Chapter 10: An Order of Mass and Fries Please
Quiet knocking on the other side of the door grabbed my attention from the conversation still running through my mind from a half hour ago now.
“Char?” Richie whispered. “It’s just you and me. Everyone else left for mass. If you still want to go I can drive us and we can sneak into the balcony area. We won’t have to see mom and dad.” He said softly, “I know how much you like being in mass on Christmas Eve. Maybe we can go to the Rox afterwards for a hot chocolate.”
“I don’t know if I feel like seeing anyone Richie.”
“It might be good for you to get your mind off of things.” He urged carefully.
“I don’t know.”
“Besides, I know CeCe will want to see you.” He added.
“Yea, she would love to hear about all the crazy drama.” I said as I opened the bathroom door.
I grabbed my coat and slipped it on. It was quiet again. Richie waited on one of the sofas while I pulled on my boots. It got cold in the winter but rarely ever snowed. My boots were more of a fashion statement and about the only cute attire that fit me other than loose jogging pants and hoodies. My jeans had all gotten too snug and my jogging pants and hoodie hid my growing belly. I grabbed a few cookies for the road and we left for mass.
By the time we arrived it was about 12:15 AM and the choir was singing angelically. We snuck up the back staircase and into the back row of the balcony. The church was lit beautifully with white Christmas lights. There were more trees than ever down below, lit up and sparkling with shimmering blue and silver balls, bows, and faux candles. As we slid in the back, I felt a surge of warmth flow through my body. It was the first sense of peace I’d had felt since being ousted by Jewel. Speaking of Jewel, I could see the back of her black glistening hair. She was in the front row of the balcony with June and Jude. Suddenly, I heard a pssst sound coming from beside me. I looked over to see CeCe smiling at me while making her way through and upsetting a few of the older members as she interrupted their singing.
“Hey there lady—I haven’t heard from you in a few days. How are you?” She said, looking grimly at me.
“My parents found out.” I whispered.
“I know. Richie called me when you were holed up in the bathroom.” She hugged me and whispered, “It’s going to work out.”
“My dad is so angry. He was yelling at me. I’ve never seen him this angry before.”
“Shhh!” We heard from the older members again looking at us.
“Shhh!” CeCe hushed back at the older members, surprising them, as she turned back towards me. “He’s supposed to be angry. Someone just deflowered his only daughter and made him a very young grandpa without sticking around to take responsibility.” She said, in all honesty, not holding back her thoughts.
“Well, since you put it like that. He was so angry though.”
“Char, he’ll get over it.”
“Shhh!” We heard again from behind CeCe.
“Go sit downstairs with all the old people if you don’t want to hear us talk.” CeCe hissed back.
Just then Jewel turned around and caught my eye. She smiled. I gave her a dirty look and shook my head before she turned back around. Still feeling the burn on my skin that Jewel triggered, I looked over at CeCe. She was very territorial and stood her ground. The older people shot her a frown back, in disgust. CeCe smiled at them and said “that’s what I thought”.
We got through the rest of mass and Richie, CeCe, and I decided to sneak out before our parents could get to us. After mass, CeCe yelled down to her parents that she was going to Trixie Rox with us and would be home later. My parents standing next to hers looked at us. My father frowned and mouthed something to my mother. I could see her trying to calm him down, with one arm tucked around his, nodding her head and mouthing something back to him.
“You’re welcome.” I heard a voice say just behind me.
I turned to see Jewel right in front of me.
“Are you psychotic?”
“I knew your parents didn’t know. And I knew you didn’t have the courage to tell them. So, again, you’re welcome for my help.”
I leaned in closer to Jewel before I felt an arm pull me back.
“You crazy”—I started to say.
“Witch of a person.” CeCe finished my sentence before ushering me to the door.
I turned to see Jewel’s expression fade from a smile to a frown.
“We’re in church. She did you a favor in her own little wicked way. Let’s go get some fries. I know the baby will thank you for it.”
I was still reeling on the way to the Rox. The audacity of that girl, I thought.
“I’ve never done anything to her. What is her problem?” I shouted, not looking for a response.
“Char, that’s Jewel. It wasn’t personal. She likes drama. You know that.” Richie said, from behind the steering wheel.
“How is that not personal?” I demanded.
“I never said anything about her when she got her dragon tattoo. I never bad-mouthed her. In fact, I thought it was cool. She’s off my list…at least the good one anyway.” I said, shaking my head.
“Char, that’s just Jewel. Besides, she’s always been a bit envious of you. You’ve always stolen the spotlight at holidays for some award or achievement you’ve won. After a while it gets a little sickening. I don’t mean that in a bad way—I just think that ah, other people, like her, get sick of it.” Richie said.
CeCe smiled. “I’d like to go a round with her.”
“Girl fight!” Richie yipped out loudly.
“Oh my gosh Richie; you are such a guy!” CeCe laughed.
“I should hope so—at least the last time I checked I was.” He quipped back sarcastically.
The lights were still on Trixie Rox and only a few cars were in the parking lot. I hoped Trudy was working. I needed to talk with her. I needed someone who’d understand how I was feeling. Richie and CeCe were the best but Trudy had been in my shoes.
“Hey guys, how was mass?” Trudy caught us as soon as we came in the door. “Merry Christmas.” She added, walking over with a coffee pot in one hand and the other hand out to give us hugs.
“Merry Christmas,” we chimed back in sync.
“It was okay; CeCe almost got us kicked out for telling some old people off.” Richie said laughing.
“Whatever Richie.” CeCe retorted.
“Oh and Char’s pregnant.” Richie said.
“Richie! Keep your voice down!” I said feeling embarrassed about the few people remaining in the small diner who could have heard.
“What? Everyone knows now.” He said innocently.
“Richie, the whole world doesn’t need to know.” I said trying to save face.
“Char, what happened?” Trudy asked, sitting down with us in the booth.
“Before we left for school I met a guy named Skylar. I thought he was my soul mate. It turned out he wasn’t but I didn’t know that at the time. I found out I was pregnant about a month later after I tried getting a hold of him numerous time with no luck.”
“Wow, Char. Do your parents know?” She asked kindly with empathy in her eyes.
“Yes, they found out tonight—just before mass because my cousin, Jewel, ousted me in front of our entire family and Father John.”
“Ugh—that must have felt terrible.” Trudy said grimacing. “I’m sorry Char. At least they know now. That was the hardest part, in the beginning, for me—was telling my parents.” She said reaching for my hand. “How’d they react?”
“My dad said he was going to ground me and is very angry.”
“That’s normal. He’s probably just worried about you. My parents were really upset for a while. It got better by the time Charlie came. It’ll get better Char; just hold on. They won’t stay angry forever.”
“Well, I’m not the only one with news, here.” I said looking at Richie.
“What?” He said impishly.
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br /> “You know what. You didn’t tell me you were dropping out of school or that you got the lead role in Fiddler’s Roof! And by the way, congratulations Richie, that’s wonderful.”
“Oh that—yeah, I figured you were a bit busy dealing with your own issues to put mine on you too.
I slugged Richie in the shoulder, lightly.
“Ouch! You’ve got to stop hitting me girl—especially since I’m not allowed to hit you back!” He looked at my belly and said “your mom’s a bit violent—you better listen to her. You let Uncle Richie know if she’s acting up and I’ll get her for you.” He said, smiling.
“Richie, you should have told me. I’m not too busy for you, ever. And thank you for sticking up for me with mom and dad.”
“Anytime—unless you keep beating me.” He said, moving closer to CeCe.
“Well, what can I get for you all? It’s on the house since we have things to celebrate and it’s Christmas.” Trudy said, pulling out her order pad.
“Oh Tru, thank you.”
She walked away towards the kitchen. Cheese fries would be out soon with milkshakes and hot chocolate. We laughed and talked about the last week. CeCe shared that her mother had gotten a new car from James for Christmas and was still learning to drive it. It was a manual and she had almost run over the geese next door, after she missed their driveway. CeCe said that she was sure she still had whiplash from another time when her mother threw the car into second gear abruptly. Richie told us all about the play and the cute girls cast beside him. He said he was putting school on hold for now and that eventually he’d go back. CeCe and I promised to be there opening night to cheer him on. I could tell he was so happy; acting was his element.
The conversation went back to me again. We talked about school and about how I’d balance motherhood. I didn’t want to quit school. I didn’t want to put it on hold either. I was afraid that if I quit I may get to busy and never go back. I had to make something of myself. Hopefully, Grandma Rose could help me with the baby if I went to the local community college. I still didn’t know what I was going to do for money though. I had hardly anything saved and needed to start making some money fast. I’d have to find a job soon so I could make some money before the baby came. I didn’t want to live off my parents. I knew they’d let me stay with them but I didn’t want to be a complete freeloader. I was going to need diapers and all kinds of baby stuff.
“Here you go—an extra-large order of cheese fries, two chocolate milkshakes, one hot chocolate and three bowls of home-cooked chili.” Trudy interrupted.
“Tru, it smells great! Thank you.”
“You are all so welcome. Merry Christmas.” She said as she slipped in the booth with us. We were the last ones now and the closed sign was hanging in the door.
“So, Char are you going to be staying with your parents?” Trudy asked.
“Yes, I think so. There’s no way I can be so far away from them now.”
“That’s a great idea. You’ll need them.”
“Well, we are short staffed right now—Bonnie left after she met Julio and they moved to Atlanta. Do you know anyone who might need a job?” She asked, looking at me.
She had to have been reading my mind. I didn’t know how I was going to support this baby and I couldn’t ask my parents to pay for my mistake.
“Really, Tru? I need a job desperately.”
“Can you start Monday?”
“Of course I can. I have an appointment next Thursday to meet with the OBGYN—is that okay?”
“Absolutely, we can start you off three days a week and see how that goes.”
“Oh good, I am hoping that maybe I can go to school locally.”
“Okay, just don’t wear yourself out.” She cautioned.
“Thank you so much Trudy. I really need this.”
“You’ll be busy, but you should be able to make some money to put away for the baby.”
“That’s what I need.” I said, feeling another sense of relief.
Now that my parents knew and I had a job, I had overcome some of my worst fears, other than my biggest fear of living a life of solitude, penniless, with dreams deferred.
We finished up eating and I talked awhile with Trudy about my uniform. Richie and CeCe giggled quietly as they caught up with crazy stories. About a half hour later we all walked out of the diner together. We waited for Trudy to lock up so she didn’t have to leave alone. We hugged and thanked her, again, before pulling away from the lot as she drove in the opposite direction. Richie dropped CeCe off and then drove us home. All the lights were off at home and we crept in quietly. It was now about three AM. My mother was asleep on one of the sofas. The Christmas tree lights were still on, casting a soft glow over her face. Richie headed up to his bedroom. I leaned over and pulled the chord for the lights out of the socket. I pulled the throw over my mom and whispered “I love you” before turning towards the stairs.
“I love you too Char.” She said back.
I was surprised. I thought she was sleeping. I stopped and turned. She was now sitting up. She must have been waiting up for us, as usual, when we were out late.
“You know we are going to need to talk about this more. Your dad is very upset and I’m not happy about the situation you’ve put yourself in but regardless we love you and will help you through this.” She said calmly.
“Mom, I’m so sorry I disappointed you. I would have told you sooner. I was just so afraid to disappoint you and I didn’t know how to tell you.” I said quietly.
“I know honey.” She said walking over to me in the darkened room.
“Mom, I’m afraid.” I said as she hugged me tightly.
“I know you are. I also know that it’s not going to be easy for you but you’ll make it through.”
I could feel the tears flowing down my face. I needed my mother. I needed her to tell me that she’d be there for me when others had abandoned me. I wanted to feel like a little girl again—one that was protected, by her parents, from all the evils and pain of the world. Children, when they have good parents, know they’ll be safe, that everything will be okay. I have good parents, angry parents, but good parents…or maybe just worried, good parents. I needed to know my mom would stand beside me and her hug let me know she’d be there, as always, to love me.
“Do you think dad’s ever going to forgive me?” I asked, sniffling back some of the wetness from my nostrils.
“In time, he will. He’s angry but that’s because he loves you more than any man on this planet and only wants the best for you like I do. But, he’s your father and more than anything we want you to be happy. Decisions like the one you made led you to this point in life. Those decisions create a more challenging life than we want for any of our kids. Just like the Bible says, we want you to be married happily first before having kids so that we know you have someone who is committed to you and who will love you for you. We want you to marry a person that will be there in the good and the bad times to share them with you—especially when you’re raising children. Parenthood is not easy. However, it can be very rewarding. You and your brothers, imperfectly perfect and wonderfully made have given us some of the most amazing memories and joy anyone could hope for in a lifetime. I know this baby will do that for you too—we just wanted you to have someone to share this little person with first.
“I know mom. I wanted that too. I still want that but I don’t know if that will happen.” I cried harder as my mom pulled me over to the sofa to sit down. “I feel like a huge failure and the possibility of me doing something…anything extraordinary with my future is bleak now.”
“Honey, don’t count yourself out yet. You have a lot to offer. You are a gift and this baby will be one too.” She smiled as she wrapped her hands around mine. “You need to get some rest. Once that baby comes you’re going to be busy.”
“Thank you mom.”
She bent over and hugged me once more. “I figured with the timeframe of when you met Skylar that the baby i
s probably due sometime in June or late May. Is that right?”
“Yeah, I’m due June seventh. I’ve already seen the OBGYN a few times, at campus, and everything looks good. I have an appointment next week with the one around here. Will you go with me mom?”
“Yes, I will honey. I have one more week off school. Have you felt the baby move yet?”
“No, not yet; I was really sick for most of the last school semester and am just starting to feel better.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better honey. Go get in bed. I’ll see you two in the morning.” She smiled, slightly.
“Good night mom, I love you. Thank you for not choking me.”
“Are you kidding, I don’t want to do that to my first grandbaby…even though I’m still a bit young to be one.”
“Thanks mom, I’m glad to know you love me too.” I said sarcastically. “It’s nice to know you’ll wait to knock me off until after the baby’s born.”
“Oh honey you know I love you and you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to be up for two AM and four AM feedings. This nana will help during normal hours. I’ll help but you are responsible for raising this baby.” She said in a firm but loving way.
“I know mom. I already got a job at Trixie Rox, working part-time. I start next week. I also thought that maybe I could sign up for some classes locally. I don’t want to stop school; I’m afraid that if I quit now I won’t go back.”
“Honey, I am glad you got a job—children are expensive! And school is a great idea. But we can talk more about that tomorrow. You really do need to get some sleep; it’s been a really long day for all of us.” She said as she steered me towards the stairs.