“You don’t mean that, Kenzi. You want what your parents have, and if I couldn’t give that to you, you’d end up hating me.”
“Don’t tell me how I will or won’t feel. I can’t see into the future, so I don’t know who I’ll be five or ten years from now. Maybe I will feel differently about marriage and children then. All I care about is how I feel today. I don’t regret one moment I spent with you. Not one. Do you remember the note you wrote with the music you gave me? You told me that I was stronger than whatever I was facing. You were right. I am strong. I didn’t fall apart when you didn’t call. I’ve been working on me and getting myself into a better place. If we don’t work out, it’ll hurt, Dax. It’ll hurt like hell. But I’ll survive. I know that now, and you’re part of the reason I do. So don’t tell me I’ll hate you, because that is one thing I know will never happen.”
Dax waved to his driver who was watching him from where his car was parked across the street. “If I fly out now I can be at your place before morning.”
“I’ll wait up.”
“No, you should rest. I’ll have a six-hour flight to think about nothing but you and all the ways I can show you how much I’ve missed you.”
Kenzi laughed the way she did when she was turned on. He’d never heard a sweeter sound. “I’ll try to sleep, but I have a feeling I’ll be awake imagining all the same things.”
Dax’s car pulled up, and he told Kenzi he’d text her when he landed. He knew he had a big, stupid grin on his face, but he didn’t care. Kenzi loved him and for the first time the idea didn’t terrify him.
Clay came out of the restaurant just as Dax was stepping into his car. “Is everything okay?”
Dax nodded. “I’m flying back to Boston tonight. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
Clay smiled and saluted him. “I’ll start working on my speech.”
Dax didn’t correct his assumption. He could explain everything to him later. All that mattered right then was getting on a plane and getting back to Kenzi.
Chapter Eighteen
Waiting for Dax to arrive was torture, but it was followed by indescribable pleasure when he finally walked through Kenzi’s door. She threw herself in his arms and kissed him with every bit of love she’d been holding back.
There was no time for talking; that would come later. Kenzi tore at his clothes while he tore at hers. His mouth claimed hers deeply, completely. They’d barely closed the door before they were mostly naked and Kenzi was straddling Dax’s waist, her back against the wall while he kissed her feverishly.
Every touch felt better than the last as Kenzi gave herself over to the passion. She dug her hands into his hair and kissed him wildly as his hands removed the last of their clothing.
His mouth moved to her neck then her breasts. He held her easily against him and kissed his way down the valley between them. He was taking his time, teasing her, making sure she was ready for him, but Kenzi didn’t want to go slowly. She wanted him inside her—now.
He paused to sheathe his cock and murmured how much he missed her. She whispered something back, but she was beyond caring about words. His cock nudged at her sex for entry, and she begged Dax to take her then.
He lost all control at that and pounded upward into her. Kenzi used what leverage she could to move up and down with him then gave herself over to the power of his claiming. With Dax there was no shame, no fear that he would hurt her. There was only the joy of his body intimately joining with hers. She trusted him completely, and that freed her to enjoy him in a way she’d never found with another man.
She came a few seconds before he did and they stayed still against the wall, still connected, trying to catch their breath.
“Fuck, Kenzi, I meant to go slowly.”
Kenzi clenched her inner muscles around him and cupped his face with her hands. “Are you kidding? That was perfect.”
“You’re perfect.” He smiled and kissed her. It was a different sort of kiss, an I’ve-missed-your-friendship caress that was just as powerful as the earlier kisses but in an entirely different way. Passion, Kenzi knew, couldn’t be relied on to stay, but this—this would endure.
He put her down gently and cleaned himself off then picked her up and carried her to her bed.
The second time they made love brought Kenzi to tears. Dax was so gentle, so concerned with her pleasure, she knew she’d made the right choice to take him as he was. She was more than ready when she straddled his thick, hard cock. She eased herself down onto him, taking him deeply inside her then began to move her hips up and down. She had loved it earlier when he’d taken her against the wall, and she loved how he now gave her control. She whispered orders to him. “Kiss my neck. Lick me here.” All the while she kept a steady rhythm that brought her body closer and closer to another climax. It was a slow pleasure, an enjoyment of how their bodies connected. Dax sat up and moved with her, matching her rhythm. When they finally did come, she was wrapped around Dax with her feet behind him, and it was a total, full-body experience that left him shaken while she clung to him. He adjusted their position so he could drop onto his back, and Kenzi collapsed on him.
Kenzi joked, “I may never be able to move again.”
“You? Remember I’m older than you.”
Kenzi kissed his chest. “I have no complaints.”
“Thank God,” he said and kissed her on the lips gently.
They lay there, holding each other for a long time. Eventually, Kenzi asked, “Did you even bring any luggage?”
“No, I went straight from the restaurant to my plane. I’ll have someone drop off some clothes later. They’re getting used to bringing my things here.”
Kenzi was tempted to say he could bring as much stuff as he wanted, but she didn’t want him to think she was pressuring him. Dax was in her life again. As her mother had said, everything else would sort itself out.
Kenzi ran her hand along the strong muscles of his neck. “I know that you offered to help Dean.”
He stopped her hand with his and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. “I didn’t do it to get you back into my bed, Kenzi.”
“Technically, this is my bed, but I know that, Dax. You did it because of what Dean did for me.”
“Yes. I knew you felt that you owed him something, and I felt as if I did, too.”
Tears filled Kenzi’s eyes. “That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.”
Dax looked uncomfortable with her praise, but then he smiled. “If you stick with me, Kenzi, you will come across many people who see me the way your family does. I never cared what anyone thought of me until you.”
“My family encouraged me to call you. They’ll come around.”
Dax hugged Kenzi to his chest. “I don’t care if they do as long as I never give you a reason to look at me the way they did.”
Kenzi snuggled against Dax. Her heart was overflowing with love for him. She tempered it, though. She remembered feeling that if people knew the real her they wouldn’t love her. Was that how Dax felt? If so, he had a lot to learn about love, and she wanted to be the one to teach him.
Dax held Kenzi through the night. While she dozed he spent hours thinking about the differences between them, but also how they were the same. Kenzi refused to give up on him. She’d chosen her course and was sticking to it even if he couldn’t say the words she wanted to hear.
In some ways, Kenzi was stronger than he was. It wasn’t something he would acknowledge out loud, but he knew it in his heart. She had faced her fears and won, and she hadn’t let that battle rob her of who she was.
Dax thought about who he might have been if his father had lived, or if he’d ever known his mother. Life had challenged him again and again, and he had sold his soul to stay on top.
Kenzi hadn’t. Somehow she’d remained a good person.
He kissed her forehead as she slept. He was at a crossroads, and he knew it. If he walked away from Kenzi again, he knew who he would be for the rest of his li
fe. What he didn’t know, though, was who he would be if he stayed.
He whispered, “I want to love you, Kenzi. Show me how.” Kenzi moved against him as if she’d heard him, but she didn’t wake.
Taffy padded into the room and whined to be let up on the bed. Dax dropped a pillow beside the bed and said, “You can stay in here, but you’re not coming on the bed.” Taffy whined again, and Dax petted her head while she settled onto the pillow. He glanced down at her, and she gave him eyes that were so pitiful he laughed. “That doesn’t work with me. Dogs belong outside, you’re lucky to be in here at all.”
Taffy moved her head lovingly against his hand, and he felt the rough skin that circled her neck. He thought about what she must have gone through and how much joy she brought Kenzi and kept petting her head absently. “You’re a good dog, Taffy.”
Taffy whined softly.
“But you’re still not sleeping on this bed.”
Dax fell asleep with Kenzi cuddled to one side of him while his hand hung off the side of the bed to calm Taffy. When he woke he found Kenzi watching him. She was up on one elbow, her beautiful breasts bared to him. As soon as she saw he was awake she smiled, and he caught his breath at how something so simple could render him speechless.
She kissed him and chuckled. “If you let her in the bed, we’ll never get her out.”
Dax looked over and realized why his other side felt warm. Taffy was tucked into the crook of his arm as if he’d put her there. He frowned at her. Her response was to wag her tail and snuggle closer to him. “I told her to stay on the floor.”
Kenzi laughed. “Uh huh.”
Dax smiled. “I did. I’ve made grown men cry just by showing up at a meeting, why can’t I keep this dog off the bed?”
Kenzi gave him a sweet kiss. “Because she adores you, just like I do. I’m glad you came back, Dax.”
Dax ran a hand up and down Kenzi’s bare back. “You can say how you feel, Kenzi. I won’t leave again. I belong here, Kenzi. I’ve never felt so sure about anything. I don’t know how to do this—a relationship. Do I stay here? Do you stay with me? I don’t know what we call it—”
“Then I love you, Dax.” Kenzi silenced him with another kiss then said, “I don’t care what you call what we have. I don’t care where we stay. There are no rules to this, Dax, except that we’re honest with each other no matter what. If we do that, everything else will work out. You taught me that.”
I can do that.
Over the next month, Dax took Kenzi’s words to heart and let himself enjoy simply being with her. They went for jogs together, took Taffy for walks, went to the movies with Lexi and Willa. Dax watched Kenzi’s confidence blossom, and he liked to think he had played a part in her transformation.
He was sitting in his office one day, smiling for no reason, when Clay called and asked him when he was returning to London.
“No time soon.”
“Does that mean you’re not sick of Kenzi yet?”
“Every day I’m with her makes me want to be with her another day.”
Clay didn’t make a joke. They both knew Dax meant it.
“So, you’re moving your headquarters to Boston?”
“Kenzi says she’ll continent hop with me. Once things settle down we’ll probably spend half of our time in London and half of our time here.”
“I didn’t think it would last, Dax, but you sound happy.”
“I am.” He realized something then that he’d known but denied for a while. “I love her, Clay.”
“Rewind there, buddy. What did you just say?”
Dax looked out of the Boston skyline and in a louder voice, said, “I love her. I love waking up to her. I love coming home to her. I love the way she knows what I’m thinking when I’m still trying to figure it out.”
“That’s a lot of love. Have you told her?”
Dax shook his head even though Clay couldn’t see him. “It’s not something you just blurt out.”
“Oh, I think it is. That’s probably the most common way it gets said. That and in the backseats of cars in high school, but I digress. If you make a big deal out of it, you might as well hire a skywriter.”
Dax looked up at the clouds. “No. That would be tacky. Right?”
Clay laughed. “If I weren’t such a good friend I would completely take advantage of how lost you are right now. Just tell her how you feel.”
“You tell everyone you love them. You probably say it to Kate when she brings you coffee. I’ve never said it.”
“I don’t love Kate.”
“That was an example.”
“I’m just saying, I talk to Kate, but there’s nothing there.”
Dax glanced back at the door of his office. “Is there something going on between you and my secretary?” That would explain why Clay had been around as much as he had. “Seriously, don’t sleep with her. She’s good. I don’t want to lose her.”
“I’m not sleeping with her.”
“Whatever.” Dax wasn’t sure if he believed him, but he had more important things on his mind. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Dax paged his secretary to come into his office. As soon as she stepped inside he said, “Kate, I love Kenzi.”
Kate looked at him cautiously. “I guessed as much.”
“Get a notepad and come back. We need to brainstorm how I should tell her.”
A huge smile spread across Kate’s face. “Are you kidding? Who needs to brainstorm that?” When he didn’t say anything she forced a more serious expression on her face. “Of course I’ll help you.” She darted to her desk and returned with notepad and pen. She was also smart enough to take the task seriously.
Dax started pacing the room. “I want it to be special. Romantic, but not over the top. I want to show Kenzi how important she is to me, not just say the words.”
Kate made a face. “Perhaps something with her family?”
Chapter Nineteen
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Kenzi said to Dax as they sat in a circular booth at their favorite Boston restaurant.
“It’s time, Kenzi,” Dax said.
“You and I hosting game night for my family? No. We’re happy. I don’t want to do anything that could change that.”
“Change can be good.” Dax held Kenzi’s hand in one of his and looked into her eyes. “You can’t keep me away from your family forever.”
Yes, I can. “Not forever, just for a while longer.”
“You’re taking me to your brother’s wedding. Wouldn’t it be best if I spent some time with them before then?”
Memories of the one time Dax had been to her parents’ house came back far too easily for Kenzi to agree. “I’m nervous about the wedding, but at least I know they’ll all be on their best behavior that day.” Kenzi nervously arranged and rearranged the silverware beside her plate. “Can we agree to do something with them after the wedding?”
Dax frowned. “Is it me or them you don’t trust?”
Kenzi felt awful. Dax looked genuinely upset by her refusal. “I trust you, Dax. It’s just that my family knows we’re together now. They’ve come around to the idea, but you know my brothers. I mean, you’ve met them. Do I really have to say more than that?”
Dax leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You know there’s nothing they could say that would change what we have.”
“I know.” Kenzi said the words even though she wasn’t certain she meant them. Dax didn’t look satisfied with her answer, but he didn’t push her.
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. Kenzi felt badly that she’d blocked his idea, but she saw too many ways it could go wrong.
She and Dax were good together. He got along with her friends. She got along with his. They’d traveled together, practically moved into each other’s places, and every day had been as good if not better than the day before. She wouldn’t risk losing that.
Dax worked during the day and now so did Kenzi. Mornings were rushed, but the
y made time for each other. Most evenings involved walking Taffy and catching up with what each had done that day. Dax fit into her life perfectly; Kenzi just wasn’t as confident that he fit into her family. Neither had asked her to choose one over the other, and that was something she was grateful for.
She and Dax didn’t have issues, so why introduce any? Her family would want to know the answers to all the questions Kenzi wasn’t asking. She couldn’t risk them pushing him away again.
She gave Dax a sad look. “I’m sorry, Dax, no. I don’t want to host game night for my family.”
Dax didn’t argue with her, but she could tell he wasn’t happy with her answer. She wasn’t thrilled with it either, but she didn’t feel like she had much choice. She wanted to say, I’m doing this for us, Dax, but she felt she’d already said too much.
The next day, Dax sat in his car outside the Barrington family home. He’d driven himself there and had spent the last few minutes drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.
When he and Kate had designed the perfect way for him to tell Kenzi that he loved her, it had sounded simple. He would invite her family over to show her he was ready to take their relationship to the next step. While waiting for her family to arrive he would walk up behind her, pull her back into his arms, and whisper in her ear that he loved her. His first version of the night had involved just him and Kenzi and a whole lot of intimate celebrating, but Kate’s idea held some merit. Kenzi’s family was important to her and what better way to show her how much he loved her than giving them another chance to string him up by his testicles?
He shook his head to clear that idea. A month had gone by without word from them. If they’d wanted to block Kenzi from seeing him, they’d had plenty of opportunity to do so before then. He had to believe they had at least agreed to tolerate his presence in her life.
It was time to move that relationship along as well.
Dax had left a message for each of Kenzi’s brothers, except Andrew who was still out of the country. He’d asked them to meet him at their parents’ house.