*****
Socks Without Matches
Slippery When Wet
“Ooh-wee!” shouted little Johnny Just as he looked up at the clear blue sky and across the big blue lake. “It sure is a fine day; a fine day to do some fishing.”
Yes, it was a nice peaceful day at Billy Bob's pay lake on Fern Valley Road located off Shady Lane. Billy Bob's lake was an attractive fishing hole for many of the people in Flatt Ridge, especially Johnny Just. There was nothing any better than catching fish, having fish fries and eating hushpuppies.
Johnny wet his finger and held it up in the air.
“Now, now, now,” he said. “Let me see which way the wind is blowing.”
He held his finger straight up in the air and slowly patted his foot this way and that. Huh, he thought. There’s no wind at all today. All at once, a mighty gust of wind shot across the lake and knocked him down on the bank. When it calmed down, Johnny stood up and brushed the dirt off his clothes. I wonder which way that wind came from, Johnny thought. Suddenly, another driving wind came in behind him, pushed him out into the water and then it was calm again.
“It must have come from that way,” chuckled Johnny as he waded back up on the bank. “There sure is a strange wind blowing today,” mumbled Johnny as he loaded his fishing gear in to the boat.
Carefully, he pulled on the string to start the motor. The motor chucked, chucked, chucked, banged, jiggered and popped. A puff of smoke and some fire shot out from behind the motor. He tried it again. Chuck, chuck, chuck, bang, jigger and pop went the motor. It shot out a second puff of smoke and some fire.
“Oh, come on, baby,” he said as he lightly patted the top of the motor. “I know you can do it.”
He pulled the string again, this time with a quick jerk. Clumsily, he fell back in the boat and sort of laughed. Chuck, chuck, chuck, bang, jigger and pop went the motor. Blue smoke filled the air and encircled around his head as fire shot out from the back of the motor. Slowly, Johnny stood up in the boat. He didn’t want to tilt it over and fall back into the water. Huh! he thought as he held the broken string in his hand and scratched his head. Well, I guess I'll have to get me a new string. He cautiously sat down in the middle of the boat, picked up the oars and started rowing. He moved the boat out in to the lake and headed for his favorite fishing hole. Johnny had been fishing at the same spot for twenty years. But, he had never caught anything other than a bad cold or two when it rained on him. He got plenty of bites, though, through the years. It is told he had so many bites that he was feeding the fish instead. But, old Johnny didn't care. He just loved to fish.
“Now, let's see here,” he said as he looked the situation over. “I think my favorite spot is right here,” he mumbled. “Yep, I believe this is it.”
He dropped the anchor; the boat was snuggled between a few snags, twigs and other underwater brush. He had anchored his boat only a few feet from the bank. He was so close to the bank he could have cast his line from shore. Johnny looked around at the snags and twigs surrounding him. He noticed all the floating sinkers, hooks and lines dangling from them. He quietly snickered about it to himself. It didn’t matter to him. All he wanted to do was fish. Little did he know right under his boat was a school of bluegill, brim and sun perch laughing at him.
“I can't believe it,” one fish said. “He's back.”
“Who?” asked a brim.
“Johnny Just is back. Can you believe this joker?” laughed a sun perch.
“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,” they all laughed.
“We have cleaned him out again and again and again. I don’t guess he'll ever learn,” said one of the fish.
“I'm hungry. Let's eat,” said another sun perch.
“Guys, we are going to have some fun today. School's out and recess is in!” shouted a bluegill.
“Hooray!” screamed the fish. “Let's hear it for Johnny Just. Woof, woof, woof,” they chanted.
Meanwhile, Johnny was getting ready to make his cast with his newfangled cane pole. As he rambled through his tackle box, he reached in and picked up his new fishing lure.
“Now, what's this whatchamacallit here?” mumbled Johnny when he picked up a package of artificial worms. “Hmm, slippery when wet,” he said as he read the package. “Why, these old thing aren't going to work,” he grumbled after reading the instructions.
Then he paused and thought a few minutes about how he had never caught any fish with real worms.
“Well, I guess it want hurt to try them,” he said with a chuckle. “They’re only plastic anyway. What harm can they cause?”
He placed the lure on his line and slowly dipped it in to the water from the side of the boat. Then he jerked it up quickly and grabbed hold of the line.
“You sure are a slippery little booger,” he said as he ran his finger down the lure. “I believe I'll try you another day,” he mumbled. “I better stick with what I know. I don't know about these newfangled things.”
He laid his new pole down and picked up his old one.
“Yes, sir,” he said. “My favorite fishing pole with my floater, hook, line, sinker and live worm. Now, let's see,” he said as he cast the line out between two bushes.
“Here we go, guys,” said a sun perch. “I heard a thump; let's get him.”
Hurriedly, the team of fish took off in search of the bait.
“Here it is,” said a small brim, “over here by these bushes.”
The school of fish gathered around the bait and took turns pulling at the line. There was a slight jerk, two slight jerks, a pull on the line to the right, a yank, a pull to the left and another yank before the floater floated to the surface and sat motionless on top of the water.
“Well, well, well, I believe I have a bite,” giggled Johnny.
He patiently watched and waited; the floater sat motionless until, all at once, there was a strike. The floater darted underwater and across the lake. Quickly, Johnny pulled up on the pole but the line snapped. He looked out across the water and saw his floater, hook, line and sinker dangling from a nearby twig. But, underneath the water the school of fish were laughing and having a ball.
“We hung him up didn't we, guys,” laughed one bluegill.
“We sure did,” agreed a sun perch right before they heard another thump.
“Here we go again,” cried a brim. “Will this guy ever give up?”
“He hasn't in twenty years!” screamed a bluegill.
Time and time again, Johnny cast his line out into the water. Thump, thump, thump, thump his line sounded when it hit the water. Time and time again, the fish snapped the line, snap, snap, snap, snap. One time he reeled in an old shoe from the bottom of the lake. Then the fish hooked his line to the shell of a mud turtle that was swimming by. Thinking he had a big one, Johnny pulled and pulled until he broke his favorite pole in half.
“Phooey,” he cried. “That was my favorite pole. Now, what am I going to do?”
He hesitantly decided to use his newfangled pole with its slippery lure. Well, well, well, he thought. I have no other choice but to try this new baby out. Carefully, he cast out his line. Thump, went the lure into the water. The fish immediately gathered around it.
One fish said, “Hey, guys, dig this baby,” as he pointed to the lure.
“Can you believe this guy?” replied a bluegill.
A small brim twirled around and around in the water, pointed up at the boat and said, “He's crazy.”
“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,” they all laughed sending hundreds of tiny bubbles up to the surface.
“Look, guys” cried out a bluegill as he looked closely at the lure. “It's one of those artificial worms.”
“Are you kidding me?” asked a sun perch.
“No, I'm not. Look and see for yourself,” replied the bluegill.
Slowly, all the fish moved in closer to the
lure.
“Boo!” yelled a brim at the lure dangling in the water.
The worm never flinched.
“Yep, I believe you're right,” said the sun perch. “One of those store bought models. Why, I heard they aren't worth a flip. But, let's have some fun anyway.”
The fish reached for the lure but it slipped right away from them.
“Hey, guys. Check this slick baby out,” said a bluegill.
The other fish reached for the lure; it slipped away from them as well. None of them were able to hold on to it. The harder they tried, the faster it got away.
“I got it!” yelled one fish.
“No, I got it!” yelled another. “Whoa, there it goes,” cried out another fish.
“Somebody, hold on to it,” cried a perch. “You guys come in from behind and I’ll get it from the front.”
The fish fought and fought the lure as the floater danced about on top of the water. What on earth is going on down there? thought Johnny. I have never seen my floater bobble so much before. Eagerly, Johnny snatched his line in and pulled one fish after another in to his boat. Thump, thump, thump, thump fell the lure into the water. He pulled in fish after fish, after fish, after fish.
“I'm going to get it,” cried one fish.
“No, I got it,” cried another.
“No, it’s mine!” screamed a brim.
The fish were so determined to hold on to the plastic worm. When Johnny snatched the line, they didn't want to let go because it was so hard to get ahold of.
“What a day! What a day!” shouted Johnny. “I knew one day my luck would change.”
He threw out his line until the last fish of the school was lying in the bottom of his boat. The fish just lay there and whispered to each other.
“I think we have been had,” gasped one fish.
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” replied another.
After Johnny pulled in his line for the last time, he gathered his oars and rowed to shore. Proud of his accomplishments, he got out of his boat and stood by the lake with his chest stuck out and head held high. Carefully, Johnny loaded everything up and headed for home.
As he walked home, he took a long deep breath and mumbled, “Yep, yep, yep, it sure feels good to have all these fish.”
A few days later, Johnny sat in his living room and watched TV while he ate store-bought fish and hushpuppies. Hung on the wall behind him were his trophies of fish and in the center of them was a small plaque which read, School's Out, Hmmm, Good Fish and Good Hushpuppies.