Read Southern Belles, A Novel about Love, Purpose & Second Chances Page 6
Chapter 6: Sick in Love
Weeks had passed and I hadn’t heard anything from Skylar. I called my mom several times a day for the first two weeks to see if he had called but he hadn’t my mother apologized. He had left my life as quickly as he entered it. CeCe was a good friend about it all. She would try to get me to go to various Tri Delta gatherings and to the sports center telling me I’d feel better if I got out. But nothing made me feel better. I just wanted to be left alone. My mood was like a roller coaster. One minute I was mad—the next I was crying and sad and then, came the loneliness. And finally, the reality set in that I would never see Skylar again and I felt hopeless and betrayed.
I was tired all the time. I’d lie in bed until the very last minute and then got dressed to head to class. Maybe once a day I’d eat if I felt like it; sometimes I just forgot or slept through meals. I was heartbroken and my body knew it. I started feeling weak and queasy with any strange smells. When I managed to get up long enough to brush my teeth, I vomited, gagged by my toothbrush. Several times I had to run to the toilet with puke already sitting in my throat. All I wanted to do was sleep—hoping I would feel better although nothing helped my heart. I snuggled up to Skylar’s sweater, his scent barely remaining. As much as I wished I could see him—that things were different—I began to think it would have been better to never have met him. At least that way I wouldn’t know the pain and emptiness of a life without him. The more I thought about him the sadder I felt. I was paralyzed. And I was afraid if I tried to move on it would mean that part of my life was over, indefinitely. I didn’t want to hurt anymore but my heart wasn’t ready to let him go.
“Do I feel warm CeCe?”
With her hand on my forehead she said, “no, but you look pale. How long have you been sick now?” She asked.
“I don’t know, at least a week maybe. I just feel so weak sometimes and I can’t stop throwing up.”
CeCe looked at me seriously. “Char, you’ve been throwing up, tired, and nauseous for the last week.”
“I know.”
“Char, I don’t want to say it, but.”
“But what?” I blurted out. “Just say it.”
CeCe cautiously waited a moment. “It’s been five weeks since that night and you started getting sick only about a week ago. You could be pregnant.”
Speechless, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. We were careful. We used protection and it was only once. There was no way I could be pregnant.
“You said he used a condom that had been in his wallet for three years. Maybe it broke. Did you see it before he buried it in the sand?”
“No, I didn’t ask to see it.” I said, frowning at CeCe in disgust.
“I’m sorry Char. I wasn’t trying to upset you.” CeCe quickly offered up.
“I’m sorry Ce—I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t feel good. I’m stressed, I’m mad and being pregnant right now is not part of my plan…unless there’s a dog, a ring and Skylar. My parents would kill me.”
“I’m sure you’re not pregnant Char. But if you want I’ll go with you to get a pregnancy test and then you can cross that off your list and see the campus clinic for whatever this is.” CeCe proposed.
“Okay, but I’m wearing sunglasses and your pink hoodie. I don’t want anyone to recognize me.” I admitted feeling embarrassed.
“Maybe I’ll wear my fake mustache.” CeCe said goofing around.
“Cecilia Kathryn, this is serious.” I said as I threw a pillow at her, barely missing her head.
This was the first time I left the dorm room, in weeks, other than to go to classes or the cafeteria. As we crossed the campus to get to the closest drug store I noticed that some of the trees started to turn a lemony-yellow. I hadn’t really taken notice of the surroundings since the day we got here. While we walked arm-in-arm a fresh woody smell, like that of trees after the rain, lingered in the air. I loved the south. Here and there other college kids walked past us. I missed being in the outdoors and realized that my life had come to a halt these last five weeks. I knew that I had to do something. I couldn’t keep burying myself in bed all day. It wasn’t what I came here for and I was being a terrible friend despite my heartbreak. CeCe had been trying to encourage me all along while I pushed her away so I could wallow in my sadness.
“It’s this way.” CeCe said discretely as she ushered us threw the pharmacy door and towards the aisle with pregnancy tests.
I hadn’t been near this section before. I never thought I’d suddenly find myself in the aisle with birth control products like pregnancy and ovulation tests beside it. Trying to conspicuously look and read the boxes to find the best and preferably least expensive pregnancy test I scanned the shelf in front of me. There were so many to choose from. One promised that it could detect pregnancy earlier than all the other pregnancy test brands. Most of them said results in five minutes or less. That would be the longest 5 minutes of my life. Some had plus signs as if to signify me plus one to show a positive result. Others had lines, two lines pregnant, one line not. I was counting on one line. I was too young to be a mother, especially an unmarried mother.
“I think this one’s your best bet.” CeCe whispered in my ear.
“It has two tests just in case it’s wrong, has a plus sign, and you’ll know in three minutes if you’re pregnant or free.” She said turning towards me with her fake black mustache suddenly appearing above her upper lip.
“Oh good gravy CeCe.” I stepped back, taking the box from her. “Let’s go.”
We were back in the dorm room fifteen minutes later. I took the test and started towards the bathroom.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” CeCe asked.
“Not unless you want to hold the stick.” I said, closing the door behind me.
“Okay, that’s all you. I’ll be right here waiting—right outside the door if you need me.”
I sat down and took the test out of the package. I removed the cap on the end of the stick and said a prayer. I pleaded to God to please let me not be pregnant. I asked him for forgiveness for doing something I now knew that I shouldn’t have done with Skylar. I hoped he heard me and would have mercy on me. I had a plan for everything but being pregnant at 18 was not part of it. I put the stick down and peed. I finished and placed the cap back on over the tester part. I flushed the toilet and put the test on the back of the toilet; I didn’t want to see anything it had to show me yet. I opened the door and was suddenly face-to-face with CeCe.
“What’d it say?” She asked grimacing.
“I don’t know; I haven’t looked at it yet.”
“Char, you have to read it.”
“I don’t think I can. I’m afraid.” I said, starting to tear up.
“The result won’t change; whatever it is.” She said carefully. “What are you going to do if you’re pregnant?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t let myself think about that.”
“Would you keep the baby?
“Of course I would. I don’t want to be a mother now. But if I am—I don’t want anyone else to have my baby.”
“Oh.” CeCe said softly. “What about school?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ll do. I guess I didn’t think about it.”
“What about Skylar?”
“What about him? I have no way to get a hold of him. And obviously, he doesn’t care enough to call and see how I’m doing. Or maybe call and see if he got me, I don’t know, pregnant.” I said starting to feel the hurt and anger build up again.
“Do you want me to read the results?” CeCe asked gently, with her arm on my back.
“Yes. No. Wait.” I said as I took a deep breath in. “Yes.”
CeCe walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick. She paused a moment before turning around. I kept my eyes closed and started to cry harder. I didn’t want to see her face because I knew I’d be able to tell the results by looking at her and I could barely breathe thinking what might happen next.