Lindsay stood silently waiting for him. Nick growled at her and pulled her outside and headed for the barn. As they came to the tack room he had to let go of her arm. “The same threat applies. Run away from the barn and I will hunt you down. Now, go saddle Brandy.”
Lindsay grabbed her tack and went to saddle her horse. They finished about the same time and met in the aisle of the barn. He mounted and waited for her to do the same. “Go first.” He said motioning her to head out. “I’ll follow you since I don’t trust you for one minute.”
She urged her horse forward and they left the barn to head towards the creek. They were silent as they rode, he was mad and she was ignoring him. The sooner he speaks the sooner this will be over and I can get on with my life.
As they reached the creek by the cabin, Nick grabbed for the reins of her horse so she couldn’t escape as he dismounted. “Get down and go sit over there.” He said pointing to a stump by the water. Lindsay was being agreeable so this would end quickly; she dismounted and went to sit on the stump per his instructions. He dismounted also and tied both horses to a nearby tree.
“You are just pretending to placate me aren’t you? It is fine with me; as long as you sit there and listen to what I have to say.”
Lindsay continued to stare at the ground and make tracks in the dirt with her boots. Nick paced back and forth in front of her. “I am so mad at you. I have tried everything to get you to listen to me. Why are you being this stubborn?” He stopped and waited for her response but there was nothing. The ground was all she looked at, her head was tucked close to her chest.
Nick captured her chin to lift it so she would look at him but as he raised her head he saw the silent tears flowing down her cheeks. She hadn’t been ignoring him completely “Lindsay…” he began but she jerked out of his hold and lowered her head again.
“What can I say to make this better? I have apologized, but you don’t believe I am sorry. I am so sorry for hurting you in the helicopter and for yesterday and for last night and for today.”
Lindsay stood up hoping they were done with their discussion and moved towards her horse. Nick was stunned. “I am so sick and tired of you walking away from me when I try to talk to you. Where do you think you are going? We are not done talking.” He replied angrily as he captured her arm again to drag her back to the stump. “This discussion would go a lot better if you would contribute to it.”
The tear tracts were still visible on her face and her voice shook “Ok, here is my contribution…I hear your apology. It doesn’t make any difference, I will be gone in a few days and you can forget about me.”
Shock rolled through Nick “And you can just forget about me?”
She raised her hand and placed it over her heart as a pledge “No, I will never forget you. You may hate me but you are my family and I love you.” Lindsay replied sadly “I will…”
Nick astonished face stopped her words. He paused and thought for a minute as her words clicked a memory. “You said that to me before.”
Lindsay stared at the ground “Said what?”
“About loving me. When you said it just now, it clicked a weak memory.”
Lindsay just kept staring at the ground.
“Answer the question.” Nick pleaded
“You didn’t ask me a question” she said trying to avoid him
“Did you tell me that you love me?” he said in a clipped tone
“When did you hear me say that?” she asked continuing to stall him
“Did you tell me that you love me?” he said again in a frustrated voice
“Of course I love you. I have known you most of my life.” She said defensively.
Nick shook his head “No, that isn’t the memory I have. Wait a minute ..when I was in the hospital you told me to wake up. You needed me and you love me. You said that to me, I’m sure of it.”
“And if I did, so what? An hour later you told me to leave you alone. You looked me in the eye and told me to get away from you.” Lindsay swallowed back the tears that threatened. Each time she remembered his comments from the helicopter her heart broke again “I’m trying, I’m really trying to do that. I didn’t come see you when you were on bed rest unless Gabby asked me too. And my plan to move is underway. So with all that cleared up, is our discussion over now? Can we go back home?” she asked returning to her horse and untying it. He grabbed the reins from her and shook his head no so she turned to walk back to the ranch. At least she would be away from him.
“You can’t walk back to the ranch.”
“And you can’t stop me!”
“Watch me sweetheart!” He said as he stepped in front of her.
“This is ridiculous, I am leav…” she didn’t get any more said until he grabbed her arms and pulled her close. Then he kissed her to shut her up.
She squirmed free from him and started to yell at him again. “You can’t …”
“Shut up or I’ll do it again!” Nick yelled right back.
She shut up. She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t want him anywhere near her heart that was breaking.
“Smart girl. Just stand there, don’t talk, and don’t move. I have to think.”
“Nick, I…” she started to say but he glared at her
“Dammit, do you have to be this stubborn? Shut up, my brain is trying to remember.”
“Don’t curse at me.” She yelled right back at him
“I’m sorry. Will you please give me a minute?” Nick asked at the end of his patience with her. He handed her the reins and walked a ways away from her.
Lindsay waited for him to say something but he just kept looking at the creek. She climbed on her horse and turned to give him one last look and an apology but he had silently moved to stop her horse.
He said “Please don’t” at the same time she said “Please move” and neither did anything. His eyes pleaded with her to come down from the horse. He must have gotten his message across because she climbed down and tied her horse to the tree.
She walked away from him and sat down on the stump again. He went to kneel down in front of her but his leg wasn’t having that. “I can’t kneel on that leg yet.” He said standing up. She rushed to get up so he could sit. “No, I’m fine. Stay seated. I just want to be looking at you when I talked you.”
“Lindsay, is my memory correct? Did you tell me that you need me and you love me?”
Why didn’t I develop a skill to lie convincingly? I could have bluffed my way through this and been on my way home. She got up to move away from him.
“Lindsay, I’m sorry, I…”
“Don’t!” she said holding up her hand and backing away some more. “Just don’t.”
“Lindsay, I…”
“Dammit, you called me stubborn! I said …”
He grabbed her up and kissed her again.
“Stop doing that!” she said angrily as he released her
“Then shut up.” He said just as angry
“And stop telling me to shut …” she said as he grabbed her again and shut her up with a kiss
“Nick, stop…”
“Dammit Lindsay!” he yelled frustrated to death with her. “I am going to tie you up and gag you if you don’t shut up. I have something to say.”
She fired right back at him. “Stop kissing me. Say whatever you have to say then I am going home.”
“You are beautiful when you are mad.” Nick said trying to get her to calm down.
She laughed without humor “My humiliation is complete now. Well, at least you have something to remember me by when I am gone. You can hate me and laugh at me at the same time.”
“How dare you think that of me?” Nick exploded
“And how dare you have fun at my expense? How much more do I have to pay? I didn’t know you hated me. I’m sorry and I wouldn’t have been there if I had known. I can’t do anything about that day but give you what you want;
isn’t giving up my family and my home enough for you?” She cried crushed beyond anything she could imagine.
“Fun? You think I am having fun? This isn’t fun. I am watching one of my best friends in the whole world fall apart in front of my eyes. I am watching my dreams go up in smoke.”
Lindsay gasped “What are you talking about?” she asked stunned
“Nothing. Forget it. Go home.”
“Not until you tell me what you are talking about?”
“Go home. Discussion over.”
“What do I have to do with your dreams?” she asked “When did you ever dream about me? You hate me remember.”
“I do NOT hate you. You are one of my best friends in the whole world.” He shouted at her. “Will you please just listen to me?” he said in a little bit calmer voice.
Lindsay’s voice wasn’t calm in return “Listen to what? I already have plenty enough reason to move away, do you need to heap more on?”
“That’s it. Mama, forgive me but she deserves this.” Nick picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and walked to his horse and grabbed his rope. He took her over to the tree and stood her beside it and started to tie her to it. She scrambled away from him. He turned the rope in his hand and started to lasso her with it. He got it over her head as she ran and pulled it tight. She fell backwards onto the ground. He ran to her and tied her up like a calf roper at a rodeo would. He leaned over her and glared at her “You are going to listen to me or I am going to leave you here for the wild animals.”
“Untie Me!” she said angrier than she had even been in her life
“Are You Going to Listen to Me?” he shot back
“No.” she yelled
He walked to his horse and mounted up. “Have a nice day!” he said as he rode away.
Lindsay was screaming whatever she could think of to scream at him. “I am going to kill you when I get loose. My brothers are going to kill you. Your mother is going to kill you. Why did I ever say I love you? I can’t stand you. You are mean!” Lindsay finally ran out of things to scream at him and let her head rest on the ground. “At least you could have tied me up in the cabin where it was comfortable.” She said to empty woods.
“I could have, but my patience was gone and that is where you landed.”
Lindsay gasped when he started talking to her from a distance. She couldn’t see him but could hear him.
She started yelling at him to untie her again. She yelled that he was mean. She stopped when she didn’t hear any answer. “Nick?”
“Are you finished? Because I can leave you here and go home and no one will know for hours where you are. Now are you going to cooperate?”
“No. Just go home and tell my brother that you tied me in the woods. I will enjoy seeing you laid out on the ground after he kills you.”
“Bloodthirsty aren’t we?” Nick said with a chuckle. “See you later babe, it hasn’t been fun.”
“I am not your babe. I am your little sister. Remember that’s how you see me. Or is it Dalton’s little sister? Either way is fine with me. You won’t live long enough for it to matter anymore.” She yelled at him
“I remember now.” Nick said as he trotted his horse towards her. “The night before my accident, I called you my little sister in the barn and you freaked out.”
“I did not freak out” Lindsay said in an outraged tone
“Yes, you did. I put my hand on your arm to ask you what was wrong. You pushed it away and ran for the house. I followed you to your room and you either didn’t answer or weren’t there, which was it?” He said standing over her with a fierce expression in his eyes.
“Go home. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Dammit Lindsay, when did you get this stubborn?
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and tied it around her mouth. She couldn’t fight him with her hands tied but she finally shut up. She didn’t lie quietly and calmly though; she was still squirming on the ground.
“I can stand here all day and watch you squirm on the ground. It is very entertaining. Or you can lie there calmly and listen to me.”
She decided to pretend to listen to him and then he would leave her alone to deal with whatever he had said. She nodded and looked at him. He took it as a sign she was listening.
“Yes, I did think of you as Dalton’s little sister.” He said and she started squirming in anger again. Her eyes were shooting sparks at him. He held up his hand to calm her again. “But that started to change a few months ago.”
“What?” she tried to say over the cloth in her mouth.
“You have always been special to me and yes it was mostly like a kid sister. But now, it is a new kind of special and I want to see where and how it grows. Why not?” he asked as she was shaking her head.
Lindsay glared at him. But he laughed “I am not taking that off so I’ll ask yes or no questions.”
“Will you go out to dinner with me? Maybe dancing?”
She shook her head no.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He laughed “Will go on a ride with me sometime and not strand me in the woods?”
Emphatically she shook her head no.
“Another yes, great.” He paused for a moment as he pretended to think of another question “Will you let me kiss you again? I really enjoyed that sweetheart.”
She gasped around the handkerchief and again answered with another shake of her head “no”.
“Wow, another yes, all great answers to my questions.” He said sitting down on the ground beside her. “How about a picnic here by the creek?”
Again, her answer was a no. But he pumped his hand in the air. “Yes” Nick crowed. He was practically strutting with delight. “She wants to date me. Then I get to kiss her some more. Yeah, I’m good. Let’s try this one do you love me and need me?” and that was the wrong thing to ask. She shut down right before his eyes.
Lindsay closed her eyes to block out the pain and turned away. This is all a joke to him. She kept her eyes closed but the tears came anyway. Nick saw them and scrambled to remove the handkerchief from her mouth. “I’m sorry. Don’t cry, I’ll untie you just don’t kick anything important. Please. Lindsay, I’m sorry.” Only she had stopped listening and was waiting for him to untie her. He tried to get her to look at him by gently turning her head with his hand; but she jerked out of his reach.
Nick decided to wait a minute before he untied her. It would be safer for him but he also had to get her to listen to him. “Lindsay, I was being serious with that question. I know it didn’t sound like it but I was. Please! I need an answer to that question. Why did you tell me that in the hospital? Is it true?”
She started squirming hard enough for the rope to cut into the skin on her wrists. “Easy sweetheart, you are hurting yourself.”
Lindsay didn’t even hear him so he gathered her close so she had to stop squirming. He held her close and whispered to her that it was okay. He kissed the top of her head trying to be soothing. “Please answer me. I need to know if it is true. I want it to be true.” He said finally and she whipped her head around so fast that she clobbered him in the chin.
She tried to apologize with her eyes as he rubbed his sore chin. “You have a hard head babe, but then I should have known that since you are tied up just so I could talk to you.” Nick said with laughter in his voice.
She finally lay still on the ground. Nick leaned over her to look her directly in the eye. “I want it to be true, is it?”
She looked him in the eyes trying to find the laughter he was hiding. It was going to hurt so bad when he laughed at her. She finally decided she had steeled her heart as much as she could then she nodded and closed her eyes against the pain again.
Nick didn’t say anything just began to untie her. When he was finished he helped her to stand and tried to hug her, but she walked to his horse and untied the reins and h
anded them to him. She walked away and didn’t look back.
He started after her but she heard him and turned around. There was nothing there, she had shut down completely. Her eyes were dead and just shook her head and pointed towards the ranch. “I’m not leaving you here, Lindsay. Get on your horse and let’s go or we can talk more. We need to talk about this.”
She shook her head and said “I can’t” very softly.
“Then just listen. I want you to love me. I want to be needed by you. You are not my little sister or Dalton’s little sister anymore. I want to know you as my girl.” He said pleading with her to listen.
“Why now? Why not before? I’ll tell you why…I told you I love you and need you and you feel guilty that you said some things to me that you don’t even remember saying. You are trying to smooth things over. I am not an idiot; you are treating this like a big joke. You said all this now just to get me to listen to you. Well, guess what I listened. Are you happy now? Great. Nick’s happy and we can go back home now. All is well.”
“Nick is not happy and we are not going anywhere until you listen to me again. I don’t mean any of this as a joke. I know I hurt you. I’m sorry for what I said in the air ambulance. I can’t imagine ever pushing you away.” He reached for her and she didn’t back away. “I started to care differently for you several months ago, but I was scared. We have known each other for years. If you and me didn’t work out, what were we going to do then? We both live here. I have been trying for months to figure out what to do next and since Dalton’s wedding you have been avoiding me. I do want there to be a “you and me”. Can we try?”
“It would be easier if I move away and we forget we ever knew each other. Wouldn’t you rather have that? You..”
“No! Never!!” he interrupted
“You don’t want me. We would have been a couple long before now if you really wanted this.”
“I told you, I am scared. But I do want you!” he exclaimed “I really do!”
Lindsay paused and tried to read his thoughts. His eyes were pleading with her to listen. “Nick, please don’t say this if it isn’t true. I can’t take it.” Lindsay said trying to remain calm and not cry.