Chapter Six
“Permission to enter the building, Miss Montgomery?”
I looked up to see Jasper’s head poking through the half-open door at the front of the barn. He’d found me in my sanctuary—the place I loved more than anything in the world. The only place that felt like home.
“Yeah, of course.”
“I didn’t want to assume,” he said. “I figured one more unlawful entry would land me in jail.”
I looked away, smirking. The last thing I wanted was for Jasper to figure out that his weirdness had grown on me. Jasper had grown on me—latched on and spread like an incurable disease.
“You okay?” he asked, dipping into my sightline. “You disappeared on us. Everyone was a little worried.”
“And yet you’re the only who came looking?”
“I’m the only one who had a good enough excuse.” He lifted a plate. “They thought you’d want some space, but who really wants space when brownies are up for grabs?”
He took a few steps forward and sat next to me on the barn floor, leaning back against the wall. He set the plate over to the side, turning his attention to me.
“You want to talk?”
“I’m a little too humiliated for that.”
“Why?” he asked. “Because of what Carter said? That’s nothing to be—”
“No offense, Jasper, but you wouldn’t understand, okay?”
“I don’t have to; I’m happy to listen. I have two ears, a shoulder—if you need to cry. Anything and everything stays between us. What’s going on?”
I wasn’t sure how many times I could push him away before I finally found it in myself to admit that there was safety in trusting Jasper. His actions alone were screaming for me to see that his fierce loyalty and compassion didn’t begin and end with his family. He’d already decided he wanted to help me. He’d tried reaching out to me last night, and even after I’d pushed him away, he’d still sought me out again tonight to make sure I was okay. He cared. That promise reflected in his eyes, some kind of silent assurance that his concern was genuine, and he would do whatever he could to make this hurt go away. He embodied the kind of warmth and protection I’d so desperately needed, without the fear of judgment or pity.
“I’m exhausted,” I said, peering up at him. I wondered if I looked as tired as I felt. “Sometimes I spend so much time and energy trying to hide how bad things have gotten at home, because they wouldn’t understand. Roz has this perfect life—two parents, two brothers, a cat, and a dog. Both of Mel’s dads would go to the end of the world for her. Carter has a mom who treats everyone like royalty. And sometimes . . . I feel like . . . my whole life is just . . . a joke.”
Jasper shook his head. “That’s unfair. You’re being way too hard on yourself.”
“I’m not wrong, though.”
“What if you are? What if you’re comparing your whole life picture to only a fraction of theirs?”
“Meaning?”
“You spend a lot of time and energy hiding the things you don’t want them to see,” he said, using my own words to make his point. “But what if they’re doing the same thing? What if that perfect picture you see only scratches the surface of what’s going on in their lives?”
I scoffed.
“Really,” he said, nodding. “Case in point: Monday evening. When I came here.” He looked around the barn before bringing his eyes back to me. “That was me, trying to protect my family’s image. There are things that I’m embarrassed of, too, secrets I could only protect if I stopped you from going through with the party. I had my own selfish reasons—but more than that, I wanted to protect Carter. I have to take care of the people I care about.”
“What are you protecting her from?”
“Her dad.” He paused for a long minute. “The man’s toxic. He’s hurt her a million times, and he’d hurt her a million times again if he got the chance. I couldn’t imagine giving him permission to come in here and ruin what’s supposed to be one of the biggest days of her life.”
“Oh.” I looked down to my hands.
Carter had never indicated that her new life in Sutton Woods was because of any kind of fight, devastation, or tragedy. But it was hard for me to know what really happened when she lived back in Cedar Lake. She rarely talked about it. So what if Jasper was right? What if she had her own secrets to keep? What if she was hiding as much as I’d tried to hide?
What if Mel and Roz were doing the same thing, too? What if we were all scared of what the others would think, so we buried the insecurities we should’ve been sharing?
“Carter suffered because her mother suffered, and Nora went through hell because of her ex-husband.”
“I didn’t know,” I said.
“The last thing either of them need is for him to catch wind of what’s going on here, which is exactly why I hightailed it to his house the moment I found your invitation in my mailbox. I couldn’t know that you’d sent one to him until I checked for myself, and I had the worst suspicion that you had. I needed to check.”
“And you stole it?”
“Before he ever knew it was there. I had to.”
“That’s a federal offense,” I reminded him.
“And one that was worth any fee or jail time. That’s how serious this is, Ally. He needs to stay far away from the life they’ve started in Sutton Woods.”
“But Carter—”
“Misses him, I know,” he said. “But she’s missing the man she remembers from her childhood. Not the man who ruined their lives.”
My heart pinched. “I wish you would’ve said this sooner. I didn’t realize how serious it was. I fought you so hard on this, and . . . if I would’ve known . . . ” I sighed. “I thought you were just being a jerk. But you were right. There are more important things than a birthday party, and Carter’s happiness and well-being should always come first.”
Jasper grinned. “Ally, your heart was in the right place. And you were right—I should’ve said something sooner, and I shouldn’t have acted like a jerk. If I would’ve communicated my concerns on Monday, I could’ve spared both of us the headache of all this back and forth.”
“Why didn’t you?” I asked. “I would’ve listened.”
Maybe.
“I have to be careful what I say and who I say it to,” he said. “Carter doesn’t know half of what happened when her parents split up, and it needs to stay that way. That’s why inviting her friends and family meant imminent disaster.”
“I’m sorry.” I realized for the first time just how far I’d crossed the line. Maybe the signs had been there all along; maybe Carter’s secrecy should’ve been clue enough for us to leave her past alone, but I’d been so blinded by throwing this party that I’d ignored what was right in front of my face. Had my selfishness to take one last grasp at happiness almost brought Carter’s past flooding back into her life? Probably. And I’d had no right.
“Can I confess something?” he asked, and I nodded. “I came in here on Monday so hotheaded that I didn’t care what I had to do to stop you from throwing this party, but I’m glad that we’re working together now. Carter deserves a night of her own—something to enjoy and remember forever. You didn’t have to let me be a part of this, not after the way I treated you, and I’m grateful that you’re giving me a chance. I was trying to show you that with the lights last night. I never meant to cross a line and make you uncomfortable; that was my mistake. I want this party to be a raging success. I’m excited for Carter, and I think next Friday will be a fun night for all of us.”
I nodded.
“It’s going to be great,” he said, an air of confidence in his voice. “I’ve taken care of the most important part, as far as I’m concerned, and that was eliminating the original guest list.”
“Right, with pie.”
“Right.” He smirked, and I felt something in the air shift. There was this heaviness that’d been stuck between Jasper and me, but now suddenly, we seemed t
o have a common understanding. All the cards were on the table.
He’d let his guard down. He’d explained himself, justified his haste to cancel the party. And now that we were working together, Jasper was confident—grateful for a chance—and I was happy for the opportunity to see what we could create together.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been nicer,” I said.
“Clean slate,” he promised. “We were both a little crabby. I’m sorry, too.”
It was a defining moment for us. He didn’t have to reveal his secrets to me, but he’d chosen to—to show me that maybe he did understand a little better than I’d believed he could. And now, having offered up some of our deepest insecurities, maybe we could start over. Try again.
“Tell me about your bakery.”
“Oh, it’s not my bakery,” he laughed. “I manage it.”
“How long have you worked there?”
“A few years. I took a job making pastries at Tiers of Joy when I was a sophomore. Moved to pies and then cakes—worked all through high school and took a management position in the spring after graduation.”
“So you’re fresh out of high school,” I said. “Lucky you.”
“Yep.”
“And you’re not in college?” I asked, assuming there’s no way he was—he’d literally put his whole life on hold in Cedar Lake to stay here in Sutton Woods. He couldn’t do that as a student, not if he wanted any chance of passing his classes.
“I’m forgoing the college experience,” he said. “At least for a year or two. Maybe altogether. I don’t know.”
“Your parents are okay with that?”
He half-laughed. “They don’t care about much if it doesn’t directly affect them.”
“Ouch.”
“Truth hurts.” He shrugged, and I wondered if the distant relationship he seemed to have with his parents had led him to cling to Nora and Carter so tightly, to protect them at all costs, because they were the closest family he had. “I got away from home as fast as I could. I got a killer deal on the apartment above the bakery, and I work full-time to pay for that. Every weekend I lead the baking basics classes at the community center. And—”
“And?” I asked. “There’s more?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I love the bakery, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure it’s where I want to be long-term.”
“So open your own,” I said. “Work for yourself.”
“But then that would require business classes,” he said. “Bringing us back to the topic of college. Maybe that’s in the future; maybe it’s not.” He ran his fingers back through his hair. “I don’t know. I keep thinking I’ll know the right path when I see it. But right now I’m in a good place, so I’m not in any hurry to figure it out. We have nothing but time, ya know?”
“That’s presumptuous.”
“Presumptuous or optimistic?”
I shrugged. “I think we trick ourselves into thinking we have time, but how do we really know how much time we’re given?”
“We don’t.”
“Exactly. Any minute could be the last minute, and then what happens? All of those plans that you made, or the ones you pushed off for the future . . . you lose them. You lose them because you took these moments for granted. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I think today matters, too. I don’t want to die with regrets.”
“That’s morbid.”
“Morbid or optimistic?”
He fought a laugh. “How do you justify that with optimism?”
“Life’s about living in the moment.”
“No, I get what you’re saying, but I don’t buy it,” he said. “Not coming from you.”
“Why not?”
“Maybe you don’t like wasting time, and I can’t fault you for that,” he said. “But you’re a planner, Ally. It’s who you are; it’s what you do. You’re as reliant on time as the next guy. And you’re a dreamer,” he continued. “Don’t think I don’t see that far-off, distant look you get in your eye when you’re in this place. You have a past here, but it’s more than that. You want a future here, too. That’s been obvious since day one. Ever since the moment I walked through that door, all I’ve seen is a girl who’s fighting for more than just her best friend’s party. You want more here than you’re letting on. I don’t know why you’re afraid to admit it, but this building . . . it’s a part of you.”
He wasn’t wrong. The Red Barn had once held every hope and dream I’d had for my future, but then I lost Mom, and everything changed.
Her life had been cut short, and every day I wondered if she’d left this world with regrets. Had she spent all of her time planning too much? Was she so focused on the destination that she never stopped to enjoy the journey? Had she gotten so caught up in planning for the future that she forgot to live in the moment? Would she go back and do it all differently if she could?
I could never know, because I could never ask. All I could do was focus on today and make every minute count.
“You can look toward the future without losing the moments in between,” Jasper said, as if he’d read every sad thought that’d just run through my mind.
“You think so?”
“I do. You’re already doing it, Ally. You’re planning Carter’s party. Isn’t that the same thing?”
“That’s a one-time deal. One time, and then it’s over.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Except it does,” I said, gritting my teeth. “We’re tearing it down.”
“We’re?”
“Dad says it has to go.”
“But that’s not what you want?”
“I don’t know what I want.” I lied because I couldn’t tell him how much it hurt me to know that everything was about to come crumbling down around me. Even if I could find the courage to let go of the moment and plan for the life I’d always wanted, The Red Barn wouldn’t be here to see it through. I was about to lose what mattered most to me in the world.
“I think you know what you want,” he said, nudging me. “Trust your heart.”
“Easier said than done.”
I sighed and leaned back against the wall.
Trusting my heart was a scary thing to do because my heart and mind hadn’t been in sync lately. I’d convinced myself that Carter’s party was a chance to celebrate her eighteenth birthday, and that it was the ideal way to close the book on The Red Barn once and for all.
But I knew as well as Jasper did that my business at The Red Barn would never be over. It meant too much to me, to my family. It’s all I’d ever wanted—to breathe life back into the business that died alongside its owner, but fear crippled me to commit to any kind of uncertain future.
With a sigh, I inched closer to Jasper, feeling a breath catch at the back of my throat. Trust your heart. I reeled back my nerves and took a deep breath, only then letting my head drift slowly to rest on his shoulder.
He didn’t stiffen at my touch or pull away; he only turned into me a little more, resting his head on top of mine.
“This talk got very real, very fast.”
“That’s what I get for offering brownies,” he teased.
“You offered a lot more than that—your ears and your shoulder, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“You’re right, I did,” he said, a smile in his voice. “That offer stands, too. Always. Anytime you need to talk.”
“Thank you.”
“I meant it, what I said earlier. I’m here to look after the people I care about. That includes you.”
“You can’t care about me,” I whispered. “You don’t even know me.”
“I don’t have to. I’m trusting my heart on this one.”
There was a beat—a moment in time when the world stopped. My breath hitched. My pulse slowed. Literally, everything froze.
“So.” I swallowed hard. “Is this one of those ‘any friend of Carter’s is a friend of mine’ kinda things? Are we friends by default?”
“No,??
? he said, quietly. “Absolutely not.”
Jasper’s hand drifted down on top of mine, resting there as I closed my eyes.
He was right—we weren’t friends by default, not as far as I could see it. Somehow, in the matter of one conversation, he and I had begun to build something that felt promising. Lasting. I was able to talk to him about things that I could never say to my friends, and he had confided in me the things he was too afraid to admit out loud.
He’d seen through the wall I’d put up—the one I’d forgotten was there. And then the walls came down, and the insecurities came out. We’d bonded.
Jasper and I were suddenly anything but strangers. I didn’t know what that meant moving forward, and I couldn’t start worrying about the future now.
Because for now, I just wanted this one perfect moment, and I wanted a future filled with moments just like it.