Chapter 9: Christmas Surprises
Thanksgiving break had come and gone so quickly. We were back at school now, and prepping for semester finals. I was knee deep in books and eating everything in sight. My appetite had finally returned and my mouth was like a magnet—picking up anything that was edible. I had been back to see the OBGYN again and had regained the nine pounds I’d lost and found two more somewhere else. Although I hadn’t grown a bump yet I knew it wouldn’t be long. After finals, I would have no choice but to tell my parents since I wouldn’t be returning to Athens again, except to visit CeCe—if my dad didn’t put me on house-arrest. At least Richie knew, making it a little easier knowing that CeCe wasn’t the only person supporting me in this. He was so sweet and in the two weeks following Thanksgiving break he sent me two care packages loaded with chocolate and People magazines—two things I enjoyed.
CeCe had been successfully accepted into the Tri Delta sorority and was elated. I was happy for her but saw less of her now that she was expected to attend sorority events, meetings, and hang out with her new sisters. She remained very supportive but a piece of me was a little envious of her. She had the rest of her life to reach her dreams with no obstacles in her way. She was liked by everyone there and began talking more and more about funny stories that happened when she was with her Tri Deltas. She was enjoying life and had no concern in the world other than what she was going to wear to the next house party. I smiled and listened to her stories while in my head I told myself how unfair this picture was. I had always been the good girl, did the right thing, and followed the rules. The one time I lose my head and give into temptation I end up screwing up my whole life. CeCe had broken numerous rules and laughed about it while she decided what shade of lipstick looked best. I loved her to pieces but I just couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me. I didn’t deserve to be put on the sidelines of life. I didn’t even kill spiders when everyone else shrieks and throws a shoe at em. I, at least, had the decency to put em in a glass and throw em outside—so they could live and be free.
It wasn’t CeCe’s fault that any of this happened, I told myself. She would be hurt if she could hear my thoughts. I was frustrated and probably a little angry with myself too. I was angry that I was naïve and dumb enough to fall for a joke on me.
I troughed through and kept my thoughts to myself. I finished up the semester with a 4.0. CeCe worked really hard and got a 2.9. She helped me pack up my things and didn’t want me to carry anything heavy. She got some of her new fraternity brothers to help us load up her parent’s SUV. She agreed to let me keep a few things in her vehicle until I worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I didn’t want them to ask questions upon my arrival as to why I brought all my things back. After everything was packed I asked CeCe for a moment alone in our room. I also didn’t want to see any of our friends in the hall. I didn’t want to have to tell them I got knocked up and had to drop out of college and that’s why I’m not coming back. CeCe made sure no one was around so I could have a few minutes of peace before sneaking down to the SUV. I sat quietly on my bare bed. I had stripped the sheets and now only the bones of the bed appeared just as empty as it did the day we moved in. Except then, it promised a future of good things—a foundation of which to build on. Now, it was a reminder of what my future would be like, empty and dull. A tear streamed down my cheek and I felt a sting of pain in my head. I had worked so hard to get here and now one night had taken it all away. I spoke out loud “God is this it? Is this all my life has for me, nothing?” I began to get angry again; I could feel a tinge of resentment build up. I decided to leave; I didn’t want to make this any harder than it already was for me. I had a tough road ahead and to cause myself any more mental anguish was not good for me…or the baby.
The long drive home kept me quiet. I watched the barren fields as we drove by. They had already been harvested and nothing but a few stalks remained, here and there. Small sleepy towns snuck by us as we made our way home. The sky was a drab grey and nothing spoke of life or the happiness I once knew. As we got closer to home, my heart picked up. I didn’t have to tell them the minute I came home but I needed to tell them soon. From my profile, my belly now protruded a small bump. I figured I’d wear my over-sized University of Georgia hoodie until I managed to tell them. It and sweats were the most comfortable clothes I had at this point. Most of my jeans had gotten to snug to wear and I didn’t have the extra money to be buying new ones until I absolutely had to. I needed to save the little remaining money I had left over, which had been reserved for school, for the baby.
As usual, my mother was waiting on the porch, waving, with a smile a mile wide, and her dimples a mile deep. She looked so happy to see us. I felt my heart thump heavier and heavier. I needed to be careful when I hugged her so she didn’t feel the baby bump, just yet. Walking out on the porch next was Richie patting his belly with both hands.
“What is he doing?” CeCe asked, as she spotted him.
“I don’t know but I’m going to kill him. He is having too much fun with this while I am freaked beyond all get out.” I said feeling my heart in my throat at this point.
“Well let me know when you tell them. I can always come and pick you up and we can go to Trixie Rox if you need to get out. Besides, it’ll be good to see Tru and have some chocolate milkshakes and cheesy fries. Actually, I read something that said that babies need chocolate and cheese to grow strong and healthy.”
“You mean dairy products?”
“Yea, maybe something like that. It’s all the same.” She nodded again.
“Okay CeCe, thanks for the baby advice. That sounds good—I’m craving chocolate and cheese fries sound really good.”
“Just call me then. I will help you with the bags—do not pick up the heavy ones.” She demanded.
“Okay, fine.”
“Hi, Mrs. Buchanan! Richie can you come and get Char’s bags?” CeCe said, smiling with her arms open to hug both of them.
“Hi girls, I’m so glad you’re home. We have a whole month now before you have to go back. CeCe, you’ll have to come over for some peach pie. I made one for you to take home to your parents and more so you’ll come back over here before you leave again.” My mother said, beaming.
Richie hugged me tightly and felt the baby bump push up against his belly. He pulled back and smiled. “Mom, I think Char’s finally gained some weight.”
“Good, she needed to—Miss Skinny Bones,” my mother said, hugging me tightly.
I pressed my chest into her hug and tried to suck in my tummy so she didn’t notice anything different, other than my bigger boobs. She slapped a few kisses on me and then took my hand, dragging me inside, leaving Richie to bring everything else in. He deserved it for his comments that reminded me what the nausea felt like—that stinker.
Though Christmas was still a week away my mother had already begun making cookies and special pastries. She and I loved Christmas. It was our time to spend together, in the kitchen, making mouth-watering confections that were irresistible. I knew how to cook a few things that my mom taught me but I was a much better baker. I had very fond memories of her, Evi, and I in the kitchen, singing and rolling out cookie dough while sweet-smelling aromas drifted through the house, luring my father and brothers for a taste. I wished I could go back to those times. They were good times when I didn’t have to worry about a baby on the way, how I was going to tell my parents about my one-night stand that’s making them young grandparents and when Evi held me in her lap and told me fairy tales that made everything magical.
I picked up a shortbread cookie, freshly frosted with lemon icing. It fell apart in my mouth and the lemon glaze oozed with citrusy goodness. As fast as I swallowed the cookie, I picked up two more indulgences—this time a chocolate hazelnut espresso cookie and a chocolate truffle. The truffle was like chocolate silk running down my throat. It was smooth and creamy. I loved anything with hazelnuts and chocolate, however, the coffee flavor grabbed my attention.
I had slowly been getting more energy over the last few weeks. Drinking coffee, something I rarely did before, helped give me an extra boost. I decided to search for a cup to grab some coffee when my mother looked at me strangely. I found a half pot, of what smelled like French Roast, on the warmer.
“Since when did you start drinking coffee?” My mother asked.
“Since I had to stay up late studying, really hard to make that 4.0 you were bragging about at Thanksgiving.”
“Ahhh, that makes sense. I didn’t start drinking coffee until I had the twins and then that was the only thing that gave me enough fuel to keep up with those crazy boys.” She said smiling.
“You let me know what kind you like and I will make sure to get some for you to take back to school.” She said while rolling out some dough for rainbow colored pinwheel cookies.
“Thanks mom.” I said holding the cup up to my mouth trying to not make direct eye contact.
I shuddered to think about my mom and dad’s response to learn of their only, unwed, daughter’s pregnancy—with their first grandbaby. The coffee, black, tasted good and helped to clear the remaining bits of chocolate and hazelnuts in my mouth.
“Ah ha! There’s my girl!” My father said warmly as he came in briskly to welcome me home.
“Coffee? That’s a new development.” He questioned as he reached down to hug me and kiss my forehead.
“It helps keep her 4.0 GPA honey. I already told her that we would be happy to send her back with a few cases.” My mother smiled as she rolled the pinwheel dough into some cellophane to freeze.
“Huh. Didn’t you start drinking coffee when you were pregnant Suez?” He looked at her and then at me as he stuffed a cookie in his mouth. “Are you pregnant Char?” He said, looking serious before breaking a smile and laughing.
“Richard! Don’t mess with Char. She just got through with finals.” She frowned.
Barely breathing, I managed a forced smile. “Dad! Gees’! I just got home.”
He hugged my neck, again, before grabbing two more cookies and leaving for the living room.
That night I lay in bed rehearsing my script. I had thought about it every night since I found out I was pregnant. I almost wished I would have said something when he was teasing me earlier since he was in a good mood. I rolled over and propped a little pillow under my belly bump. My curtains were drawn and I could see hints of the moon peering in. My mind wandered back to that night. It was all a memory now—one that was fading quickly. At times, I could still make out his face. My mind was better at recalling his words and how I felt with him. I wondered if the baby would look like him, maybe his smile or his eyes. I felt my heart sink as I thought about where he might be tonight. Who was he with? Was he okay? Did something happen to him—is that why I never heard back from him? Is he still alive? These questions and many more ran through my thoughts as I watched the clouds pass over the moon which was now coming into full view from where I lay in bed. Maybe, he would come back and look for me. He knew I lived in St. Marys and everyone knew me. They didn’t know Lucy, though, the name I told him that night. I should have told him my real name when I had the chance. I knew he was overseas if he were still alive. He would be at school now but what if he came back for the holidays? They had a beach house somewhere outside of St. Marys. They could come back for Christmas.
When I was young and lying in bed at night I’d pretend to be Sleeping Beauty and that my Prince Charming was searching all over the woods before finding me asleep in my bed. I pretended that all my stuffed animals, tucked in with me, were the animals of the forest keeping watch. Prince Charming would come to my bedside and tell me how much he loved me. He told me that he wanted to spend his forever with me. I pretended that he kissed me and I awoke with a smile. Now, more than ten years later, I wished that my real Prince Charming would come find me. That he’d tell me that he had searched high and low for his true love. I closed my eyes and envisioned a happily ever after with Skylar.
I awoke the morning of Christmas Eve to a light frost on the windows. I could hear clatter coming from downstairs. I had been home for over a week and hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I had made an appointment, while I was still in Athens, to meet with an OBGYN the week after Christmas. I needed to tell my parents before then. I was going to need to use their vehicle to get to the appointment unless I had Richie drive me. It was getting harder to find the courage to tell them. Everything was so good, for now. My parents were spoiling me after missing me for the last four months. Tonight we would have a house full of family to celebrate. My family had always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. Every year was the same and every year I looked forward to this day more than any other. Not for the presents we were showered with but for the fun we had together. We started with a big sit-down dinner. Next, my father would read the story of Jesus’ birth; followed by a very long prayer—something we thought he did to keep us waiting longer for the presents. All the seats in the living room were taken up by people. The floor was full of more people and presents. During the story, I would catch my brothers shooting spit wads at Uncle Harry, who always fell asleep. Our dad was so engrossed in the reading that he never took notice of the chuckles from us or the snoring from Uncle Harry. Mom laughed and shook her head. Uncle Harry was a good sport. He kept a straw in his back pocket to retaliate against the younger hooligans. It was as if he fell asleep on purpose just waiting for the moment they’d attack so he could shoot back. His straw was usually pre-loaded and ready to go at the first ping against his balding forehead. One year he even prepared a small plastic baggie with flour that exploded on Jason’s head causing a large white cloud all over. We almost all died laughing trying to conceal ourselves while dad continued reading with all seriousness. Whenever my dad looked up from reading the Bible story everything was still. It was fun to see who got caught in the cross-fire. Once Grandma Rose got a wet wad of paper stuck in her hair—which was meant for Peter. She grabbed a couch cushion and surprise-attacked Jason who shot at Peter—whom was sitting next to Grandma Rose. Poor Jason always got it the worst; but then again he is quite the instigator.
After the story, the long-awaited present opening began. Each year we switched who got to go first. My mom handed out presents to everyone. Then either the oldest person down to the youngest would take turns opening their presents or the youngest to the oldest got to start. After the presents were opened and the paper picked up, we did a ten dollar gift exchange game. We drew numbers of who could pick first and everyone got a number telling them what order they were to pick a present. The fun started when someone chose to steal someone else’s present. We had to make a rule of a maximum of three steals because sometimes the same gift got picked over and over again. After the last person picked their gift or stole from someone else, the first person who went was allowed to steal anyone’s gift which hadn’t been stolen three times. We laughed at some of the ridiculous steals and alliances people made for stealing other’s gifts so they could ultimately end up with what they wanted most. After the game was over, we snacked on endless trays of goodies until we left for midnight mass. That was one of my favorite places to be on Christmas. The church was always decked out in beautiful white lights, Douglas Fur trim, candles and beautiful trees adorned with an array of glass bulbs. They kept the main lights off and led the mass by candlelight and the glow from the tree lights. It seemed like half the town packed in on that one night—causing an overflow with most of the younger people left to sit in the balcony section. CeCe, Richie, and I mostly joked around and people watched from up there. The hymns, from that part of the church, floated up in an ethereal accord. The night ended with most of my siblings and I on the couch watching movies until we passed out. Christmas Day was another day for socializing with family and feasting on fine foods.
“Char, when are you going to…you know say something?” Richie asked quietly as he snuck in and jumped on my bed.
“I don’t know. I know I need to say
something soon. It’s just been so nice to forget about it for a little while.”
“Yeah, you probably need to say something before the baby pops out on the living room floor.”
“You’re ridiculous Richie.”
“I know.”
“I have an appointment next week at a new OBGYN in the area. I have to say something before then to mom and dad. I might be able to find out the sex of the baby too and I’d like someone to go with…maybe you or mom.”
“I can go with you if you’re still alive.” Richie smiled.
“I need you to help me tell them. I just don’t think I can do it myself.”
“Char, you know I’ll help you.”
“Thank you.”
For most of the day I remained silent, contemplating when I would tell them. I didn’t want to do it with everyone there at dinner, although, maybe they would be less likely to choke me if there were witnesses. I thought about it for a moment and then worried about grandma having a heart attack. That would be a crummy present for Christmas. I helped my mother wrap the remainder of presents for others and for the present exchange game. I enjoyed making things look pretty and wrapping presents was comforting. I liked making pretty bows and fancy tags for the gifts. I wanted everyone to feel special when they got their presents and I felt that pretty packages would show them that they are that much more loved. I had already had a countless number of cookies and was starting to feel my throat burning. I had the worst heartburn. I had never known what it was until I became pregnant. My doctor said it was normal but nonetheless, a nuisance.
After the presents were done hours later, I helped my Aunt Juanita set the dining table. Once my dad put in the table leafs, we had enough seating for fourteen. Everyone else, mostly the younger ones, sat at the kids table nearby.
“Mom, how many are coming for dinner tonight?” I asked.
“Honey please set the adult’s table for 14 and the kid’s table for 10 please. Wait a minute. Let me count again and you tell me how many that is.” She said counting in her head, pointing at invisible names in the air.
I grabbed a large stack of plain white ceramic plates and waited for her to start rattling off names.
“Okay, there are seven of us plus Edward and Peter are bringing Courtney and Chelsea—so that’s nine. Then, of course, there is Grandma Evi, Aunt Juanita, Grandma Rose and Bo, her friend—so that’s another four. Uncle Dallas, Aunt Renee and their four kids, Uncle Harry and Aunt Dottie and their three. How many is that?” She asked, looking at me.
“Altogether that’s twenty-four people, mom.”
“Oh, I forgot Father John—the Upton’s are out of town this year. They are vacationing in the Bahamas for Christmas and I didn’t want him to be alone.” She added.
Almost dropping the plates on the floor I quickly scrambled to keep them from tumbling out of my arms. I hadn’t talked with Father John yet. I had pushed it aside and never confessed to him, despite saying I would, and that was before I found out I was carrying a passenger in my belly.
“Oh, that makes twenty-five then.” I said while placing plates around the large oak table.
“People should start arriving just about any time now.” My mom called out to Aunt Juanita and I. The bread will be done in just a few minutes and then we can put that on the table. Char, will you get out the matching tablecloth napkins for the bread basket and for the table settings?”
“Sure mom.”
“Thanks honey.”
“So, you never did tell me how you like school.” My Aunt Juanita said as we worked to make the table look pretty.
“I do. It was hard work and I missed you guys being so far away.”
“That’s normal. I love to travel but it’s always good to come home.” My Aunt Juanita said as she straightened the silverware settings around the table. “What classes are you taking next semester Char?”
“Umm, I’m not sure yet.” I nearly choked.
“Honey, didn’t you get your classes before you left school?” My mom asked, stopping what she was doing for a moment to look at me.
“No, I have to get them when I get back.”
“Oh, I thought CeCe said she got hers already.” She said still looking at me.
“She did—I was just so busy with finals that I didn’t get a chance to register before we left.”
“Are you going to be able to get the classes you need if you wait until you go back, honey?” My mom asked, now paused completely.
“I should be fine. I can always meet with an advisor or registrar to get the classes I need.”
She was asking so many questions. It was like firing bullet after bullet with nowhere to hide. I was afraid at any minute I’d get hit with something that would make me spew the truth. I decided to go to the bathroom quickly to avoid the conversation going anywhere else I didn’t want it to.
“Mom, I’ll be right back. I have to use the bathroom.”
Sneaking upstairs, I grabbed Richie by the back of his collar and dragged him with.
“I think mom knows something.” I said nervously to Richie.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because she keeps asking me questions about school—like why I don’t have my classes for next semester and if I’m going to be able to get the classes I need if I wait to register.” I said, shaking slightly.
“Well, why didn’t you register for classes?” Richie said facetiously. “Ouch! Stop hitting me.” He snarled after I hit his shoulder.
“You know why! I am so freaked out. What if they find out before I tell them?”
“Char you just need to tell them. You’re stressing yourself out and I’m not an expert but all this craziness is probably not good for the baby either.” He said, with his head tilted and arms crossed.
“Char, hurry up. I still need your help. Aunt Renee and Uncle Dallas are pulling in the driveway now.” My mom called up the stairs.
“Oh great, she probably wants to drill me some more before everyone gets here.”
“Probably.” Richie added before turning towards the stairs.
“Richie, help me out—so she doesn’t keep asking questions. Change the topic or something, would you please?”
“Fine, fine, I will.” He agreed.
Just as we reached the living room, the door opened and Uncle Dallas, Aunt Renee and our cousins, Jane, Justin, Jude and Jewel came in, quickly followed by Chelsea and Courtney, the twin’s girlfriends, who rode together.
“Char, please take their coats and put them on my bed, dear.” My mom said while placing bread in a basket on the table. “Richie, go tell your dad that Aunt Renee and Uncle Dallas are here and let the twins know the girls are here. Thanks babe.” She offered up quickly while covering the bread basket with the cloth napkins to keep them warm.
“Don’t go too far.” I whispered to Richie.
“Hi Char!” Jewel said, smiling as she reached to hug me, unexpectedly.
Pulling back a moment later, she looked at me oddly and said “how are you?” Jewel, a year older than I, is a sophomore at Georgia Tech. We don’t see each other that often, except for holidays. She’s always been peculiar but interesting, wearing mostly black and retro-style clothes from the sixties. She dons black nail polish, an ebony page-boy haircut and bright red lipstick. A small dragon tattoo, which was all the talk last Christmas, wraps around her left wrist. Jewel, a true PK kid of a Southern Baptist preacher—is always pushing the envelope. An avid reader and a computer junkie, Jewel’s really smart and almost always has a book tucked away in her purse in case she gets bored of the conversations around her. She could probably hack just about anyone’s computer if she wanted and only seems to listen to things people say if juicy gossip is involved. I’ve been intrigued by her ever since we were kids as she exudes strong self-confidence and the ‘I don’t care what you think about me’ mentality. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind even if it meant having one less friend. If she were an animal she’d be a cat—she doe
s her own thing and only seeks attention, purposely, when she’s bored and wants some amusement from some lesser intelligent human.
“I’m good Jewel. How’s Georgia Tech?” I asked, wondering why the odd look.
“It’s great. Lovely people, silly games—you know typical college life. So, it looks like the freshman fifteen caught up with you?” She said smiling.
“Huh?” I said.
“Freshman usually gain fifteen pounds in their first year of college.”
“Oh that—yeah all that good junk food makes you pack on the pounds.” I smiled, faking.
“She looks great; doesn’t she?” My mom said, overhearing our conversation as she came up to hug Jewel.
“Gorgeous as usual.” Jewel said, eyeballing me with a slightly curved smile.
“Thanks Jewel.” I smiled again as I took her coat and rushed towards my parent’s bedroom. I was starting to feel a bit paranoid. Had Richie told her something? He tended to get along with her the best out of all the cousins mostly because they loved to gossip.
Moments later, the doorbell rang again and I hurried to answer it before I got stuck in any more strange conversations with Jewel.
“Hi Charlotte, long time no see.” Father John said as he took off his old black Fedora.
This night was becoming more nerving than relaxing. I hadn’t seen Father John in over four months. He reached to hug me and this time I pulled my stomach back quickly before he realized my secret. I wondered though, with him being a holy man, if he could tell I were pregnant or if anything was different about me. I smiled as sweetly as I could, trying to pass for the young innocent Charlotte he knew me to be. Oh this secret was starting to drive me nuts. If I could just get it out I’d hopefully feel better at some point, at least after my parents got over the initial urge to lock me in my room for the next century.
“How’s school treating you young lady? You look more grown up since the last time I saw you. I mean, sophisticated.” He said, smiling.
“Yep, all that education will do that to you. Can I take your coat?” I asked kindly and in an effort to finish our conversation quickly.
“Sure. Thank you Char.”
“Oh Father—it’s so good to see you. We’re so happy you’re here.” My mother welcomed Father John as he walked into the open living room/dining room area.
She began introducing him to my Uncle Dallas and his family as my father and brothers came in from the porch. I could see headlights coming down the driveway as the door wavered open. It was either Grandma Rose’s guy friend, Bo, or maybe Uncle Harry and Aunt Dottie. Uncle Harry was so much fun and Aunt Dottie was super sweet. Their kids, Rosie, named after Grandma Rose, Johnny, and Annabelle were down-to-earth and fun to be around. I got along well with Rosie, who was my age. Johnny and Annabelle were also twins and ten years old—the youngest of the cousins. I looked forward to catching up with Rosie who was studying art at the Art Institute of Chicago. She too is free-spirited, like Jewel, but kinder like her mother, with an infectious laugh that lights up any room she’s in.
As the car drew closer, I could see Rosie smiling and waving wildly at me. I was excited to catch up with her. We hadn’t seen each other since last Easter and I knew she’d have some cool stories to tell about Chicago. We’d (the twins, us and our moms) visited there a few summers ago and were enticed by the old and beautiful architecture, along with the vibrancy that the Windy City radiates. She was so drawn to that city that she decided to go to school there for interior design and architecture. I couldn’t wait to see her. As they parked the car I saw another set of lights coming down the driveway. I thought that must be Bo—the sweet, quiet, little friend of Grandma Rose’s that I met before we left for school. I’d have to wait a little while longer to sit down and chat with Rosie until I welcomed everyone in and took their coats. I figured I’d sit next to her at dinner and catch her up on the turn of crazy events in my life. I knew she wouldn’t say anything to anyone.
I welcomed in Uncle Harry, Aunt Dottie, the twins and Rosie. I reached out and kissed them on the cheeks instead of a full hug. Rosie lightly pinched my cheek and said “I missed you cuz” before going over to smooch Grandma Evi. I took all the coats to my parent’s bed and came back quickly to get the door for Bo.
“Grandma, Bo’s here.” I yelled back into the house before I took down the steps to help him up the stairs.
“Hi Bo.” I said, meeting him on the gravel driveway.
“Hi honey, how are you?” He asked sweetly as he reached over to hug me.
“Good, thank you.” I smiled as I took his arm and we headed towards the front porch, where Grandma Rose was now standing to greet him.
Once we were all in the house—it was buzzing with life and laughter. It was good to see everyone. I started to think about CeCe and all my cousins whom were not plagued with the choices they made. I, again, was reminded of that night. I wished I could take back what we did. I wished I could be like them—excited about my life and laughing about college stories. I was still somewhat bitter deep down where no one else knew. I wondered if I would ever find that happiness again—for more than just a night. Somewhere out there was someone, surely, who could love me, love us. At least for now my family loved me.
My mother called everyone to the table for Christmas dinner. My father said only a six-minute prayer, this time, which is good for his track record of ten minute plus prayers in the past. All the adults, my twin brothers and their girlfriends, sat at the bigger table while all the other cousins sat at the smaller kids table. Rosie sat next to me and told me about Chicago and the cute guy, with dreamy blue eyes and long surfer-blonde hair, she met in her ceramic studio’s class. She also told me about her crazy roommate and how she labels everything in their dorm. Jewel peered over at us from time-to-time in-between breaks from talking with Richie and Jason. I whispered something in Rosie’s ear since all the other cousins were now talking loudly. She looked at me surprised and started to say something when I tapped my index finger to my mouth. As I turned to see if anyone saw her start to blurt out, Jewel was looking right at me. She smiled and excused herself from the table. I wondered if she heard or knew anything. I looked back at Rosie and whispered “please don’t tell anyone”. She nodded in agreement and we took our plates to the kitchen to clear our spots before sneaking up to my bedroom.
I was so happy to finally tell someone else in my family who wasn’t going to strangle me. It felt a little better and a little easier after telling someone. It had been so hard to keep this secret. Rosie asked me all about Skylar and about what my plan was. She was really sweet and listened and then encouraged me telling me that everything would work out in the end. She asked to see my belly and I lifted my hoodie so she could touch my baby bump. She rubbed it and said a little prayer, “God bless this baby and bless Char with whatever she needs to do this”. Rosie was such a sweetheart and more like a sister than a cousin. We laughed and talked some more before we went back downstairs.
By this time, everyone was done eating and the adults were laughing and talking about random things. My father had left to his office to grab his Bible so he could begin the Bible story. Soon we’d all be gathered around the Christmas tree in the living room listening to my dad read about Jesus’ birth while the boys quietly started World War III with Uncle Harry. Rosie and I snuggled up by each other on one of the sofas. Jewel had her nose in one of her books before looking up at me and smiling again. Why the heck did she keep smiling at me—like she knew something? Did Richie tell her? Did she hear me talking to Rosie? No, she couldn’t have heard us. Richie wouldn’t have told her I don’t think. He was usually pretty trustworthy.
“Richie, come sit by Rosie and I before all the seats are gone.” I yelled.
“Okay sister, I’m coming.”
As soon as he sat down I began interrogating him with whispers.
“Did you tell Jewel anything?” I whispered in his ear.
“Like what?” He asked, looking surp
rised.
“You know what.” I said giving him the stink eye.
“Oh that. Well.”
“What?” I asked, as he paused, looking nervous.
“She tricked me Char. She said that you told her and asked me what I thought.”
“What were her exact words?” I asked, sneaking a look at Jewel—who again looked up at me, from her book, and smiled politely.
“She said, ‘so, Char told me, you know —what do you think about that’?”
“That sneaky girl! No—I didn’t tell her anything and she knew that she could trick you into telling her. I knew when she smiled at me oddly after I hugged her that she must have been on to something.” I said, still whispering into Richie’s ear.
“Do you think she’s going to tell anyone?” Richie asked.
“I don’t know but she better not. Richie, how could you tell her?”
“I didn’t know. Honestly, I wouldn’t have told her or anyone. I thought you told her.”
“Ughh, don’t tell anyone else.”
“Are you going to say something to her?” He asked.
“No, not yet; I’m going to keep an eye on her.” I whispered before pinching his ear.
“Ouch, you and Grandma are set on taking off my ears.”
“Remember that the next time you think about talking about me.”
I looked over at Jewel again and this time she fixed her gaze on me and smiled. I wanted to rip the little smile off her face. Did she think this was funny? She must know that no one else knows. That too-smart-for-her-britches-know-it-all was driving me crazy. I looked at her and nodded my head with as stern a face as I could manage. I was always nice to everyone. Being rude or firm, except to Jersey the day I broke up with him, did not come easy for me. She knew that I wouldn’t say anything to her unless she pushed.
As usual, the boys began shooting spit wads at each other with an occasional pillow being launched at someone’s head. Instead of enjoying the annual event I sat quietly wondering if Jewel was going to say anything. She continued to smile at me at times—not the kind of smile that’s sweet but the ‘I know what you did’ smirk. Other than juicy gossip there was no reason for her to say anything. In a few months everyone would know anyway unless she wanted to be the one to tell everyone first. I looked at her and frowned thinking that could be it. Maybe she would say something. Tonight was not the night for that. I would tell my parents in my own time; it wasn’t her business. Last year everyone was talking about her dragon tattoo and how disrespectful it was to her body or at least to her dad, a preacher. I didn’t care and didn’t bother listening to all of it. I thought tattoos were neat—not that I wanted one but it looked good on her.
I dreaded the next few hours hoping Jewel wouldn’t say anything. We had dinner; we listened to the Bible story, opened presents, and did the gift exchange game. It was almost time to leave for mass. She hadn’t said a word and I was starting to feel pretty good—given the last few hours of not knowing what she may or may not do. I stayed quiet and helped clean up in the kitchen. Rosie stayed by my side and helped wash dishes with me. She washed and I dried them. Cousin June put them away with my mother’s directions of where everything went.
“Hey everyone, before we leave Jewel and Justin had a great idea.” My Uncle Dallas said.
“Let’s have everyone say something they are thankful for and what they look forward to in the New Year.” He said excitedly, as if it were the best idea since the invention of the wheel.
While mostly everyone else went back to the living room, I kept drying dishes and figured I’d sneak away before it was my turn. I didn’t want to engage myself in any of Jewel’s games. I didn’t want to be part of any of her gossip. My mother came over and said she’d take over so we could sit down. I told her that she was always doing the dishes and that she should just go relax for once. She smiled and went to sit down. One by one, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and brothers shared what they were thankful for and what they looked forward to. My mother and father went and next was Jewel’s turn. I stopped drying dishes for a second to hear what she was going to say. My heartbeat sped up and I worried what would pop out of her candy-red mouth. I could barely breathe. I looked over at her and saw her smiling at me.
“That sneaky snake,” I whispered under my breath, “she better not say a word.”
“I’m thankful for all of my family here today and I look forward to having even more family here next year for Christmas.” Jewel smiled, “it’s just so good to have your family around at the holidays.”
I let out a small sigh of relief and turned to head towards the bathroom.
“Wait a minute, Char still needs to go.” Jewel said loudly as all the family turned towards where I was standing previously, stopping me in my tracks.
Smiling, I said, “I am thankful for a wonderful family and I look forward to all that God has for me next year.” I started to back away towards the bathroom, again.
“Yes, I am so excited for you too Char and for you, Aunt Susan and Uncle Richard! God has really blessed you all. You must be so excited to be having your first grandbaby.” Jewel said excitedly with fake enthusiasm.
Suddenly I felt all the blood drain from my body as her words registered in my head.
“What? What are you talking about Jewel?” My father asked while chewing on some homemade deer jerky.
“The baby—you know!” She stopped smiling and looked concerned.
Suddenly all eyes were on me and my belly. I stood there helplessly with my mouth gapping wide open. I saw Father John’s eyes bulge as he did several Hail Mary’s and a sign of the cross.
“Hey, it’s my turn.” Richie said abruptly. “I’m thankful that I got the lead role in Fiddler’s Roof and I am looking forward to dropping out of school and pursuing theatre full time. It’s a paid gig and everything.”
Everyone was still quiet after Richie stopped speaking. My father took his eyes off me for a second to give Richie a quick quizzical look.
“I think it’s time for church everyone.” Grandma Rose said to break the silence.
“Char, we need to see you right now in the office.” My father said sternly.
I was in a state of shock. That little dragon witch just ousted me in front of entire family. I could barely breathe. I couldn’t believe this was happening now. The whole night had been mostly good other than the odd smiles from Jewel. She knew my secret and waited for this moment. Again, I felt the sting of pain from feeling betrayed and left hanging alone. My stomach became queasy and I turned towards the office—knowing my parents were right behind me.
“Before you say anything I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m…I’m really scared and I didn’t know how to tell you because you’ve been so proud of me and right now I feel so stupid. So, please don’t make this worse. I already feel like a loser and a failure.”
“Char, how did this happen?”
“Suez, we know how this happened. What were you thinking? Were you trying to screw your life up?” My father yelled.
As my dad came closer, I burst into tears. He was so angry and my mother looked at me with disappointment. I knew it would hurt but not this bad. Losing Skylar was hard enough. Now, my parents looked at me differently. This was not the way I imagined them finding out.
“What are you going to do about school?” My father demanded. “Are you going to drop out? Where are you going to live? What a minute—who’s the father? It better not be Jack Delano!” He continued.
I couldn’t speak. I stayed quiet, crying more. I just wanted to leave. I couldn’t face them.
“No, it’s not Jersey.” I sniffled.
“Char, is it Skylar?” My mother asked in a calm voice.
I looked up for the first time since we came into the office and mustered up enough courage. “Yes, it’s Skylar.” I could feel tears stream down my cheeks, burning as they went.
“Char, did he ever call you?” She asked genuinely.
“No.”
<
br /> “Who is Skylar?” My dad demanded again.
“He’s a guy I met before I left for school.” I said with my face pointing down again.
“How come I didn’t meet him?” My father asked angrily.
“Richard, she met him at a party the night before they left for school and only saw him that one time. Are you sure it’s his baby?”
“Yes mom! I made a huge mistake. He’s the only one I’ve ever been with.” I felt so insulted by her question.
“You’re grounded!” My father yelled.
“Richard, I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“I said he was the only one, ever! I made a mistake that I’ll be paying for—for the rest of my life! I’m not sleeping around!”
Just then Richie popped his head through the office entryway and said, “Dad, it’s not like she’s going to get any more pregnant.”
Richie had been waiting the whole time, just outside the door, listening and waiting if I needed his help. He couldn’t have come at a better time. I was starting to get upset causing my stomach to become even queasier than before. I felt the heat of my anger rising throughout my body and I began to feel lightheaded. My head ached and my eyes burned. I wanted to leave.
“Richie, you are not part of this conversation. I will talk with you later about school!” My father said sternly.
“I know I messed up and I’m sorry but I can’t do this right now. I feel like I’m going to be sick.” I said before starting to dry heave.
“Hurry to the bathroom, Char.” My mom insisted.
“This conversation is not over young lady.” My father bellowed as he stepped out of the office after me.
I stayed in the bathroom for the next half hour with the door locked. I didn’t want anyone in there and I hoped that my parents were gone by the time I came out. I waited until I could no longer hear my dad complaining, loudly, to my mother. I looked at my watch. It was 11:45 PM and all I could hear was silence now, other than a few sobs, I let escape. It was all out. It felt horrible but freeing at the same time. I had no more secrets.