Does her refusal include what had been on the menu after the restaurant? If so, it’s for the best. I already want to toss her over my shoulder and haul her back to London with me like some bounty I’ve claimed as my own. I thought seeing her again would lessen the fascination I have with her. That plan failed. If I fuck her, I don’t know if I can walk away.
I’d stay the night. Clay was right—seeing her was a bad idea.
She doesn’t need a man like me.
She needs someone who’d protect her, cherish her.
A battle raged within him for a good part of the drive back to her apartment. During the drive, she turned away from him and looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but beside him. He couldn’t blame her. He’d taken many women to dinner, more than he cared to admit, and he couldn’t remember any of those evenings ending on the strained note this one had.
He reached out and took her hand in his, saying words that weren’t normally in his vocabulary. “I’m sorry.” Sorry I can’t be the man you need.
Her eyes flew to his, and she gave him a sad smile. “No, I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself lately. You came all this way to take me out. I don’t know how I was when I was drunk, but I’m sure you’re disappointed with the reality of who I am.”
She believes that.
He pulled her against his chest and gave her the hug she looked as if she needed. She settled against him with a heartfelt sigh. The desire to kiss her lost against the decision he’d made. Even if it meant not having her, he would never hurt her. She was worth more than a one-night stand. “Disappointed is far from how I’m feeling.”
She turned her head so she could see his face. He could tell she wanted to ask him what he was feeling, but she didn’t. She just kept looking at him with those big eyes of hers that somehow made his heart beat double time.
His gaze fell to her lips, but he pulled them back to her eyes. “I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss you right now. I want to haul you onto my lap and take you right here, right now, and lose myself in you. I don’t care who sees. I want to wrap those gorgeous legs around my ass and fuck you until neither of us can remember our names.”
Her hand fisted. “But? But what? What kind of sick game are you playing?”
He released her. “I’m not playing, but you’re right, I’m not staying.”
Desire and disappointment burned in her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her, an act that widened the cleavage of her dress—a fact he would have told her if the view weren’t so tantalizing.
The car pulled up to the front of her apartment, and the driver discretely allowed Dax the privacy of opening the door himself and helping Kenzi out. They stood on the darkened sidewalk staring at each other until Kenzi said, “Well, thank you for dinner.”
Dax was tempted to say, “You mean thanks for being the reason you couldn’t eat your favorite meal?” but didn’t. He mirrored her polite tone instead. “Thank you for going out with me.”
Kenzi took out her key and turned away then turned back and glared at him. She wanted to say something to him; that much was obvious.
Her frustration with him mirrored his own. The idea brought a wry smile to his face. “Good night, Kenzi.”
She shook her head. “That’s it? If this is how you are I can see why a second date isn’t necessary.”
His eyes narrowed and his smile left. I’m being fucking nice for once, and she’s goading me. Why?
She waved a hand in his direction. “I should have known you were all talk.”
He didn’t like what he assumed was her motivation. He closed the distance between them and pulled her against him, against his swollen cock. “What are you testing? Do you think if you push me I’ll take what I want? I won’t. Some things should never be stolen and kisses are one of them. It’s not that I don’t want you, I do, but you’re better than this. If I took what you’re offering, I’d hate myself for it. And I have a feeling you’d hate me, too. Whoever hurt you, Kenzi, made you feel like you’re not in control of what happens to you. You think you don’t deserve to be treated well. You do and you always should be. Stop trying to get me to hurt you. I won’t.”
“No one—” Kenzi stopped herself from saying more. Tears filled her eyes. “Please leave now.”
He let her go. “Kenzi—”
She turned away. “I’m fine.”
They both knew she was lying, but this time he didn’t call her on it. He let her walk away and told himself the night had ended the only way it could have. He stayed until she was safely in her building, until after he’d spoken to her bodyguard and knew she was being watched over. Only then did he force himself to leave.
Chapter Six
Kenzi wasn’t really proud of herself for avoiding her phone for the next two days, even when Lexi and Willa called. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially if it involved trying to explain a date she had rehashed in her head about a hundred times and still couldn’t figure out.
She’d spent so many hours thinking about what Dax had said. Had she really wanted to push him into losing control? Why would she want him to become just another man she slept with?
Because then he wouldn’t matter?
And what did it mean that he’d refused her?
She remembered the evidence of his desire pressing against her. He said he was predisposed to being an asshole, but when she’d needed him to be he’d been gentle and supportive.
If he’s attracted to me, why did he leave without even kissing me?
Because I’m worth more than the one night he offered?
Was that a compliment—or bullshit to end a date that had gone south?
The intercom on the wall near her door buzzed. Kenzi looked at the clock on the wall then at her flowered pajamas and groaned. Which one of her brothers had been given the assignment of bringing her back to the fold? She trudged over and hit the button and said, “Please tell Mom and Dad you couldn’t find me.”
“Open the door, Kenzi,” her father said in a tone that reminded her of how he used to talk to her when she was much younger.
Kenzi laid her forehead against the wall above the intercom and closed her eyes. Shit. “Dad, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t handle Mom today.”
There was a heavy moment of silence, then he said, “She’s beside me.”
Double shit.
Resigning herself to the drama about to unfold, Kenzi pressed the button to open the door below. She sent Parker a quick text to inform him they were on their way up. She fixed her hair the best she could then practiced a bright smile in the mirror. She was still smiling when the elevator opened and her parents exited.
Sophie rushed forward, “Are you unwell, Kenzi? You should have called us. Dale, doesn’t she look pale?” She put her hand on Kenzi’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”
Kenzi backed away and led them into her apartment. “I’m fine, Mom.”
“You don’t look fine,” Sophie said in a worried voice. “We’ve been calling all day.” She lowered her voice. “Is it a female issue you don’t want to discuss in front of your father?”
Kenzi sat on the couch instead of answering. She pulled her legs up in front of her and hugged them. “No, Mom. It’s not that.”
“Dale, it’s the afternoon and she’s still in her pajamas. Something is obviously wrong.”
Her father sat across from Kenzi, his face creased with concern. “Kenzi, whatever it is, you need to snap out of it. You’re upsetting your mother—”
Kenzi couldn’t keep a defensive edge out of her voice. “For once, could this not be about Mom?”
Sophie gasped and sat beside Dale.
Dale put his hand on his wife’s leg in support and said in a stern voice, “Kenzi—”
Kenzi closed her eyes and shook her head. She felt cornered. Normally she would have kept calm, kept her thoughts to herself, but everything building inside her lately came to a head at that moment. Her eyes flew open and she snapped,
“I don’t want my birthday to be in March anymore. My birthday is in April. Fucking April.”
Sophie’s eyes rounded. “Did you take a pill? Are you on something?”
Kenzi stood. “No, I’m not on something. I’m tired of pretending to be happy when I’m not.”
Sophie looked to her husband and then back at her daughter. “This is why you won’t take our calls? We’ve always celebrated your birthday in March. Ever since you were a baby. It never bothered you before.”
“It has always upset me. But you don’t know that because I’ve never told you. That’s the point. I can’t remember ever having a real birthday party. I should have had one. I should have told you I wanted one.”
Sophie searched Kenzi’s face. “Are you saying you want a party?”
Kenzi threw her hands up in frustration. “No, this isn’t about a party. It’s about me and all the things I’ve been too afraid to tell you. I can’t keep it all in anymore. You need to know how I feel. I’m so angry with you about so many things. I hate that you sent me away. Why couldn’t you listen to what I wanted? Why couldn’t we fight about it like normal families do? You packed me up and sent me away. Just because you didn’t approve of my friends?”
“It wasn’t just your friends. We couldn’t let you date Dean Henderson. We love him, but after he was arrested you had to understand why we didn’t want him around you.”
“I was never going to date Dean, and he wasn’t the problem,” Kenzi snarled. In the face of Kenzi’s anger, Sophie began to shake with emotion. Kenzi had never spoken to her mother this way before, but she couldn’t stop. It was as if a pressure valve had popped off, and what she’d held back for so long was too much to contain. She wouldn’t have brought her anger to their door, but she was in her own home, already retreating as much as she was willing to. Like a cornered animal, she lashed out. “I tried to tell you that back then, but you didn’t believe me. Or you didn’t care how I felt. I don’t know. I wasn’t allowed to talk about it. We’ve never been allowed to talk about anything that matters because everyone is so afraid to upset you that we all suffer in silence.”
“That’s enough, Kenzi,” her father warned. He stood, placing himself between Kenzi and Sophie. “I won’t have you speaking to your mother this way.”
“Then you’d better leave, because I haven’t even begun to share what I’m holding in.”
Sophie stood next to Dale. “What happened? This isn’t our Kenzi.”
Kenzi hugged her arms around herself. “Yes, it is. The real me. I don’t want to be in Boston. I don’t want to be pressured to visit you. Game night is a joke. The only reason we go is the same reason we do anything, Mom, because it’s what you want. Bad things happen to everyone, but you’ve let one tragedy rule all of our lives. I’m sorry my twin died. I’m sorry you went through that, but do we all have to pay the price because you blame yourself for something that would have probably happened even if you hadn’t been out of the country? It wasn’t your fault, but it wasn’t mine, either. I love you, Mom, but I won’t feed into your fantasy that we’re one big happy family anymore. Because we’re not. We never have been. I’m just the only one with the courage to tell you.”
Tears began pouring down Sophie’s face. She was pale when she turned slowly and walked out the door.
Dale turned on his daughter, angrier than she’d ever seen him. “If your goal was to hurt your mother tonight, you succeeded. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
Only after the door had slammed behind her father did Kenzi sink into the couch and cover her face with her hands. She replayed the scene with her parents in her head, and each time she felt worse. All of it was true, but she regretted how she’d said it. On impulse, she picked up the note Dax had sent her.
Am I? Am I stronger than what I’m facing? It doesn’t feel that way.
She picked up her phone. Dax’s number was still in the phone history. Calling him made no sense. She hadn’t heard from him since their date. He was probably back in London. Probably already with another woman.
None of that stopped her from choosing his number. It rang once and she almost hung up. He picked up on the second ring, “Marshall.”
“Dax? It’s Kenzi.”
Kenzi?
What the fuck?
Still in Boston, fresh from a heated call from Dean Henderson, Dax’s adrenaline was pumping. That little shit had the balls to warn him to back off Poly-Shyn.
Dax had almost told Dean he’d already lost interest in the venture, but Dean kept the threats coming until Dax lost his temper. “Be very careful, Dean.”
“You be careful. Go back to London. Stay away from Poly-Shyn and Kenzi Barrington.”
“What does Poly-Shyn have to do with Kenzi?”
“Nothing, but I know you took her to dinner. I know your reputation, and the last thing she needs is someone like you messing with her. Stay the fuck away from her.”
“Or what?” Dax asked the question even though all sense told him not to.
“You’d be wise not to stick around to find out. If you’re looking for a fight, I’ll bring it every time, and I always win.” Dean had hung up before Dax had the chance to bring it right then.
See, this is why people need to learn to shut the fuck up. Now I have to acquire Poly-Shyn just to teach that little shit a lesson. He called his team in for a meeting and ordered them to start buying Poly-Shyn shares as soon as the market opened in the morning. It was a classic English maneuver to strike without warning before the company had time to have their first meeting of the day, but it was effective. His team was experienced with his methods. They knew how much to buy, the contacts necessary within the company, and what to release to the press. As usual, his team would handle the paperwork side; he’d handle the fallout.
He was still pondering how Dean had known about Kenzi and what their relationship was when she called.
“Is this a bad time?” she asked. The hitch in her voice told him it was for her.
He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “It’s not the best.”
“Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t have called. It’s probably late where you are.”
He swore and sat down at his desk, hating how abrupt he’d been with her. “I’m still in Boston. Don’t hang up. What did you want, Kenzi?”
The line was silent for a long moment, then she said, “The truth?”
“Always.”
“I needed to hear your voice.”
Her answer knocked the breath clear out of him. He’d spent the last two days telling himself she’d be better off if he stayed away from her. He hadn’t gone as far as to fly back to London, but he’d almost convinced himself that staying had nothing to do with her. Now there she was, telling him she needed him? It was enough to nearly kill a man who was trying not to take advantage of the situation. “Did something happen?”
“Yes.”
His conversation with Dean was quickly forgotten in the face of Kenzi’s distress. He sat straighter in his chair, already angry with whoever had hurt her.
“I hurt someone I love very much,” she added sadly. “I said things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that once I started speaking everything gushed out. How do I say sorry when what I said was true?”
Dax couldn’t remember the last time someone had turned to him with a problem that wasn’t business related. He wasn’t sure where to begin. “Who did you hurt?”
“My parents.” She paused. “You don’t want to hear this.”
“I do.” Dax opened his office door and motioned to his secretary to hold his calls. He closed the door and sat in the chair in front of his desk. He wasn’t proud of the relief that flooded through him when she said it wasn’t a lover or old boyfriend. “Are you close to your parents?”
“Yes and no. We try to be. It’s a long story.”
With anyone else that would have been Dax’s cue to exit the conversation, but he wanted to know ever
ything about her. “Stop hedging and just tell me, Kenzi. I’m here and I’m listening.” The sound of her sobbing filled him with a rush of emotions he wasn’t used to. He wanted to hang up and run from her—or to her. She tangled him up in a way he had no defense against. “Don’t cry. Whatever is wrong it can be fixed.”
She sniffed loudly. “Some things can’t be, but I’m not crying over that.” He wasn’t used to feeling lost, but he had no idea what she was talking about or what she expected from him. All he knew was he wanted to be there for her. She blew her nose loudly. “I wasn’t sure if I should call you, but you hear me. You really do. I feel like I can be myself with you, and you can handle it.”
A warm feeling spread through Dax. “I can. So tell me what it is you’re holding back.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
Dax’s chest tightened, and he leaned forward in the seat. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say. Part of him didn’t want it to be true, but wanting things to be different never changed anything. Ugly reality was best faced head-on. “Whatever it is, it won’t change the way I see you, nor will it go farther than me.”
“I’m a big lie, Dax. A big fat lie. My family doesn’t know. My friends don’t know. And it’s eating me up on the inside.”
“Then let it out. I’m here, Kenzi. Right here.”
After a pause she started talking in a calmer tone. “You have to understand; my family doesn’t handle things well. They either don’t react or they overreact. I had a twin. We never talk about him. He died at birth. My mother has never been right since. She had a breakdown when I was an infant, and my family has lived in fear of it happening again for . . . twenty-eight years. We don’t talk about it, but it’s always there. Looming as a possibility. We grew up knowing we had to be careful not to upset her. We had to be perfect in front of her. And I was. At least I tried to be. I kept my questions to myself. I pretended along with everyone else that every year we weren’t gathering for a week to mourn the loss of a brother none of us ever knew. I know my parents love me, but when I needed them the most they sent me away. Part of me hates them for it.”