Read Soap Opera: Uncensored Issue 2 Page 4

makes an important announcement, Maxie gets Anthony, and Lulu breaks down. Yep, in other words, delete! But you know Corporate In Depth will have yet another GH cover soon instead of promoting the best show on daytime: One Life.

  —That minx Carolyn Hennesy is back taping at GH, FYI. Finally.

  —The scuttlebutt around set is that another actress may be on her way out! And it’s HUGE! Like Eric Martsolf huge.

  —Cameron Mathison will now play the role of Shawn! Oh, I’m joshing. But you know that one day ABC will think that Sean Blakemore is too black and recast the role. Too bad: because Shawn and Carly are sizzling, super-couple bait.

 

  One Life To Live, ABC – Where In The World is that “Slut” Kim Zimmer?

  —Kim “I’m Just Sayin’” Zimmer isn’t appearing a lot on One Life in the near future, she tells Soap Opera: Uncensored. Oh, shame. I would kill to see a soap three-way between Andrea Evans, Ilene Kristen, and La Zimmer. Talk about a soap multiple orgasm!

  —I’m actually enjoying Andrew Trischitta — and here’s why! Whenever that handsome motherfucker appears on my screen, my attention is always piqued because I never know if he’s going to pull a scene off (usually he doesn’t but it’s becoming fun to watch him struggle do to so; it’s become suspenseful for me). The young actor is showing some promise — and has improved leaps and bounds from his initial, dismal start. I pray that One Life has hired an acting coach for the Italian newcomer. But, I admit, perhaps my growing fondness for the actor is because Jack is fiercely and unconditionally loyal to his “father/uncle” Victor Lord Jr. I also crack up every time he calls John, “McPain,” and Todd, “Scarface.” And I love the set-up legendary feud that is about to happen between Starr and “It’s Just” Jack. When it comes to Jack, Trischitta plays this beat extremely well.

  By the way, some in the soap press have demanded that Emmy-winning GH casting director Mark Teschner cast One Life’s younger characters. He already is! Teschner has told me repeatedly that he’s been helping One Life cast all its roles on the west coast for a few years now. Just sayin’. Which is why it sucks that when One Life scored the Emmy for best casting last year, Mark got nada.

  ---One of the most popular, endearing and original cast members of One Life to Live, actress Doris Belack, best most known for her role as Anna Wolek Craig,  has died of natural causes in Manhattan at age 85.  Belack died October 4th.

  Belack played Anna from 1968-1977, and played the sister to Dr. Larry Wolek and was the wife of Dr. Jim Craig. Doris also appeared in daytime roles on Edge of Night, The Doctors, and Another World.

  Although I never saw Belack on-air, I did read the One Life novels from start to finish and Anna was always one of my favourite characters. I really hope that head writer Ron Carlivati brings back one of the Woleks, one of Llanview’s premiere families before its network swan song. Where is Wanda?! Or Larry?!

  —Yummm: Emmy winner Roger Howarth’s chest is super hot. I wish One Life had a chest-off between Howarth and Trevor St. John before the latter was booted off the show (or was he?). Or that a magazine would have put them opposite each other on a cover before the Vic-erella died. Continue.

  —Now this is what I’m creaming about, ‘yo! Kudos to head writer Ron Carlivati for scribing realistic dialogue and catharsis between mean Viki and docile Tina last Friday. It was a long time coming. Viki always forgives her rapist brother, Todd, and manipulative brother, Victor, but Tina? Never. I’m glad Carlivati made Tina stand up for herself in those confrontation scenes. Carlivati hasn’t written Tina very well over the years, but he is now (she is still being written a little too dumb, in my opinion, but Andrea Evans can turn shit into gold). I love how One Life is juxtaposing what is sure to be a reunion between Llanview’s two biggest super couples ever: Tina and Cord; Viki and Clint. One Life has always been about siblings — not fathers — and now this show is back on track. In my opinion, One Life hasn’t been this good since the 1980s. It officially has my stamp and approval as the best soap in over a decade and of 2011. One Life is simply a pleasure, an honour and joy to watch these days. Congratulations. So happy this soap proved ABC wrong by shooting up in the ratings — and kicking everyone’s ass creatively. And I mean prime-time TV included. My soap rocks, huh?

  —Okay, as much as I love having my old One Life back (it’s so 1980s these days with a major injection of humour, sass, naughtiness, and pop culture savvy injected not seen before in this much quantity), I want to ring Carlivati’s neck for getting rid of Robin Strasser, Trevor St. John and now my new fave actress: the sin-sational Barbara Rhoades as Irene. Rhoades had it all: she could have become a legacy/viable villain One Life hasn’t had on its canvas since Carlo Hesser. Why does this show continuingly get rid of everyone I love? But, having said that, for some reason, I still love the show more and more each day. And each 24 hours, I delusionally say to myself: One Life can not get any better — but yet, it does. I just pray someone finds Victor now that Irene can’t reveal that he’s alive. Sorry, but I refuse to believe Victor is dead. Long live Trevor St. John! Actually, I doubt Irene is, either!

  —Loved the Todd and Blair flashbacks. That is all. Can you believe Kassie DePaiva is 50 — and has never looked better or sexier. What a find!

  —Whomever is producing those bumpers for One Life is a Soap God. Just lovin’ them. Y&R has a bigger budget than One Life — and yet this little-soap-that-could keeps destroying everyone in their midst. Loves it.

  —Whomever decision to have Andrea Evans and Michael Easton voice Little David Vickers and Liam’s voices in their internal dialogue scenes should be running daytime TV. This is what soaps needs more of! Bravo!

  —Speaking of that bitch, Little David Vickers, the real-life dog is the smartest and most talented creature on this show. Bring it, biatch!

  —For all of you asking: Andrea Evans and John Loprieno will be on One Life until the end, report sources.

  The Young and the Restless, CBS — Meow: Stacy Haiduk returns!

  —Look who’s baaack! According to setsiders, Stacy Haiduk is back filming at CBS Television Studios as Patty. In fact, Patty is already in town…. Hint. But she may look a tad different and slumming it in the professional department. Yep, she killed Diane… duh; well, that’s what I think at least.

  — Sean Kanan is back, ‘yo! The new author of The Modern Gentleman (where I am mentioned) will more than likely appear in November and act opposite of Melody Thomas Scott.

  —Stunt casting alert: According to Corporate In Depth, Laverne & Shirley's Eddie Mekka has been cast as Bud, an owner of a diner starting Oct. 7.

  —Today, two handful of Y&R cast members were on Jeopardy! The quiz-show will feature the category "Adjectives Of The Young & The Restless" with Genie Francis, Stephen Nichols, Jeanne Cooper, Joshua Morrow, Michelle Stafford, Michael Muhney, Christel Khalil, Daniel Goddard, Marcy Rylan, Peter Bergman, and Tristan Rogers. Check your local listings for channels and times, then tune in to see if you know more than the contestants about your favorite soap! We probably do!

  —Expect another (and shocking) major exodus… soon! Sorry, can’t say anymore!

  —It looks like several cast members have personally complained to Sony about Maria Arena Bell’s Y&R leadership. Stay tuned. Because of this, Bell is on the warpath — and not happy! More deets soon.

  —Boring John Driscoll is headed back to Y&R, report sources. But is Jeff Branson on his way out? Of course, because Y&R never seems to be able to have both these actors on at the same time!

  SOAP WHISPERER: This week’s hottest blind items

  —Which soap diva was so strung out on drugs that she had to be carried out of the studio a while back?

  —Which soap legend lived a real-life scandal of her own? Apparently, this married actress gave birth to a baby from another man — and gave the child up for adoption to avoid the scandal! Yikes!

  —Which west-coast hunk —who has legions of younger female fans boasts on set about the virtue
s of having sex with women who were sexually abused as kids “because they have no self esteem — and will do anything in bed.” Wow.

  iSOAP: Fan of the week

  Raven Beauty…. Needs our support!

  One of the business’s best sources for all things scoop, Raven Beauty, is battling a medical issue, so please join us all in keeping her in our thoughts and prayers. Raven has a lot more hard work to do… so she must get better! And she’s also celebrating a birthday soon. Happy b-day, girlfriend!

  WHOROSCOPE: Astrological Guide for this week's soap journey

  Libra: September 23 - October 22

  Signing a simple soap opera coupon could make all the difference. Inspire yourself to think differently just like the late, great Steve Jobs did — and the soaps will rise again stronger and braver than ever. Let’s occupy ABC’s headquarters on 66th Street in New York, peeps! Fuck Wall Street. It’s the same difference.

  SOAP PORN: Next Week's Soapgasms

  Can’t watch all the soaps this week? No worries — here’s a cheat sheet!

  Top Shows to Watch:


  1. One Life To Live, ABC

  2. Dirty Soap, E!

  3. Days of our Lives, NBC

  Top Storylines to Watch:


  1. Who Killed Victor Lord?, One Life

  2. The War