Chapter Six
Meheret-The Key
Amelia stood carefully alongside the beautifully carved gravestone. She placed the flowers gently in front of it. Three years had passed since the accident. This was the first time she had enough strength to see the truth for herself. During the time of the funeral she refused to say goodbye. Just before her best friend’s death they were discussing plans for the summer. Amelia insisted that Meheret spend part of the summer in the Hamptons with her family. They then decided that they would spend the rest of the summer with Meheret’s family in Malaysia. Their ideal summer never happened. Amelia was left behind. In the middle of their talks about summer, boys, and the future their conversation led to life, death and suicide. Since both believed in reincarnation they thought that they should prove it to themselves. They decided on a spontaneous suicide pact. Daring each other, Amelia put Meheret to the test. She would steal her mother’s sleeping pills.
With nervous laughs they humored each other for a while. They sat in the car at a nearby graveyard waiting for the pills to take effect. They sat and watched as the stars got closer and even closer for Meheret. She died that night. Amelia swallowed too many and vomited the poison out of her system. She looked over at Meheret and cried out for help. She staggered down the sidewalk until someone stopped and called the ambulance. When they arrived there the attempt to resuscitate Meheret failed. .
Amelia suffered tremendously. Her mom begged her to visit a therapist but she refused. Although she attempted several times it was a dream that caused Amelia to finally visit the grave. Before she entered the graveyard she sat still in her car nearly falling asleep. A few minutes passed before she could move. She glided through the graveyard until she finally located a pink stone.
As she stooped in front of the stone a surge of energy filled her entire body. She sat closer no longer afraid. Time could not hold back the tears. She burst out in a plea for her friend’s return, “Meheret! Meheret!” She began screaming as if expecting a response. “Please! I want you to come back!” she cried continuously. As she began to calm down she whispered, “I’m sorry,” while caressing the stone.
She spent most of her waking hours daydreaming. She had not been part of this world ever since the accident. Her mind drifted to that place that wonders what could have been.
She fell asleep on top of her best friend. When she awakened the sun’s job was over for the day. She forgot where she was and how long she had been there. Panic attacked her as she began to look around aimlessly at her surroundings. She noticed her car parked down the road and walked swiftly towards it, but stopped suddenly before reaching it. She noticed a movement in the car. Someone was sitting in the passenger’s seat rocking rhythmically side to side as if listening to music. Familiarity caused her to proceed slowly. The image looked translucent. It drew her closer. Before opening the door Amelia looked through the window to try and make out the face, but it was hidden behind the long black curly hair. She thought that either she was still delusional from her sleep or an approachable apparition awaited her. Either way curiosity caused her to enter the car. She left the door halfway open with her left foot dangling outside.
“Who are you?” Amelia said as she went to touch her. She quickly pulled her hands back. There was nothing to touch. Her hand could go right through.
“This can’t be real,” she whispered to herself.
Amelia noticed an uncanny resemblance in the figure. The clothes, the hair, and the body structure were all too familiar. Amelia tried not to panic but she began shaking uncontrollably.
The figure finally lifted up her head and beamed her dark eyes at Amelia. Amelia could no longer hide her obvious fright. Not only was she still shaking but she also loss control of her breathing. She attempted to leave the car but a gentle force pulled her back in. They both sat there in silence. Amelia was comforted by the heavy breathing that told her she was still alive. A few seconds passed before she finally calmed down.
“It’s okay Amelia… I waited so long for this. Don’t be afraid,” the voice said tenderly.
Amelia began crying without tears. She used them all at the grave.
“Is it really you… Am I dreaming this?” she sang.
“It’s me, can’t you tell” the voice responded convincingly
“But you look-you don’t look real”
Meheret responded with a giggle, “I will, I will, you’re just not fully awake yet”
“But you don’t feel real either”
“You have to get use to me again, that’s all… I’m still the same,” she continued with the same consoling voice. Amelia could not deny the calming effects of Meheret’s voice. It relaxed her for a while, but in time she regained her senses.
“This can’t be possible- I killed you Meheret. I know I did!”
“You didn’t kill me. Don’t say that…it was a stupid mistake. No one is to blame.”
“It was my fault, all my fault, you should not have died”
“But I can’t die.. you see…I’m still here with you. I was just waiting for you to notice me.”
Meheret began thinking of ways to get Amelia to relax. “Let’s get out of here, the graveyard must be freaking you out.”
“I don’t feel comfortable driving with you in this car again.”
“Don’t worry, everything is gonna be fine…you’ll see.” Meheret spoke so convincingly that Amelia had to act accordingly.
“You must’ve known how much I both love and despised you. I mean everybody adored you, even me. Sometimes I felt ignored in your company…I was your best friend and it just seemed like- I don’t know…just crazy I guess.”
“It’s okay, you’re only human,” Meheret responded hardly above a whisper.
“Oh, so you did know…was I that obvious?”
Meheret gave her a humble grin as they continued their drive down the dark road towards home. Amelia began showing signs of weariness. Meheret looked at her intently.
“I must confess something to you dear friend”
“What is it” Amelia responded curiously
“Well you know my initial intent was far from innocent…in fact, it was down right malevolent.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well you see, all that time I spent alone made me quite angry. All that I could think about was somehow making you pay for this…but once I saw you, it didn’t take long for me to realize that you also have been suffering. It was unfeasible for me to seek any type of revenge.”
“Revenge?” Amelia responded with confusion.
“Yes, revenge. I heard everyone say that I was brain dead and agreed to pull the plug. I wasn’t ready to die. I could have survived this and you should’ve known that. I was also angry that you dismissed me for so long. I’ve been here all this time and you never even noticed me. It was like I never existed.”
“But you must know how bad I felt…that was why”
“I know, I know that now but then it was –Look out!” Meheret shouted, but it was too late. Amelia turned her head quickly enough to see the truck directly in front of her. She only had a split second to break.
She was barely alive when she was brought to the hospital. She drifted in and out of consciousness for a few days. As much as she wanted to respond to the voices of the living she could not bear the thought of leaving Meheret alone again.
Finally she heard a loving voice. It appeared to be coming from the living.
“Amelia it’s time to wake up” the voice whispered.
”Meheret! Is that -why can’t I see you?”
“You have to wake up Amelia,” the voice pleaded.
“But I don’t want to leave you here…not again”
“I am here with you. I’m not going anywhere, just open your eyes”
Amelia reluctantly opened her eyes. It took her a moment to adjust to the light. As she began to focus on her surroundings she searched for Meheret.
“Mehere
t” she said drunkenly, but there was no response. She continued to mumble her name several times without a response.
Once she became fully conscious Amelia noticed her mother sitting beside her. They sat for several hours as the tears broke through the walls. She drifted in and out of consciousness all day.
Amelia woke up the next morning not realizing which world would greet her. The dark world wasn’t so dark- simply unknown and misunderstood. As the physical world became clearer she wondered if she would see her friend again. The collision of both worlds, whether real or fantasy, brought Amelia to visit Meheret’s grave perhaps for the last time. She knew it was time to thank Meheret for giving her peace. She awaited Meheret’s spirit once again. Meheret appeared with a look of sadness on her face. “What did you do,” she asked rhetorically. Meheret then grabbed Amelia’s hand and guided her through the alternate reality. Amelia joined Meheret in death a day before her twentieth birthday.
“So what went wrong for you?”
I don’t know. Why I am here and Meheret isn’t? I always thought that you would be reunited with loved ones once you die. Meheret’s voice save my life and gave me a second chance. I was driving under the influence when I crashed that night. Maybe I was hallucinating but still, it was her voice that I heard. Her spirit was with me. I could have died that night. Even though death was right around the corner for me, I got the opportunity to experience love with my family. And love transcends time. Trying years followed Meheret’s death. As painful as it was I never felt so much love around me. It is that love that made me understand why Meheret’s death was necessary. Without it I would have not been able to transition into this world. She made it clear that life and death is all the same. We experience one as physical creatures and the other as spiritual beings. The two worlds collide in the dream state. Although the dream itself is not physical we are experiencing our dreams through a physical connection to the universe.
Everything is so clear to me now and could have been clearer then if I just paid attention to my dreams and trusted what it told me. For me, this is where all my answers lied while alive. The mind is in a programmed state during the waking hours. When it is at rest it is forced to listen to the sound of the cosmos. All answers are downloaded into the mind when space is free from being weighed down by daily events.
The spirit speaks to the soul through dreams. Properly exercised, the mind has the amazing ability to connect these seemingly different worlds. When the mind decides to tap into the resources available to it, no territory is unfamiliar. We can transcend our entire being simply by utilizing the tools set in place for its growth. One place that these tools can be found is within the garden of dreams. When the brain and body rest, the soul is at its peak and begins the process of sending multiple messages to the mind. Sometimes these messages reach the mind and the mind does not comprehend it at the present time and it is dismissed as nonsensical. It is only when an event electrifies the dream that we will understand it.
The mind may also decide to rearrange it into something less comprehensible. For, we are not emotionally ready to accept its message. The mind changes the message into meaningless suggestions that take us nowhere. One of the goals to understanding the dream world is to decipher the difference between what the soul is trying to tell us and when the mind is confusing the message. This procedure takes time. As you become more familiar and comfortable with yourself and your dreams, you will eventually realize what is coming from your mind or outside influences and what is coming from your soul.
The potential to live life to its fullest has clear guidance within your dreams. Sometimes dreams are a way to simply comfort us during time of distress. You do not always have to live in the present state if it is bringing you too much pain. Dwell on your past memories to take you to another place. That is the purpose of reflecting. Reflect on moments of joy during times of pain (there is no need to suffer needlessly, emotionally or physically). If no good memories come to mind create one. Yes, use your imagination. If you want to experience everything in life, use your imagination. It is a helpful form of daydreaming that can assist you through moments of despair. Another word for this is visualization. Visualize moments that make you happy. The mind doesn’t really know the difference.
Dreams can fulfill a fantasy. Don’t live in the fantasy by wishing for something that is not realistic such as, being younger, marrying a movie star, or winning the lottery. Although the latter can occur, it is not something that you should dwell on. Robbing a bank, killing, etc. are also harmful fantasies. Although many believe that through dreams we can live out our evil thoughts without actually harming anyone, I disagree. Our thoughts are a part of who we are. If someone constantly thinks about killing someone, he is not a killer by action. However he is a killer of his mind because he is destroying his own mind with negative thoughts eating him from within.
In one aspect fantasizing or visualization can bring forth serenity. It can keep our stress levels down by mentally taking us away from the pressures of everyday life. But when we constantly fantasize about fame, money, or power it can have the opposite effect - what happens when we don’t get the things we desire? It leads to disappointments. Therefore, let our fantasies be something tangible that you can work towards achieving. Dreams and desires should motivate us. We are all familiar with the saying “the best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” So we must get up and do a little something every day that will bring us closer to fulfilling our dreams. Think of positive things and it will manifest itself in action.
Dreams are thoughts that are subconsciously brought into existence or a foretelling of what is to come (as a fore warning). For us it could mean the difference between enjoying life (finding joy) or suffering. Take the chances necessary if you believe that it could lead you to happiness. The best way to make the right decision at the right time is awareness, which comes from observation. I wish that I could have taken advantage of this knowledge when it counted. It took me a lifetime to figure this out. Absorb all that you can, your answers are within that which you absorb and experience.
Many opportunities existed for me to adhere to my dreams. It took the final one to realize that I was granted an allotted amount of time to get myself together. I was given several opportunities to learn from previous mistakes. But unawareness caused me to step a little closer to the end. I now remember each account as if they occurred all at once. It always happened first within my dreams. I thought it was a pre-cursor, a warning, or a revelation of what is to come in my final hours. Although the plot changed the result was always the same. Sometimes I can manipulate the ending when I remember that it is my dream. The thing that caused me anxiety most about these situations was the dreadful scenery. It was mostly dark, dreary, and ugly. I was either locked somewhere alone or in murky waters. It was my depiction of what hell would be like and this bothered me. Why did I feel comfortable in hell? I began to wonder if this dream state would be my final resting place. I became preoccupied with death, almost to the point of obsession.
I wondered if the energy I spent contemplating death was bringing me closer to it (was I guiding the thought or was the thought guiding me). It was quite discomforting to me but I found that I was getting use to these dreams. I remember the first encounter. Shortly after the non-dream state I experienced a situation that made me recognize the dream. I calculated my actions, my every move, until I could reach a valid conclusion to why these dreams were occurring. It was the images that I subjected myself to during my waking hours, which had a profound effect on my dreams.
My dreams then affected my waking hours in the most harmful way. It affected my life and my life affected my dreams. This continued over and over again. It took me several accounts before I realized what was happening. Like anything else the more experience that you have in a situation the more comfortable you get. The soul wants to experience life through the human experience. It will show you how to live life to i
ts fullest if you follow your pure dreams. Don’t allow anyone to kill your joy. Be who you were meant to be and happiness will not escape you.
Therefore, it is equally important that you are aware of the images you subject yourself to throughout the course of the day because they can distract and disturb the flow of your dreams. Our way of thinking relies heavily on what we subject our minds to. All images that you incur in this life remain your images forever. The movies you watch, the music you listen to, the books you read, and the people you meet, all becomes a part of who you are and the demons you may face. The positive influences that you invite into your life creates a better tomorrow for your soul. The more beautiful images that you subject your mind to the more peaceful you will become. The horrible images, on the other hand, will come back to haunt you. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between dimensions. There is no visible line that separates them.
Here is my advice to all mortal beings Remember to breath. Focus on breathing. It will enhance your vision and make things clear to you. Conscious breathing is a form of meditation available to you at all times. As you become aware of your breath, you will move at a slower pace and see situations before they emerge. You will feel as though you are in a dream state all the time.