We had to wait ten minutes for one to open up, but it was so worth it. I was actually able to take off my jacket and gloves. I kept my knitted cap on, trying to retain any heat my body might absorb from the fire.
After we’d given the waitress our order, Tara said, “I know this is supposed to be your day, Shaun, but there are so many little shops—”
Shaun gave her a quick kiss.
No doubt to shut her up. What guy wanted to spend his day shopping?
He pulled his PDA out of his jacket pocket and started tapping the stylus against it. Then he showed it to Tara.
She gave a little squeal before looking at me with a huge smile. “Number one on his list of things to do is ‘Let Tara shop.’”
Squeezing his arm, she kissed him.
Okay, so maybe I was starting to get the attraction to Shaun. His idea of having a great time seemed to be making sure that Tara was happy.
I glanced over at Josh. “Did you know about the shopping?”
“Nah, but I’m cool with it.”
Lunch was tasty, but when we were finished, I sorta hated to leave the warmth of the fireplace. I prolonged it as long as I could by ordering dessert: apple cobbler. But I skipped the à la mode part. I couldn’t believe the waitress had even asked if I wanted ice cream.
Then she looked at Josh and winked. “Two spoons?”
“Sure,” he said, like we were a couple, used to sharing.
I would have protested, but it seemed petty. Besides, Tara and Shaun were sharing.
When I saw how large the bowls were, I was glad I had someone to help me eat it. It was scrumptious with a lot of brown sugar crumbs. And it was hot. Anything hot was good.
Which meant Josh was good. I nearly choked with that thought.
He looked up at me. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You mind sharing the cobbler?”
“No, not at all.”
“Thanks. I could die from boredom shopping, so this could be my last meal.”
Grinning, I tapped my spoon against the side of the bowl. “You worry a lot about last meals.”
“Hey, you never know.”
“Actually, I do know. You’re not going to die from boredom.”
I dipped out some cobbler. Some of the melted butter and sugar dripped on my chin. I wiped at it with my napkin.
“You missed some,” Josh said.
He grazed his thumb near the corner of my mouth. I swallowed hard. It didn’t mean anything, I told myself. So why did my toes curl?
“There,” he said.
And while I was still recovering from his touch, he finished off the cobbler, looking smug.
I wanted to accuse him of distracting me on purpose, but that would mean acknowledging that he had the power to distract me. As a rule, guys didn’t distract me. They interested me…if I wanted to be interested.
With Josh, I always felt like I had no control.
Once we finished dessert, I couldn’t put it off any longer. We paid for our meal, bundled up, and strolled through a square that had all kinds of shops. I was very aware that Tara and Shaun were holding hands, while Josh and I weren’t.
At one point my gloved hand bumped up against his and I jumped. It was embarrassing. I could watch a horror movie without closing my eyes, but I was all jumpy just walking with a guy. It made no sense.
“So.” Josh cleared his throat as we walked along the cobblestone pavement. “You and Chase. I guess you’ve run your course.”
I peered over at him. “What?”
He held up a bare finger. Why didn’t he need gloves? “Date one, the hayride. Date two, V.P. And you’re a two-date girl, right?”
“Usually, yeah. But I’m not sure V.P. really counted, since I spent more time visiting with Tara than I did with Chase. And he and Shaun were palling around, so if he asks, I’ll go out with him again.”
“You would?”
Would I?
“Yeah, probably,” I said.
“You really like him?”
“I like him,” I clarified. “He gets the whole not-wanting-to-date-the-same-person-over-and-over thing.”
“Yeah, but doesn’t that limit…” His voice trailed off.
“Limit what?”
He cleared his throat again. “The first time you kiss someone it’s kinda awkward. So isn’t your life just filled with awkward first kisses?”
“You and I weren’t awkward.”
The words popped out before I could stop them. Ours had been so not awkward—at least not until I realized I was suddenly the other woman.
“No,” he said, and his gaze dropped to my lips, which made them do that whole irritating tingling thing. “It wasn’t.”
His voice had gone deep like he might be strangling. He cleared his throat again. Maybe he was coming down with whatever Nathalie had been sick with.
“Hey, guys!” Tara called out. “There’s a mirror maze over here. Shaun wants to go through it. You wanna come?”
“Sure,” Josh said, taking my hand before I could respond. “It’ll be fun.”
I wasn’t sure if his taking my hand was calculated or done without thought. But it seemed right as we headed to the building. Only when we got there, we saw that it was closed. The sign said they were only open May through October.
“That sucks!” Shaun exclaimed.
Who’d have thought he’d get emotional over mirrors?
“We’ll come back in the summer,” Tara said.
How could she be so sure they’d still be together come summer?
Nodding, Shaun drew her up against his side. “Sounds like a plan, babe.”
He sounded equally certain. I just couldn’t fathom that.
For the first time in my life, I felt a flicker of regret that I’d been so insistent on not having a boyfriend. I had no one to make plans with for next week, much less next summer.
“You okay?” Josh asked.
“Oh, yeah, I’m just sorry it’s closed.”
“Well, maybe we—” He stopped. Swallowed. “Maybe when they come back, you can go with them.”
And I knew then he’d been about to say that he and I could come back sometime. Before he’d remembered that we couldn’t. That I wouldn’t.
“Have you ever been inside?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s pretty awesome.”
We all started walking around again, but Josh didn’t let go of my hand. And while I knew that I should pull free, I didn’t.
It was a couple of hours before we walked to the public garage where Josh kept his car. And—it was a red Ford Mustang.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
He seemed to be asking me that a lot today, but then I realized that my hand was aching from squeezing his so tightly.
“It’s my favorite kind of car,” I admitted. “And my favorite color.”
“Mine, too. On both counts. It was an early graduation present from Dad, which really puts the pressure on me now to graduate.”
“Is there a chance you won’t?”
He grinned. “Nah.”
“You’d better drive it carefully,” I said.
He gave me a really hot grin. “Careful is boring.”
Tara and Shaun climbed into the back and I slid into the passenger seat. I took off my glove and ran my hand over the dash. Then I buckled up and listened to the car purr as Josh revved up the engine.
But it was just for show.
Once he started to back out, he did drive carefully. Mainly because the streets were slick. I was surprised that the bridge was open for traffic. Only a few cars were out, so I relaxed and enjoyed the ride.
It had begun to grow dark already. The bridge lights came on as we were driving over it. It was beautiful from a distance, but amazing up close. When we got back to Chateau Ashleigh, I was going to have to thank Shaun for this day.
“Winter’s the worst time to drive around, but any other season, it’s great. And each season is so different,” Josh s
aid. “Maybe sometime…”
He left it unfinished, but I knew what he’d been about to say. That dangling date thing again. A date that would never happen, because he had a girlfriend.
I didn’t answer. I don’t know why. Maybe I didn’t want to completely destroy the possibility that someday we might take another drive together.
19
It was harder than I thought it would be to watch Tara leave the next morning. Before the Wynters had arrived at the house to begin work, Tara, Shaun, and I took a taxi to the airport. While Shaun went to check in their bags, I asked Tara something I hadn’t been in the mood to know the answer to last night.
“Going to the mainland, driving across the bridge, that wasn’t Shaun’s idea, was it?”
“He mentioned he wanted to do it.”
She looked guilty.
“Okay, inviting Josh…Shaun’s idea?”
She scrunched up her face. “Let’s just say, Shaun knew he’d be interested, and I knew you’d have a good time with him. And we did need someone with a car.”
“He has a girlfriend.”
Tara looked at the ground.
“Tara?”
She lifted her gaze to mine. “Shaun told me something but I can’t tell you. It’s a guy to girlfriend thing. Just…just don’t count yesterday out as a date.”
“What are you talking about?”
She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Shaun returned.
“Hey, babe, the puddle-jumper’s ready for us.”
She laughed nervously. “That’s what he calls the small planes.”
I wasn’t sure if she was nervous about flying or nervous because she’d almost gotten caught telling me something she wasn’t supposed to. And I probably wouldn’t know until she got home tonight, and I could call her when Shaun wasn’t around.
I gave her a tight hug. “Thanks so much for coming.”
I even hugged Shaun. I had a feeling I needed to thank him for something, but I wasn’t exactly sure what.
I stayed and watched until the plane lifted into the sky.
Then I rode the taxi back to Chateau Ashleigh, paid the driver, and got out. I had to admit it was kinda cool to travel over the snow, to have a place that looked so peaceful. And I was getting used to the quiet. The island was almost beginning to feel familiar. And after having my best friend here for a few days, our cottage was actually starting to feel like…home.
I opened the gate, took a step, and—
Bam!
Something hit me in the side of the head.
Rubbing my head, I turned slightly. Nathalie was standing there with a red, red nose and red eyes. What was up with that?
Corey and Shanna were with her. I guess they’d been hiding behind a tree or a mound of snow or something. I hadn’t seen them when I arrived.
“I’ve never been in a snowball fight,” I said smiling, walking toward them. “Are there rules?”
“You bitch!” Nathalie yelled. “You think I don’t know you’re the reason my boyfriend broke up with me?”
“Josh broke up with you?”
She nodded her head so fast that I was surprised it didn’t fly off.
I had a lot more questions, but when three girls start pelting you with snowballs—and they’re way more experienced at it than you are—talking is the last thing on your mind.
Running is the first.
And run I did. Straight into the house.
“This island isn’t big enough for the both of us!” Nathalie yelled after me.
Did she really just say that?
Breathing heavily, I slammed the door closed behind me.
Was that what Tara had known? The guy code that had become a guy-girlfriend code? That Josh was going to break up with Nathalie?
And I was the reason?
I was scared. Did he expect me to become his girlfriend now?
I wasn’t going to do that, no matter how much I liked him. I wasn’t ready for a boyfriend. I wasn’t ready for that whole clingy he-is-my-world kind of thing.
I heard Mom’s laughter floating out from the kitchen, followed by Mr. Wynter’s. That meant Josh was here.
I dashed up the stairs and found him painting another guestroom, his back to me.
“You broke up with Nathalie?” I demanded.
Holding the paint roller, he turned from the wall. He didn’t deny it, and I didn’t really need to hear his answer. The answer was a shattered snowball caught inside the collar of my coat and sliding down my back and sending shivers up my spine. “What did you tell her? She hates me. She thinks I’m the reason that you broke up with her.”
Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes with obvious exasperation—only I didn’t know if it was at me or at her.
“I didn’t tell her that,” he said.
“What did you say?”
He set the paint roller aside and took a step toward me. I held up my hand to stop him.
“You’re shivering,” he said. “We need to get you in front of a fire.”
And it was a little difficult to be indignant when my teeth were chattering, but still I managed. “They threw snowballs at me.”
“Who did?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t meant to tell him. I didn’t want him mad at her. I just wanted him to fix things.
“Nathalie?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I explained everything to her last night. I never mentioned you. I’ll go talk to her again.”
“You’re not the one who needs to talk to her.” I took out my cell phone. “What’s Chase’s number?”
He gave it to me. I punched it in, stored it.
“Why do you need to call him?” Josh asked, and I thought I heard jealousy in his voice.
“Because he likes Nathalie.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Just something he said about you claiming her and never giving another guy a chance. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I think that’s the reason he dates so many girls. Because the one he wanted wasn’t available.”
Josh remained silent.
“I hate being the reason you broke up with her,” I said.
“You’re not the reason.”
I gave him a hard stare.
“Okay, I guess in a way you are.”
In a way? In the only way possible. Just call me Homewrecker.
“I’m not going to date you, Josh.”
“Look, I know you think, new girl in town so I dump old girlfriend. But that’s not how it is. Do you know how I became her boyfriend?”
I shook my head.
He gave me a wry grin. “I’m twelve, she’s eleven. She passes a note to me in class. Will you be my boyfriend? And there were two little boxes. Yes. No.”
“Like that George Strait song?”
“Not exactly, but close enough. Like I said. I was twelve. What did I know? I checked yes. And I’ve been her boyfriend ever since.”
“Because of a note?” I asked incredulously.
“Pretty much. You know how Nathalie is. Once she started telling people I was her boyfriend, it seemed mean to say I wasn’t. And yeah, I’m a jerk.” He closed his eyes. “It was easier to be her boyfriend than try to break up with her. And I liked her.” He opened his eyes. “But not the way I like you.”
“So I am the reason you broke up.”
“Only because you made me realize that it wasn’t fair to either Nathalie or me for us to keep going together. She deserves someone who really likes her, who wants to be with her because he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.”
I thought about the conversation I’d had with Mom. If she and Dad had waited a few years, would they have gotten married at all?
“And you’re not that guy.”
He looked a little sad. “I’m definitely not that guy.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want a boyfriend.”
I turned on my heel and hurried to my room. Shedding my coat and hat, I fl
opped onto my bed.
I was scared, so scared. Not horror-movie scared. But real-life scared.
I wouldn’t go out with Josh, even if he asked. Maybe he wouldn’t ask. Please don’t ask.
Because one date wouldn’t be enough. I was afraid a hundred dates wouldn’t be enough.
And then I’d have a boyfriend. Until someone else moved to the island and he broke my heart.
I took out my cell phone and called Chase. At least one person on this island would be happy.
Later that night, after I was certain she was back home, I called Tara.
“You knew he was going to break up with her,” I said without preamble.
She groaned. “Yeah, sorta. The guy-code stuff? He’d asked Shaun for tips on how to break up with a girl so that they stayed friends.”
“Well, he sure blew that. Anyway, how would Shaun know?”
“There are a lot of breakups around here. He’s heard things. Guys talk.”
“Guy code,” I grumbled.
“Yeah. So when are you and Josh going out?”
“We’re not.”
“Why not?”
I clearly heard the disbelief in her voice.
“We’re just not.”
“It’s because you like him so much and you’re afraid one or two dates won’t be enough.”
The problem with having a best friend was that she knew me a little too well. But there was more to it. I didn’t want to hurt Nathalie. While she was sometimes a little out there, she had made me feel welcome and part of the island.
“You’re afraid you’ll want him to be your boyfriend,” she continued. “You’re afraid you’ll betray this pact you made with yourself to never have one.”
“I didn’t make a pact to never have one. I just made a pact not to have one until I was way older.”
“Dammit, Ash.”
Tara never cursed, so I knew she was really upset with me. Well, welcome to the club. If she was still here, she’d probably be throwing snowballs at me too.
“He’s a nice guy,” Tara said.