We didn’t speak about it, and eventually, my caveman moment passed. I let go of her, and we were back to getting lost in the music.
Everything changed, though, when a slow song had come on. People started scrambling to find partners while others left the dance floor. Somehow, it felt like we were the only ones left.
Greta panicked and started to walk away.
I couldn’t blame her, but what if tonight was it for us? I wanted this dance.
I grabbed her hand. “Dance with me.”
She looked scared but let me reel her into me anyway. A deep breath escaped me when her entire body melted into my arms. She closed her eyes as she planted her head on my chest. My heart was hammering against it as if to tell me that I was an idiot for not realizing that this was precisely what it wanted.
For the first time since we arrived at the casino, thoughts of Chelsea were completely buried by the intensity of my feelings for Greta. Needing to know if she felt it, I looked down and at that same exact moment, she looked up at me. I was losing my ability to breathe. I touched my forehead to hers and just knew. That was the moment I stopped lying to myself. I was still in love with her. I didn’t know what to do about it because I loved Chelsea, too.
Before I could think it through, Greta pulled away and started running off through the darkness of the crowd.
“Greta, wait!”
Within seconds, I’d lost her. I made my way to the exit and ran toward the elevators. The doors were closing, and I stuck my arm through the opening to stop them.
She was crying. God, what had I done to her?
“What the fuck, Greta? Why did you run from me like that?”
“I just need to go back to my room.”
“Not like this.”
Without thinking, I pressed the stop button.
“What are you doing?”
“This isn’t how I wanted our night to end. I crossed a line. I know that. I got lost in the moment with you, and I’m so fucking sorry. But it wasn’t going to go any further because I won’t cheat on Chelsea. I couldn’t do that to her.”
“I’m not as strong as you are, then. You can’t dance with me like that, look at me like that, touch me like that if we can’t do anything about it. And for the record, I wouldn’t want you to cheat on her!”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t want you to say one thing and act in a way that contradicts it. We don’t have much time left together. I want you to talk to me. That night at the wake…you wrapped your hand around my neck. It felt like for a moment you were back in that place where we left off. That’s sort of how I feel around you all of the time. Then, later that night, Chelsea told me what happened after you got home.”
What was she talking about?
“Exactly what did she tell you?”
“Were you thinking about me? Is that why you couldn’t perform that night?”
The fuck?
I had no words. The fact that Chelsea told Greta about that private moment actually pissed me off. I was speechless.
“I want you to tell me the truth,” she said.
She couldn’t handle the truth, and I couldn’t handle these feelings for her. But I was pissed that they’d been talking like that behind my back. On top of that, my whole life felt like it had been turned inside out in one night.
So, I lost it.
“You want the truth? I was fucking my girlfriend and could see nothing but you. That’s the truth.” I moved toward her predatorily, and she backed away. “I got into the shower that night, and the only way I could finish the job was to imagine coming all over your beautiful neck. That’s the truth.”
It should have stopped there.
Instead, I locked my arms around her as she leaned her back against the wall. I kept going. “You want more? I was going to ask her to marry me tonight at her sister’s wedding. I was supposed to be engaged right at this very moment, but instead, I’m in an elevator fighting the urge to back you up against this wall and fuck you so hard that I’ll have to carry you back to your room.”
My chest hurt. I dropped my arms. “Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down in the past 48 hours. I’m questioning everything, and I don’t fucking know what to do. That’s. The. Truth.”
I released the stop button because any more time in here would have been detrimental, although being brutally honest for once felt like a huge weight had lifted off of my chest.
When we got to our floor, we both went back to our separate rooms.
Alone in bed, guilt started to really set in and prevented me from sleeping.
I was torturing myself by going through my pictures of Chelsea again.
She didn’t deserve this.
I’d tossed and turned, alternating between thoughts of Randy, guilt over Chelsea and my personal favorite: carnal thoughts of Greta. If I didn’t care about hurting Chelsea, I would have gone to Greta’s room that night. I knew with all of our pent-up frustration, it would have been the best sex of my life. But I wasn’t a cheater, and I wouldn’t go there. So, I let my imagination experience it.
At one point, the sexual fantasies had gotten so vivid, I tried to undo my sins with a text to Chelsea at 2 A.M.
I love you.
Immediately after, I sent a text to Greta.
If I knock on your door tonight, don’t let me in.
***
The cab was approaching my destination, so I thought that was as good a point as any to stop the story since I was going to have to greet my friends soon. It was painful to put it down.
I paid the driver and stuck my kindle in my purse. As I made my way inside Club Underground, the contrast of the darkness and bright lights caused a feeling of unreality. My head had been stuck in Elec’s story all day, and it almost felt strange venturing into the real world. It started to make me feel a little panicky with a bit of vertigo, which I got from time to time.
My nervous state improved as soon as I saw two of my coworkers, Bobbie and Jennifer, who greeted me as I entered the private room. A small bar was lit up in purple lighting, and I immediately booked it over there for a vodka soda.
I took a sip. “Is the guest of honor here yet?”
“No sign of Hetty yet,” Jennifer said.
Since Hetty wasn’t even here yet, I excused myself to go to the bathroom where I promptly picked my kindle up again. Don’t judge.
***
I still consider it a miracle that I made it through that night without fucking up. Greta ended up texting me that she was having insomnia. I immediately called her, and we talked until she fell asleep sometime after 4 A.M. I stayed on the phone listening to the sound of her breathing.
The ride home the next morning was downright painful. A chainsaw wouldn’t have been enough to cut the tension in the air.
Greta was going to be driving me to the airport. We ended up stopping at her mother’s house first. Being back in the place where everything started was harder than I thought it would be.
Greta had served me some of her homemade ice cream. It was nostalgic sharing it with her out of the same bowl. For some reason, out of everything we’d experienced during our little adventure, that moment had meant the most to me and felt like goodbye all at once.
***
I had to put my kindle down when Hetty walked into the bathroom. She must have thought I was pathetic.
“There you are. We’ve all been looking for you!”
“Oh, I lost track of time. You hadn’t arrived yet, so I came in here to chill for a bit before the party started.” I hugged her. “Happy birthday, sweetie.”
“Thanks. You were reading?”
“Yeah.” I laughed and waved my hand dismissively. “You know how it is when you start a book you can’t put down.”
“Is it smut?”
I had to think about it. “Not really.”
“Right. Okay, well, come on! Almost everyone’s here now.”
I followed her back out into the
club and immediately ran to the bar for another vodka soda. Vowing to not pick up the book for at least an hour, I worked the room and found myself looking at people’s faces but not really hearing what they were saying. Their mouths were moving, but my brain wasn’t processing it; my mind was still with Elec.
As soon as my self-imposed hour was up, I snuck back into the bathroom. My friends were probably going to think I was doing lines of coke, but I needed to finish the book since I only had a small percentage left. That way, I could get through the remainder of the night with no preoccupation.
I took a deep breath.
***
Greta wouldn’t make eye contact on the ride to the airport. All of the special moments we’d shared, and she couldn’t even stand to look at my face now. That was what it all came down to, and I couldn’t say I blamed her.
I was breaking apart at the seams and didn’t know what to say to her. We’d practically been to Heaven and Hell and back together over the past twenty-four hours and now, I was simply leaving her…again.
When we exited the car at the curb, the wind was wild. It was almost like a scene out of a movie. This would have been the sad part where you’d cue the dramatic music.
The thunderous sound of the planes taking off made it even more difficult to articulate what I wanted to say. What do you say to someone you’re abandoning for the second time?
She held onto herself and was looking everywhere but at my face.
Finally, I said, “Look at me.”
Greta shook her head repeatedly, and a tear fell down her cheek.
It was official now. I was the scum of the Earth.
My own eyes started watering because I couldn’t take away the pain she was feeling, because I couldn’t do the one thing that would have achieved that: staying.
She was waving me off. “It’s okay. Go. Please. Text me if you want. It’s just…I can’t do a long goodbye…not with you.”
She was right. This wasn’t going to end well, so why prolong it?
“Okay.”
She startled me when she leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. She rushed back to the car and slammed the door before I could even process it.
The remnants of her saliva were stinging my cheek as I walked into the airport in a daze.
I wanted to look at her one last time, so I turned around. Big mistake. Through the glass, I saw that her head was on the steering wheel. I immediately ran back outside to the car and knocked on the window. She refused to look up and started the engine, so I knocked harder. She finally turned to me and got out, wiping her tears. “Did you forget something?”
Before I knew it, my mouth was on hers. My heart was doing the thinking at this point. I wouldn’t open my lips because I’d convinced myself that this was innocent so long as I couldn’t taste her. It was a firm, desperate kiss, and I didn’t even know what it meant.
I felt empty and confused.
She ended it. “Get out of here. You’re gonna miss your flight.”
My hands were still on her cheeks. “I never got over hurting you the first time, but hurting you twice…believe me when I say this was the last thing I ever wanted to see happen in my lifetime.”
“Why did you come back just now?”
“I turned around and saw you crying. What kind of a heartless asshole would leave you like that?”
“Well, you weren’t supposed to see that. You really should have kept walking because now you’re making it worse.”
“I didn’t want that to be my last visual.”
“If you really love her, you shouldn’t have kissed me,” she yelled.
“I do love her.” It came out really defensively. I looked up at the sky because I needed to think for a second.
How would I explain the realization I had on the dance floor last night?
“You want to know the truth? I fucking love you, too. I don’t think I realized how much until I saw you again.”
“You love us both? That’s messed up, Elec.”
“You’ve always told me you wanted honesty. I just gave it to you. I’m sorry if the truth is a fucked up mess.”
“Well, she has the home court advantage. You’ll forget about me again soon enough. That will simplify things.”
She was getting back in the car.
“Greta…don’t leave like this.”
“I’m not the one leaving.”
Ouch.
She drove off and left me at the curb, which was fitting because I’d unintentionally kicked her to the same place…twice, actually.
I was really tempted to jump in a cab and follow her. But I got on that plane back to California because for once in my life, I needed to do the right thing.
***
My finger kept pressing the next page button hoping there was more to the story. He couldn’t have possibly put me through all of that just to end it right where we left things.
When he sent me the manuscript, he said it wasn’t finished. It was probable that he didn’t feel I needed to know anything more than what involved me. Since the rest of his life would involve her, there was no need to torture me with more. I got it now, and I appreciated that. He wanted me to understand what he was feeling all of that time so he could have some closure and move on.
Well, good for him.
I took out my phone and sent him a text that sounded cordial despite my anger.
I finished. Thank you. That was an amazing ride. I’m honored you asked me to read it. The history of your family blew me away and explained so much. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I understand so much more now and also why you ended it where you did.
Fuck.
I was crying and had to go back out to my friends.
Devastated, I was determined that the rest of the night would be about forgetting him once and for all.
“Help me drown my sorrows,” I remember him saying to me at the casino. Well, that was what I needed right now.
My friends were on the dance floor and cheered when they spotted me. They pulled me in, and we danced together for at least an hour. The more I thought about Elec, the harder and faster I swayed my hips and shook my head around to the point where my hair must have looked like I’d gotten electrocuted. Getting lost in the music, I didn’t want to stop long enough to feel all of the painful emotions that his words had caused. I certainly didn’t want to accept that the character of Greta Hansen had now been written out of his life.
A half-hour later, my phone buzzed.
What’s your theory on why I ended it where I did?
His response stunned me. To prevent myself from losing it on the dance floor, I kept dancing as if nothing had happened. I didn’t want my friends to think something was wrong.
I shook my ass and typed.
Greta: Because you didn’t want to hurt me. The rest has nothing to do with me.
Elec: You’re sure about that?
Greta: What are you saying?
Elec: Stop shaking your ass for five seconds and maybe I’ll tell you.
What?
Before I could turn around, the feeling of strong hands grasping at the sides of my dress from behind caused me to suddenly stop moving. They slowly slid down my waist and landed on my ass with a cool self-assurance. That grip. That smell. The way my body immediately responded.
No. It couldn’t be.
CHAPTER 21
I flipped around and was met with smoky eyes, incandescent even in the darkness of the club. My heartbeat was so intense, it seemed like it was dueling with the bass of the fast-paced music. Everything around me seemed to fade away upon the realization that Elec was right in front of me, holding onto me as if he knew his presence would jar me to the point that I might collapse and need him for balance.
My voice was trembling. I was so nervous that my first question was a dumb one. “What happened to your glasses?”
“Contacts tonight.”
“Oh.”
Finally, the shock was st
arting to wear off just enough for me to attempt to ask something that made sense. “I have a million questions. How did you get here? How did you find me? How—”
“Shut up, Greta.” His hot mouth enveloped my lips and abruptly interrupted all further questioning. He devoured me with reckless abandon. If there were any doubt about where things stood between us, the possessive feel of this kiss, the way he pressed his entire body against me, annihilated it.
Without having to say it with his words, the kiss spoke volumes. His tongue lashing at mine, the guttural sounds that came out from his throat as he did it, it was the first time since I’d met him that I’d truly felt it in my bones: he was mine. All of the reservations of the past, every shred of what had been holding us back was gone.
I didn’t know the full story yet of how we suddenly arrived at this place, but I wasn’t sure it mattered.
My fingers raked through his hair desperately as I pulled him harder into me.
Don’t ever leave me again, Elec.
We were still in our own little world despite people dancing all around, bumping into us. He breathed over my lips with his forehead on mine. “I’ve been waiting for you to finish the book so I could come to you. That was the plan.”
“You’ve been in New York all this time?”
“I was already in New York waiting when I sent it.”
“Oh my God.” I buried my face into his chest and savored the smell of him sans cigarettes. I looked up at him and had to ask the question even though it should have been obvious. “You broke up with her?”