Read Soap Opera: Uncensored Issue 2 Page 3

her jewelry line. Why doesn’t this actress ever attend any charity/fan events unless she can sell her merchandise, which she parades on set all the time? Um, conflict of interest, much?

  Dirty Soap, E! — How Dare Fairy Fary? Nadia Bjorlin Speaks!

  —How dare she? Super popular sex siren and actress Nadia Bjorlin is enjoying life and work… a lot more these days! In fact, after being fired from DAYS, the Goddess is actually busier than ever. Not only is she currently filming web hit, Venice, she’s also starring on buzz-worthy Dirty Soap, and finished filming a romantic comedy movie (where she plays a home wrecker —surprise —opposite Jonathan Bennett and Jamie Lynn Sigler). “Ironically, I am busier than ever,” she concurs. “I’m already anxious to find a new job.” That won’t be a problem. At all.

  Broe fans will not be happy to learn that although Chloe’s true love, Brady, and my real-life boyfriend, Eric Martsolf, has joined Venice this upcoming season — the two are not sharing any scenes together on the Sapphic serial! D’oh! That sound you hear? The Broe fans screaming operatic.

  Bjorlin laughs when I call Martsolf and her “star-crossed co-stars!” She says, “I know, right? What do we have to do to work together intimately? We have so much fun, respect/love each other, and we think we have great chemistry, so we don’t get it!”

  Immediately, I note that they’d probably have more chances to work together if they shared no chemistry! That is what apparently works on daytime TV these days.

  So… the big question is: How does Nadia feel about her mother, breakout star Fary, ripping her longtime boyfriend Brandon Beemer a new sweet asshole on Dirty Soap?

  “She’s probably going to become more famous than me,” laughs Bjorlin! “I had no idea how comfortable she would be with a camera around. I initially thought she’d be on her best behavior. Wrong — she didn’t give a shit that the cameras were there. People asked me if she was acting, and I said, ‘No! That’s just how she is! That’s just her. This show is not scripted… at least at my end, which is why I said ‘Beemer Guzzling!” I thought they’d never use that but they did!”

  Considering Nadia and Brandy have been together for five years — is this Monster-in-Law thread contrived? “No, it’s not,” clarifies Nadia. “E! interviews all of us separately to find out which direction a story will head… and my mom voiced her disapproval of Brandon without telling us, so they went with that. I know my mom loves Brandon deep down. Brandon just needs to suck up more and my mom needs to chill out more. I’m not worried. It’s their issue — not mine. I’ve voiced my opinion passionately, but I’m not going to knock my head against a wall over and over again repeating myself. I think I defended Brandon on the show, but I know my mother — and you just have to let her say her peace for her to stop talking because she’ll just tire herself out. Anything else won’t work! She has a lot of opinions… about everything!” I’d say.

  —I called all my pals on Dirty Soap to ask: Did you all move? I’ve been in most of the cast’s homes — and their dwelling exteriors are all different. Bjorlin reports, “They shoot different homes as our exteriors so stalkers and weirdoes don’t know where we live. They use stock footage.” How dare you call me a stalker, Nadia!

  ——Vanessa Marcil Whatever caused a firestorm on Twitter last night when she barked at how the women on Dirty Soap make her gender look bad. Yet, the Emmy winner regularly re-tweets Snooki. Discuss. Personally, I think Nadia Bjorlin makes the female world look damn good — literally! Hey, women can be bitches… and if Kirsten Storms and Farah Fath are feuding and dealing with stuff… that has every right to be on TV, too. Isn’t censorship and pretending women are perfect anti-feminist? I think Dirty Soap has a very accurate and wide-reaching portrayal of women. And yes, I mean Brandon Beemer and JP Lavoisier! Oh, I make myself laugh so!

  —Could a wedding mark the season finale of Dirty Soap? I can’t say anymore. Anything can change since the sudser is still filming for at least another two weeks… but the E! guilty pleasure keeps extending the final airdate. Expect more than eight episodes if ratings and buzz continue to build.

  General Hospital, ABC — GH Finds Ainsworth Worthless!

  —Move over, Megan Ward! In the latest plot to destroy GH, the soap world is still reeling over the news that Lexi Ainsworth has been fired — and that the ingénue has already taped her final show. No word if the role is being recast or killed off; but the former seems more likely (read below for more information). The soap press has been reportedly aware of Lexi’s dismissal for some time. While ABC/CBS Soaps In Depth’s Richard Simms continues to claim that he is not a “corporate patsy,” (even though the networks are stamped on their cover), he recently admitted on Twitter that he kept Lexi’s firing secret at ABC’s request. Why buy the magazine when they are not reporting the truth? Entertainment Weekly and TV Guide would never do that to their readers! Or Soap Opera: Uncensored.

  Inside sources theorize that Lexi was fired because “She wasn’t attracted enough for Brian Frons’s taste… and too young looking to play a romance opposite Nathan [Parsons].” I guess it’s Lexi’s fault that she didn’t invest in a boob job! Maybe she’s just a late bloomer. After all, her mom is Nancy “Tatas” Lee Grahn!

  Thank God Brian Frons wasn’t in charge of ABC Daytime when Kristen Alderson joined One Life and Kimberly McCullough grew up on GH right before our eyes. Sadly, these days, SORASing is simply out of control. Sometimes it’s nice to grow up with an actor over the years because it instantly equals investment in the actor and character… just like life.

  —Sad news: Oscar nominee — and official Steve Burton stalker and wannabe gay —James Franco’s father Doug apparently passed away suddenly last week and the news has just been released. He was 63.

  According to Showbiz 411.com’s, Roger Freedman, “The news was just released by the family late tonight. Doug had a Harvard MBA and was a long time entrepreneur in the Silicon Valley. He leaves his wife Betsy, mother of James, actor Dave and brother Tom. Doug Franco, who was of Swedish and Portuguese descent, was one of the nicest guys you could hope to meet. He was also extremely proud of his sons.”

  Who knew Franco was part Portuguese? Just like Vanessa Marcil Gio-whatever. I’m Portuguese, too, so it’s clear that Franco is gay as a pork chip, too! Oh, I kid.

  —Lexi Ainsworth’s co-star and on-screen mama, Nancy Lee Grahn, issued this statement regarding the head-scratching decision to fire the Emmy nominated teen. “It is no secret how much I love Lexi, and how talented I think she is. It will also come as no surprise that I am sad about her leaving... and yes, tears were shed. Very often things out of our control turn out to be the most perfect orchestration of circumstances that lead to even better experiences, that shape our lives in profound ways. As much as I will miss Lexi, I believe this will end up being a blessing for her. At 19, there are endless acting opportunities, and now she is free to pursue them. My TV baby is a beautiful, classy young woman with a fantastically, supportive family, and a bright, bright future. I'm so excited for her.”

  Over the weekend, I spoke to Grahn to make sure she and Lexi were alright… and ask if the show was recasting the role or killing off the character. She said, “If I knew, I couldn’t say, but I don’t know what’s happening. They don’t tell us anything anymore.” Like you’re being so canceled!

  Recently, Grahn and Maurice Benard took Lexi out to lunch on her last day so the dysfunctional on-screen familia got to say their personal goodbyes in private. “Lexi’s fine,” Grahn relays to Uncensored. “And she’s doing a movie in Okalahoma for 5 or 8 weeks! Hey, she has more opportunities out in Hollywood because she’s young and talented than I ever will have!” True.

  —The more and more sources I speak to it’s becoming clear that Kirsten Storms’ experience on Dirty Soap has led to her taking a sick leave from GH. Get well, Kirsten! I love and miss my Good Wife buddy. And come back soon…. because your temporary recast sucks. GH should have written Storms out. Or asked Martha Madison to play Recas
t Temp once again! Or maybe cast Erin Torpey or a former AMCer.

  —Speaking of AMC… I find it strange that GH isn’t absorbing any cast members before other soaps — or TV shows, for that matter —abscond with them. Well, I guess it’s not tat strange when you are aware of GH’s future. And, yes, I know Prospect Park is “negotiating” with AMC stars to join the online version and ABC “probably” doesn’t want to jeopardize that. But if AMCers jump ship like Debbi Morgan and Jacob Young… wouldn’t it be better to at least keep them in the ABC family for the time being? I find it unimaginable that Brian Frons would allow another soap to steal one of the many lusts of his deplorable life, Rebecca Budig, to another show. But knowing Frons, he’ll probably give Budig her own ABC reality-TV show.

  —In story 411, Steven