That hurt. She thought she had been given a right to know his personal business, but it seemed she was just a date to him. Practically a stranger. ‘Fine. Let’s pretend that didn’t happen. Let’s pretend I’m not going out with a guy who has lied to me about the most basic things about him—about his family, about the fact that he’s doing some kind of job he won’t explain to me.’
‘Just … just leave it.’ He scraped his fingers through his hair as if his head was paining him. But if he sucker punched her like that, throwing her concern back in her face, then she was damn well going to keep up her own shields. He wanted her to back off? Then she would—permanently—if he didn’t give her a straight answer.
‘Leave it?’ she said with mock consideration, finger on chin. ‘Erm, no, I don’t think I can do that. I won’t leave it because, A, you have lied to me and, erm, let me see, B, you’ve lied to me.’
Fury rolled through him, his green eyes blazing as he spat out the facts. ‘Fine. You want the truth? Well, you’ve just seen it. I’m not the sodding posh boy of Joe’s invention, OK? I come from that woman and maybe you can see why I don’t like to advertise the fact.’
‘You’ve had weeks to set me right, so why didn’t you?’
‘Because I didn’t want to!’ he roared. ‘Damn it, Raven, can’t you understand that?’
She wasn’t about to let him make this her fault. ‘I warned you I hated lies. OK, maybe I can see why Gloria’s not exactly the first thing you want to tell me about, but what about this job she mentioned? What the heck are you involved in?’
He said nothing, too angry to speak.
‘I can’t forgive someone systematically lying to me.’
His silence was worse than angry defence. She took it as a sign he didn’t care enough to tell her the truth.
‘You and Joe made it all up, didn’t you—your posh family, your big house in London, your sister? Geez, that was low, using that story to play on my sympathy. You probably even lied to your mother to hide the fact you were expelled from college. No wonder she hasn’t been able to find you. But I won’t put up with it—I can’t. You’d better start telling me the truth about yourself and what you’re doing or I’m outta here.’
He dug in his pocket and took out his wallet. Seeing it was empty, he gave a horrible hollow laugh. ‘I was going to give you the cash to get yourself back to Westron but, guess what, my vampire mother has sucked it all away.’
‘You were sending me back on my own?’ That felt like a knife in the guts. She’d wanted to be the one to walk away from him, head held high, but he’d got there first and added a slap to the blow, trying to pay her off.
‘I can’t be with you right now.’
‘No need to flash your cash, Kieran. I’m perfectly able to get myself to Paddington on my own.’
‘I’ll refund you the money.’
‘I don’t want your fricking money, OK?’ Her skirt began to flap in the breeze running ahead of the approaching train. Raven hated the fact that she was perilously close to tears—hated him for doing this to her. ‘You know what? You can just … just go to hell, Kieran.’
She got on the train and kept her back to him until the doors closed, taking deep breaths to stop her sobs in their tracks. OK, a final glance to show him she didn’t care, that she was tough, that he hadn’t beaten her down. But when she looked round, he had already gone.
Raven surfaced from her tenth length of the pool. One of her favourite places at Westron, the old orangery had been transformed in the 1920s into a swimming bath but they had wisely kept the pale stone columns and high glass windows, maintaining a wonderful air of elegance. The setting reminded her of Great Gatsby-style cocktail parties, flappers dancing at the edge of a pool to a gramophone and sipping gin slings, whatever they were. This evening she found it particularly easy to indulge those fantasies, as the oblique shafts of the sun bathed the surface in golden light. She swept her fingers through the liquid gilt, letting the droplets fall into the water.
She needed something nice to compensate for the awful break-up with Kieran. That relationship had nosedived before it had even got properly underway. She should have known he wasn’t as perfect for her as he had seemed: people lied the whole time. Sometimes they did it because they thought it best for you, like her dad about her mom’s condition; others just because they were spiteful, like Jimmy Bolton, who had made her life at home and school one long torment. But strip away the motives, it all came down to screwing her over with a lie, leading her out blindfold on to a ledge, swearing she was safe, then disappearing and leaving her stuck.
It was the one thing she asked of relationships, that they be based on truth: the one thing that Kieran had not given her.
The outer door banged and her heart sank. In retreat mode after the horrible return journey, she had thought she would have the pool to herself. Saturday night was party time for the school; only social outcasts came here at this hour. Now her sanctuary had been invaded: Joe was standing at the far end, towel draped round his neck.
As the only two people here she could hardly ignore him, so she swam towards him.
‘Hi, Joe.’
‘Hey, Raven.’ He sat on the edge of the pool, dangling his legs in the water. ‘How was London?’
‘The play was OK.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘Did you turn him down?’
‘Turn him down for what?’
Joe cast his eyes to the ceiling where the golden light danced. ‘I can’t believe it. I’ve just seen Kieran and he’s not talking to me—or anyone. I thought you must have done it, but you’re saying he didn’t ask you?’
‘Ask me what, Joe?’
‘To the prom.’
Such a regular school matter seemed laughable in the face of the giant meltdown. ‘Er, no. I don’t think that was on his mind—we kinda broke up.’
‘So what did you do to upset him?’
It was her fault how exactly? She heaved herself out of the pool and grabbed her towel. ‘Me? I did nothing.’
‘He’s gone into one of his dark moods. Something must have happened.’
Raven wondered if she should say anything but Kieran had asked her to forget Gloria. It was annoying that she still felt some residual loyalty to him when he didn’t deserve it. She at least did what she promised. ‘You’d best ask him.’
‘OK, I will.’
She patted her hair dry. Kieran had shut her out; maybe Joe would be able to help her understand why he valued his secrecy more than he did their relationship. ‘Who’s Isaac, Joe?’
Joe’s eyes rounded in surprise. ‘Isaac? No one. He’s no one.’
‘You’re so full of it—both of you are.’ Raven felt hurt that they never gave her anything, not a straight answer, not a little bit of their trust. ‘He’s someone special to Kieran. You work for him. Is he the godfather you mentioned? Does he pay for your education with some kind of employment deal in exchange?’
Joe’s face hardened, irritation bracketing his mouth. ‘Please leave it alone.’
‘You’re not going to tell me, are you? I just don’t get it: what’s the big secret? I just asked who this guy Isaac was, not for your pin code!’ Raven was tired of trying and trying with no answers, no real support. Back to being on her team of one after dreaming she’d found a double act to which she could belong. ‘Some friend you turned out to be.’
Joe tried the cool guy/hysterical girl approach, holding out a hand to calm her down. ‘Raven, be reasonable.’ Big mistake.
‘Like you are, you mean? You know what, Joe? It’s not reasonable to expect me to trust you when you don’t tell me anything real about yourselves. That’s not friendship.’
‘Don’t over-react.’
Fuel on flame. ‘Don’t you dare patronize me, Joe Masters!’ She squeezed the towel in clenched fists, wishing she could wring his neck. ‘I thought you two were OK, but you are just … just shells of people pretending to be my friends.
When it comes to anything that matters—that reveals who you really are—then pfft! You’re gone. I’m surrounded by … by fake people. This place makes me sick.’
‘Raven—’
‘You know what? Both you and Kieran can go take a running jump off a very tall cliff for all I care.’
‘Geez, Raven … ’
She held out a hand to warn him off. ‘Who’s Isaac, Joe?’
Joe swore under his breath then looked back at her, expression set. ‘No one, Raven.’
‘OK. Fine. I know where I stand then.’ She pulled on her trackies and sweatshirt, ignoring the fact she was still wearing a wet costume. Arm went down the wrong hole first time, further infuriating her. If it hadn’t been the only thing she had with her, she would have ripped it apart. ‘The pool is yours, Joe. Knock yourself out.’ Slamming the door behind her, she headed back to her cottage, the only place that held a person whose words she could believe.
Safe in his room, Kieran stared at the data streaming across the computer screen, burying his scream in the numbers. Raven had consigned him to hell; no need: he had already been there, done that and got the sodding T-shirt when he was ten, thanks to Gloria.
Knowing that he couldn’t ignore the day’s events, Kieran sent an email to Isaac informing him of his meeting with Gloria. He received a reply back instantly on the YDA live messenger service. Isaac must have set up an alert for his communications, proof he was concerned.
I should have warned you. Jan said she’d seen Gloria hanging about the South Bank. I’ll talk to Gloria again, impress on her that she should leave you alone. I’ve told her before that her stipend from us is reliant on keeping her distance as long as you request it. Do you want me to cut off the money?
Isaac had been bribing Gloria for years to allow Kieran a chance to have a solid education and stable home at the YDA. When Kieran had been under sixteen, she had repeatedly threatened to take him away when she went on one of her drunken road trips with the latest boyfriend; mercifully, Isaac had managed to persuade her otherwise. It was easier now Kieran was old enough for his opinion to count; Gloria had stopped threatening this nuclear option and was left with wheedling more money out of them. Just knowing she was out there, though, where any of the YDA students might see her with him, made Kieran feel sick to his stomach. Isaac told Kieran he did not mind dealing with his family baggage; he had even said he felt desperately sorry for the woman, a victim herself who had never had the strength to straighten out despite many chances over the years. Kieran couldn’t even manage that much.
He turned away from the screen and leant back in his chair, seeking help from the ceiling. When he thought of Gloria, he felt … empty. He certainly didn’t share Isaac’s pity. He supposed that a person could give an addict only so many chances before they tired of the cycle of hope and disappointment. At some point she had to be responsible for her actions. She had to want to break the circle and while she was stuck in it she did untold damage to herself and to her children. His mother was guilty of neglecting Hannah, leading to his sister’s premature death—he couldn’t forgive that. Hannah had had a different father to him, but that man hadn’t stuck around after she was born. No denying Gloria had had it tough. Kieran’s father also ignored his child, leaving before the birth to take up his post at a particle research facility, his brief relationship with Gloria (they had met at the college bar where she had worked for a time) an embarrassing secret left firmly in the past and no parental responsibility enforced or claimed. Gloria had a hundred per cent record of picking the wrong man.
Kieran’s life had been a mess—no regular meals, no clean clothes, cold bedsits—until Isaac’s talent scouts had spotted him at a maths competition and Isaac had taken the trouble to ask after him. When he discovered how fragile Kieran’s home situation was, Isaac had stepped in and become the father to him that he had never known. Kieran would pay any price to keep Gloria’s toxic presence out of his life. He had his answer.
Leave her the money. She would be worse without it.
Kieran brushed his fingertips over the keys, wondering if he should confess. Yes, he owed it to Isaac.
There’s another problem: Raven Stone was with me and Gloria mentioned you and that I was studying crime detection. Joe’s cover story about me was that I’m from a posh family and I went along with it. Raven knows we’ve been lying to her. She knows you employ me in some way and that Gloria is my mother.
He pressed ‘enter’.
The computer was quiet a moment, then the reply came back.
That is unfortunate but Miss Stone, as you mentioned, is unlikely to be able to do any damage with this knowledge, having no friends or powerful connections at the school. Your mission comes first.
Damage? That had been the other way round—he had hurt Raven by his stonewalling of her questions. Could he explain that to Isaac? As much as he admired his mentor, he no more wanted to discuss feelings than stand naked in Piccadilly Circus.
Kieran? Did you get my last message?
Isaac knew he was still online.
Yes, sir.
And?
I’d like to tell her part of the truth, about me I mean. Not you.
Why?
Because I’ve fallen for her. Because I promised to be her friend and she feels betrayed.
You are YDA. You can’t be her friend. You will be leaving there at the end of the mission and any loose ends have to be cut off. You know the drill.
Kieran’s fingers wanted to type out something drastic—his resignation, a string of swear words—but he held himself back. He relied on the YDA for everything—food, clothing, a roof over his head, a scholarship for his future studies. He loved the work and the friends he had made there—the intellectual challenge of excelling in detective work. Outside the agency, he would be in a bedsit with Gloria. He didn’t have the luxury of choice.
OK. He pressed send, feeling like this was the real end of his hopes for a relationship with Raven, even if she gave him another hearing. He was choosing the YDA over her. That felt wrong, like he was committing emotional hara-kiri. But what if I work out a way to see her again after this mission ends? She’s trustworthy.
There was a brief pause. He could imagine Isaac sitting in his desk chair, tapping his mouth as was his habit when considering a tricky decision.
I think it fairer to you if I just say ‘no’ now. Even a genius like you can’t square the circle of our need for secrecy and yours to be open with a girlfriend. Every YDA operative faces the same choice at some point. I can’t change the rules for you. It’s a red line issue, Kieran.
The cursor pulsed in time with Kieran’s heartbeat. He couldn’t think of the words for his reply. Isaac came back first.
Kieran, I’m genuinely sorry. I’ll see what I can do when this all unravels to make sure Raven and her grandfather emerge OK in the aftermath. I give you my word.
And Isaac’s word was gold.
Thank you. Signing off now. He had all the concessions he was going to get from Isaac tonight.
Goodnight, Kieran. Say hi to Joe for me.
Kieran turned off the monitor, erasing the message history. He had just deleted his chances with Raven. He hated himself with a passion he usually reserved for his mother. He picked up one of his plant experiments and threw it out of the window, watching it arc in the air and then smash on the flagstones of the terrace. That felt good. He took another—and another—until the path below was littered with dying carnivorous plants. Who the hell cared about his oh so clever tests to clear some dead gardener’s name? He certainly didn’t.
Joe came back in, still damp from his post-swim shower. ‘You OK now?’
Far from it. He remained staring out the window, breathing fast. Focus on the mission. ‘Isaac says hello.’
‘So you reported in. Are you going to tell me what you said because I’m mighty confused just at the moment.’ Joe chucked his trunks at the laundry basket.
‘Confused?’ He couldn’t deal w
ith Joe being angry. He’d had more than he could handle in one day. ‘Why the hell are you confused?’
Joe noticed the plant carnage outside. ‘What are you doing? No, second thoughts: don’t answer that. I’ve got something to tell you. Ran into Raven at the pool. She is pissed at us both.’
Kieran kept silent. He would feel that way too if he’d been led up the garden path to a relationship with someone and then they’d turned out not to be who he thought. She wouldn’t want to have anything to do with Gloria’s son—and she’d be right.
‘She was asking about Isaac and crime detection.’
‘I see.’
Joe tugged the towel round his neck backward and forward uneasily. ‘Why did you tell her about him? That’s a massive breach of security, Key.’
‘You think I’d sell us out?’ He felt a surge of outrage: here he was sacrificing his relationship for the mission and Joe was accusing him of doing the opposite!
‘I just don’t know. You’re different since you met her.’
‘And what if I did? What would you do about it?’
Joe rubbed his hands over his scalp. ‘I’m not sure. I guess we’d have to … to handle it. Damage limitation. Look, I’ll explain to Isaac. Tell him what pressure you’ve been under … ’
His friend’s willingness to cover for him released a little of the fury he had been battling. ‘It’s OK, Joe. I didn’t. I was just telling Isaac.’
Joe’s face brightened with relief. At least he hadn’t been put in the impossible position of having to rat on his friend. ‘So how … ?’
‘Gloria. We met my mother in London today.’
‘You, Key, are one unlucky guy. The chances of that must be minuscule.’
‘Not so small. Isaac forgot to warn me that she’d been bugging him at HQ for the past few days trying to scrounge off me.’
‘Still.’ Joe gave a sympathetic shrug.
‘I’ve told Isaac. He’s going to speak to her.’