to do to me. She stopped in front of me; she made a move to hug me but then thought better of it. Thank you baby Jesus for small favors. Had she touched me, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.
“Hey Angel, Chase.” Chase was laughing; I didn’t see anything funny. The bastard was getting senile.
“Hey Jas remember what I said? I need you to go easy on our boy here. I don‘t think he‘s going to make it.” He walked up to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek.
He seemed to linger there too long for comfort, “You can leave now Chase.” The bastard had the balls to laugh even harder before walking away.