"We have to talk, son, just you and me ... man to man," Gary said, looking him in the eyes now as he came over and sat down in a blue chair just a few feet across from the tan sofa in the trailer's cramped living room.
"OK, Brody's already asleep," Adam said, increasingly uncomfortable with his father's strange mood. "What's going on?"
"I'm sorry I'm home so late," Gary started, surprising Adam yet again. The man wasn't big on apologies. Ever.
"It's OK. Did you go to O'Reilly's?" Adam asked, referring to his father's local pub of choice.
"Yeah, but I also went to see a doctor today, son, and I got some real bad news," Gary said, his broad shoulders slumped and his head bowed again.
"What news?"
"I've had something wrong with me for awhile, but I didn't want to tell you and Brody about it until the doctor confirmed it. And, well, today ... he told me I've got liver cancer," Gary said, his lips trembling and his brown eyes wet.
Adam's eyes popped open as his heart sunk. The only parent he had left looked resigned to the grave. No words came to his tongue. He just stared in disbelief at the seemingly invincible, suddenly fragile man in front of him.
"They're going to do what they can for me," Gary added softly, "but the odds ain't good, son."
Adam shook his head and tried to process what his father was telling him, but it was all too much — especially given what he and Thomas had planned to do on Monday.
Death now encircled him and Adam felt trapped. He desperately wanted to bolt out the door, jump in his truck and drive far away, but the look on his father's face would not let him move an inch. Adam remained frozen on the sofa and time stood still as intense, bizarre emotions surged through him.
"I didn't get the principal's message until a few hours ago because I had to turn my cell phone off at the doctor's office, and then I forgot to turn it back on for awhile," Gary explained, his voice strangely calm considering the substance of that message. "She said you and Thomas told Brody to pull the fire alarm to protest your suspensions. She suspended Brody for tomorrow. She wants me to take you to Lakeview on Monday afternoon for an expulsion hearing. Even if they let you stay in school, you've been suspended for 10 more days."
Then his father paused and began to break down in front of him. Adam didn't remember ever seeing his father cry, not even in the early weeks, months and years after his mother died. He didn't know what to say or how to react. He looked completely stunned and felt sick to his stomach.
"I'm sorry I've completely failed you as a parent, as a father, son," Gary forced his strained voice to say through sobs and tears. "I should've stopped drinking. I should've held down a steady job. I should've found a nice woman to marry and look after you and Brody. I had my chances after your mother died, but I pissed them all away ... now look at me."
"I'm sorry, too," Adam finally spoke, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, too, Dad."
"I'm going to die, son, and Brody needs you to be a man now — not a screw-up like I've been."
Adam couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed heavily for almost a minute. When he opened his eyes again and looked up, Gary was standing above him with open arms. Adam jumped up like he was a small child and hugged his father for the first time in what seemed like a decade.
The emotions ripped through Adam's insides as the tears poured out of him. Gary had stopped crying now, but Adam could not. The new and foreign comfort of his father's sturdy embrace clashed with the new and foreign hatred welling inside him.
Suddenly, Adam despised death just as much as he hated life, and he had absolutely no idea how to unsolve that equation.
CHAPTER 17: BUCKET LISTS
When Nicole guided her car into a parking space on a sunny Friday morning, Candace was there waiting for her. The girls hadn't been in school together since Monday because of their assortment of suspensions, yet it felt much longer than four days ago to Candace. She was happy to have her best friend back, greeting Nicole with a big smile and a warm hug.
"She's back," Candace quipped as she released her grip.
"Look out Lakeview," Nicole shouted, slamming her car door shut, slinging her pack over her right shoulder and soldiering on toward the bustling school entrance.
"How was New York … I mean, other than when I texted you from the bathroom and freaked you out?" Candace asked.
"Just what I needed actually, but I felt horrible that I couldn't be there for you. I was so scared before you texted me that everything was OK. I'm just glad you're fine."
"I'm not so sure you'll be fine when I tell you the rest of the story that I refused to tell you yesterday because I didn't want to ruin your ..."
"Just tell me, C.C. Who pulled the alarm?" Nicole asked, resigned to the bad news.
"Brody Upton did it," Candace said darkly.
"What?" Nicole gasped, halting 20 yards from the entrance and forcefully stopping Candace with her hand. "Why would Brody do it?"
"Let your imagination run wild, Nikki. I certainly did," Candace replied, electing not to tell her friend that her imagination had cajoled her into a brief stop-and-go at the Middlebrook Police Station.
"I called Adam from New York and he said he had no clue about the fire alarm because he was at home suspended," Nicole said bitterly. "He must've known Brody did it. Hell, he probably threatened him to do it. I'm so mad right now, Candace, you have no idea."
"That's why I didn't call you to tell you this sooner," she said. "I wish there had been some way to prevent you from ever finding out because now you won't be able to focus on school."
Nicole fumed, staring past Candace to the school entrance. For a moment she gave in and pictured all the laughing, oblivious kids dropping in a hail of gunfire.
"No!" she barked to no one in particular.
"No, what?" Candace asked.
"I'm sticking with my new attitude, that's what. I'm not getting sucked back into all of that. I'm here to learn, not to flip out about the twisted plans of lying, drug-popping losers. Life is short — maybe extremely short — so I'm going to live it on my own terms again and that's it!"
Candace nodded and smiled. It was exactly what she needed to hear from her friend at a moment when she was just as fearful about what might happen as Nicole had been last week. "I like your new attitude, Nikki," she said.
"And I'm going to root Derek on at the football game tonight even if he hates me now for taking LSD and getting suspended," Nicole said firmly.
"That's the spirit, girl, and he definitely won't hate you," Candace assured her. "Speaking of haters, no sign of Valerie or Mel yet."
Nicole glanced back toward the parking lot and her eyes were drawn to the troublesome twosome like magnets.
"Oh, I see them," she said, glaring at their position beside Valerie's maroon SUV long enough for Candace to spot them, too. "But my new attitude does not!"
...
"Where the hell are you, man?" Thomas yelled into the phone as he idled in his half-black, half-rusted Mustang at their usual rendezvous point beside Breezy Birch Park.
"I'm chillin’ outside Valley Alley," Adam replied, his numb monotone alarming Thomas almost as much as his response.
"What the fuck are you doing there?"
"I'm about to go bowling, dickhead ... what else would I be doing at a fucking bowling alley!" Adam snapped, eerily shifting from comatose to angry in an instant.
"You know we're supposed to be going over final plans and ... and supplies," Thomas said, suddenly using caution with his choice of words over the phone. "And you're bowling right now? Are you shitting me?"
"I'm not in the mood to talk about that right now, Lee, so ..."
"What the fuck! You better not be bailing out on me, asshole! Not now ... not ever!" Thomas shouted.
"Or what, Lee? Say it!"
"I don't have to because I don't make threats and not make good on 'em. Talk is fucking cheap. Talk is for liars and bull-shitters like you."
>
"Are you done yet, asshole?"
"No, I'm just getting warmed up. Who are you bowling with — that rich little blue-haired whore? I can't wait to put one through DGW and watch you cry."
"None of your goddamn business, Lee, you paranoid piece of shit."
"It is my goddamn business when you committed to this thing and you start pussying out three days before it's supposed to go down!"
"How about I kick your ass the next time I see you and we'll see who the pussy is — you could never take me in a real fight, you loser," Adam boasted.
"Keep talking shit like that and you won't get the chance because you won't be breathing," Thomas warned. "You'll be full of holes three times the size of the asshole you shit with and right about the size of the asshole you use to make empty threats with. I always make good on mine."
"I don't need you to do what I gotta do, Lee," Adam said darkly. "I'll take you out first, just for sport. Then I'll take out the whole school, minus three people, and then I'll blow my brains out myself because I'm all done with this bullshit life I never asked for in the first place."
"What the fuck? So we're both gonna do this, but not together? Is that what you’re trying to say, dumbass?" Lee asked incredulously.
"All I gotta say is my old man's got a bucket list and on that bucket list is bowling with his two sons before he dies, so that's what I'm gonna do if I ever get off the goddamn phone with you, Lee!" Adam said, his words escalating into a shout by the end of the sentence.
"What the hell are you talking about? Is your father going in on it, too, now? Thomas asked in disbelief.
"Who knows? But I got a bucket list, too, and the clock is fucking ticking, so click, dick!" Adam concluded, hanging up on Thomas.
The red-faced teen flung his phone against the passenger-side window and sped off in a black-hearted rage as the white birch trees rustled overhead in a gentle late-summer breeze.
...
"I'll see you after the game tonight ... good luck, Derek," Nicole told the senior linebacker as he smiled and exited Mr. Richardson's English class.
Derek hadn't seemed overly fazed by her suspension, but she had a feeling her favorite teacher didn't see her in the same light since her acid trip and three-day punishment. She decided to linger as the classroom emptied and chat with him about it.
"Well you've had quite the second week of school, Nicole," the teacher said, not quite so friendly and folksy with her as he was before her fall from grace.
"Yeah, I've got a lot of catching up to do," she said, hanging her head and clutching her books tightly to her chest.
"You'll get it done, Nicole. You're a bright student who hit a bump in the road and I have very little doubt you'll learn from the whole experience," Mr. Richardson assured her.
"Ah, but you do have a little doubt," she noted, pinching her index finger and thumb together before adding a slight grin.
"While I certainly don't condone drugs and I am aware that you didn't mean to take what you took, quite a few of the more creative artists and musicians in this crazy world of ours produced some of their finest works with the help of a little ... pharmaceutical magic, shall we say," the teacher said, matching her grin.
"Really?"
"It's true."
"Then perhaps I should take back the poem I gave you and try again now that I'm ... experienced," Nicole quipped.
Mr. Richardson smiled broadly. "A Jimi Hendrix reference ... very clever and quite accurate in regard to our present conversation."
"I can't take credit for it," she said, yanking her right thumb in reverse. "Derek was just joking with me about Jimi. He was making fun of me ... in a good way, unlike most people."
"You'll always be better off if you don't pay attention to what most people think — or, more precisely, what you think most people think of you. Oftentimes, our perception of what other people think of us is way off base anyway. With teenagers especially, your minds are still developing. You don't even really know what you're thinking yet. You're still trying to make sense of this world. You have very little perspective."
"Does that mean my poem will be hopelessly shallow?" she retorted playfully.
"I'll let you know after Monday. I can't wait to find out," Mr. Richardson said, walking her toward the door.
"You can read it sooner if you want. I don't really care," Nicole said.
"Oh no, I'll honor the poet's original request," he replied. "Have a great weekend, Nicole, and I'll see you next week."
"You, too, Mr. Richardson," she said as he departed one way and she headed the other direction toward her locker.
A moment later, Caleb Evans, the sophomore with cerebral palsy, spotted Nicole and slowly made his way toward her. It looked like he wanted to speak with her so Nicole met him halfway down the nearly empty corridor.
"Hi Caleb, how are you?" she asked.
The personable brown-haired boy smiled and leaned on his cane as he spoke.
"Hi Nicole," he said, slightly winded.
"Call me Nikki."
"OK, Nikki. I just wanted to thank you and Adam for, you know, standing up for me when Timmy was making fun of me in the cafeteria last Friday," Caleb said, his earnest chocolate-brown eyes and genuine gratitude almost moving Nicole to tears in a matter of seconds. "Not a lot of kids in this school would've done that for me."
"Well, you're very welcome, Caleb," she said. "Next time, I'll take Timmy out myself if he tries it."
Caleb chuckled. "Thanks, Nikki, but he hasn't bothered me since then," he said.
"I'm so glad to hear that."
"I feel bad you and Adam got detention though."
"Don't feel bad, Caleb," Nicole said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Everything happens for a reason and I've learned more this week than I have in the last 52 combined."
"Really?"
"Definitely. Are you going to the football game tonight?" she asked.
"Yeah, actually I am," Caleb replied with a big grin full of braces and rubber bands.
"Good. Then I'll see you there and you can sit with Candace and me," Nicole offered.
"OK, great," Caleb said, beaming as he shuffled toward the exit with the help of his cane.
Nicole watched the boy labor down the hall and out the door. She reflected on what Mr. Richardson said and allowed her perspective to expand a little more. She also thought about her mother, and how it had been far too long since they had gone for a run together.
...
Gary looked at the score sheet and smiled.
"Well, I'd say young Brody held his own," the big man said as he and Adam waited for the boy to emerge from the bathroom.
"I would've bowled better, too, if I didn't know what you told me last night," Adam pointed out as he returned his bowling shoes to the counter and then looked his father in the eyes for a response. "It's a lot of work pretending to have fun right now."
Gary nodded and grabbed Adam's shoulder. He could tell his son was not as comfortable with the physical contact today and released his grip.
"I know, son. I'm sorry. I'll tell Brody later ... he's so young. I've still got some time. Maybe a year ... who knows?"
Adam shrugged his shoulders and stared at a little boy struggling to guide his ball down the lane as the racket of the alley filled his ears.
"Too bad you only got to bowl three strings," Gary said, scanning the score sheet again. "Who were you talking to out in the truck for so long?"
"Nobody," Adam said flatly, still staring at the boy, who now jumped up and down while watching his ball roll to a stop about 10 feet short of the pins.
"You should be talking to Nicole," Gary suggested. "She's a good person."
"Yeah," Adam said, reverting to his numb monotone.
Brody finally sauntered out of the bathroom with a huge smile. He was still reaping the benefits of having pulled the fire alarm: free lunch at McDonald's yesterday on Adam and Thomas; no school Friday due to a one-day suspension; and bowling and pizza to k
ick off a three-day weekend.
Life is full of pleasant surprises, the 13-year-old mused, as he flashed a toothy grin.
...
Looking sharp in their gold helmets, Carolina-blue jerseys and gold pants, the Lakeview Golden Eagles rolled to a 32-7 victory in their season opener under the Friday night lights. The football game was played in front of an overflow crowd at the oval-shaped stadium beyond the school's sprawling practice field.
Derek Schobell led the defense with nine tackles, two quarterback sacks and a fumble recovery.
Nicole Janicek made a date for Saturday night after she decided she didn't want to wait until next week to see him.
And Thomas Lee Harvey stalked his prey from his perch overlooking the 15-yard line.
CHAPTER 18: A DATE AT CHILI'S
Nicole savored every stride of her four-mile run through the winding, sun-dappled trails of Fox Run Woods with her mother on a crisp Saturday morning. They jogged and chatted just like they used to — before Lynn had become so preoccupied with work and the online dating scene.
Now Nicole felt fit and happy for her own date. Derek planned to pick her up at her house at 6:30 p.m. for a 7 o'clock dinner at Chili's, a restaurant she loved.
After showering and throwing on some comfortable clothes, Nicole closed the door to her room, sat down at her desk and focused on catching up on some of the schoolwork she had missed during her suspension. That's when her iPhone burst into song with her new ringtone — "Rumour Has It" by Adele.
Nicole hoped it was Derek, but, to her not-so-pleasant surprise, Adam was calling.
"Hello Adam," she said, forcing herself to sound positive, even though her mind simmered at the thought of him threatening Brody to pull the fire alarm — a theory she had yet to confirm.
"Hi Nikki," Adam said somberly as a gust of wind could be heard just after he spoke.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Rainbow Lake," he replied.
"Really? That's cool. Are you hiking on this beautiful September day?"
"No."
"Well ... what are you doing?" she asked after an uncomfortable pause.
"I thought about fishing maybe, but I don't know," he replied listlessly.
Nicole sighed. She felt herself getting sucked into a depressing conversation when she was feeling quite the opposite. She put her hand over her eyes and thought about what to say during another awkward silence. She recalled the dream she had under the stars at Lakes of the Clouds and pushed herself to take the warning seriously once again. Tomorrow was the 14th, and she sensed something in Adam's voice that made the dream feel almost as real as the chilling moment she awoke from it in the wind-whipped tent. Her back shuddered as she opened her mouth to speak.