Read Southern Belles, A Novel about Love, Purpose & Second Chances Page 7
Chapter 7: A Clearer Picture
The next few weeks were a blur. I was still in shock and didn’t know what I was going to do. I wanted to become a writer more than anything. Now, I didn’t know if that would ever happen. I thought about Trudy and how she got pregnant and stuck, permanently, in St. Marys. I didn’t know how I’d tell my parents—or even when I’d work up the courage to tell them. They loved me so much and believed in me. I didn’t want to embarrass them or let them down. I felt like such a failure. I always listened to them and did the right thing. I couldn’t imagine telling them the whole story. It was starting to turn into a Jerry Springer episode titled ‘where’s the daddy’. I felt like an idiot. And other than CeCe I was alone in this. I hadn’t told Richie either and knew I needed to tell him next. I figured that he would help me tell our parents at least.
I continued to attend classes, sick and pale. My appetite got a little better and I started eating everything in sight. I craved the craziest foods like; applesauce, ranch dressing and chicken…all together. CeCe would bring me large jars of applesauce after her classes. She persuaded me to go to the campus clinic even though I was afraid they would call my parents if they found out I were pregnant. CeCe reassured me they couldn’t do that because of privacy laws—something she knew of because of her parent’s conversations about their cases around the home. My parents were going to find out eventually; I just didn’t know how to tell them yet and didn’t want them hearing from someone else. At the clinic, I met with a young-looking female doctor. I had to pee in a cup and sit through my first pelvic exam—very uncomfortable. She was very nice though and asked me if I had told my parents yet. I confided that I hadn’t and that I wasn’t sure how to tell them. She explained that I had options: parenting the baby, adopting the baby or aborting the pregnancy. I heard her but my mind was overwhelmed and it started to drift. I didn’t know how I was going to raise a baby on my own. I didn’t have a job. My parents and scholarships supported me right now. How was I going to pay for diapers and formula? Where was I going to get money to pay for the baby’s clothing, let alone to have the baby? For a second the idea of abortion popped into my head. No one would know, except CeCe and me. I could continue school. But this thing—this baby was growing inside of me getting bigger every day. I didn’t know how to be a mother and I surely did not want to become one at 18 but this was a part of me and I had already made enough mistakes. I didn’t want to make any more that I would regret for a lifetime.
As I drifted back to the conversation I heard the doctor say, “Go ahead and lie back. This may feel a little cold.” She pulled out a clear-looking squirt bottle with a light blue gel inside. I pulled up my shirt and she squirted a lemon-sized amount of gel on my lower stomach. It was cold. She pulled out a small scanner-looking instrument and placed it on my stomach, on top of the gel. She pulled the over-head monitor closer to her and I and began to rub the scanner over my belly. The screen, which looked like a black and white fuzzy television station, with no reception, showed a circular black mass on it. Inside the circle was a tiny, round-oval shape.
“Here we go. Here is your baby, she pointed. This is the head and she has a nice little spine right there.” The doctor said smiling.
“It’s a she?” I asked curiously.
“Well, actually, the baby’s too small to identify the gender yet. You usually can’t tell that until you are about 16-20 weeks along.” She said as she continued to scan this tiny person.
“Here’s the beginning of her feet and her arm buds.” She said, pointing to two separate circles on the screen.
That was my baby. I had seen my baby for the first time. It was real and growing. I couldn’t help but cry. I was so scared about how I would tell my parents; how I’d raise a baby on my own and how I’d finish school. But at that moment, I was so overcome with emotion. I couldn’t explain it except for maybe unconditional love. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but somehow, some way, I was going to be a mom to this little person wiggling around in my belly. I smiled and placed a hand near my stomach.
“It looks like your due date is June seventh.” The doctor said as she pulled out some tissue paper to wipe the gel off my belly.
“Everything looks fine but you need to make a decision soon. Whatever you do, you will need the support of family. Here is a picture of the ultrasound that you can take with you. Also, if you decide to keep the baby, you will need to set up an appointment to meet with an OBGYN—a doctor who specializes in monitoring you and your baby’s health. Your nausea is normal but hopefully will subside by the end of the first trimester. You’ll want to take a prenatal vitamin, daily, for you and your baby’s health. Those are over-the-counter and you should get those right away no matter what you decide to do. And these will help with the nausea you’re feeling.” She said handing me a small bottle of pills.
As I walked out of the exam room to the lobby I spotted CeCe flipping through a magazine. She hadn’t noticed I had stepped out yet. I came over and tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped up.
“So?” She asked inquisitively.
“So, it went as best as it could. I have a picture too.” I whispered to her.
“You have to show me.”
“I will—back at the room. She gave me some pills for the nausea and said everything looked good.” I quietly told her as we walked out the door.
Back in our dorm room, we sat quietly starring at mini me.
“It looks like a tadpole.” CeCe said, pointing at the picture.
“Are you calling my baby a frog?”
“Yes, I’m calling your baby a frog.” CeCe said sarcastically. “No, I’m not calling him a frog.”