Read Star Yawns Episode 7. A Few Good Cadets by David & Sabine Williams Smashwords Edition Copyright 2014 Page 10

On board the DVD, Lieutenant Beani-Poohs walked into the ready room where the Captain was sitting. She had noticed lately that he seemed very preoccupied and solemn. He had not confided in her and that was understandable to some degree. The position of Captain was often a very lonely one and the weight of command was heavy… obviously it was reasonable to assume that there were times when he had to keep things to himself. But this seemed like more and it was time that she coaxed it out of him.

  “ Gus.”

  He turned and smiled at her. “ I didn’t see you there.”

  She stepped over to him and sat down beside him. He took her hand, almost absently as he smiled at her.

  “ You seem troubled Gus. As if you have the world on your shoulders. Are you able to confide in me what is wrong?”

  He gave a little sigh and began to rub his fingers over the smooth skin on the back of her hand. She didn’t think he was aware to doing so.

  “ I am deciding what I am going to do when I go down to the planet.”

  “ I heard a cadet was missing. Are you so worried about him?”

  He sat without speaking for a while. “ He is very young and very foolish. I always feel a moment’s anxiety when exposing our young ones to a new environment where they are not sure of what they will encounter. And where I am not sure of their reactions.”

  She smiled. “ I believe most fathers feel this way when watching their youngsters leave the nest.” She teased gently.

  The Captain smiled again. But then the smile died away and he frowned as he turned to her. She found herself looking into his eyes, they were often so calm, so direct but they also hid so many of his thoughts. Right now, there were shadows there and she began to feel slightly worried.

  “ The trouble is that there is going to be a situation soon and I cannot tell you anything about it.”

  Beani-Poohs was very puzzled about this. “ Why can’t you tell me?”

  He said simply, “ It’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know.”

  “ Gus, lately I feel that you are keeping a lot from me. But you used to tell me all about what was going on aboard this ship. What has changed?”

  “ This is something entirely different. Don’t you think I would tell you if I could?”

  “ I don’t think you would. In fact you have been distant for some time. Sometimes I feel that you are hiding a lot. I wonder if you are not being as forthcoming as you could be. There is no need for you to take on the burdens of everyone on board.”

  The Captain frowned. “ I am the Captain. That is my job.”

  She shook her head. “ No. You do more than that. You can’t personally be responsible for every single thing that occurs. Other people have to take responsibility for their own actions. You take it too far, Gus.”

  “ I didn’t mean to give you that impression. I will try and make it up to you. But I can’t speak of this particular situation to you. I can’t reveal this situation to you.”

  “ Are you sure?”

  “ It is what I have decided.”

  “ Gus, I know you mean well. But I am about to become your wife. If you can’t speak to me, then whom can you confide in? Marriage should be intimate in every way. But I don’t feel intimacy with you. As your future wife I should be here to lighten the burden of command. I don’t mean you have to inform me of confidential matters but we could speak of the more ordinary concerns.”

  He took his hand away and it felt like he had just mentally stepped back from her too. He was frowning and looking very displeased.

  “ Beani I cannot let you influence my decisions.”

  She was shocked. “ I don’t want to influence your decisions. You are the Captain. I would never presume to order you or influence you…”

  “ Yet you lecture me.” He sounded stern.

  A small flicker of anger began to brew inside her. “ I beg your pardon? I am not lecturing you. This is called communication. This is what life partners do.”

  “ We are not life partners yet. And if we do become life partners, I can not allow you to make decisions for me or influence me in any manner. I must remain alone when it comes to the burden of my command. I am a great deal more aware of my position than you are. There are areas of my life where you cannot intrude. Not even you can interfere in some situations.”

  She was frankly stunned. “ What do you mean IF we become life partners? Are you having second thoughts?”

  His face blanked of all expression he just looked at her.

  “ You see my concern for you as interference of your duties?” She asked as temper whipped through her like a lash and yes, hurt too. His blunt words were like knives to her heart.

  He sighed. “ Don’t overreact…”

  “ Oh, why not Gus? You don’t think I should overreact to the news that you think I am trying to manipulate you when all I wanted was to share your burdens?”

  “ It is not your place.”

  “ Not my place?” She stood up in a rush, glaring at him. “ It seems to me that we both want something different from this marriage. I want a partnership and you wish to distance yourself and somehow still remain alone. You can’t do that in a true relationship. It’s doomed to failure.”

  “ Please calm yourself. We don’t need to blow this out of proportion. We have known one another a long time. Of course I value your opinion but in this you cannot interfere and I cannot tell you why. Please be patient and let’s not make a mountain out of a molehill.”

  All the anger just seeped out of her and she shook her head sadly. “ You always do this Gus. We move forward and then you move back again.”

  “ I’m not doing that.”

  “ Aren’t you? Are you including me in your life?”

  “ We are engaged to be married. I can’t include you more than that can I?”

  She looked amazed. “ You really believe that?”

  “ Of course. I have shown you my intentions.”

  “ Yes you certainly have. You have shown me that I have a certain place in your life and I am supposed to be happy with that. But I have told you all along that I need the intimacy of knowing that if the man I love is everything to me, then I must be the same to him. But it’s becoming very clear to me that we still don’t truly understand one another. You just tried to put me in my place, in a box you have created for me and you can’t seem to understand why that is not acceptable to me.”

  “ Beani…”

  “ Don’t bother Gus! I have come to a decision. This is not working for me anymore. I need more. I need you to trust me and I need you to need me. But you don’t. You keep shutting me out and I am tired of it. We have been engaged for almost three years and it feels to me like I’m the only person in this relationship doing anything about it. It’s like you are another person entirely.”

  He suddenly showed his anger as he surged to his feet to pace the room. “ That is ridiculous. I proposed to you! I would hardly have done so were I not completely serious! You are being hysterical.”

  “ Oh!” She gave a strange laugh. “ It needed only that.”

  “ You must admit you are not being logical. Your reaction is misguided. As your Captain I cannot always confide in you.”

  “ I know,” she answered quietly, “ But you see Gus that’s not what I mean. If you can’t tell me you can’t tell me. But you could tell me that you are feeling stressed, a little worried, that you have had a hard week, that you dislike a crewmember or that something I said about our upcoming wedding displeases you… but you remove yourself from me, the same way you do from others.”

  “ I don’t see it that way.”

  “ We should have intimacy between us but it’s in short supply. You don’t really include me or make me feel wanted. Sometimes I wonder if I weren’t here any longer, if you would even notice. I sometimes feel that I am some problem of yours you have to solve or keep out of your way for awhile.”

  He expelled his breath in a explosion of sound and raked his hand through
his hair. “ I am doing my best! I don’t know what you want!”

  “ I have been telling you. But you don’t hear me.”

  “ I am listening now. There is no need to call off the wedding. We are mature adults and we know what we are doing.”

  “ No Gus. I won’t change my mind. This feels very wrong. I offer you comfort and you reject me, and you do it again and again. You are emotionally distant. My feelings for you have not changed. But I know now that I could never be happy with you. You would eventually drag me down to being sullen and secretive, like you and I have too much to live for to let that happen.”

  She stood up to leave the room.

  “ Beani is there nothing else I can say to change your mind.”

  They stood looking at one another across the wide expanse of the room.

  Finally she said, “ No Captain. Please call me Lieutenant Beani-Poohs from now on. Excuse me.”

  With that she walked out of the room.

  The Captain watching this scene in the courtroom kept his expression impassive. He said nothing as the drama continued….