Chapter Five
We beat Gus and Victor too many times to count and I was driving home on a video game high. I didn’t need to look in my mirror to know Hector was making sure I got home okay. The sound of his car engine vibrated everything within a hundred feet radius. I was turning onto Sunset when I saw lights flashing behind me.
Not again.
I pulled over and waited. Hector pulled up in front of me.
When I saw who the cop was in my side mirror I rolled my eyes.
“Hi Stevie.” It was Bryan’s surfing buddy Kevin.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said getting out of the car.
Kevin looked like he belonged on a police recruitment poster. He had a blonde buzz cut and was only a couple inches taller than me, but what he lacked in height he made up in width. He worked out like crazy and it showed. I liked him, and normally I’d be happy to see him, but now? Not really.
“What?” He said smirking. “You were going two miles above the speed limit back there.”
Kevin’s partner started to laugh. He was a buff black guy with arms the size of my thighs who I recognized from one of Bryan’s super bowl parties.
“That’s not why you pulled me over and you know it,” I said, stomping towards him.
“I need to see your license and registration,” he said getting out his pad pretending like he was going to write me a ticket. “And be slow about it because Bryan in still ten minutes away.”
His partner started laughing again.
“You shouldn’t be encouraging this kind of thing,” I said to him.
“What? You were driving over the speed limit,” he said looking over and grinning at Kevin.
“Two miles? Hardly reckless driving is it?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kevin said. “It could be one mile over the limit and Marcus and I could still write you a ticket.”
I let out a huff and crossed my arms in front of me knowing I was trapped.
“Goldie, what’s going on?” Hector had made his way over with a worried look on his face.
I let out a gust of air. “I’m fine. These two have pulled me over just to harass me,” I said glaring in Kevin and Marcus’s direction.
“What the fuck?” He asked, obviously confused by my cryptic answer.
“You know this guy?” Kevin asked me.
“She’s fucking talking to me. Don’t that mean she knows me,” Hector snarled.
From the look on his face he may as well have tacked on ‘dumb shit’ at the end.
Kevin and Marcus didn’t look as amused as they did before. In fact they looked really pissed off.
I jumped between them, not wanting them to misinterpret Hector’s vocabulary.
“It’s okay Hector. He’s a friend of mine,” I said pointing to Kevin. “He’s just having some fun at my expense.”
Kevin and Marcus stared at him with their stern cop faces on.
“Shit, why the fuck didn’t you just say they were messing with you? Sorry amigos,” he said giving them a smile. “I like anyone who takes the shit out of Goldie here. Man, with her fucking mouth she could use it.”
What?
I glared at him. “Thanks a lot, partner.” I wasn’t sure, but I think I might have actually stomped my foot.
Marcus and Kevin’s cop faces relaxed and they started smiling.
“Whoa, be careful. She’s gets all mean and shit when she’s mad,” Hector said raising his hands in my direction and taking a step back.
“You’re partners with him?” Kevin asked looking skeptical.
I nodded.
“Doing what?” He asked disbelief spreading across his face.
I ignored his question. I didn’t want to give them any more ammunition.
“Hey,” Kevin said to Hector. “What kind of work do you two do?”
“We work at Harriet’s Hollywood Repossessions,” Hector said obviously proud of his job.
Kevin and Marcus’s mouths fell open.
“You’re doing repo work?” Kevin asked me.
I crossed my arms not saying anything.
“Hell, yes she does,” Hector chimed in. “And she’s pretty fucking good.”
At least Hector redeemed himself.
“Oh, my God,” Kevin said to Marcus. “Remember that call we heard about?”
Then they both stared at me with big grins across their faces.
“That was you. Wasn’t it?” Kevin said chuckling to himself.
I pretended like I didn’t hear him.
“I should have known. No wonder Bryan is freaked out,” Kevin said.
“That wasn’t her fault,” Hector said. “Those fuckers were crazy.”
At least there was some loyalty among the repo brotherhood.
When I saw Bryan’s black beamer pull up I stifled a growl and got back into my car. Too angry to even yell at him.
I watched as he got out of his car and greeted Kevin and Marcus. Why did he have to look so good in his work clothes? He was wearing navy pants and a light blue shirt unbuttoned at the neck. I knew his tie was probably in the front seat of his car. He usually yanked it off as soon as he left his office. He gave me a sideways glance and ignored the bitch look I gave him. I noticed his mouth was tight and his eyes definitely weren’t all warm and fuzzy at the sight of me.
Hector came around, rested his hands against my window and leaned down to talk to me.
“So who the fuck is that?” He asked shooting a glance at Bryan.
I pursed my lips together. “A friend,” I said.
He raised his eyebrows. “He don’t look at you like a friend. He looks at you like he wants to fuck you.”
Shelley and Keats had nothing on Hector.
“He’s a friend who used to be a boyfriend,” I explained.
Hector nodded.
“He’s not doing some weird stalker shit on you? Is he?”
“No.”
“That’s cool,” he said nodding again. “If he becomes a problem let me know and I’ll kick the shit out of him.”
“Thanks, but no shit kicking is necessary.”
Bryan walked over and introduced himself to Hector.
“Hey don’t I know you?” Hector asked, studying his face.
Bryan didn’t say anything. He was too busy taking in all of Hector’s three hundred pounds. The man did have a lot of bulk.
Then a look of recognition passed across Hector’s face. “You were the lawyer against my cousin Manny.”
Oh, no. This might get ugly. Sometimes people got cranky when you sent their family to jail.
“How is he doing?” Bryan asked still ignoring me.
“He’s doing fucking great. He’s training to be a mechanic. Even helped me with my car,” Hector said pointing at Baby. “He was such a fucking crack head. It was cool you recommended rehab instead of juvy.”
Bryan acknowledged what he said, but didn’t say anything else. I could tell by the soft lines around his eyes that he had a long day. I felt a little guilty. I knew I was probably the cause.
“Thanks again man,” Hector said. Then he turned and looked at me. “Sorry Goldie, I can’t kick the shit out of him. I owe him.”
Bryan looked at me.
“He thought you might be a stalker and offered,” I quickly explained. “Geez… I said no.”
As Marcus and Kevin drove off they smiled and waved at me.
Very annoying.
“So are you gonna make sure she gets home okay?” Hector asked Bryan.
“I got it covered,” he said.
Hector nodded. “Shit Goldie and the cop lawyer,” he said under his breath. “Girl, I’ll see you in the morning.” Then he did the nod thing guys do to Bryan and drove away.
I narrowed my eyes and blurted out, “I can’t believe you had them stop me.”
“Then you should have answered your phone,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’ll meet you at your place.”
“Fine.”
I answered trying to sound as snotty as possible. There was no point arguing with him. I knew he’d follow me home whether I liked it or not.
Bryan pulled into the parking spot next to mine. We were silent as we made our way to my apartment. Both of us were still too irritated with each other to speak.
I opened my door and tossed my keys on the kitchen counter.
Bryan didn’t waste any time. “You need to quit this job Stevie. You’ve been doing it for less than a week and you already have guys breaking into your apartment.” His voice got louder with each word.
It’s been two days actually. And he had no right to tell me what to do.
“I like my job and I’m good at it. It wasn’t my fault my first repo was with a bunch of crazies,” I said.
He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. “Stevie I checked these guys out. They’re not people you want to mess with,” he said
Fidel and Emil? Nah. After seeing the two of them wrestle with guys wearing bun huggers and maxi pads they lost their ability to scare me.
“They didn’t seem that bad,” I said.
“Not that bad? They broke into your apartment and according to your statement wanted you to be their new girlfriend.”
I knew it. He already read the police report.
“Okay… but they got caught and now it’s done and over with,” I said.
What else did he want me to do? Pack up and move to Mexico? I certainly wasn’t quitting my job. You get psychos everywhere. Sometimes even on auditions I had to fend off worse guys than hair puller and friend.
Bryan came closer to me. “They got out on bail today.”
Out on bail already? My head started to throb.
“When?”
“This morning,” he answered.
“And they don’t seem like the type of guys to just let something like this go. They had a woman and two guys wearing what looked like diapers beat the shit out of them. Do you really think they’re going to forget about it? Every police department in the state has heard the story. You’re lucky you weren’t on the news. I must have gotten fifty calls today asking me about it.”
There I went embarrassing him again.
“Did your parents find out yet?”
I’m sure they loved hearing about this. Almost as much as they loved hearing that we broke up. I bet they brought out the champagne with that one.
“I don’t give a fuck what my parents think,” he said. “All I care about is convincing you what you’re doing is insane.”
True. Bryan definitely didn’t take any shit off his parents. I’m the one that had a problem with them. They knew Bryan would never allow them to be rude to me, but I had always felt their silent disappointment in his choice of a girlfriend. If they could have had “wrong choice for our son” stamped on my forehead they would have.
“Just because I don’t look like Hector doesn’t mean I can’t do this job just as well as he does.”
“It’s too dangerous Stevie. You need to quit.” He paced the room. “You know I could have your boss encounter some legal problems. Then you’d have to quit.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.”
He stared back at me for a couple beats then sighed. “No, I wouldn’t,” he said putting his hand on his stomach. “Shit…you’re going to give me an ulcer before I hit my thirties.”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I said. “I can take care of myself.”
He gave me a doubting look.
“Okay there have been times when… I’ve appreciated your help.”
Like the time I thought I was working for a company that test drove cars from LA to Mexico and ended up getting arrested and thrown into a Tijuana jail. How was I supposed to know they were stolen? The company seemed legit. They had a web site and everything.
“I really thought… as you got older you’d stop getting yourself into this crazy type of crap, but instead you’ve only gotten worse.”
“What? You thought I would grow out of being me?” I said louder than I intended. He always seemed to want to mold me into something I wasn’t.
“Come on Stevie you know that’s not what I meant,” he said, putting his hand on my arm.
“Yes, it is,” I said, pushing his hand away. “I’m not your problem to fix anymore.”
The words came out before I could stop them.
“You’re right. You’re not my problem.” He started to say something, but stopped himself then stared down at the ground. “This friend thing isn’t working.”
What?
He looked up and locked eyes with me. “I can’t sit back and watch you put yourself in these situations anymore,” he said. “I was a wreck worrying about you today.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should have answered your calls.”
“I think I just need to take a break from…all the chaos,” he said. “Just until I can get my sanity back.”
“I’m the chaos?” I asked.
He slowly nodded.
I definitely didn’t see this coming.
“Be careful,” he said then gave me a lingering kiss on the lips and left.
I exhaled loudly taking in what he had said. A break from me? Not see each other at all?
This friendship stuff certainly had its sucky moments. We used to fight then make up by having wild sweaty sex. This kind of fighting definitely wasn’t as fun. When I went to bed that night at least I wasn’t worried about hair puller and friend. I had bigger issues now. Like what was I going to do without Bryan?
“I’m getting fucking hungry. When is this bitch going to lead us to her car?” Hector complained.
We had been sitting in Hector’s Baby for a couple hours and he was getting cranky. Our repo must have parked her car in a garage because it was nowhere in sight.
“Do you want me to go the liquor store and get you some food?”
I was getting nervous. I had a feeling seeing Hector really hungry was not a happy experience. I was grateful he didn’t ask any questions about what happened with Bryan last night. He was sticking to his don’t ask, don’t tell policy.
“I can’t,” he said giving me a sideways glance. “My wife told me I can’t eat between meals.”
I almost spit out the coffee I had been drinking.
“You’re on a diet?”
“Fuck no. I ain’t on no fucking diet. She just doesn’t want me stuffing my face all day. So I won’t drop dead. Cause we got kids and all.”
I nodded.
“Good plan,” I said. Hector could definitely stand to lose a few… hundred pounds.
“What is this place anyway?” he asked. “These women go in looking normal then they come out walking like they just got majorly fucked.”
We were waiting outside of a well-known spa called Bare Lips. They were known for their waxing and could make you virtually hairless within twenty minutes. Jeff and Jason were regulars and had been encouraging me to go, but from the pained look on the ladies leaving I was definitely passing.
“It does waxing,” I said.
He made a disgusted face.
“You mean where they get rid of all the pussy hair?”
I did a mental cringe.
“Yep. And other places.”
I considered myself a pretty open minded person, but discussing pubic hair with Hector was something I never thought I’d be doing.
“Why do fucking chicks do that?”
I shrugged. I didn’t know either. I bikini waxed, but unless they gassed me and put me under I was never getting the full rip. I even felt faint when my panty liner got twisted up.
Hector shook his head. “Men don’t like a bare pussy. It makes it look like a couple of chicken cutlets I should be grilling on my fucking barbecue. Shit what a bunch of crazy mother fuckers.”
I started laughing.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said still laughing. “I just don’t think I’d ever heard it put that way b
efore.
“Damn right you ain’t.”
“Are you saying guys prefer we do nothing?”
“I didn’t say we wanted a fucking jungle hanging out and shit. But we don’t want chicks completely bald either. At least that’s the way it is in my neighborhood, who the fuck knows in yours.”
At least I was okay in Hector’s guidelines for vagina upkeep. I fell somewhere between jungle and bald.
Hector glanced over my shoulder. “Finally. The bitch is on the move.”
We watched her walk down the alley into the driveway of the house immediately behind the spa. Hector asked me to get out and see where she was going. I stopped in front of the driveway, got my phone out of my pocket and pretended to check my messages. She went into the garage and came back carrying a wallet in her hands.
I casually walked towards the garage and tried the door. It was unlocked. I opened it and peeked inside and saw our repo, a white BMW seven series looking back at me. I watched her go back into the spa and then went to tell Hector what I found.
“Girl you know we ain’t supposed to be breaking into peoples’ garages and shit,” he said.
“This comes from the gift from God guy?”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t. Just that we’re not supposed to,” he said. “Harry understands my gift, but we should keep everything else between us. Comprende?”
“Understood,” I said.
Hector went to work doing his thing and I waited in the car as look out. When I saw the owner race up the alley with her bowl of wax in hand and her spatula armed and ready, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I raced out of the car with the repo papers. By the time I got up the driveway I heard Hector scream, “Crazy bitch.”
I flung the garage door open and raced in. The salon girl was standing close to the door, spatula in her hand with wax dripping down onto the floor. Her eyes looked like they were ready to bounce out of their sockets when she saw Hector heave himself out of the car and walk towards her. An angry Hector was definitely a scary sight. His mouth was pursed together and he was mumbling in Spanish as he kept looking at the blob of wax on arm and then back to the girl. She pushed past me as she made her way to the door yelling that she was going to call the police if he came after her.
“What the fuck is this? Shit she attacks me and she’s calling the police? How fucking twisted is that?”
We could have called her in for assault, but decided it wouldn’t be the wisest choice. We didn’t think the police would understand about us breaking into the garage and Hector using his gift. We figured it would be best just take the merchandise and get the hell out of there.
We met up with Victor and Gus when we dropped the car off at the office. Harry wasn’t there, but I could tell from the perfume quotient she had probably just left. I didn’t want to ask Hector where she was until he got some food in him. Otherwise I’d get an even shorter response than normal.
We shoved our paperwork in Harry’s mailbox and quickly made our way to the fast food chicken place down the street before Hector could fly into a lack of food induced rage. We ordered then found a table in the back. It was amazing how fast people scattered when they saw Hector coming their way.
“You don’t eat any meat?” Victor asked in disbelief after he asked why I didn’t order a sandwich. “Not even chicken?”
I knit my eyebrows together confused.
“No chicken,” I said.
“Fish?” he asked still not quite understanding the concept of meat.
“No.”
I had been a vegetarian ever since I found out where that packaged stuff from the grocery store really came from. I had no objection to other people eating meat. I believed in the food chain, but I just wanted a chain that didn’t have a face on it.
“Girl, no wonder why you’re so fucking skinny,” Hector said.
Skinny I definitely wasn’t.
“Are you one of those freaks that throw paint at people who wear fur and shit?” Gus asked.
Once, but it didn’t count because I missed.
“No. I just don’t eat anything that once had a mother.”
“Shit I’ll eat anything with a mother or a father as long as it tastes good,” Gus said.
Victor cut his eyes to Hector and me then to Gus. “Nah it’s too easy,” he said laughing.
Hector started laughing with him.
“You’re a pig Victor,” I said.
“What’s going on?” Gus said smiling along with us completely oblivious.
“You’re such a dumb shit,” Hector said.
“What?” Gus said. “What’d I miss?”
“Your brain must be the size of a fucking chicken McNugget,” Victor said. “Forget it.”
Gus shrugged. “I don’t get it.”
I had a feeling Gus didn’t get a lot of things.
“Goldie you have to fucking eat meat to get some meat,” Hector said laughing at his own joke. “Men like a woman with some extra bits to grab onto. Don’t we?” He asked Gus and Victor.
“Gus only grabs himself so he wouldn’t know,” Victor said giving Hector a high five.
Gus and I stared at each other waiting for them to stop.
“Hector is right Goldie. We don’t like skinny ass girls. Who wants to ride a bunch of creaky ass bones.”
What? Was I in some parallel universe? All those years of guilt after eating chocolate for nothing.
“But we also don’t want to have to dive through fucking layers of blubber to find her fucking pussy either,” Hector chimed in.
Victor and Gus both nodded agreeing with him.
Thank God our number was called out before they went into any more details of pussy diving. At least they made me fill better about stress eating a whole bag of cookies last night after Bryan left. Maybe getting a bigger ass was the way to go.
“You’re going to have to pull that off eventually,” I said pointing to wax girl’s damage.
Hector looked down at the blob of wax on his arm and snarled. “No I don’t. It can stay there fucking forever for all I care.
Gus and Victor started laughing.
“I can just rip it off,” I encouraged trying not to laugh. “It will be like a band aid.”
Only it was the biggest band aid I had ever seen with enough hair attached to knit a sweater.
“You’re such a pussy,” Gus said.
“Wanna call me that again so I can kick your sorry ass?”
Gus held up his hands in mock surrender.
“Hector this diet thing is making you a miserable fuck,” Victor said.
“I ain’t on no fucking diet,” Hector said reaching across and pinching Victor’s arm.
“Ow. What the fuck?” Victor hollered.
“Do I have to put you two in the corner?” I said looking around the restaurant at the people staring at us. “Geez, behave.”
“He’s the one who fucking started it,” Hector mumbled.
“How old are you?” I asked.
Gus and Victor laughed, but I gave them the death stare and they quieted down. I didn’t want them to rile Hector up. There had to be some partner loyalty.
“Hey Goldie, Harry wanted me to warn you. She thinks those dick heads that broke into your apartment have been doing some office drivebys.”
I gulped down the fries that had suddenly made a lump in my throat. I wondered if Jeff and Jason would mind if I moved into their guest room.
“Harry doesn’t even know what they look like.” I said, hopeful she was wrong.
“The fuck she doesn’t. Anything that happens to any of us she always makes it her business to check it out,” Hector said. “She’s even better at finding out shit than my wife.”
Good to know.
As we were leaving the restaurant Hector nudged me and did a little nod to look across the street. I glanced over and saw Bryan waiting by the valet sign. He was with Lizzy Stockwell who I recognized from one of his mother’s parties. She was a lawy
er and worked for his father’s company. She was tall and lean with long brown hair and looked as if she just stepped out of a fashion magazine. She was whispering in his ear and had her arm through his. They were looking friendly enough to make my stomach churn.
I looked down at my combat boots, khaki green cargo pants and black t-shirt. Why couldn’t I at least have made the extra effort on my hair today? It was in its usual pony tail. I could make it look half way decent if I wanted to take the extra twenty minutes to flat iron the waves and frizz, but as I was always running late the time just never seemed to be there.
“Don’t worry Goldie she ain’t got nothing on you,” Hector whispered.
Yeah right.
“She’s way skinnier than you. What fuckin’ guy likes that?”
I’m going running as soon as I get home. Maybe I could even do some ass clenches on the walk back to the office.
“What the hell are you two whispering about,” Victor said.
Hector looked to me. I nodded letting him know it was okay.
“See that guy across the street by the valet sigh?”
Victor and Gus cut their eyes over to Bryan.
“That dude is Goldie’s ex-boyfriend who is a supposed to be a friend now, but they both still want to fuck each other,” he explained.
Hector certainly had a way with words.
Victor and Gus nodded.
“It’s all right Goldie,” Victor said glancing over in their direction. “You’re way thicker than she is.”
Thicker? That didn’t sound good. I didn’t want to be thicker. Maybe I could trigger my gag reflex and throw up my lunch. What’s a little bulimia in an emergency? I know they were trying to be nice, but it was definitely not helping.
I glanced over and saw Lizzy kiss Brian on the neck. He didn’t look like he especially enjoyed it, but he certainly didn’t pull away either. Crap. The gag reflex wasn’t necessary because now I was feeling nauseous. Jealousy was a great dieting tool.
“Come on let’s go,” Hector said tugging on my arm. “You don’t want to see that shit.”
We started walking away, but I couldn’t resist taking one more look at Bryan. The valet guy was holding the door for him and he was coming around the car when he glanced over and saw me. He stopped mid step obviously surprised. We stared at each other for a couple of beats not sure how to handle our new status. Bryan broke the awkwardness by giving me a grin before he got in the car. I smiled back relieved that at least he wasn’t mad enough to ignore me completely.
“See girl I told you,” Hector said. “It’s obvious he likes your meatier ass over her bony one any day.”
Where was a good tape worm when you needed one?